Playing with my neighbor (long rank - warning!)

[glocke1]

So, I start playing bass again just over a year ago. With nothing else to do thanks to COVID, I'm practicing at least an hour each morning and afternoon. Really enjoying it. Mostly 80s country, classic rock, and working through some printed instructional material. No delusions here. Mediocre bedroom player. My last time on stage was with my twin playing "Tiptoe through Tulips" on our ukeleles in 5th grade. Just want to have some fun, learn something.

I know a neighbor of mine is a guitar player. I see him at a (socially distanced) outdoor neighborhood gathering last Xmas. We talk and agree to start playing together. Once we sobered up, we decided to wait until we were vaccinated. We had a chance to discuss material. I would have agreed to most anything reasonable. I hear "early Beatles hits and same for the Eagles".

I create a playlist of maybe 25 songs. You know what they are. They're the songs of our youth from the 60s and 70s (if you're an old fart). You've heard them all a million times. Taking the "be prepared" motto from the Boy Scouts, I start woodshedding on these songs. Yeah - it's not like it's Jaco/Squire/Lee, but I'm enjoying it. Anyway, with a couple of months waiting on vaccine, I know the material.

He's playing mostly acoustic and doing the singing.

Here's what the sessions are like:

• "I haven't practiced at all since last time" - I hear this EVERY session.
  
• "My fingers are hurting" - I hear this after maybe 45 minutes.
  
• Stopping after a mistake.
  
• Slowing down during parts that aren't just strumming the chords.
  
• Skipping bars.
  
• Trying to flip pages and play from books. This is especially unnerving on the Eagles songs. He has a TAB book and he's trying to do the lead fills between the verses.
  
• Trying to read chord changes from a tablet and bitching that the text is too small.

I just about laughed out loud last week. We were playing "Hide your Love Away" (Beatles) and he's skipping a bar leading into the chorus. I queued up the mp3 and we played along with it. He was obviously wrong. His comment after that was "That version isn't correct". LOL - it's the only Beatles version I'm aware of. I just dropped it. One bar isn't a big deal, but it's yet another symptom.

My attempts to steer this to a more useful territory include:

• Suggesting songs that are just acoustic strumming. This has helped somewhat. We had a nice few minutes with "Best of My Love" ON THE FIRST TRY.
  
• Suggesting that he just create a pentatonic fill (or whatever) on the breaks and forget trying to match the original. His response here is to pull out a glob of sheets from his instructor with scales on it.

The last couple of sessions he doesn't want to play the songs that we'd been (kind of) working on. I suspect he's frustrated. So now I'm suggesting songs that he knows/likes, but can't play yet. Of course, this creates more of the squinting at the tablet.

Interestingly enough, as soon as we quit and I start packing my gear, the phone comes out and I hear "When's the next session?".

It kind of feels like a practice session instead of a "let's play together" session. I mean - you either know the material or you don't. If you don't - you say so and move on. Or you play a simpler version that you can get through.

I'm still enjoying it, oddly enough. I kinda feel like I did in my younger days with girls "She ain't the one, but she's better than nothing". LOL.

I'm getting the "stink-eye" when I get home and start complaining - "Why are you doing this?" is my spouse's response. I am getting lots of practice - listening and adjusting to unexpected changes.

Thanks for indulging my rant.

Welcome to the world of playing with others.

I often fail to understand why folks want to setup a jam session or "rehearsal" session and show up to these things unprepared or with no plan in place for what will be worked on. Even worse are the ones I go to where I ask for a list of tunes they want to play, than end up playing crap I haven't gone over or even listened to in months. It all ends up being a tremendous waste of time.

I've started being a little more straightforward and upfront with some of these folks and try to make it as clear as possible that unless the jam sessions are more organized it just simply isn't worth my time coming out. I don't use those exact words and am a little more diplomatic, but that meaning is there.

Time is short, personally my time is better spent practicing stuff on my own rather than an unorganized jam where random tunes I haven't played in 6 months or more are called out.


Best thing you can do is what have a "come to Jesus" moment with yourself like I've had over the past year and realize that you are playing for yourself first and foremost and can have just as much of a good time playing to albums or a drum machine until you find players that have it more together.

 

[George Dennis]

OP here. Thanks for the advice all. My position at this point....

I'll keep it up and lower my expectations. We've started sipped a can of suds during the session and that seemed to help him quite a bit.

I'll continue to look for songs that are mostly acoustic strumming and steer him that direction. I suggested "Sundown" by G. Lightfoot last week and it went pretty well. I already knew my part. No one can sing that like Gordon, but that's not really the point.

I need to ponder the "what's the end game" question and how to approach it. Really good point, BTW. After our first session, he told me that he knew a singer and asked should he invite him/her. My response was "let's wait a bit". So he may be trying to head somewhere that feels unrealistic given the (almost) zero practice going on. Now add a decent guitarist and him just strumming the chords, that's different.

LOL - re- larger text on the tablet. There's some issue with his tablet, I need to take mine over there. There's always PRINTING IT OUT!.

Our spouses are friends and we do mix socially, so I need to tread lightly.

Finally - the advice to play together ONCE before a commitment is spot-on. Thanks dkelley

Thanks all.

Thanks for posting this. I'd personally consider it great to be jamming with anyone in the current circumstances.
One thing that hasn't been mentioned is many of those behaviours you described sound like a serious case of nerves. I'd bet if your significant others had a chat about the subject, you might find this out.
To be fair, he's reading from the TB playbook by playing with a musician who's better than him.
Could be I'm completely barking up the wrong tree, but I see your musical glass is half-full.

 

[HolmeBass]

This, but if he hasn't practiced, but aslo tell him he's being inconsiderate of your time. Sounds like his tabs are wrong and he's trying to just use those and not practice with the song.

This is a problem. I have a buddy who strums guitar and signs and I keep telling him to play along with the recordings. When he does magically the right number of bars start happening between the singing, lol. If it's just tabs, or worse, lyrics sheets, you never know when the next verse will start, lol.

 

[Tommy Sparks]

Just jam with him and have some fun,
It doesn't really matter, your not rehearsing for gigs. I do this often (well, before Covid) with different guitar players and typically the same drummer.
It's always a fun night with a few beers.
Takes me back to junior high.

 

[brianrost]

Playing music together is as much of a social event as a musical event, maybe only a social event. You should treat jamming with your neighbor as nothing more than an excuse to drink some beers, tell tall tales and train wreck a few tunes. It's clear he's not as motivated in improving as you are. If you like the guy outside of playing music, just recalibrate your expectations and keep the sessions on a very loose schedule.

 

[JimB52]

Find someone who's a better fit with your views on what's happening at these sessions. Everyone will have a better time.

 

[DirtDog]

Book some gigs and increase the frequency and duration of "jams". He'll be finding excuses to not do this pretty quickly!

That's if you want it to end.

 

[bigdaddybass12]

• "My fingers are hurting" - I hear this after maybe 45 minutes.
  
• Stopping after a mistake.
  
• Slowing down during parts that aren't just strumming the chords.
  
• Skipping bars.
  
• Trying to flip pages and play from books. This is especially unnerving on the Eagles songs. He has a TAB book and he's trying to do the lead fills between the verses.
  
• Trying to read chord changes from a tablet and bitching that the text is too small.

Thanks for indulging my rant.

1. fingers hurting after 45 min ? yeah, no practice, Limit your practice time to 30 minutes max.
2. Stopping, bad habit, hard to break
3. Slowing down? metronome will help. painfully,,,,,
4. skipping bars, happens when you unsuccessfully use a book
5. Book ? chord changes, small text,, leave book at home.

What to do? sounds like a challenge, you will either help or get frustrated. He needs to not depend on the book. Or add another guitar player for him to see what to do.

 

[foolforthecity]

So, I start playing bass again just over a year ago. With nothing else to do thanks to COVID, I'm practicing at least an hour each morning and afternoon. Really enjoying it. Mostly 80s country, classic rock, and working through some printed instructional material. No delusions here. Mediocre bedroom player. My last time on stage was with my twin playing "Tiptoe through Tulips" on our ukeleles in 5th grade. Just want to have some fun, learn something.

I know a neighbor of mine is a guitar player. I see him at a (socially distanced) outdoor neighborhood gathering last Xmas. We talk and agree to start playing together. Once we sobered up, we decided to wait until we were vaccinated. We had a chance to discuss material. I would have agreed to most anything reasonable. I hear "early Beatles hits and same for the Eagles".

I create a playlist of maybe 25 songs. You know what they are. They're the songs of our youth from the 60s and 70s (if you're an old fart). You've heard them all a million times. Taking the "be prepared" motto from the Boy Scouts, I start woodshedding on these songs. Yeah - it's not like it's Jaco/Squire/Lee, but I'm enjoying it. Anyway, with a couple of months waiting on vaccine, I know the material.

He's playing mostly acoustic and doing the singing.

Here's what the sessions are like:

• "I haven't practiced at all since last time" - I hear this EVERY session.
  
• "My fingers are hurting" - I hear this after maybe 45 minutes.
  
• Stopping after a mistake.
  
• Slowing down during parts that aren't just strumming the chords.
  
• Skipping bars.
  
• Trying to flip pages and play from books. This is especially unnerving on the Eagles songs. He has a TAB book and he's trying to do the lead fills between the verses.
  
• Trying to read chord changes from a tablet and bitching that the text is too small.

I just about laughed out loud last week. We were playing "Hide your Love Away" (Beatles) and he's skipping a bar leading into the chorus. I queued up the mp3 and we played along with it. He was obviously wrong. His comment after that was "That version isn't correct". LOL - it's the only Beatles version I'm aware of. I just dropped it. One bar isn't a big deal, but it's yet another symptom.

My attempts to steer this to a more useful territory include:

• Suggesting songs that are just acoustic strumming. This has helped somewhat. We had a nice few minutes with "Best of My Love" ON THE FIRST TRY.
  
• Suggesting that he just create a pentatonic fill (or whatever) on the breaks and forget trying to match the original. His response here is to pull out a glob of sheets from his instructor with scales on it.

The last couple of sessions he doesn't want to play the songs that we'd been (kind of) working on. I suspect he's frustrated. So now I'm suggesting songs that he knows/likes, but can't play yet. Of course, this creates more of the squinting at the tablet.

Interestingly enough, as soon as we quit and I start packing my gear, the phone comes out and I hear "When's the next session?".

It kind of feels like a practice session instead of a "let's play together" session. I mean - you either know the material or you don't. If you don't - you say so and move on. Or you play a simpler version that you can get through.

I'm still enjoying it, oddly enough. I kinda feel like I did in my younger days with girls "She ain't the one, but she's better than nothing". LOL.

I'm getting the "stink-eye" when I get home and start complaining - "Why are you doing this?" is my spouse's response. I am getting lots of practice - listening and adjusting to unexpected changes.

Thanks for indulging my rant.

Your buddy sounds like he likes the IDEA of playing music more than actually doing it. I personally have no time nor patience for this. You may be alright with it, I wouldn't.

 

[bbh]

Time for originals. Write about people. Or things you know about. They should have a comedic edge so they're fun to play. This is how I dealt with friends who are a couple of steps beyond beginners but I personally call it the beginners jam. We'd do some covers as well as a few originals. I don't do it anymore due to illness on my end.we used a beatbuddy pedal which sounds pretty close to real kits.
Hope this idea helps. Good luck.

 

[John Webb]

Start going to open Mics.

 

[db59]

Depends on your end game......keep a neighbor, play along.....record yourself and see what he thinks ......recording yourself is always an"eye opener"....I've played with good players and thought we were killing it at rehearsal..listening back we actually did "kill it", yikes!

 

[glocke1]

Just jam with him and have some fun,
It doesn't really matter, your not rehearsing for gigs. I do this often (well, before Covid) with different guitar players and typically the same drummer.
It's always a fun night with a few beers.
Takes me back to junior high.

It doesn't really sound like thats what the O.P. wants.

For some people wanking away on instruments is a good time, for others? Not so much.

Some of us won't more focused, thought out sessions.

Speaking for myself, I really don't get that much enjoyment out of those kinds of sessions and these days if I am going to get together with someone would really prefer that the time spent together be thought out, and people show up prepared because I prefer things to sound good.

 

[john_g]

Dude, bust out the beer and have some fun...do the serious playing at home. Sing, if you havent already, and dont worry if it sounds bad..

 

[Lava]

Start over. Pick 5 tunes. Play those, and only those, and learn those thoroughly. Then in time learn another 5 tunes.
Your neighbor may never been in a situation where he had to completely learn many songs and may be overwhelmed.

 

[Hurricane Jimmie]

So Anyway, he wants to practice and you want to rehearse.
There's a difference.

 

[Mannyinnewyork]

As long as you're having fun and have no intentions of building a solid working act then play on. You should be happy that YOU are aware of the mistakes, at least you know your musical compass is working. And there's always the chance that the guitarist will get better.

If you want to put an end to it and remain friends, bring your wife in on it as a "singer" (hopefully she is terrible). A few sessions like that and he will look for ways to back out.

 

[Topkat13]

Sounds like he may be including too much cheese in his diet, especially the day before you play. Find someone else to play with.

 

[DWBass]

Him: When's the next session?
Me: Umm....I'll call you.....

 

[legalbass]

We were playing "Hide your Love Away" (Beatles) and he's skipping a bar leading into the chorus. I queued up the mp3 and we played along with it. He was obviously wrong. His comment after that was "That version isn't correct". LOL - it's the only Beatles version I'm aware of. I just dropped it. One bar isn't a big deal, but it's yet another symptom.

LOL! "The Beatles wrote their song wrong!"