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OLD "new- again" Dads here?

basscooker

basscooker

Inactive
Commercial User
Apr 11, 2010
5,727
10,064
Northern KY
Disclosures
Cab fan, hobbyist
#1
SURPRISE!!!!

Seeking some thoughts from any TBers who added to their family a bit... uh... further down the road.

So I'm 53. My daughter is 20, my son 18.

My 26 yo GF and I have discovered we're expecting.

Has anyone else here been given a special gift a bit later in life?

Discuss please.
TIA
 
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#2
basscooker said:
SURPRISE!!!!

Seeking some thoughts from any TBers who added to their family a bit... uh... further down the road.

So I'm 53. My daughter is 20, my son 18.

My 26 yo GF and I have discovered we're expecting.

Has anyone else here been given a special gift a bit later in life?

Discuss please.
TIA
Click to expand...
Sorry to rain on your parade, but having come from the other perspective, I don’t think too much of it. My dad was 40 when I was born, almost a double generation gap, and that situation paired with social/cultural changes during the time in which I grew up, the 60’s/70’s, caused a lack of relatability and a bit of estrangement. He just couldn’t cope with the way the world was going at the time, the “future shock” as it was called, and that created some distance. Certain facets of life(interpersonal relationship changes and struggling with the impact of technology, for example)are just going to accelerate to where even closer age groups are not going to be on the same page. You may be encountering a greater dismissive attitude as you get older. Then…are you going to be throwing a baseball around(potentially)when you’re 63?
 
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#3
That's quite assumptive and judgemental; actually a bit towards trolling.

I'm not, however, feeling "reporty" ATM. I thank you and respect your voice from experience.

To address a point (that actually hit on a specific personal interest)...

I am and have always been athletic. I actually was scouted in HS FOR BASEBALL. So, to your point, no, I WON'T have a problem tossing a baseball with my (maybe) son at 62. I was also a VARSITY LINEMAN my freshman year. I have maintained and daily work out. I'm sharp, fit, and athletically capable as a human (more than the majority at my age by FAR) and accept that many DO lose a step as time takes its licks.

You tried, and failed, to TROLL.

I'm sorry your dad was a dick. I'm sorry you failed to be able to maintain the rapport with your father to avail yourself with helping your parent to acclimate to changing technology and social norms.

It's actually sad, honestly, that you feel you need to put your and your father's shortcomings on me and my upcoming child's relationship.

I only hope he hasn't passed so the two of you can find a way to reconcile.

Thanks for your OPINION.
 
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#4
Oh, I also see batting cages (ya... I always go in the 70mph cage... and i use a woody... @buldog5151bass PM me I broke my 1970s Rawlings last month ) about once a month. The last time (about a year ago) I got in front of a radar my fastball was in the mid 60s and my curve low 60s. I chop my own firewood, spend 50+ hours a week on my feet running circles around 20 and 30-somethings as a working chef, and bench my weight.

YOU DONT KNOW ME. Assumption plain and simple, guy.

ALL THAT SAID

The initial gist of your reply IS noted. It came off a bit "I'm your Huckleberry"(maybe or not intentional) but I'll take your, "HEY, congratulations, soon-to-be-dad" , thank you.
 
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#5
1. Unless things got edited/deleted I honestly don't see any trolling. Sounds like personal experience. A buddy of mine since middle school has an age gap similar to what yours will be and the dynamics were different but not better or worse. My niece/nephew are 2/1 and my brother and sister-in-law are in their mid-30's and I have no clue how they have the energy. (I'm actually heading up next week to help out a couple days; will be fun!) If you have energy for another one, good on ya.

2. Nothing says "you didn't troll me" like two responses about one's physical prowess. Chill. You have raised two kids, and I assume you will raise another just as well. Don't ask for internet advice and get offended. Just my take.

3. Congrats! That is fantastic and I wish you and the lady and your future kiddo all the best. As long as you're not still playing full-contact football as a linebacker I think you'll be fine. Eat well. Sleep well. Exercise. Love your family. It all works out.
 
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#11
Heiwa said:
That was so sad. Why would you say some crap like that to him
Click to expand...
That’s a perfectly legitimate thought, though. My mom had me when she was 40, and my grandmother had my mom at 40. By the time I was entering college she had definitely slowed down, and that was “only” at 58. As a child, she was unable to relate to most of the challenges I was facing in life, even though she was always willing to lend an ear and offer what advice she could. She was a master degree holder as well, so it’s not like she was uneducated, either. The world just began to outpace her.

But back to the OP. You’re likely sunsetting your career while your GF looks to begin her own. Do you have the retirement funds needed to support you and a new child? What if the mother wants to be a SAHM - can your retirement support that or do you have to continue working? What if she wants a career of her own - are you willing to either foot daycare or be Mr. Mom? How do your kids feel about her and the situation? How does your GF feel about raising a child with a guy who will be in his 70s when the kid is just entering college?

You don’t have to answer any of these questions here, but I think they are legitimate questions to ask yourself, your GF, and your family.
 
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#13
jmattbassplaya said:
That’s a perfectly legitimate thought, though. My mom had me when she was 40, and my grandmother had my mom at 40. By the time I was entering college she had definitely slowed down, and that was “only” at 58. As a child, she was unable to relate to most of the challenges I was facing in life, even though she was always willing to lend an ear and offer what advice she could. She was a master degree holder as well, so it’s not like she was uneducated, either. The world just began to outpace her.

But back to the OP. You’re likely sunsetting your career while your GF looks to begin her own. Do you have the retirement funds needed to support you and a new child? What if the mother wants to be a SAHM - can your retirement support that or do you have to continue working? What if she wants a career of her own - are you willing to either foot daycare or be Mr. Mom? How do your kids feel about her and the situation? How does your GF feel about raising a child with a guy who will be in his 70s when the kid is just entering college?

You don’t have to answer any of these questions here, but I think they are legitimate questions to ask yourself, your GF, and your family.
Click to expand...
I totally disagree. The user did not come to ask if it would be a good idea to try to be a father at his age. He said that he is already expecting a baby. So these negative comments are unfortunate, nobody knows his physical condition or his ability to adapt, knowledge of technology and general culture. I find it very sad that they support a troll.
 
#16
sleddogn said:
So when invited, how is one to "discuss" and not be called a troll.....I find the troll name calling lame imo....
Click to expand...
“Sorry to rain on your parade” is not the smartest way to start a “discussion”, and he didn't say things with good intentions afterwards either. Maybe you have a low standard of dialogue.
 
#18
Heiwa said:
I totally disagree. The user did not come to ask if it would be a good idea to try to be a father at his age. He said that he is already expecting a baby. So these negative comments are unfortunate, nobody knows his physical condition or his ability to adapt, knowledge of technology and general culture. I find it very sad that they support a troll.
Click to expand...

I don’t believe the other poster was trolling but was giving the perspective of a child who grew up with older parents. As someone who grew up in a similar situation and lost my mother in my early 30’s, it creates its own unique challenges that most people my age cannot relate to or assist with. Add in the uniqueness of the age gap between the OP and his GF, and it again adds other challenges and questions worth asking to ensure alignment of expectations. Estate planning, in my mind, becomes an important consideration as the possibility of death before the child reaches adulthood (or even just full mental maturity) becomes a bigger possibility. Then add in the already adult children. For the record, my own brother is 13 years my senior and has a vastly different approach to the world and outlook on life. Although we tend to get along well, the handling the estate has not been all sunshine and rainbows, and that was with a good Will in place.

There’s a lot to consider and some important conversations, IMO, must be had with all pertinent parties. The OP may already have this all figured out and can file my comments in the trash bin, but on the off chance he hasn’t yet started considering some of this stuff, or might need to revisit it with a new baby on the way, I hope he does as figuring it out now will save a lot of heartache and headache down the line.

To be clear, no malice or ill intent is meant towards the OP - at least from me. I wish him success in his journey and the new child a full and prosperous life.
 
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