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Quitting / Firing via Text Message Acceptable Now?

#201
dalkowski said:
And somewhat wise, one would hope.

No offense taken, ever. We are what we are.
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Exactly! I agree that I am a much better version of myself at 60 and hopefully wiser. Agreed. But every generation likes to judge the next. Thinks the younger one is weaker. Our parents thought we were soft. Their parents probably thought they were soft. I think it’s just different worlds we grow up in. Hopefully we leave our kids better worlds. My 24 year old twin boys are awesome young men. I couldn’t be more proud of them. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve seen them talk on a phone lol. They probably couldn’t figure out how to use a rotary dial phone lol. This whole idea that it’s more professional and more macho somehow to quit face to face it’s just a generational thing. For us as kids we communicated face to face or picked up the one rotary dial party line phone on the wall in the kitchen with the long cord that was always hopelessly tangled up and spoke to our friends and made a plan where to meet. Or spoke to our girlfriends about nothing for hours on it. The younger people don’t do that lol. That would be akin to me and you making a loaf of bread from scratch and then churning our own butter and eating a lard sandwich or maybe a liverwurst sandwich. Mmmm. Kids don’t eat liverwurst! Lol. They don’t talk on the phone. As opposed to a lot of us old people seeing it though the lens of my amazing kids I think this generation is awesome and I wish I had an IPhone and the internet when we were kids so I could text with my friends (and band mates) and have Apple Music playlist and songs to share with said phone/internet while I was playing Madden on my flat screen OLED tv. I mean cmon lol. The old days weren’t always as good as we remember them through our rose colored glasses.
 
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#203
Michael Favata said:
Exactly! I agree that I am a much better version of myself at 60 and hopefully wiser. Agreed. But every generation likes to judge the next. Thinks the younger one is weaker. Our parents thought we were soft. Their parents probably thought they were soft. I think it’s just different worlds we grow up in. Hopefully we leave our kids better worlds. My 24 year old twin boys are awesome young men. I couldn’t be more proud of them. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve seen them talk on a phone lol. They probably couldn’t figure out how to use a rotary dial phone lol. This whole idea that it’s more professional and more macho somehow to quit face to face it’s just a generational thing. For us as kids we communicated face to face or picked up the one rotary dial party line phone on the wall in the kitchen with the long cord that was always hopelessly tangled up and spoke to our friends and made a plan where to meet. Or spoke to our girlfriends about nothing for hours on it. The younger people don’t do that lol. That would be akin to me and you making a loaf of bread from scratch and then churning our own butter and eating a lard sandwich or maybe a liverwurst sandwich. Mmmm. Kids don’t eat liverwurst! Lol. They don’t talk on the phone. As opposed to a lot of us old people seeing it though the lens of my amazing kids I think this generation is awesome and I wish I had an IPhone and the internet when we were kids so I could text with my friends (and band mates) and have Apple Music playlist and songs to share with said phone/internet while I was playing Madden on my flat screen OLED tv. I mean cmon lol. The old days weren’t always as good as we remember them through our rose colored glasses.
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"I was young and foolish then / I'm old and foolish now"
- They Might Me Giants
 
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#204
mike o said:
Yes. It is OK as long as you give them time for a replacement.
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Perhaps this has been noted before but you raise the very good point that the context of the quitting really matters.

I already posted at length about how there are (or should be) different standards for quitting vs firing (in short: when quitting you watch out for yourself and your reputation vs firing where you should typically accommodate the feelings of the one being fired), but the context matters alot also. Are you leaving them in a tight situation? A brief text might not be enough. A conversation might be necessary in order to properly express regret and perhaps to share contacts for some subs. Maybe a very long text message could do the same, but I'm not sure.

Logistics are also a big thing. Alot of us have to travel a good distance (or just a long time in traffic for city dwellers) to get to a practice space or to meetup with band members. "In-person" is often functionally simply a case of wasted time and added effort for all involved. If someone has to come to the rehearsal space to pickup their gear, a text firing might (depending on the situation) might make it extremely awkward and be seen as disrespectful. If there's no gear pickup involved, a text is a fine way to quit, and an email or call could be a fine way to fire.
 
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#205
Michael Favata said:
Who decides what’s professional? You? Is there a band etiquette committee somewhere? Again I think this is a generational conversation we’re having. Young people may think it’s perfectly “professional” to notify their band mates they are leaving by text. Are young people not able to be professional because of the way they communicate? The older you are the less likely your going to think that’s ok. It’s directly correlated. I think the important thing is not the mode of communication it’s the idea that you live up to whatever commitments or obligations you have made regardless of how that’s communicated.
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We each decide for ourselves, but what I see more often than not, is that professionalism isn't given sufficient consideration. This is not a generational thing although perhaps "wisdom with years" is a factor. Quitting the "wrong" way has the potential to damage your personal brand. If you are acting professional, you're thinking about this. Better still, you're thinking about how to quit and maintain positive connections. Most successful people I know behave this way naturally. I do agree that there's a generational scale to the medium, but clarity and thoughtfulness in what you say is universal, regardless of what the text loving/phone fearing younger generation may think. Certainly, living up to commitments and obligations is definitely an aspect of being professional.
 
#206
44me said:
We each decide for ourselves, but what I see more often than not, is that professionalism isn't given sufficient consideration. This is not a generational thing although perhaps "wisdom with years" is a factor. Quitting the "wrong" way has the potential to damage your personal brand. If you are acting professional, you're thinking about this. Better still, you're thinking about how to quit and maintain positive connections. Most successful people I know behave this way naturally. I do agree that there's a generational scale to the medium, but clarity and thoughtfulness in what you say is universal, regardless of what the text loving/phone fearing younger generation may think. Certainly, living up to commitments and obligations is definitely an aspect of being professional.
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I can’t disagree with a lot of what you say here. I think a lot of people on this question missed the point. The question was is it ever acceptable to quit by text. You mention clarity and thoughtfulness. I agree. That people should think about how to quit and about maintaining positive connections when doing it. I agree. That people should live up to commitments and obligations. Absolutely! But why does that mean you can’t accomplish all of that by text? That’s just a generational thought process of people who are generally old.
I was in a GC last night and it was slow. 3 young dudes in there. I’m 60. I’m guessing 2 were early 20s one late 20s. I told them about this conversation. Two of them busted out laughing. That’s just old man thinking to them. We had a good conversation. They would not disagree with the points you make. But they feel in some situations in can be properly done by text. Not all. But some. They agreed it would be unacceptable to leave a band on short notice with commitments on the calendar whatever the manner in which it’s communicated. But this is their world. It’s digital. It’s on phones. It’s communicating in text. I’m not going to judge this generation by how they communicate. They are no less of a man and I’m no more of a man or a professional for that matter just because they communicate in a different manner than I generally do. The bottom line is however you communicate do it the right way.
 
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#207
I prefer voice to voice for stuff like this, but I realize people are using texts for all kinds of things these days, and it can be awkward to tell someone you are "breaking up" with them.

For me it depends on the depth of the relationship. If I was with a group for years and we'd done a lot together, I'd rather see people quit face to face. If they had just joined and found it wasn't for them, I'd be OK with a text.
 
#209
If you're quitting by text odds are the band you're quitting will find it acceptable because it is a generational thing. In most cases, band mates will be close to the same age. If a 20-30 year old is quitting a band of 50-60 year olds it would be nice if they took that into account and dropped a phone call on the old folks unless they happen to be particularly current. Or not.
 
#211
I left a band a couple of months ago via text. The band was started in November 2019, just before Covid. Then Covid happened. We got together a few times in summer of 2020 but no gigs. Then our area went through a brutal lock down from basically October 2020 to May/June 2021. No one from outside your house could enter. Hence, no rehearsals.

The guitar player left in February of 2021. The singer/BL kept saying he had other guitar players lined up but it seemed like there was no firm commitment. I decided the project had lost its momentum and it was time to move on. The drive to quit in person would have been an hour one way. I wasn't doing that. I texted the BL and drummer that I was out. Most of our communication through the life of the band had been via text. I never thought twice about leaving that way. Girlfriend/wife..... now that's a different story!
 
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#212
If I'm a side guy doing the thing for cash and prizes and I get a text that they found a full-time guy. No worries. I expect that could happen.

If I am "in the band", then I know what's going on and would have made a preemptive move to say something to either address it or ask if they would prefer to work with someone else?

If it's another player, I will always talk with them for the group. I don't truck with no sissies!
 
#213
fu22ba55 said:
I'm an old man.

I remember when Rush's Moving Pictures was their "new" record. I remember waiting to make phone calls in the evening becasue "the rates went down."

So... I've always assumed quitting the band, and/or firing members is something that should ALWAYS be done face-to-face: schedule a meeting for beers and drop the news, or drop the news at the beginning of a rehearsal.

But now that we all carry nano-super-computers on our pockets, etc... I've QUIT one band via SMS, and also had members give notice and quit via SMS.

Is this acceptable now?

I think quitting is probabaly a little more acceptable than firing via text-message?
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You think you're old? Harry Truman was still President when I was born, and I clearly remember the night Buddy Holly died. And, while I can (reluctantly) accept that this ain't really my world anymore, I most definitely think it's pretty rude to conduct every interaction with every person on the planet on a stupid cell phone. I'm really hoping I don't live long enough to see an Idiocracy world, where people are not only idiots, but incapable of talking to each other face to face. Which makes my skin crawl just thinking about it...:rollno::rollno:
 
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#217
3Liter said:
Are you the hired hand? If so, what's the issue (other than the time you wasted and opportunity costs)?. At least they told you and you didn't show up to the venue and it was cancelled.
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The issue was simply no class, as in what the thread is about. I am out 80 miles in auto costs for driving to rehearsal, rejearsal time plus learning 80 songs (mostly reuseable, no complaints there)
 
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#218
fu22ba55 said:
I'm an old man.

I remember when Rush's Moving Pictures was their "new" record. I remember waiting to make phone calls in the evening becasue "the rates went down."

So... I've always assumed quitting the band, and/or firing members is something that should ALWAYS be done face-to-face: schedule a meeting for beers and drop the news, or drop the news at the beginning of a rehearsal.

But now that we all carry nano-super-computers on our pockets, etc... I've QUIT one band via SMS, and also had members give notice and quit via SMS.

Is this acceptable now?

I think quitting is probabaly a little more acceptable than firing via text-message?
Click to expand...

This is what the thread was about…..
 

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