People who don't stop talking

[ImNotJoel]

Well Mr. Nerve I agree with you in certain people come into our lives to teach a lesson. I have dealt with motor mouths who talk non stop and enjoy one sided conversations. It's annoying especially working with these people I trained a guy like that and I am pretty patient but it was annoying he would go on and I would have to get him back on task and he wouldn't listen. I think people like that go into a passive mode where they don't listen until something you say can give them a jumping off point to talk.

So I have learned personally having my own issues socially there are two types of social sufferers. The shy introvert and the loud mouthed extrovert. Basic conversation is a skill that can be very difficult for some people. I was a shy guy and had to learn how to engage in conversation. Some people are naturally better than others. It is also hard of people where raised a certain way.

I was quiet but my parents really drilled manners into my skull so I was polite but shy. However other people may have grown up around people who where more loud and not much of listeners. Listening is another skill that not everyone gets. I find the loud mouths who take up the whole conversation and not let anyone talk want attention and when they aren't speaking are just waiting for a chance to talk again. For some speaking is uncomfortable so you get the shy people who are quiet because speaking is the problem. Those who don't stop talking I think listening is uncomfortable to them. They may have a hard time processing what people say so they try and keep it one sided.

Also there are those who love to hear themselves talk and think they're the **** but it goes back to they need to feel validated. Sometimes you get those people who talk to anyone about their drama because clearly they have no one to listen.

Now look you got me going the bottom line is yes it's annoying but maybe it helps keeping in mind they just need help. It amazes me how abnormal "normal" people are.

 

[Son of Wobble]

As a classic introvert, I try to avoid being held hostage like that.

To me, they are energy vampires. The more they talk, the more energetic they get, the more tired I get. No thanks.

I have a list of excuses to ghost out.

I have an appointment to get my clevice worked on at the chirodoctorium often.

You can tell they aren't listening when they say, oh ok.

I think you totally nail it with the word "vampire" as the endless talker departs the exchange energized, while the listener, finally allowed their long-supressed exhale of dismay, is left depleted, even exhausted.

 

[pacojas]

i'm forced to work near a meth head. this ahole not only will not stfu, but he's condescending as hell.

 

[fhm555]

Not much of a talker until i get to know you real well. I'm polite and speak when spoken to, but I am unable to simply open a topic or jump in to a conversation in a random group of people, even if they are regular social or work acquaintances. I've always been a listener because i learn much more listening and watching others than i do talking while they watch me.

I'm also prone to honesty if pressed for an opinion, even when it's obvious the seeker of my opinion is actually after validation for their words rather than an honest assessment of those words.

Over the years i've been called (among other things) stupid, stuck up, ********, and ignorant because of my lack of conversational skills, but it just slides away like water off a duck's back because i've never had any need or desire for adoration or approval from other people. I try my best to be a decent human being but could give two shites what others think of me so i'm always the odd man out, even within my family. About the only thing we all have in common is music. Thank god that is enough because without it i doubt i'd even know my own family beyond a passing acquaintance.

As for the rest of mankind i treat you like i'd like to be treated but i'm old enough to realize most of you take a quiet, respectful demeanor as a sign of weakness. As long as you don't act on that impulse we'll be fine, as i've come to not expect a damn thing from any of my fellow life travelers. If however you make the mistake of thinking i'm a pushover or an easy mark, i'll reduce you ash so quick it will make your head swim.

Fortunately i have no need to hold back when writing so i can indulge myself till i'm drunk on my own wit and wisdom.

 

[10cc]

I know of a guy who carries these business cards with him that simply say "Stop Talking". He hands them out every now and then. It's great!

 

[geeza]

I just turn those people off. They eventually get the hint and go look for another victim.

 

[Captain Chaos]

There was a lady at work who wouldn't stfu! She had to be at least 45 and her husband 27 and both were the same. It was like she watched sports center 24/7. She was fired 6 months ago and the workplace is a lot quieter.

 

[hbarcat]

Most people are conditioned to be a polite listener - even when the person talking is clearly abusing the listener with their unceasing, obnoxious babble.

Do yourself a favor and realize that it's okay to refuse to be put in a position of having to tolerate being bored to death by another's boring ramblings.

Practice the skill of blatantly ignoring such people. Look at something else besides their face and don't provide any audible or visible feedback to what tbeir saying. Act exactly as if they weren't even in the room.

At some point, even the most oblivious babbler will come to realize he isn't being listened to but is being "rudely" ignored and will shut up in embarassment.

 

[Frozen J]

Ummm.... Joe, you realize that you are at 12,254 posts, right?

 

[Humbled]

Make them sing it.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Ummm.... Joe, you realize that you are at 12,254 posts, right?

And Talkbass is why I don't have to chew people's ears off in real life.

My wife might however tell you otherwise . But she knew full well what she was getting into.



Ya know, I gotta say - truth be told, even if I do from time to time ramble - I'm ALWAYS hyper aware of my audience, and I always listen. I consciously practice really listening, with an open mind, letting go of whatever it is I think I still might have to say. I read a book about listening about 30 years ago (really wish I remember the title), and a lot of that book stuck with me. In school this past year, a big part of our training had to do with genuinely listening to people. Maybe that's why all the people are getting tossed my way? Practice ? No... I'm not having it any more!!!!! Ready to head into work now, where one of these such people will be. I do my best to avoid her, but it's sometimes impossible. We'll see... maybe I'll post in this thread while she's chewing my ear off.

 

[RED J]

Man, does this thread resonate with me.

The only thing I will disagree with is everybody calling these torture sessions conversations. There basically no conversation at all.It's a polite victim listening to a spew of blather, rather akin to standing in front of a fire hydrant that has been cranked wide open.

I will add to nerves two profiles a third. 3) The narrator. The person you are with carries on an ongoing narration of every detail the mundane and obvious that they are doing or is taking place around or in front of both of you. The worst part of this is they will smile and stare into your face at every turn trying to get a big smiley enthusiastic reaction out of you as they go along. Pure torture to me.
God love 'em, I guess they are blissfully enthused about every detail that happens in life. Me, I just want to watch the show for myself, or just go about my business in peace as you go about yours. I'm happy to talk occasionally about something meaningful or important. Doh well.

Oh and wobble nailed it. They end up pumped while you are drained and like an overtuned string about to snap.

 

[Tom Bomb]

Just look into their eyes and, in an intense, almost agitated way, say "You remind me of my mother! …", then fall silent. Pause for a minute then apologize - say something like, "Sorry! I don't know what came over me.", and then encourage them to continue. They probably won't, not for long anyway

 

[MonetBass]

Any "Fear The Walking Dead" fans who watched "Talking Dead" last night will get this. And feel free to use it with those talkers next time.

 

[fendermademygibson]

... motor mouths...

This has always been my favorite term for this type of person. I have not heard anyone use it in many many years. Decades even.

I'm not going to link to the pet peeves thread but the "motor mouth" is probably top of the list of things that just completely rub me the wrong way to the (N)th degree every time.

I know this guy who is approaching his eighties and just loves to talk. Great guy and has some really cool stories. Some.

Unfortunately, aside from the current common interest, there is zero middle ground with regards to music and only slightly more given general life experiences and a nearly 40 year age gap.

Great guy and has probably dropped a metric ton of sweat helping the cause/members of this particular community activity/group.

As if we hadn't already heard that story, he is going to tell the one about... as well. However he is going to tell the same story(s) 4 or 5 times within the same telling of said story.

Shut The F**k Up. Heard ya. Yep, sure did. Love ya but shut the f**k up. Just for one minute, please.

 

[Robroy]

One of the reasons I've given up classic rock cover bands is related to this problem. I'm 62 and didn't start playing bass until I was 44. I really try to take care of my hearing but there has still been significant hearing loss. So I try to play in these bands with 50-somethings that have been playing since they were kids and have never used ear protection.

It took me quite a while to realize that they are so unbelievably rude and have NO social skills mainly because they are virtually deaf. Rehearsals are so stressful because everyone talks over each other, and nobody is really listening because they simply can't hear, so they've learned to sort of tune other people out. It is common to have someone shout out the beginning of a thought while another person is halfway through a sentence on another topic. I've actually called guys out on it - "Joe, Bill was halfway through a sentence. Why did you jump in with a completely different subject?" When communication can't take place, any attempt at it is like beating your head against the wall. And communication is necessary to be a good band.

So my choices were to either drop out or play with a bunch of 30 somethings that really want to be in a classic rock band. I took the former.

 

[Fretless1!]

I have a work mate like that. He can tell a story that takes me less than a minute to tell and drag it out for 20 minutes. Literally. I timed it.

And will NOT take any hint whatsoever that you have no interest in what he's saying. Bless his heart.

 

[blastbass]

There are advantages to having a mobile phone..

 

[slobake]

Yup those people are ubiquitous. I realize that some people are not interested in anything I have to say and only want to jaw jack. Some of them are very self centered. Anything you bring up they will turn it into a long monologue about them.
I know what Joe means about people who never pause long enough for anyone else to say anything. It seems like they are not even breathing.
Yup, they drain me too.
We had someone like this in our car at my father-in-laws' funeral. I did finally tell her something like " We are all very sad and would appreciate some quiet time." That did slow her down a little bit.
To quote Foghorn Leghorn "Mouth like a cannon, always shooting it off."

 

[slobake]

I bet their rambling is their version of your long rants. That's not a dig at all. I like long posts.

Similar thing that annoys me is when people don't let someone get 3 words into a sentence without interupting with "me too...". Then launch into their version.

My wife and her close friends do this to each other but none of them stop talking.

I don't see Joe's posts that way. A post like that might be something like this.

slobake said
My father is very ill

__________________________________________________________________________
reply:
Yeah I remember when my father was ill it was a very tough time he had tonenail fungus and his false teeth didn't fit right my sister said we should do something but I didn't agree with her so we had a big fight my sister always causes fights one time she even insulted my wife and we had to move to another booth the food wasn't very good anyway and I spilled my coffee on the way did I show this picture of my nephew isn't he the cutest he gets all A's in school and he is the star of his little league team he say the darndest things one day he said that the cat had in ingrown toenail can you imagine that a cat with an ingrown toenail anyway to make a long story short my sister won't change her mind about anything do you know what she said to the cleaners she said they shrunk her dress but they didn't shrink it she is really just getting fat and then there was blah, blah, blah ...