Potentially awkward questions

[NotAGardener]

There are any number of clever responses to be had but I think a key is to feel militantly secure in your decision. I find a pleasant but firm "because I don't like it" to generally suffice for those kinds of questions. "Aw, just one drink (or whatever)"....same answer, repeat as necessary, or "do you actually want me to get a headache? And that can be followed by a "will you excuse me please", smiling and walking away.

Hang tough...you be you, and remove yourself from abrasive folks.

 

[Chicory Blue]

One thing I learned the hard way is : never assume a woman is pregnant. That can get awkward fast.

As an apple-shaped woman who stores a lot of weight in her tummy, this question haunts me.

--^@

 

[Winslow]

...I think a key is to feel militantly secure in your decision.

^ This, indeed. ^ Especially on the "kids" question.

The notion that anyone should be obligated or required, by some imaginary god, government, "tradition," or any other made-up reason, to make such a monumental and permanent life choice purely for the gratification of others is utterly absurd.

One of the most enduring memories I have of our early life together is when the typically soft-spoken and diplomatic Mrs. Winslow finally had enough of a family member pushing the whole "grandkids" business on us. "Militantly" is a good word to describe how that line of conversation got shut down.

Some people apparently just really don't understand the concept of respecting a line between what they think, and what other people choose to do (or not). It's well and good to couch the notion of enduring to these questions as the "polite" thing to do, but some questioners also need to be reminded that there is (or once was, or should be) an equally polite restraint in what one asks. Not everyone enjoys being an open book for comment of critique.

 

[Winslow]

Was pretty good lasagna though.

And now I want some lasagna.

 

[roccobass]

i never liked the taste of alcohol, so rarely drank and only some sips in social situations - and as of around 1990, i decided not to drink just to make others comfortable. since then, many have asked me why i don't drink - some rather demandingly as they seem to take my choice as my comment on their lifestyle.

i've been a vegetarian since january of 1994, and so many people have wanted to know why, and they often took my choice as a criticism of their lifestyles - even when i didn't know them - so there is often either hostility or they try to convince me why my choice is wrong. some who ask are just interested, and that's not awkward.

so come to think of it, it's not the questions themselves that are awkward - it's the way they're asked or the way so many people - often barely acquaintances or friends of friends or relatives try to convince me my choices are the wrong choices.

but in some cases, it's the questions or just the nosiness that makes me cringe. when i was younger, lots of people - mostly women - would ask why i wasn't having more kids. like it was the server or checker's business or the business of a random person in line with me, but when it comes to anything to do with pregnancy, most normal boundaries disappear. when i was pregnant, on any given trip to the grocery store, at least 10 to 20 strangers would walk up to me and ask perkily "when are you due?" ugh!

I stopped asking women “when they were due” unless I really knew them about 20 years ago. I made an error in judgement when I was at my local coffee hangout.

During one visit. a new female employee behind the see through confectionery counter was wearing a crop top and was showing a generous amount of belly which I mistook for pregnancy. Seriously, it did look like it.

I said “When are you due?” Her eyes got big and she said “What”? At the same split second, my buddy who worked there and was standing behind her gave me the quick finger across the throat signal. Without batting an eye or flinching, I pointed to a couple of cinnamon rolls in counter between us and said “I’ll take two”. She just said “oh” and complied with my request. I also had benefit of a noisy shop.

My buddy later told me she was a party girl who liked to drink LOTS of beer. She also wasn’t the quickest draw in the West.

 

[Shenron]

I often choose not to drink alcohol at social events. My main reason is simply because alcohol is generally unhealthy so the less I drink the better, but this simple reason apparently can lead to discussions I don't want to have. So I usually give the secondary reason: I can't handle it much and don't want to get drunk and behave inappropriately. It's not true I can't handle much, but this explanation always works and ends the questions quickly. Even stronger motivations are "I have to drive" or "I am on antibiotics".

. Most times folks are just curious or want to get to know someone else better. If it was malicious intent, it's just as easy not to answer and excuse oneself from the conversation.

I don't know... personally I don't think it's either, people are not malicious but also don't really care, they just ask questions because they grew up in a culture where others asked them the same questions.

 

[bikeplate]

I always tell others to stop worrying about others and focus on themselves. Freewill to do as I please

 

[DirtDog]

I was picking my daughter up at university a few weeks ago. I was waiting for her at the entrance to one of the buildings. A young guy makes eye contract with me a few times. After a couple of glances I acknowledge him.

His first question was: “Do you know what factorials are”? I answered yes and we then had a wide ranging discussion about mathematics and metaphysics, Hinduism and atheism, genetics and operations research. All in two minutes.

My daughter arrives and we leave. She asks me: “who’s your new friend”? LOL. Somewhat awkward but an interesting encounter.

 

[Matt O]

Depends on the situation, but a little levity works for me most of the time. This old chestnut shuts it down and will usually get a laugh in the process:

Them: why don’t you drink?
Me: I’m allergic to alcohol
Them: what happens?
Me: I break out in cops and handcuffs

 

[EvilJ]

If anyone ever tries to pressure me to drink, I look them dead in the eyes and say: "Alcohol obviously kills brain cells."

 

[Major Seven]

I was picking my daughter up at university a few weeks ago. I was waiting for her at the entrance to one of the buildings. A young guy makes eye contract with me a few times. After a couple of glances I acknowledge him.

His first question was: “Do you know what factorials are”? I answered yes and we then had a wide ranging discussion about mathematics and metaphysics, Hinduism and atheism, genetics and operations research. All in two minutes.

My daughter arrives and we leave. She asks me: “who’s your new friend”? LOL. Somewhat awkward but an interesting encounter.

Thats what I loved about college. Those guys were everywhere, You could be that guy and such encounters happened eveyday.
Out in the "real world" you don't run into those situations anymore.

 

[Ostie]

I think that someone pressuring anyone into having a drink is extremely rude and irresponsible. Life choices like sobriety are personal and private. If and when someone confides in me that they are sober or trying to get sober, I offer them encouragement, not judgement.

 

[logdrum]

I'd like to drink the beer you were drinking. Hallucinogenic beer seems like a fine brew.

People are naturally uncomfortable around me, so I need not say anything.

 

[Smooth_bass88]

ok

 

[bass12]

i never liked the taste of alcohol, so rarely drank and only some sips in social situations - and as of around 1990, i decided not to drink just to make others comfortable. since then, many have asked me why i don't drink - some rather demandingly as they seem to take my choice as my comment on their lifestyle.

i've been a vegetarian since january of 1994, and so many people have wanted to know why, and they often took my choice as a criticism of their lifestyles - even when i didn't know them - so there is often either hostility or they try to convince me why my choice is wrong. some who ask are just interested, and that's not awkward.

so come to think of it, it's not the questions themselves that are awkward - it's the way they're asked or the way so many people - often barely acquaintances or friends of friends or relatives try to convince me my choices are the wrong choices.

but in some cases, it's the questions or just the nosiness that makes me cringe. when i was younger, lots of people - mostly women - would ask why i wasn't having more kids. like it was the server or checker's business or the business of a random person in line with me, but when it comes to anything to do with pregnancy, most normal boundaries disappear. when i was pregnant, on any given trip to the grocery store, at least 10 to 20 strangers would walk up to me and ask perkily "when are you due?" ugh!

I find it interesting that my vegetarianism is still a matter of curiosity for some people. It seems like not a party goes by where someone doesn’t ask me about it (why, how long, etc.). I never found it awkward, just mildly irritating at times.

 

[40Hz]

Most times when I’m asked what I consider an impertinent or rude question I just ignore it and talk about something else. If the person asking didn’t get the hint and repeats the question I continue to ignore it. Some particularly dense individuals occasionally then say: “did you hear what I just asked you?” I pause for a few beats, and then say: “yes…and I politely declined to answer you.”

That usually ends it.

 

[40Hz]

I find it interesting that my vegetarianism is still a matter of curiosity for some people. It seems like not a party goes by where someone doesn’t ask me about it (why, how long, etc.). I never found it awkward, just mildly irritating at times.

In fairness, some people are legitimately curious or possibly contemplating trying it. There’s a ton of hype and woo surrounding the lifestyle. And talking to an actual practitioner is often thought to be a more reliable source of information on it.

 

[hbarcat]

Perhaps this is a little bit of a sidetrack, but I've developed a technique to turn the discomfort around make others feel uncomfortable if I sense they're intentionally trying to emotionally manipulate me, particularly if they're asking me an intrusive question.

Nearly every two person conversation is a constant back and forth of verbal and also visual communication. You both take turns expressing yourselves while simultaneously reading the other person.

If the person I'm conversing with annoys me, I'll sometimes cut off all of my outgoing communication. Essentially, I just make my face go blank and stare at them motionless, no visual cues either.

For some reason, that really bothers some people. They have no idea what I'm doing or why. They just know they don't like it.

 

[skygzr]

I tell people that the world is a better place for everyone if I don’t drink.

 

[Matt O]

I think that someone pressuring anyone into having a drink is extremely rude and irresponsible. Life choices like sobriety are personal and private. If and when someone confides in me that they are sober or trying to get sober, I offer them encouragement, not judgement.

The vast majority of people share your attitude toward non-drinkers in my experience. There are some that don’t of course, but that says far more about their pathology than mine. One does find out who their true friends are pretty quickly after stopping the booze.