To a 5 y/o, it absolutely is. Don't put your issues on the kid. He has no idea of the significance of his actions at that age. Kid has no more of a "gender identity crisis" than my friend's kid has a "dinosaur identity crisis."
Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
Princess Boy
- Thread starter Dr. Cheese
- Start date
To a 5 y/o, it absolutely is. Don't put your issues on the kid. He has no idea of the significance of his actions at that age. Kid has no more of a "gender identity crisis" than my friend's kid has a "dinosaur identity crisis."
Please for the love of god if you have children read this post.
If your child wants to do something that you know will result in a negative consequence from an outside source other then you and you also know that it won’t kill them.
Make sure they can hear you and give them a stern warning of what is to come.
Next time your child wants to do something that you know will have a negative impact repeat and over time (less time if the kid is smart) they will begin to trust you and listen closely to what you say.
Now if you force your child repeatedly to do whatever it is you wish for them.
You can rest assured that they will eventually rebel and dislike you as a result.
And last if you say sure whatever you want kido and let them run free well you may just be surprised to find a similar result as if you had forced them.
If your child wants to do something that you know will result in a negative consequence from an outside source other then you and you also know that it won’t kill them.
Make sure they can hear you and give them a stern warning of what is to come.
Next time your child wants to do something that you know will have a negative impact repeat and over time (less time if the kid is smart) they will begin to trust you and listen closely to what you say.
Now if you force your child repeatedly to do whatever it is you wish for them.
You can rest assured that they will eventually rebel and dislike you as a result.
And last if you say sure whatever you want kido and let them run free well you may just be surprised to find a similar result as if you had forced them.
Before a certain age kids do not remember or correlate warnings as you describe buchanan. And there are a loooooootttttt of things I wish my parents had protected me from, that did not kill me.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes letting your kid burn their hand is way more effective than saying "don't touch the stove, it's hot." But to make such a broad blanket concept out of that, is not a good idea imo.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes letting your kid burn their hand is way more effective than saying "don't touch the stove, it's hot." But to make such a broad blanket concept out of that, is not a good idea imo.
While I agree that it's best to explain the consequences to your child and allow them to do what they want and learn for themselves, there are 2 problems I see with that in this situation:
1. The child is 5 and will probably not understand what you mean when you say, "You're going to be picked on and ridiculed because society can't accept people who're labelled "different." "
2. You know they will ask "why" and when a 5 year old asks why society couldn't accept them and why they'll be picked on, what will you tell them? It's like explaining physics to a 5 year old. Try as they might, they're not going to understand that either.
Ideally, I agree with you, but realistically I can't say that's a "solve-all" solution.
I'm thinking let the child understand what he's doing. He may not have established schemas so much and is imitating what he's seen. I doubt highly this is the child's true self trying to come out. And has parenting changed into just supporting anything and everything your child does? I was of the persuasion it was to help the child function in real world situations. Once he or she has the reasoning ability to understand the implications completely and still does it, there's not so much you can do, eh?
I don't think any of us know the kid well enough to have a damn worth to say on the topic.
But this is TBOT so I'll say anyway: carrots. Yes, just like ss v. tube, carrots. How about a kilt? Would you not let a boy wear a kilt? And what are overalls but really ugly dresses? Honestly, it's not hard to see why a dress would appeal to a guy; all that crotch room is probably really comfy. Though I'd probably go kilt myself.
On a lighter note, anyone else reminded of this song?
But this is TBOT so I'll say anyway: carrots. Yes, just like ss v. tube, carrots. How about a kilt? Would you not let a boy wear a kilt? And what are overalls but really ugly dresses? Honestly, it's not hard to see why a dress would appeal to a guy; all that crotch room is probably really comfy. Though I'd probably go kilt myself.
On a lighter note, anyone else reminded of this song?
The funniest thing I've ever read, is that a 5 year old has the ability to make life altering choices for himself.
Seriously, that's ****ing priceless.
Seriously, that's ****ing priceless.
Ok you should know that my last post was directed to the issue of general physiology. That is to say that yes I do agree that there are exceptions to the rule where a parent will need to step in and make the call.
As far as the question some parents are going to have of,
gee little Timmy sure dose like to ware his sisters dresses should I let him ware them to school?
Is this a phase?
Is my kid gay?
Is Timmy one of them transsexuals?
To this I refer you back to my first post and like I said in my second post.
If your kid is trans.
Theyll be far more scared if you deny them their ability to express their own gender then if they get picked on at school.
Further more if your kid is trans or possibly trans and feels they need to dress at school there are organizations in this country that are there to make sure that your child is safe at school.
And you should also know that in many places this involves nothing more then just simply telling the school of your situation.
Last let me just say that if your kid is not trans and wants to ware a dress to school by all means tell him no.
But who are you to tell? See a physiologist.
Oh hey guess what, it's time for me to go to sleep.
So let me just leave this thread asking, what's the best bass for metal?
I'll check back tomorrow for your answers, good night.
So let me just leave this thread asking, what's the best bass for metal?
I'll check back tomorrow for your answers, good night.
I think kids should be allowed to make age appropriate decisions, take age appropriate risks, and be allowed to suffer age appropriate consequences. The lady in the OP fails on all accounts.
He's a young Qintar. His name will be Wild Eagle when he matures. So it has been said. So it shall be.
It's a strange issue because childhood is when many of these societal gender roles and expressions are learned, and many would argue that the standard roles and expressions that we typically think of as "masculine" and "feminine" are arbitrary, unnecessary, and/or outdated.
So, do you go ahead and instill these same sexist paradigms into your child and continue the cycle, for the sake of making their life easier? Or do you allow them to express these traits openly and freely and instead attempt to teach them to take pride in their individuality and to not be bothered by the disdain of those who are less enlightened?
One of the many reasons I will probably never have a child is because I don't think I could ever choose the first option, yet I'm not certain of the effectiveness of the second. There are just too many things about our society that I could never feel comfortable indoctrinating another human being into.
So, do you go ahead and instill these same sexist paradigms into your child and continue the cycle, for the sake of making their life easier? Or do you allow them to express these traits openly and freely and instead attempt to teach them to take pride in their individuality and to not be bothered by the disdain of those who are less enlightened?
One of the many reasons I will probably never have a child is because I don't think I could ever choose the first option, yet I'm not certain of the effectiveness of the second. There are just too many things about our society that I could never feel comfortable indoctrinating another human being into.
Typically when I post great big long tirades on interesting subjects such as this, I either get ignored or misinterpreted, so here's my $0.02 in short:
Bad Idea.
Bad Idea.
I completely agree with folks who don't like that the parent brought this to the media and is parading her kid around.
But, if my son wants to wear dresses at 5, I will not have a problem with it. I don't think it's necessary to force a kid to conform to gender rules at an early age and then have the freedom to break them "later."
I wouldn't actively encourage it, because of the grief. I'd want to explain to my son how other people might ask if he's a girl, say that only girls should wear that clothing, or call him names...but if he wants to, I'll have his back. I want my kids to be good people who are secure enough to be themselves, and confident that I'll always love them. Then, I can hope that they'll talk to me about other things, and not follow the crowd when it's not doing the right thing.
Societal gender customs are obvious at an early age; if my kids want to break them and they're not doing anything harmful...well, the world better get out of our way.
But, if my son wants to wear dresses at 5, I will not have a problem with it. I don't think it's necessary to force a kid to conform to gender rules at an early age and then have the freedom to break them "later."
I wouldn't actively encourage it, because of the grief. I'd want to explain to my son how other people might ask if he's a girl, say that only girls should wear that clothing, or call him names...but if he wants to, I'll have his back. I want my kids to be good people who are secure enough to be themselves, and confident that I'll always love them. Then, I can hope that they'll talk to me about other things, and not follow the crowd when it's not doing the right thing.
Societal gender customs are obvious at an early age; if my kids want to break them and they're not doing anything harmful...well, the world better get out of our way.
Do you expect the same thing with respect to other "traditional roles"?
Or is gender somehow different?
I'm thinking kids today are a lot less nasty about gender roles than they were in the past.
As evidenced by the high school I graduated from electing a (biologically female) transgendered student homecoming king last year... something that never would have happened 20 years ago when I went to school there.
