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Professional courtesy? Or every man for himself?

#181
MDBass said:
What an absurd false equivalence and weak ad homenim attempt.

But if that's the game you want to play, the wife would already be an ex wife due to spousal issues that had nothing to do with you.
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The wife is not an ex-wife until a divorce is finalized, not at the point she is unsatisfied in the relationship.
And it would have something to do with you because she sees you as being something better. An affair does not happen without opportunity.

If it's a false equivalency or apples/oranges I don't see how it's different. Someone will have to attempt to explain that difference to me.
 
#182
Nickweissmusic said:
Hmm. Does she know you know/work with her current bass player?

Absolutely no harm in winning a gig. But is she treating the current player with respect? Would you like to be treated the same way he is? Because if a similar situation comes around... you will be.

This has the potential to be pretty ugly since you have to work with the guy, so I'd be darn sure it's worth it and she's not a jerk before making any commitments.

Not trying to crap on your sandcastle, it's just more than a little bit strange/awkward that you work with the guy you could be replacing. Chase your dream, handle with care.
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I don't know - maybe it's just me, but friendship means a lot to me. I'm not so sure that I would lose a friend over a job that will no doubt last until she tires of the "new" guy.
 
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#183
StraffordMike said:
I'm not sure other than she expressed concern over his playing "was like a robot". Very sterile, very boring. She liked my style better, I guess. I'm no star. Technically I'm a b player but I can definitely lock in with a drummer and drive a tune. I get many compliments on my rhythm and sense of timing. I'm not even comfortable saying that, I'm not into self aggrandizement.
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Minefield Alert

I'd find out somehow if this was a pattern of hers. If not, then I would begin to consider it.
 
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#184
Steadfast said:
...and I understand. I am assuming that the OP is a Christian...we do act based on a World view that is very specific..

If he is a Christian he needs to ask himself, "me wanting this gig so badly--is it my flesh or God speaking?" The OP and I know Biblically it can't be God speaking. With this in mind...he knows what his course of action should be. I don't expect a non-Christian to understand. Our World view is that life on Earth is a VERY short temporary stop.

Plus--I never said betray the conversation with the singer. In fact--I gave several ways to deal with it.
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This, to me, is not honoring God. It's IMO playing God by thinking one knows better how to assemble all the pieces to the puzzle.

How do you know what the outcome would be if OP acted in what you believe to be a "Christian" way? OP has one responsibility in this. To take the gig, or not.

Current bass player might very well be holding up this singers career? Current bass player may be stuck in a spot he doesn't belong. OP might need this gig to get closer to his own truth?

I can't see too many bad scenarios if OP accepts the gig. Just a guy getting a little bummed out till he gets over it.

By not taking the gig, talking with acquaintance or singer the potential for a bad outcome is so much more. I have trouble seeing how anyone will come out ahead.

I really think people need to think this one through.

And I love this thread :).
 
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#186
Joe Nerve said:
This, to me, is not honoring God. It's IMO playing God by thinking one knows better how to assemble all the pieces to the puzzle.

How do you know what the outcome would be if OP acted in what you believe to be a "Christian" way? OP has one responsibility in this. To take the gig, or not.

Current bass player might very well be holding up this singers career? Current bass player may be stuck in a spot he doesn't belong. OP might need this gig to get closer to his own truth?

I can't see too many bad scenarios if OP accepts the gig. Just a guy getting a little bummed out till he gets over it.

By not taking the gig, talking with acquaintance or singer the potential for a bad outcome is so much more. I have trouble seeing how anyone will come out ahead.

I really think people need to think this one through.

And I love this thread :).
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Christian brothers in the same church have a responsibility to one another. Church unity--especially in the Worship team is paramount. What you are saying is separating being a Christian from your gig life. That is always a no go.
 
#190
Nev375 said:
The wife is not an ex-wife until a divorce is finalized, not at the point she is unsatisfied in the relationship.
And it would have something to do with you because she sees you as being something better. An affair does not happen without opportunity.
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This is an outrageous leap of responsibility-dodging nonsense! No matter your views the only party who can be excused of any blame is the single person having sex with someone.
 
#191
lfmn16 said:
Adding :rollno:

Someone is replacing their bass player; no need for divine guidance. This is not a 'what would Jesus do' ethical dilemma, it happens all the time without otherworldly intervention.
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Except the OP put in his dilemma the Worship team. That is HUGE a problem in church. If you don't understand Worship Team Unity---I get it...it is a real church killer.

I have been a Worship Pastor....this is a problem he needs to consider. I don't care about what you really think...the OP opined the problem and I am directing my experience towards him.
 
#193
Steadfast said:
Christian brothers in the same church have a responsibility to one another. Church unity--especially in the Worship team is paramount. What you are saying is separating being a Christian from your gig life. That is always a no go.
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Besides treading on thin ice re: the TB rules, there are different ways a believer would handle this situation. You do not a have lock on morality.
 
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#194
AdamX said:
I'm a Christian, and I think the Christianity angle is being overplayed in this thread. The two things have nothing to do with each other. If the bandleader wants to make a move, she can. It will be him, or it will be someone else. It's business.
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So--why did the OP ask about that angle. Again--do you believe you can separate being a Christian from certain aspects of your life?
 
#196
Steadfast said:
Christian brothers in the same church have a responsibility to one another. Church unity--especially in the Worship team is paramount. What you are saying is separating being a Christian from your gig life. That is always a no go.
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Current bass player then should be thinking about what would make the band best, and everyone the happiest. In your view crappy bassist should keep the job, singer remain unhappy, band remain not as good as it could be, and OP out a gig he really wants. That's what Christians want for each other?

And that's not even mentioning that the gig might very well be keeping the current bassist from a gig he really belongs in. Where people like him, value his input, and create some fertile ground for him to flourish in. OK, so I mentioned that now, too.

Also, I'm not an ax murderer. Too messy, and I pass out sometimes at the sight of blood
 
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#197
Steadfast said:
Except the OP put in his dilemma the Worship team. That is HUGE a problem in church. If you don't understand Worship Team Unity---I get it...it is a real church killer.

I have been a Worship Pastor....this is a problem he needs to consider. I don't care about what you really think...the OP opined the problem and I am directing my experience towards him.
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Or everybody could grow up and take the situation for what it is - a singer unhappy with her current bass player getting a new one. Just saying.

I have to say that every time I see one of these threads that has something to do with church musicians, it makes me glad I have nothing to do with that whole scene.
 
#198
Steadfast said:
Except the OP put in his dilemma the Worship team. That is HUGE a problem in church. If you don't understand Worship Team Unity---I get it...it is a real church killer.

I have been a Worship Pastor....this is a problem he needs to consider. I don't care about what you really think...the OP opined the problem and I am directing my experience towards him.
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With all due respect, I've spent a great deal of time in Worship Teams, and I don't think this really warrants a major place in this conversation. The theology of this decision also definitely doesn't need to be on TB and we would appreciate if you respected the rules and left it out. You want to talk social dynamics because you think it's a necessity? So be it. Religion? 'Fraid not sir.
 
#199
Steadfast said:
So--why did the OP ask about that angle. Again--do you believe you can separate being a Christian from certain aspects of your life?
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I'm saying that you don't have to separate from being a Christian to take a job that another Christian, even a friend, is being fired from. In fact, if he should get it, the other guy should wish him well on his new gig. That would be the Christian thing to do.
 
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