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Playing with people not at the level you are...

G

glocke1

Supporting Member
Apr 30, 2002
3,470
5,020
PA
#1
A few years ago I essentially retired from playing music for a variety of reasons that ranged from being tired of the typical BS associated with bands, to the fact that with all the traveling to gigs and rehearsals for low pay, it was becoming just one more expense I couldn't afford.

This past year I picked it back up again, really only wanting to jam once a month or so, and not even gig out.

Now, the people I am doing this with asked me to play with them and are a little less advanced as players...they don't improvise well, they don't follow cues well, and they take forever to learn songs (most of the people I played with in the past were more of a pro-level and I could give a list of tunes to a week or so before a gig/rehearsal and they would show up knowing all of them and we would sound awesome).

As a result, they are wanting more and more of my time to rehearse, asking if I can make myself available once a week, to which the answer has been no, with a reminder that I initially said that I only wanted to do this once a month, and not gig at all unless it is something really cool (i.e. not your run of the mill bar gig).

Not really sure if I should just tell them that if they want more of a rehearsal schedule than what I am giving them they should find someone else...thoughts?
 
#3
Probably would be easier to find another band. Bass players are almost always in demand, so finding a better fit for you shouldn't be too hard. I'm not sure you'll be able to curb their desire to play more.
 
#7
Say they soldier on with rehearsals and you pop by monthly for your fix. You know what's going to happen. Someone will line up some hokey gig and you'll be put on the spot.

What chance of playing a cool gig? Zero right? Everybody needs to get real. The band needs a bassist but it isn't you.
 
#8
I was in the same position many years ago. I was a touring pro and hung it up for a real life. 15 years later I realized that I had to play music. I met and played with a number of people who were not peers. I tried to stay with it until it got too frustrating. it was bringing me frustration and not Joy. I kept trying to meet people with whom I was musically aligned. It took some time but now I play in a number of different projects. I know several players that I look forward to seeing and making music with. They were all searching also.
Keep looking and keep playing. Music is magical but it has to be made with people that you look forward to playing with.
 
#9
I was in the same situation for a while with similar issues. No one worked on the songs during the week, the "lead guitarist" just wanted to play the four leads he knew over and over while pounding down beer - it was just a waste of time. Ultimately I told them that I really wasn't into just jamming parts of songs and had to look for something else. Oh well.
 
#11
Been there done that. I feel your pain!!!

I'm always amazed how many folks here say "burn that bridge".

I say have a little "patience". Or maybe have a lot of patience.

Here is a few ground rules I would lay down in your situation.

1. Everyone picks a song in turn and we butcher it best we can. (no questions asked, I'll play your favorite if you'll play mine).

2. We play each song "ONCE". (i'm not here to give or get music lessons and please don't waste my time learning this song)

3. Someone keeps track of all songs played/butchered and how many times we have played it.

4. Someone supplies a cheat sheet. (we all have the same words and chords).

5. Someone supplies mp3's, cds etc (we all have the music and the same version)

6. Don't pick on the weak guy (makes for bad blood and ruins the "fun factor")

7. If there is a weak guy (and there always is), do something to compensate.

If you follow my "rules" you will be amazed how quickly your song list grows, how quickly your team gels, and how quickly some really complex stuff comes together.

Keep it fun and you'll want to do it more often.

On the other hand if the songs, personnel, equipment, band room, wives, beer etc is driving you crazy to the point that you need to kill something. Maybe its best to burn that bridge.

Oh and the rule I almost forgot.

8. Bring low expectations. Don't be so serious that you forget to have fun.
 
#12
Some groups just have no leadership.

Everyone is just waiting for someone who really knows their part and they can just kind of "remember it as they go". So you get into all these little issues where people don't remember how to begin or how to end or little bridges and turn arounds.

It's just too frustrating to work with that crowd.
 
#13
I think sometimes when you are asking for really casual bands, you're going to pick up the weekend warrior types - people who like to tinker with music now and again, but aren't serious about it and being with others in a jam session is more of a social gathering than being there to play songs. The more serious musicians tend to want to play more than once a month.

So, I guess you just have to think about what you really want. Perhaps you will have luck finding similar musicians of your ilk who only want casual jams, but you'll have be realistic and realise that those might be hard to find.
 
#14
So you want talented players that want to play once a month and not gig? That Ida small market right there. If I was in your position I wouldn't bother or care if the same people wanted to jam each month, I just wouldn't belong to anything. You know you can ring up buddies and ask if they want to jam without having to get into some sort of regular arrangement, I do it all the time.

I also don't see why they are rushing to learn songs if you aren't even gigging... Why not just, you know, jam...
 
#15
glocke1 said:
A few years ago I essentially retired from playing music for a variety of reasons that ranged from being tired of the typical BS associated with bands, to the fact that with all the traveling to gigs and rehearsals for low pay, it was becoming just one more expense I couldn't afford.
Click to expand...

Why not try to find a band with no BS and with a rehearsal schedule and gigs that are aceptable to you?

blue
 
#16
puddin tame said:
So you want talented players that want to play once a month and not gig? That Ida small market right there. If I was in your position I wouldn't bother or care if the same people wanted to jam each month, I just wouldn't belong to anything. You know you can ring up buddies and ask if they want to jam without having to get into some sort of regular arrangement, I do it all the time.

I also don't see why they are rushing to learn songs if you aren't even gigging... Why not just, you know, jam...
Click to expand...

Ok lets back track...these guys asked me to play with them, I was essentially in "retirement", and agreed to do it with the understanding that I was only interested in doing so once a month, and was not interested in gigs unless they were special (i.e. cool party, etc.). They are really hot to play some local watering holes, something I could care less about.

Anyway, lots of good advice passed on in this thread..I do try to lead them and take charge of their session, even to the point of mailing out a "setlist" the week prior to their jams since there have been at least two times where there was too much time spent standing around saying "what do we play next", and encouraging them to pay attention to non-verbal cues during songs instead of yelling out "Now here is that other change".
 
#18
Ok lets back track...these guys asked*me*to play with*them, I was essentially in "retirement", and agreed to do it with the understanding that I was only interested in doing so once a month, and was not interested in gigs unless they were special (i.e. cool party, etc.). They are really hot to play some local watering holes, something I could care less about.
Click to expand...
Unrealistic expectations dude.

You will end up being the badguy if you keep tagging along but refuse to gig.
 
#20
Sounds like a leadership vacuum, to me. You have a ready-made opportunity to step up, and lay down the law. Everyone work on their parts independently, especially if this is a cover project, or you will consider the whole thing a waste of your time. The music is available via the internet, as are lessons. If someone is unwilling to put in the solo practice time, to get better, then kick 'em. One of two things will happen, if you do this: You will either be labelled a DB, and kicked from a band that will promptly go nowhere, or you will eventually be the BL of a band with potential, and you will then be able to play as much or as little as you would like. As soon as you get buy-in from one other band member, designate that person as your second. Make them handle recruiting better players, in the event that someone else decides to bail.
 

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