T. B. Player said:
Yep!
At least keep in touch with the drummer and play with him to keep your chops. Hit some jams and see what sane musicians approach you.
Hang in there,
DCat
Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
Quitting Music
- Thread starter PinkFloydDan
- Start date
Yep!
At least keep in touch with the drummer and play with him to keep your chops. Hit some jams and see what sane musicians approach you.
Hang in there,
DCat
Simply put...
Bands = Drama
So I understand your pain. I'm glad to hear you aren't selling everything. Keep playing but take a break from bands for a while and recharge. I have been out of bands for a while now, maybe 3.5 years and I'm just starting to toy with the idea again. Funny coincidence - a guitarist I used to play with a LONG time ago just apologized to me for stuff that happened maybe 7 years ago. That was something - didn't really change anything mind you, it was sureal tho.
Chin up and all that,
Good luck!
Bands = Drama
So I understand your pain. I'm glad to hear you aren't selling everything. Keep playing but take a break from bands for a while and recharge. I have been out of bands for a while now, maybe 3.5 years and I'm just starting to toy with the idea again. Funny coincidence - a guitarist I used to play with a LONG time ago just apologized to me for stuff that happened maybe 7 years ago. That was something - didn't really change anything mind you, it was sureal tho.
Chin up and all that,
Good luck!
Shanti Cat--Hey neighbor!! Good to see ya again on TB. We should meet up some day.
I've got some decent news. You guys kept my spirit good--I called Anthony Wellington, some may know him some may not, but he lives about 1.5 hours from me. He agreed to give me weekly lessons at his home on Sundays.
Hell yes. Wow. This guy tours with Victor Wooten! Holy.
I am going to concentrate on my chops for a few months and then I might--MIGHT--venture out for a new band, but man, I just don't know.
Thanks all so much. I appreciate all the positive energy.
I've got some decent news. You guys kept my spirit good--I called Anthony Wellington, some may know him some may not, but he lives about 1.5 hours from me. He agreed to give me weekly lessons at his home on Sundays.
Hell yes. Wow. This guy tours with Victor Wooten! Holy.
I am going to concentrate on my chops for a few months and then I might--MIGHT--venture out for a new band, but man, I just don't know. Thanks all so much. I appreciate all the positive energy.
PinkFloydDan said:
Sounds like a good idea.
There are good bands, and there are bad ones. I got thrown out of my last band for not being "committed", after having missed a practice (I did call everyone well in advance to tell them I couldn't be there). Never mind that I was IN THE HOSPITAL, and had the hospital bill to prove it.... I wasn't "committed".
Couldn't be happier about it now, as it freed me up to hook up with some great guys who have NO drama whatsoever. In fact, we sometimes sit around and trade stories about the jerks we've had to deal with in the past. We appreciate each other, because we've all dealt with those idiots in the past.
Work on your skills, and keep an eye open for the RIGHT band situation. You'll know it when you see it.
Glad to hear you've gotten a slot with the man. He's an amazing player, for sure.
Hey listen, while you're taking lessons with this visionary, though, don't lose track of the goal at the end of it all--playing with others to make enjoyable music. You can go out anytime you want and join a band--don't fall into the trap of "I just need to shed a few more months, then I'll be ready for another band." You've got a bass. If your heart says go play, go play.
Hey listen, while you're taking lessons with this visionary, though, don't lose track of the goal at the end of it all--playing with others to make enjoyable music. You can go out anytime you want and join a band--don't fall into the trap of "I just need to shed a few more months, then I'll be ready for another band." You've got a bass. If your heart says go play, go play.
Come on man, you are in your 30's. You know you are going to encounter jerks in every walk of your personal life. I'm sure you wouldn't quit writing if your editor was a jerk. You might find another gig, and that's what you ought to do here.
I've got a degree in journalism too. One thing you know is true is that the written word is extremely powerful but it lacks nonverbal nuances that give us clues as to sarcasm, inflection etc. It's real easy for them to snowball into something they weren't meant to be. It's absolutely the worst way to communicate any type of criticism because empathy is virtually impossible to convey. You were right on about a phone call being the way to go.
Add a chip on his shoulder prima donna flakey musician to the mix and you got band drama.
There's always a better gig! Keep on truckin.
I've got a degree in journalism too. One thing you know is true is that the written word is extremely powerful but it lacks nonverbal nuances that give us clues as to sarcasm, inflection etc. It's real easy for them to snowball into something they weren't meant to be. It's absolutely the worst way to communicate any type of criticism because empathy is virtually impossible to convey. You were right on about a phone call being the way to go.
Add a chip on his shoulder prima donna flakey musician to the mix and you got band drama.
There's always a better gig! Keep on truckin.
Fifteen years ago I quit giging to have time with my kids. I took studio gigs that I could do during the day or at other times of convience. Now, the kids are grown and basically dealing with playing their own gigs, so I joined a band and I'm out a couple of weekends a month. It feels good. Real good.
In the time I was off I realized some things about people and how they deal with problems. No need for long stories here, but I'll just say that the leader of the band I'm with will get totally pissed about something that doesn't go right and call the rhythm sections a bunch of M--F--R's and stuff like that. Years ago that would have sent me out the door in a second. But I learned that anger and passion and love are really close to the same thing. The opposite of love is not anger... the opposite of love is appathy. So, when this leader goes off on his things, I just listen, cause I know its because he cares about the music, and then quietly work out a way to make sure the problem doesn't come up again.
You can't change people, but you can change the way you react to them. As long as there is energy working towards some kind of goal, there is an answer.
In the time I was off I realized some things about people and how they deal with problems. No need for long stories here, but I'll just say that the leader of the band I'm with will get totally pissed about something that doesn't go right and call the rhythm sections a bunch of M--F--R's and stuff like that. Years ago that would have sent me out the door in a second. But I learned that anger and passion and love are really close to the same thing. The opposite of love is not anger... the opposite of love is appathy. So, when this leader goes off on his things, I just listen, cause I know its because he cares about the music, and then quietly work out a way to make sure the problem doesn't come up again.
You can't change people, but you can change the way you react to them. As long as there is energy working towards some kind of goal, there is an answer.
Wow, that was a post that hit me hard. Well said, man.
I tried hard to just be cool with the guy, the entire month, but I didn't handle it over time well and certainly regret sending out my emails; but I couldn't get the guy on the phone. Poor decision on my part. I regret it.
But, I stand by what I said in those emails
I tried hard to just be cool with the guy, the entire month, but I didn't handle it over time well and certainly regret sending out my emails; but I couldn't get the guy on the phone. Poor decision on my part. I regret it.
But, I stand by what I said in those emails
BassChuck said:
i will 100% agree with everyone here. dont give it up. if you would like to read something that will definitely give you a chuckle and a glimpse into other "musicians" psyches. look at the local DC "musicians" page of craigs list from today and yesterday. check out the "ode to the originals" post and all of the replies...
guess what? thats my roommates band. i dont know whether to laugh or cry at the original posts and the responses. it's so rediculous.
anyways, dont give up something that you have enjoyed for three years. musicians/artists have tough skin and rightly so.
and i, too, find BassChucks post very insightful. in fact, "the opposite of love is apathy" bit should be a bumper sticker.
guess what? thats my roommates band. i dont know whether to laugh or cry at the original posts and the responses. it's so rediculous.
anyways, dont give up something that you have enjoyed for three years. musicians/artists have tough skin and rightly so.
and i, too, find BassChucks post very insightful. in fact, "the opposite of love is apathy" bit should be a bumper sticker.
PinkFloydDan said:I agree AJ. I fully admitted I was a bit harsh in my anger, but this was over a month's time a series of things that led to my cuss-ladened email.
I'd really be dorky to discuss it here. All I can say is I have a very stressfull day job as a journalist. To get a pressure filled email with him overeacting on my publishing day just really put me at the edge so I emailed him to BACK THE F OFF and please just let me learn the bass lines.
It was just petty drama stuff, that's the best I can describe it right now. I just want to jam, play some gigs, laugh and have fun. And for the most part we were.
I was prepared to discuss the problems with him and he decided to boot me. It was a double standard because I never called him names. He made some name calling at me. It's all drama. He was just stressing me out over petty things and he wouldn't listen to me. I was practicing HOURS a day trying to learn their songs. I had 30 songs down, 1 a day, really, which is just pretty darn good for my talent level.
It's hard to explain how it happened to outsiders. I'm the bad guy. Whatever. I just want to forget about it and sell all my stuff but the basic. I am done with bands. I am 32. I am not getting younger. I started bass 3 years ago.
I feel like if I met these people as people and not bandmates, none of this would have happened. That's what bothers me. It's hard to make friends in the South and being from NY, they get so offended with the word F8CK. That was the first word I said in life
It was just poor communicating--he prefered email to do business and I hated it and said I hated it. He said he wasn;t good over phones.
Whatever. I actually feel better and pressure free now. Like I said, I just plan to take some serious lessons and see what I can do with my talents. I never rule anything out, but this left a horrible taste in my mouth because although i was ready to admit I should have held off on my angry filled email, there just is no need to even get to that level of anger in a music setting---it obviously would have never worked out because this guy was too emotional, too petty and overreacted to little things. Just like I did last night---but I felt like I was pushed to that point.
My dream was to be a rock star. Heck, it still is. But the dream seems dead and I am OK with that. I am still a darn good journalist
peace
I've dealt with a good friend of mine who would not stop bugging me about the little things and just let me play. If I had wanted his help I would have asked for it. Being in a band with over-critical people is just not fun. I feel for ya. I just decided to quit the band and go play with another friend of mine who does not have this problem-I'm okay with being called on things here and there, but when it becomes a fairly constant thing it just gets to you. Just dont quit altogether.
AND BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU SELL!!
I did that in 1980. Sold all my bass gear including a 74 Rick 4001 
Only thing I have left is an Acoustic 150b amp. Didn't get back into it until 2001! 
I really regret walking away now, but at the time I had been playing in bands for 10 years (since I was 12) and I just burned out. I wanted to do other things. In the next 20 years, I....
graduated college
had 2 intense relationships
grew my career
got married
had 3 kids
moved out of state away from family
bought a house
developed other hobbies
But I came back. You will too. Just don't wait 20 years
Only thing I have left is an Acoustic 150b amp. Didn't get back into it until 2001! I really regret walking away now, but at the time I had been playing in bands for 10 years (since I was 12) and I just burned out. I wanted to do other things. In the next 20 years, I....graduated college
had 2 intense relationships
grew my career
got married
had 3 kids
moved out of state away from family
bought a house
developed other hobbies
But I came back. You will too. Just don't wait 20 years
PFD,
As a fellow journo (who understands the pressure of the job, but not where you've been working that pays better than music) and who's looking down the barrel of 30 this June I understand where you're at, but I have to add my voice to the chorus of people telling you not to give up because one guy doesn't know how to act.
You deal with uncooperative prima donnas all day, I imagine, so what's the difference between their BS and some pretend guitard hero's BS?
I gave up on playing in a band five years ago; since then I played along with a lot of CDs, did six months of rehearsals and ONE GIG with a jazz pianist who was as imbalanced as your former bandmate sounds like, and have since hooked up with three great guys who play really good original music with no drama.
My friends tell me the new band must be good without having heard us, because I'm so picky about who I play with these days, and I urge you to do the same. Don't let one dumb-arse rob you of enjoying something that makes you happy...sponge up those lessons and be patient until something worth your time comes along.
As a fellow journo (who understands the pressure of the job, but not where you've been working that pays better than music) and who's looking down the barrel of 30 this June I understand where you're at, but I have to add my voice to the chorus of people telling you not to give up because one guy doesn't know how to act.
You deal with uncooperative prima donnas all day, I imagine, so what's the difference between their BS and some pretend guitard hero's BS?
I gave up on playing in a band five years ago; since then I played along with a lot of CDs, did six months of rehearsals and ONE GIG with a jazz pianist who was as imbalanced as your former bandmate sounds like, and have since hooked up with three great guys who play really good original music with no drama.
My friends tell me the new band must be good without having heard us, because I'm so picky about who I play with these days, and I urge you to do the same. Don't let one dumb-arse rob you of enjoying something that makes you happy...sponge up those lessons and be patient until something worth your time comes along.
PinkFloydDan said:
I did the same thing about three months ago, but I kept most of my gear. It's kind of like an interactive museum exhibit of my life at one time.
You'll be fine if you quit playing, I am. I didn't die or have this huge empty hole in my life because I wasn't in a band. You'll fill the time with other things. For me, it was golf and snowboarding.
-Mike
Good questions:
1. I am also a deputy editor--so my paycheck is pretty decent for our trade. I do a lot.
2. Yep, I do deal with prima donnas all day at work; and I have already told my boss I am at wit's end with them; I don't want to deal with prima donnas in my fun time, with music. I think that makes a whole lot of sense.
1. I am also a deputy editor--so my paycheck is pretty decent for our trade. I do a lot.
2. Yep, I do deal with prima donnas all day at work; and I have already told my boss I am at wit's end with them; I don't want to deal with prima donnas in my fun time, with music. I think that makes a whole lot of sense.
KUNGfuSHERIFF said:
Dan, In the mean time, if you don't already play multiple instruments, consider learning a new one to go with (not replace) your knowledge/talent on the bass.
Learn music theory if you don't already know it, learn to read standard notation (there's a whole thread on what that will do for your music career). After 20+ yrs playing bass by ear, I'm learning to read standard notation only now. Currently reading treble clef to learn familiar melodies.
If you don't play piano, grab yourself a decent little 61 key keyboard. The piano seems like a great tool to learn music theory on because it's laid out in such a linear fashion.
I'm glad you're not giving up on bass, but you can add to your overall musical knowledge and passion by exploring a few more options that will serve to improve you overall.
HTH
Kenny
Learn music theory if you don't already know it, learn to read standard notation (there's a whole thread on what that will do for your music career). After 20+ yrs playing bass by ear, I'm learning to read standard notation only now. Currently reading treble clef to learn familiar melodies.
If you don't play piano, grab yourself a decent little 61 key keyboard. The piano seems like a great tool to learn music theory on because it's laid out in such a linear fashion.
I'm glad you're not giving up on bass, but you can add to your overall musical knowledge and passion by exploring a few more options that will serve to improve you overall.
HTH
Kenny
take a deep breath and realize life will be different a year from now. if i had sold off my gear when i was pissed and down then i wouldn't be playing with the great people i'm with now. have some vision...
The band thing is always tough. I play in a 6 piece with a bunch of great guys. We're all pretty good musicians, and we basically get along. We do covers, which is fine, of light pop/rock and "singer/songwritter" type stuff. It's fine and goes over OK at the venues we play.
I used to play in a smooth jazz quartet that I REALLY enjoyed. Unfortunately there's no appreciation or venue for jazz in this little blue collar town so we had to give it up. The pop/rock think is OK, but not nearly as rewarding/fulfilling as the jazz thing was. I have been tempted to quit, but it's the only extra $$ I have and I do like playing - I just wish it was different music.
I do play in the church contemporary worship band and that's a lot of fun, so if I quit I wouldn't be giving it up completely.
I guess I didn't add anything, but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone and life doesn't end when you quit the band. You have to do what's best for you, period.
I used to play in a smooth jazz quartet that I REALLY enjoyed. Unfortunately there's no appreciation or venue for jazz in this little blue collar town so we had to give it up. The pop/rock think is OK, but not nearly as rewarding/fulfilling as the jazz thing was. I have been tempted to quit, but it's the only extra $$ I have and I do like playing - I just wish it was different music.
I do play in the church contemporary worship band and that's a lot of fun, so if I quit I wouldn't be giving it up completely.
I guess I didn't add anything, but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone and life doesn't end when you quit the band. You have to do what's best for you, period.
I just joined my first band in almost 20 years. In that time, I just freelanced. You know, weddings, corporate parties, trade shows, etc. For me, it's been THE WAY TO GO!
The benefits are many:
1. There's no band practice
2. There's fewer politics
3. You show up, you play, you get paid, you leave
4. Much less time commitment
If you freelance, you gotta:
1. Know A LOT of tunes in different styles
2. be able to sight read
3. know your theory
4. know what the bassist should do for most musical styles
I just joined a band that promises to be working a lot. We're just getting started, but one factor is age/maturity. Everyone is at least 33 in the band (I'm 43) and very cool. There are no attitudes, no prima donas, and if someone doesn't want to do the work, they don't have to stay in the band. Very cut-and-dry.
When you start your lessons, ask your teacher about getting you ready to freelance.
The benefits are many:
1. There's no band practice
2. There's fewer politics
3. You show up, you play, you get paid, you leave
4. Much less time commitment
If you freelance, you gotta:
1. Know A LOT of tunes in different styles
2. be able to sight read
3. know your theory
4. know what the bassist should do for most musical styles
I just joined a band that promises to be working a lot. We're just getting started, but one factor is age/maturity. Everyone is at least 33 in the band (I'm 43) and very cool. There are no attitudes, no prima donas, and if someone doesn't want to do the work, they don't have to stay in the band. Very cut-and-dry.
When you start your lessons, ask your teacher about getting you ready to freelance.
