Pressure to get better

[tzonline]

I'm not really sure how to express my thoughts on this but here it goes. I'm 28 and I picked up bass in the beginning of pandemic. I've feel that I've fallen for this instrument. I want to be a bass player. Nothing in my life has ever interested me like this. I don't know if its a generational thing or I'm just damaged, but this pressure to become more skilled and progress to a level I can actually perform with others and be creative is debilitating for me.

My whole life has been bouncing from one thing to another wasting time and chasing things that don't matter. I have had good paying jobs but they just feel like a slow death. I feel so much guilt for the time wasted and what could have been. My family has a history with depression and ADHD I seem to have gotten some of it so I take medications for this. I workout often, I eat healthy, I keep my body in check, but nothing seems to help. I always end up back to this mindset. I know how stupid it is to think its over because I'm 28, but I just cant shake it.

Financially I'm stuck in a small town 2 hours outside of Atlanta with no community that everyone leaves as soon as they can. I cannot find a teacher to save my life, the very few times I've managed to find a couple people to jam with they just end up ghosting me. I have driven to Atlanta to attend open mics and try to network, I've been through craigslist a million times with no success. I use StudyBass.com and lessons from youtube but I feel that I can't grasp any of the concepts. Playing bass is the only pursuit that has ever given me joy and hope. I don't care about success and fame. I just want to live a decent life doing this in some capacity. I'm sorry if this post has been made a million times, but I just need some advice.

How do I stop putting this horrible pressure on myself?

 

[bholder]

Think less. Play more. That's all I've got.

 

[WI Short Scaler]

I'm not really sure how to express my thoughts on this but here it goes. I'm 28 and I picked up bass in the beginning of pandemic. I've feel that I've fallen for this instrument. I want to be a bass player. Nothing in my life has ever interested me like this. I don't know if its a generational thing or I'm just damaged, but this pressure to become more skilled and progress to a level I can actually perform with others and be creative is debilitating for me.

My whole life has been bouncing from one thing to another wasting time and chasing things that don't matter. I have had good paying jobs but they just feel like a slow death. I feel so much guilt for the time wasted and what could have been. My family has a history with depression and ADHD I seem to have gotten some of it so I take medications for this. I workout often, I eat healthy, I keep my body in check, but nothing seems to help. I always end up back to this mindset. I know how stupid it is to think its over because I'm 28, but I just cant shake it.

Financially I'm stuck in a small town 2 hours outside of Atlanta with no community that everyone leaves as soon as they can. I cannot find a teacher to save my life, the very few times I've managed to find a couple people to jam with they just end up ghosting me. I have driven to Atlanta to attend open mics and try to network, I've been through craigslist a million times with no success. I use StudyBass.com and lessons from youtube but I feel that I can't grasp any of the concepts. Playing bass is the only pursuit that has ever given me joy and hope. I don't care about success and fame. I just want to live a decent life doing this in some capacity. I'm sorry if this post has been made a million times, but I just need some advice.

How do I stop putting this horrible pressure on myself?

I will say this, but keep in mind it's just from my own experience and by no means a professional diagnosis.

I suffer from debilitating self criticism and overthinking. I love to be a part of the band but don't like to hear my own voice despite getting good reviews on it from bandmates and audience members.

My job is not perfect, not even close. I have to constantly remind myself that it's a balance between what's tolerable and making the $$ I needed to support a family with a good life while we raised our kids.

The biggest thing you can do is, at least what I do, is prioritize things in your mind. The job may seem soul crushing but does it give you the income you need to pursue bass or other pursuits on your own time? If so, than maybe keep those things in mind when you go to work? We are now empty nesters so I could go for less pay and get by comfortably but I'm thinking about retirement so making all the $$ for our investments is now the goal.

As for the music community, I got nothing on that. It can be a long and difficult search to find the right people.

So like @bholder said, think less, keep playing. You never know when things can change.

Just my opinion.

 

[pepj]

Practice and more practice..Even if you have nothing else this should get you to a certain level.
Listen to everything and be open.

You really need an outlet or group of people to pick up stuff from.
Lessons can do this as can jams but it depends how lucky with either approach you get.

 

[flojob]

Hey you have good internet? Get you some online lessons. A lot of really good players give lessons, and you don't have to leave home at all. You might be able to get lessons from your favorite player

 

[tzonline]

Hey you have good internet? Get you some online lessons. A lot of really good players give lessons, and you don't have to leave home at all. You might be able to get lessons from your favorite player

Yea my internet is good. Do you have any suggestions?

 

[Markmann]

One issue with people today is the expectation of instant gratification. Being proficient at any instrument and playing in a band doesn't happen quickly so always keep that in mind. Try to find joy in learning and practicing and the rest will follow.

 

[MotorCityMinion]

This either is, or will soon become, a frivolous endeavor for most of us. Have I wasted quite a bit of time? Yes. For me, it is a both distraction and release from everyday BS but it is my time to waste and it matters to me. What the other 7 billion nubs on the planet think, doesn't matter.

 

[flojob]

Yea my internet is good. Do you have any suggestions?

I'd go with this guy. Rich Brown the bass player and one of my favorites. This piece has a really tasteful bass solo

Also he has a YouTube channel with lots of free short lessons. Seems like a super nice guy. He's Canadian but nobody's perfect.
Jk, eh.

 

[JRA]

My whole life has been bouncing from one thing to another wasting time and chasing things that don't matter.

what's different this time (re: the bass, music)? TIA

 

[dave hope]

I'm not really sure how to express my thoughts on this but here it goes. I'm 28 and I picked up bass in the beginning of pandemic. I've feel that I've fallen for this instrument. I want to be a bass player. Nothing in my life has ever interested me like this. I don't know if its a generational thing or I'm just damaged, but this pressure to become more skilled and progress to a level I can actually perform with others and be creative is debilitating for me.

My whole life has been bouncing from one thing to another wasting time and chasing things that don't matter. I have had good paying jobs but they just feel like a slow death. I feel so much guilt for the time wasted and what could have been. My family has a history with depression and ADHD I seem to have gotten some of it so I take medications for this. I workout often, I eat healthy, I keep my body in check, but nothing seems to help. I always end up back to this mindset. I know how stupid it is to think its over because I'm 28, but I just cant shake it.

Financially I'm stuck in a small town 2 hours outside of Atlanta with no community that everyone leaves as soon as they can. I cannot find a teacher to save my life, the very few times I've managed to find a couple people to jam with they just end up ghosting me. I have driven to Atlanta to attend open mics and try to network, I've been through craigslist a million times with no success. I use StudyBass.com and lessons from youtube but I feel that I can't grasp any of the concepts. Playing bass is the only pursuit that has ever given me joy and hope. I don't care about success and fame. I just want to live a decent life doing this in some capacity. I'm sorry if this post has been made a million times, but I just need some

I'm not really sure how to express my thoughts on this but here it goes. I'm 28 and I picked up bass in the beginning of pandemic. I've feel that I've fallen for this instrument. I want to be a bass player. Nothing in my life has ever interested me like this. I don't know if its a generational thing or I'm just damaged, but this pressure to become more skilled and progress to a level I can actually perform with others and be creative is debilitating for me.

My whole life has been bouncing from one thing to another wasting time and chasing things that don't matter. I have had good paying jobs but they just feel like a slow death. I feel so much guilt for the time wasted and what could have been. My family has a history with depression and ADHD I seem to have gotten some of it so I take medications for this. I workout often, I eat healthy, I keep my body in check, but nothing seems to help. I always end up back to this mindset. I know how stupid it is to think its over because I'm 28, but I just cant shake it.

Financially I'm stuck in a small town 2 hours outside of Atlanta with no community that everyone leaves as soon as they can. I cannot find a teacher to save my life, the very few times I've managed to find a couple people to jam with they just end up ghosting me. I have driven to Atlanta to attend open mics and try to network, I've been through craigslist a million times with no success. I use StudyBass.com and lessons from youtube but I feel that I can't grasp any of the concepts. Playing bass is the only pursuit that has ever given me joy and hope. I don't care about success and fame. I just want to live a decent life doing this in some capacity. I'm sorry if this post has been made a million times, but I just need some advice.

How do I stop putting this horrible pressure on myself?

you don’t have YouTube?
I’ve been playing since 1965, and would have died to have the instructions out there at no charge.
If you really are a beginner, then learn a little theory. KNOW what the major scale is (do-re-me) and why. Because everything you play whether in chords or pattens, will be a variation off the major scale

 

[mrjim123]

I moved from a small town in Indiana to Indianapolis just so I could be closer to a larger pool of musicians. Maybe you could do the same. You didn't mention if you are married, or if you have children.

 

[N. Kentucky Bass]

I'm not at all a religious person and have never recommended something like this, but....

Small town? The South? Maybe you should check out some of the local churches. I hear many modern churches use a live band. It's possible that could get you started playing with other musicians and making them aware of you. Some secular musicians play with church bands as a side gig. You can sample this kind of music on youtube and see if it resonates. You'll get lots of skills that can't be learned at home playing with yourself or youtube.

Good luck!

 

[tzonline]

I moved from a small town in Indiana to Indianapolis just so I could be closer to a larger pool of musicians. Maybe you could do the same. You didn't mention if you are married, or if you have children.

I am single with no children. I have thought of doing this I just don't know how to start over somewhere else and make enough money to even afford shelter especially in todays economy. I can barely afford rent where I live in the middle of nowhere.

 

[Inverstone]

I 2nd the Rich Brown YouTube videos. There are others and they are good as well. Rich is super mellow and encouraging and show you how to do some pretty "advanced" stuff quickly and simply. I'd recommend checking out his small "series" of Pentatonic videos to play up and down the neck. Not a lot of theory for a beginner and looking at visible patterns you're playing and can remember after practicing them for a week or so every day will likely show you that playing and learning in isolation is possible and not that hard-just put in time and don't move on to anything new until you've got that "step" down.
It's going to be extremely tempting to check out and try a lot of things from a lot of YouTubers but start with one and stay awhile until you get the confidence that you could actually do this.
If you can't get together with others, there are tons of "backing tracks" and famous songs with the bass parts isolated (played alone or louder than the other instruments) to practice with.

 

[bherman]

One idea that I have is to get onto a learning track that requires discipline. When I started back on bass after some years away (job, kids) I decided that I needed to work on reading music and started again at the beginning. The YouTube and online stuff is great, but at least for me, I fould myself prone to bouncing from thing topic to topic. My suggestions are three-fold:

1) Purchase a copy of the Hal Leonard Electric Bass Method vols 1-3, from Amazon its about $20. Sit down in front of it and methodically work your way through it. Maybe 30-45 minutes per day, don't move to the next lesson until you've completely mastered the current one. It'll seem easy at first, but will get more complex and taking a methodical approach will set the stage for more advanced learning down the road. The key to learning and advancing, in my experience, is to work on it every single day, in a methodical way. 15 minutes every day is better than a few hours once every few days.
2) Once you have a basic command of the bass (maybe 6 months down the road), look into web-based learning resources. Check out Scott's Bass Lessons, lots of good courses there. But again, my concern is that its easy to bounce from one thing to another without a real path. Scott's Bass Lessons allows you to get into courses with multiple lessons, that allow you to progess in a linear manner. Too much of the internet for bass learning,in my opinion, are sort snippets that don't neccessarily contribute to overall capabilities as a player. Nothing wrong with adding a specific skill here or there, but you need a solid foundation first.
3) when you are reasonably proficient, you'll likely have a better time finding and being sought after by other musicians. Don't take this the wrong way, but if other players are "ghosting" you, then you might not have the basic chops needed to hold your own. Bass players typically are in much more demand than other musicians, but you have to be good enough that others want to play with you.

Hope this helps - feel free to comment if you have other questions.

Edited to add the linkfor the Hal Leonard book

https://www.amazon.com/Leonard-Elec...t=&hvlocphy=9029182&hvtargid=pla-479709637364

 

[Egg250]

I had a dry spell while on active duty, took me over 30 years after high school to get back to playing with other people.

Online lessons are good to learn technique. What got me through my dry spell was to pop in a cd and play. It doesn't matter if you know the song. Don't dissect it and chart it out, just play roots until you get thd chord progression and then work in the fills or bass line. Get accustomed to playing through your mistakes, but don't forget to come back around and correct it.

On a personal note, why do you think they are ghosting you? Poor technique or poor hang? You don't have to be Mr. Bubbly Personality but if you are constantly negative, that could turn people off. Also, if you are stopping the song to work through mistakes, that's a show stopper. You don't have to be Geddy Lee, just lay down a basic groove and be consistent.

 

[mrjim123]

I am single with no children. I have thought of doing this I just don't know how to start over somewhere else and make enough money to even afford shelter especially in todays economy. I can barely afford rent where I live in the middle of nowhere.

Today's job market is healthy. Stop thinking of what you can't do and start thinking of what you CAN do. Dream bigger!

 

[tzonline]

I had a dry spell while on active duty, took me over 30 years after high school to get back to playing with other people.

Online lessons are good to learn technique. What got me through my dry spell was to pop in a cd and play. It doesn't matter if you know the song. Don't dissect it and chart it out, just play roots until you get thd chord progression and then work in the fills or bass line. Get accustomed to playing through your mistakes, but don't forget to come back around and correct it.

On a personal note, why do you think they are ghosting you? Poor technique or poor hang? You don't have to be Mr. Bubbly Personality but if you are constantly negative, that could turn people off. Also, if you are stopping the song to work through mistakes, that's a show stopper. You don't have to be Geddy Lee, just lay down a basic groove and be consistent.

I have been focusing on roots and chord changes just trying to keep it simple. I've gotten along with the people I jam with as far as I can tell. I thinks its my technique. I know I suck and I've always made it clear I'm inexperienced but it still happens. I'm grateful for the chance to play with others and I understand they don't want to continue playing with someone at my level. I can play a few songs and can run through the patterns of scales but I struggle to understand the connection to actual playing. I practice everyday for an hour at least. My mind is what really holds me back. I often get distracted by so many different things I need to learn and forget to enjoy the journey and become focused on outcomes which I know is wrong.

 

[Egg250]

I have been focusing on roots and chord changes just trying to keep it simple. I've gotten along with the people I jam with as far as I can tell. I thinks its my technique. I know I suck and I've always made it clear I'm inexperienced but it still happens. I'm grateful for the chance to play with others and I understand they don't want to continue playing with someone at my level. I can play a few songs and can run through the patterns of scales but I struggle to understand the connection to actual playing. I practice everyday for an hour at least. My mind is what really holds me back. I often get distracted by so many different things I need to learn and forget to enjoy the journey and become focused on outcomes which I know is wrong.

There's a youtube guy, BassBuzz, I think his name is Josh. He breaks things down into easily learned chunks and talks about the nuances of the bass.