Professional courtesy? Or every man for himself?

[Lvjoebass]

Its kinda not your place to talk to your pal. What if she is offended by your infringement on her leadership of her band? I once had a drummer had done several projects together tell me his
Bl was going to ask me to join so I jumped the gun, asked BL for list..he fired the drummer for intervening in his leadership! Let her make the moves of her own accord.

 

[40Hz]

Just remember that conversations at parties are just people talking most times. And "implied she might be interested" isn't the same thing as an actual job offer, even if it feels like one. (She does have charisma, as you mentioned previously.)

Did she ask for your contact info?

I'd wait for the phone call before I counted my chickens or decided what to say to my pal. Because there's a 50-50 chance it won't come.

FWIW I've been in similar social situations where a "cozy conversation" led me to believe something was definitely in the works. And better than half the time I never heard from the person again.

But that's my experience. YMMV.

Luck!

 

[Kmonk]

She obviously isn't happy with the other guy's playing. If you don't take the gig someone else will. Go for it.

 

[ZAR14]

If she's asking you to come "on-board", sounds like he may already be on his way out. Possibly she needs a replacement due to "His" own decision to leave or her decision to remove him.
Either way, something was probably going on before you....

 

[brianrost]

I've been the guy who got replaced by a friend who plays better than I do...more than once. No hard feelings all around.

If you want to play with this woman, follow up with her and see it's a real offer first.

 

[interp]

Jobs are not taken away, jobs are given away. Do what's best for you.

 

[bearhart74]

Tell her you want the gig and tell her you intend to speak to your friend.
If she asks tell her exactly why.
If she balks after that then bail because she might decide one day that she found someone better than you and it will be a surprise when they inform you you have been sacked.

 

[NoiseNinja]

Tell her you want the gig and tell her you intend to speak to your friend.
If she asks tell her exactly why.
If she balks after that then bail because she might decide one day that she found someone better than you and it will be a surprise when they inform you you have been sacked.

Pretty much that!

Or could be she's just shy and it is her way of telling you she has the major hots for you and wants to sleep with you and have your babies.

Seriously though, I would feel bad too by stealing my friends job, but as others have said if she is on the look out for another man to fill the job his days are numbered anyway.

However I am not into dictatorship, so would probably have thanked no anyway, personally, and also be concerned what would happen if she found someone better than you.

Anyway, if you really want the job, the right way to go about it would be telling her that you are interested, but that her current bass player is your friend and you simply need to have a talk with him about it first, and then go talk to him about it.

 

[turf3]

Just remember that conversations at parties are just people talking most times. And "implied she might be interested" isn't the same thing as an actual job offer, even if it feels like one. (She does have charisma, as you mentioned previously.)

Did she ask for your contact info?

I'd wait for the phone call before I counted my chickens or decided what to say to my pal. Because there's a 50-50 chance it won't come.

FWIW I've been in similar social situations where a "cozy conversation" led me to believe something was definitely in the works. And better than half the time I never heard from the person again.

But that's my experience. YMMV.

Luck!

I agree. Don't jump the gun. I too have been complimented, with suggestions of getting called for a new project, or whatever, and then nothing. In fact, I would say that at-the-gig alcohol fueled potential hire conversations have turned into anything greater than a big fat zero, MMAAAYYYYYBBEEEE 20% of the time.

Don't forget too, that a lot of times you answer a call for what you think is a working viable band and it turns out to be something far less viable and sustainable (you know, the bluesy singer with lots of paying gigs wants to do a side project consisting of a tribute to the solo work of Yoko Ono...)

So, since the chance of anything ever actually happening is probably less than 50%, just file it away and be pleasantly surprised if the singer ever contacts you, and figure out what to do about it then.

Beside that, she liked something you were doing better than something the other guy was doing, at the moment. Get yourself, her, and the rest of a band in a rehearsal room for a few hours under alcohol-free careful scrutiny, and she might find that you don't fill the bill either (not a dig at your playing, obviously, I have no idea about it, but sometimes it just isn't a fit). Until you actually pass an audition and are offered your friend's spot, I would just wait and see.

 

[lfmn16]

This will sound callous but, if she's looking for a new bassist your buddy is a dead man walking anyway... go for it.

+1

You're not trying to date your best friend's girl friend, you're being offered a job. Unless there is a legally binding contract, an artist is free to have whoever they want back them up. Someone is going to get the job, it might as well be you.

 

[StraffordMike]

Thanks all! First off no one, my wife included, of the opposite sex wants to sleep with me!!
Second, she is quite aware of the fact that the other bassist and myself know each other.
Not that I'm trying justify bad behavior on my part but I wouldn't say that we( the other guy and myself) are"friends". We know each other from church, share a common love for making music, but it's not like we associate outside of church or the worship band. We like each other but acquaintances fits better than friends.

 

[NoiseNinja]

+1

You're not trying to date your best friend's girl friend, you're being offered a job. Unless there is a legally binding contract, an artist is free to have whoever they want back them up. Someone is going to get the job, it might as well be you.

It's not just for the sake of the joke professionals talk about being in a band together is like a relationship or even a marriage!

The point being no matter how you try to excuse it OP is not only stealing his friends job but also stabbing him in the back, either way potentially hurting his feelings, that is unless he go talk with him first.

Thanks all! First off no one, my wife included, of the opposite sex wants to sleep with me!!
Second, she is quite aware of the fact that the other bassist and myself know each other.
Not that I'm trying justify bad behavior on my part but I wouldn't say that we( the other guy and myself) are"friends". We know each other from church, share a common love for making music, but it's not like we associate outside of church or the worship band. We like each other but acquaintances fits better than friends.

Well, that change the situation a little.

Still the right thing to do would be telling the singer that you need to talk to her bass player first, but that you are definitely interested.

 

[RichardW]

You say it's her band and she's in charge. If that's so, she is responsible for firing her current bassist and hiring you. You're not responsible for that. It's too bad for your buddy, but that's the breaks. I say you can go for it with no sense of guilt.

 

[lfmn16]

Still the right thing to do, would be telling the singer that you need to talk to her bass player first, but that you are definitely interested.

Sorry, I have to disagree; It's not the OP's place to tell her bass player that he's being replaced. What if they decide it's not a good fit and the original bass player quits? As long as she terminates him professionally, personnel decisions are nobody's business.

People get replaced in bands all the time. I don't get the hand-wringing and back-stabbing comments. Also, we have no idea what might be going on behind the scenes that she doesn't want to talk about.

 

[MOEBASSPLAYER]

Who's to say you won't be in "the current bassist's " shoes if you take the gig? Maybe this woman, knowing she is a talented female vocalist, goes through musicians like they are throw-away commodities. Not saying she will, just find out first.

 

[Steadfast]

Tell her you are ready as soon as she either fires the other bassist or when he quits.

 

[StraffordMike]

Good attempt to run from your responsibilities, by shoveling your choice on somebody else shoulders!

That is just so wrong!

I could come with several examples of the same attitude from history of mankind, but I'd rather not, as that would probably be blowing things out of proportions.

All I say is that those balls of yours must be tiny!

It's still OP's choice.



That doesn't mean you get to be an immature dick about it though.

If I wasn't concerned over the potential downsides I wouldn't have come here looking for opinions.
If you took out all the immature dicks in the music biz? There'd be no music biz.
I've been on the receiving end so I'm quite aware of being professional and respecting other people in my business dealings, and I'm sure that whichever way this goes, someone is gonna feel cheated. It's unfortunate but true. I value the opinions I get on here, I've never felt like I was steered in the wrong direction.
I've made it clear to her that I'm interested and left it at that. The ball is in her court.

 

[NoiseNinja]

If I wasn't concerned over the potential downsides I wouldn't have come here looking for opinions.
If you took out all the immature dicks in the music biz? There'd be no music biz.
I've been on the receiving end so I'm quite aware of being professional and respecting other people in my business dealings, and I'm sure that whichever way this goes, someone is gonna feel cheated. It's unfortunate but true. I value the opinions I get on here, I've never felt like I was steered in the wrong direction.
I've made it clear to her that I'm interested and left it at that. The ball is in her court.

Well, my comments weren't really aimed at you, but at the people I am quoting in that post.

Anyway seems like you are in relatively control of the situation, and handles it with an appropriate amount of care

Good luck, however it turns out.

 

[lfmn16]

That doesn't mean you get to be an immature dick about it though.

The fact that someone doesn't agree with you doesn't make them an immature dick.

Welcome to the fastest growing club on TB - my ignore list.

 

[gln1955]

Until she finds someone more experienced than you.

Seems to me that the singer could tell the guy that he needs to step up his game. Give him some examples of what she wants and let him give it a go. If he is unable to play like she wants then he fires himself.

I guess that's too HR for the music business.

I agree, but how do we know she hasn't done that. Maybe he won't or can't improve enough to do play like she wants. Maybe there are other problems between them that she is professional enough not to blab to the OP.

There's so much we don't know here. If I were the OP, I'd have a chat with her other band members. Does she have a history of churning players through her band, always looking for someone better? Is she overly critical of everyone? Does she have other issues that make her hard to get along with?

If the answers to those questions are satisfactory, and the singer makes him an offer, the OP should NOT talk to the other guy before he gets fired. The other guy is not a close friend and no one needs to hear that they are going to get the axe from a casual aquaintance, especially when that aquaintance is taking their job. Let the singer do the dirty work. If all this makes the relationship between the OP and other bass player awkward, well, that's how life goes sometimes.