Professional courtesy? Or every man for himself?

[MDBass]

So if you had the opportunity to sleep with the hot wife of an acquaintance, would you?
She says she's going to leave him soon anyway.

What an absurd false equivalence and weak ad homenim attempt.

But if that's the game you want to play, the wife would already be an ex wife due to spousal issues that had nothing to do with you.

So yes, I would pursue a relationship in that case if the chemistry was good, because morality is no longer part of the equation.

 

[iTzPrime]

So if you had the opportunity to sleep with the hot wife of an acquaintance, would you?
She says she's going to leave him soon anyway.

I am sorry, but that is comparing apples to oranges.

Firing a bass player for not being the right fit isn't "backstabbery", it's just how the business works; replacing someone who has been let go for reasons totally unrelated to you is the most normal thing in the world.

If you avoided any gigs that involved replacing someone else, you'd never gig at all aside from with bands you started from the ground up; that's not a viable career choice.

Completly agree! Even if you don't do it as a career, replacing people you know will happen, unless you are living in a big city.
Being in a small city and in the metal scene, it is completly normal to replace and get replaced by friend. And they don't get the idea of telling you, chances are high they wouldn't get the gig if they do so.

No such thing is happening in any way.
It's happening as much as Karma does.

To add: She wants to replace the bassist, either you get a potential nice gig or another guy does.

 

[BassAndReeds]

View attachment 1105743

Says the sociopath in the gif.

 

[BassAndReeds]

What an absurd false equivalence and weak ad homenim attempt.

But if that's the game you want to play, the wife would already be an ex wife due to spousal issues that had nothing to do with you.

So yes, I would pursue a relationship in that case if the chemistry was good, because morality is no longer part of the equation.

Who said anything about a relationship? I thought I was just getting it in?

 

[RickyWoo]

If you don't care about my initial post, then you miss my whole point.

Much of what I posted isn't aimed agianst OP but other people who posted opinions on what he should do.

So that will mean you are fine with me picking out stuff I disagree with from your posts out of context, just so that I can get a controversy going with you.

Not to say that I will, just find that as a tad strange attitude.

What in the world are you talking about? If I called forum members "dicks" and the like, yes, by all means start a controversy with me. I have not wavered from context, aside from calling you out on a now deleted post. I have stuck to the context. Have a good one, man.

 

[Steadfast]

This why the music bidness sux and so many musicians are miserable. Don't know how to do life right.

Good luck.

 

[MDBass]

Who said anything about a relationship? I thought I was just getting it in?

If the question becomes "would you have a one night stand with a single woman you find attractive who happened to be previously married to someone you know in passing" it only becomes more ridiculous, and is still an equally baseless comparison with the OP's situation.

 

[NoiseNinja]

What in the world are you talking about? If I called forum members "dicks" and the like, yes, by all means start a controversy with me. I have not wavered from context, aside from calling you out on a now deleted post. I have stuck to the context. Have a good one, man.

For your information it was the admins that deleted that post, so there is no real calling out, it was plain for all to see.

I am happy I made you feel like a hero for pointing out the obvious bad guy of whatever action movie is going on in your head.

 

[Nev375]

Firing a bass player for not being the right fit isn't "backstabbery", it's just how the business works; replacing someone who has been let go for reasons totally unrelated to you is the most normal thing in the world.

If you avoided any gigs that involved replacing someone else, you'd never gig at all aside from with bands you started from the ground up; that's not a viable career choice.

The thing is, he hasn't been let go, yet. And that's important, because if she doesn't have a replacement lined up she might not fire him.
As long as he still has a position, he has a chance to improve and change her mind. The decision is still between her and him.

By agreeing to step in before she has committed to the idea. She doesn't have to risk the band having any down time auditioning new bassists. You become involved in the decision of him losing his gig. That decision becomes, at least partially, your fault.

 

[Ox Boris]

"If you really want the job, then I think the right thing to do is to talk with the singer (aka bandleader), and tell her that you are in fact really interested, but that you need to talk with the bass player of her band first explaining the situation, since he is your friend!"

Are you attempting to say, after all your moral preaching over 8 pages so far, that your advice is to talk to the bandleader and, I'm just guessing here, gauge her reaction to saying that you're going to talk to the Bass player and NOT do so if she baulks?
In simpler terms, are you saying that at no point have you or do you advocate speaking to the Bass player first, or without the BL's OK, or any number of other ways of putting what everyone has clearly been talking about?

Because this entire conversation (the one revolving around you) has been joined by both you and everyone else upon the premise that you think that the very next thing that should happen, regardless of the BL, is for the OP to inform the Bass player of the conversation.

Was that the point of your post? Because, if not, all we're left with is this vacuous Strawman:

Does it mean something like: "If a complete stranger told you that he was going to rob your friend (well acquaintances) in all confidentiality and give you half the money giving you didn't tell anyone, then you would keep it a secret to protect the strangers confidentiality"?

 

[FenderB]

Doesn't this happen in most all bands that are moving up, or trying to? The lesser skilled players get replaced by better players. It's your turn, good luck.

 

[MDBass]

The thing is, he hasn't been let go, yet. And that's important, because if she doesn't have a replacement lined up she might not fire him.
As long as he still has a position, he has a chance to improve and change her mind. The decision is still between her and him.

By agreeing to step in before she has committed to the idea. She doesn't have to risk the band having any down time auditioning new bassists. You become involved in the decision of him losing his gig. That decision becomes, at least partially, your fault.

No, it doesn't.

She doesn't like the current bassist's style; that's not something you can "improve", it's just a personal preference.

Either the OP gets the gig or someone else will, it's really that simple; claiming otherwise, and going so far as to equate the situation to sleeping with a married woman, pretty clearly demonstrates your inexperience in this dynamic.

 

[NoiseNinja]

Are you attempting to say, after all your moral preaching over 8 pages so far, that your advice is to talk to the bandleader and, I'm just guessing here, gauge her reaction to saying that you're going to talk to the Bass player and NOT do so if she baulks?
In simpler terms, are you saying that at no point have you or do you advocate speaking to the Bass player first, or without the BL's OK, or any number of other ways of putting what everyone has clearly been talking about?

Because this entire conversation (the one revolving around you) has been joined by both you and everyone else upon the premise that you think that the very next thing that should happen, regardless of the BL, is for the OP to inform the Bass player of the conversation.

I am saying what I am saying and have done so the whole time, I am not the one trying to find hidden clues to point out the motives for my crime.

Keep twisting my words out of the context and I am sure you'll get far, seems to be a quality that is much appreciated these days.

But I'll say it one last time, most of my posts was aimed at other peoples advises to OP, not OP himself.

And I am not preaching, I am just advocating my personal opinion like everyone else seems to be doing anyway.

Sorry that passion for your believes is not a popular quality.

 

[RickyWoo]

For your information it was the admins that deleted that post, so there is no real calling out, it was plain for all to see.

I am happy I made you feel like a hero for pointing out the obvious bad guy of whatever action movie is going on in your head.

Uh huh...

So you aren't going to get a controversy going with me, but you are going to get a controversy going with me? You're not much of a friendly character for riding a moral high horse the right way. Saying you're in the wrong for name calling forum members names because they too have an opinion doesn't make me a hero. It means I've committed an act of human decency. This is beyond stupid. Good day.

 

[funkinbottom]

Bottom line. Singer wants to replace bass player. OP needs to decide whether he wants the gig or not. If he does, IMO and experience, there is nothing immoral or unethical about it whatsoever. It's life, and sometimes people get a little hurt. If they're healthy people they'll learn and grow from it

This ^ It seems that vocalist/BL wants new bassist. If you want the gig, just say yes with a clear conscious, knowing there is no wrong doing on your part. I'm guessing you've been playing for some time and have been on both sides of the coin? I know in all my years, I have. Not only have I had my feelings hurt, (been replaced by one of my best friends) but have also had to "fire the drummer" do to personality conflicts, who is a very good friend. They were like"'he's your friend, he'll take it best from you." Not a fun place to be in. However, as Joe said above, healthy people grow from these experiences. We're all still friends and laugh about it today. Hell, we all still give each other crap about "the time you stole my gig" or "remember, I fired you once, I'll do it again."

Bottom line....... There is no bad on you. You are obviously a good person. You have concern/compassion for a fellow human, a good trait. But the fact remains, it is her idea to make the switch, not yours. If she is offering you the spot, there were problems long before that day. You didn't go to a jam with the intention of taking some ones gig. So take the gig and sleep well. Who knows, he may replace you some day down the road.

If you took out all the immature dicks in the music biz? There'd be no music biz.

I think Hunter S. Thompson said it best.

“The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.”

 

[NoiseNinja]

Uh huh...

So you aren't going to get a controversy going with me, but you are going to get a controversy going with me? You're not much of a friendly character for riding a moral high horse the right way.

Yeah, try writing down a manuscript and a screenplay based on this thread, with you staring as the hero and me as the bad guy, send it to some big shot producer in Hollywood and see if they'll buy it.

Who know you might be sitting on pure gold.

 

[RickyWoo]

Yeah, try writing down a manuscript and a screenplay based on this thread, with you staring as the hero and me as the bad guy, send it to some big shot producer in Hollywood and see if they'll buy it.

Who know you might be sitting on pure gold.

Go tell it on the mountain. Your moral compass will surely guide you there.

 

[Ox Boris]

I am saying what I am saying and have done so the whole time

Which is...?
Clarify for me. Humour me. Be as pithy as you like.
Or just answer this: Do you think that the very next thing that should happen, regardless of the BL, is for the OP to inform the Bass player of the conversation?

Because if you don't you should say so; and everyone one can stop talking to you as if you do. If you do, then good, everyone's on track, including you.

 

[Buster Brown]

Until she finds someone more experienced than you.

Seems to me that the singer could tell the guy that he needs to step up his game. Give him some examples of what she wants and let him give it a go. If he is unable to play like she wants then he fires himself.

I guess that's too HR for the music business.

Indeed. What usually happens is that she kicks the guy out - brings the other guy in and when she sees the "next guy" he (the "other" guy) is told to hit the bricks.

I have a good friend who was offered a gig with an up and comer young lady with a Nashville contract. He jumped at the chance (we ALL would). About 4 weeks later he was fired. Why? She claimed he didn't "fit her idea" of a "country" musician. A few days later, the guitarist was fired and soon after, the drummer.

All replaced with other guys. Those guys were fired in a matter of months and it started all over again. It wasn't the guys in the band - it was the young lady. Welcome to show business.

 

[AdamX]

Well, if she's not happy, she should just can that guy. Then you can "audition" for the part. All's fair, and no hard feelings.