Passive-aggressive behavior

[LBS-bass]

I'd hide the cat food, then.

He just wants to be IBTL.

 

[legalbass]

I think the experts disagree with this, as per the article I posted above.

I've not "acquiesced" to anything. I've simply taken myself out of his crosshairs. If he wants to come after me, he has to find different ways to do it. And the funny thing is, I know this behavior well, and I think the people here who know me best will also confirm that I do not put up with endless BS nor do I suffer fools gladly. I am pretty much a FAAFO kinda gal.

On the other side of this, he has a right to whatever it is he's feeling. So he's allowed to feel empowered to continue doing whatever it is he's decided he needs to do. And we are empowered to watch and decide if his behavior rises to a level that needs to be permanently addressed.

There's a smart way to handle people and there's a stupid way. Getting confrontational with this guy would be as stupid as it gets. There's no comfortable way to handle this that fixes the problem instantly, and I can tell that's what a lot of people would like to pretend we could all do here. But it's not really feasible, nor is any confrontational approach likely to help.

Interesting development. Another member asked about rehearsal this week. Turns out he's made himself unavailable for our usual rehearsal day, and our usual alternate day. While I get that things happen, I find it interesting that he's now responding but continuing to display to us that the band is not anywhere on his personal priority list.

Could just be a coincidence, maybe it's his wife's birthday or whatever, so I'm not going to read too much into it. We agreed to practice on Friday, which he may have figured wouldn't work for all of us.

So, we'll just keep going ahead; if these little things continue then he's digging his grave with the rest of us, and will probably also be relieved to be given an opportunity to leave, if it comes to that. I know what it feels like to be in a band when you've decided you can't do it anymore. He needs to just come out and say it, if that's where he's at with it. It'll be easier on everyone.

I was about to say, it sounds like this individual may simply not want to be in the band any longer, but perhaps does not know an efficient way to go about departing? Or perhaps he's "kinda sorta" on the fence about the whole thing and cannot make up his mind. :/

 

[gln1955]

I'd hide the cat food, then.

My drummer's breath smells like cat. I don't ask questions.

 

[Spidey2112]

He just wants to be IBTL.

I think we all do... it's starting to get a little cooler at night, plus... coyotes.

 

[5StringBlues]

No I was just jumping on the nothing substantial bandwagon

He just wants to be IBTL.

 

[LBS-bass]

No I was just jumping on the nothing substantial bandwagon

Two for the price of one, I can't argue with that

 

[5StringBlues]

Never let it be said that I didn't do the least I could do.

Two for the price of one, I can't argue with that

 

[Michael Stanley 2112]

I've been in situations where two people had to work together, but hated each others' breathing guts. Since they were professional about their jobs, they were able to function together as part of a team.

In fairness, part of that function was a minimal amount of communication, but in those instances, there was almost always a small bit of "sniping". We just put on our big boy Underoos and got on with it.

Unnecessary communication was always avoided (by both parties).

That said, I don't necessarily see a "lack" of communication as passive/aggressive behavior. I see it as one possible way to avoid further conflict.

In my own experience, there's times when I'm so angry nothing I could possibly say is going to benefit me or the situation so, I choose to say nothing until I can get my cooler head on and let it prevail.

Is there a possibility that's what at play, here? I tend to think so. I've been on the receiving end of a barbed comment from a person on this thread and chose to give myself some time instead of responding in that moment.

To my mind, that's the money play.

 

[Spidey2112]

This pegs my laugh-o-meter, close to Vince Neil's mangled lyrics.

Check Ivan, when he finally hears his resonant note, and stares into the camera, with his cat breath.