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Quitting Music

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by PinkFloydDan, Feb 16, 2006.

  1. PinkFloydDan


    Jul 4, 2005
    I am giving up playing music. I am selling off everything.
  2. Dr. PhunkyPants

    Dr. PhunkyPants Guest

    Aug 11, 2002
    Woah Woah....what?? Dude...what happened with the band?

    Is there a thread started where we can help you get through whatever negative experience you had?

    C'mon, man. Don't throw in the towel.....there ought to be a rule that no TB'er buys a bass from a guy who says he's quitting music....
  3. PinkFloydDan


    Jul 4, 2005
    I honestly don't even want to talk about it, really. At least not yet. But, more than anything, I really do need the money so I can fix the electrical stuff in my house.

    I am keeping my reverend, and my thunderfunk and one cabinet. I am done with bands though. I will continue playing my bass and am strongly considering taking lessons from Anthony Wellington.

    But...I am done with bands, drama and all the negativity it brings out in me. PM me privately and I will fill ya in.

    thanks for the support though. I am in a serious funk right now and it makes me angry.
  4. Andy Brown

    Andy Brown Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jul 23, 2004
    Rhode Island
    Founder/Owner: Wing Instruments
    There comes a time in one's life when playing in a 'working' band becomes too much hassle. That is why there is an alternative. I hooked up with some guys (drummer / guitarist) who like the same style of music I do. The ad I placed on craigslist.com stated right out that "I'm not in it to make money, but I need some stress relief and have some fun playing."... luckily I found two guys who are on the same wavelength. We all have day jobs, and get together once a week to jam. I even took up singing which made it even more fun.

    What I'm trying to say is that playing with other musicians is probably the best thing you can do with music. You shouldn't just give it up because you haven't found the right situation. Keep on looking, eventually you'll find it.
  5. Figjam


    Aug 5, 2003
    Boston, MA
    My band is just in it for fun, and i think it keeps things the least stressful that it can be, to avoid too much drama.

    At least you are keeping some gear though.

    Best wishes.
  6. PinkFloydDan


    Jul 4, 2005
    Man, I just joined this band a month ago and felt like I had found the dream. In that short period of time it all fell apart over 1 email. It has seriously fractured by whole mindframe with music, playing with other musicians, and the like.

    I think I am going to take a step back from the band stuff and look into taking serious lessons, getting better with skill and knowledge and then try it again. I want to be more confident in my skills.

    But this recent incident just has absolutely soured me to no end. I am seriously lost.

    This positive reenforcement you guys are doing is nice and helpful though. This all just happened, so I am just a bit confused.

  7. Stick with music. Music can truly be one of the greatest loves in your life, even if it just playing along with a CD. When I went to college and everyone was way better than me and were often condescending, I could have easily given up. Instead, I kept playing and eventually became a solid player in pop/funk settings. Today, I find my technique and technical knowledge lags behind kids who started playing twenty years after I first picked up a bass, but I will never stop. My meager skills give me far more joy than I could ever gain from stopping.

    You may need to sell some gear, but keep something so that you can keep that love of music whole.
  8. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002

    Absolutely plus 10000000. Stick with it, even if it is just at home for a while. Musicians have a reputation for being flakey for good reason. A lot of them ARE. My last band became a bit of a hassle and I was contemplating quitting (the band...not playing altogether), and right then, I got an offer from another band that has completely refreshed my outlook. Keep your eyes open and the right opportunity may come along. Also....revisit the "email" and the whole topic in a few days. You may find you overreacted to whatever the percieved slight in the email was.
  9. Blueszilla

    Blueszilla Bassist ordinaire

    Apr 2, 2003
    The Duke City
    I'll agree with the others, try not to make any hasty decisions when you're angry or emotionally distracted. You need a clear head, so take some time to let the feelings subside. Do something fun or necessary, like work on your house. I find that hard work/exercise is a good way to get lucid and get you back. Think about other stuff for a while.

    Good luck.
  10. Andy Brown

    Andy Brown Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jul 23, 2004
    Rhode Island
    Founder/Owner: Wing Instruments

    Email is the absolute WORST medium to hold a conversation over. There's nothing like talking face to face about whatever ails you.

    Regardless... don't give up man.
  11. PinkFloydDan


    Jul 4, 2005
    I agree AJ. I fully admitted I was a bit harsh in my anger, but this was over a month's time a series of things that led to my cuss-ladened email.

    I'd really be dorky to discuss it here. All I can say is I have a very stressfull day job as a journalist. To get a pressure filled email with him overeacting on my publishing day just really put me at the edge so I emailed him to BACK THE F OFF and please just let me learn the bass lines.

    It was just petty drama stuff, that's the best I can describe it right now. I just want to jam, play some gigs, laugh and have fun. And for the most part we were.

    I was prepared to discuss the problems with him and he decided to boot me. It was a double standard because I never called him names. He made some name calling at me. It's all drama. He was just stressing me out over petty things and he wouldn't listen to me. I was practicing HOURS a day trying to learn their songs. I had 30 songs down, 1 a day, really, which is just pretty darn good for my talent level.

    It's hard to explain how it happened to outsiders. I'm the bad guy. Whatever. I just want to forget about it and sell all my stuff but the basic. I am done with bands. I am 32. I am not getting younger. I started bass 3 years ago.

    I feel like if I met these people as people and not bandmates, none of this would have happened. That's what bothers me. It's hard to make friends in the South and being from NY, they get so offended with the word F8CK. That was the first word I said in life :)

    It was just poor communicating--he prefered email to do business and I hated it and said I hated it. He said he wasn;t good over phones.

    Whatever. I actually feel better and pressure free now. Like I said, I just plan to take some serious lessons and see what I can do with my talents. I never rule anything out, but this left a horrible taste in my mouth because although i was ready to admit I should have held off on my angry filled email, there just is no need to even get to that level of anger in a music setting---it obviously would have never worked out because this guy was too emotional, too petty and overreacted to little things. Just like I did last night---but I felt like I was pushed to that point.

    My dream was to be a rock star. Heck, it still is. But the dream seems dead and I am OK with that. I am still a darn good journalist :) and it pays ALOT better.

  12. permadave


    Jul 20, 2004
    Atlanta, GA
    Sorry to hear about your current tribulations. I've also dealt with a number of difficult band situations over the years. I've come to the point of quitting my current band before but decided to stay with it. I can see why so many bands break up. It's like a marriage between 3 or more people and we know how tough that can be and how often it works out long term ;) I always seem to get along with drummers best... maybe I'll start a drum and bass based band..

    Good luck and keep at it!
  13. Dr. PhunkyPants

    Dr. PhunkyPants Guest

    Aug 11, 2002
    My last band broke up because of some email. I don't even remember what it was, now. But this drummer who quit was a guy who I helped through CANCER and yet here he totally flaked out because he didn't like the way I presented my opinion on an issue in email.

    Oh, yeah, he invited a whole truckload of his freinds to bring various instruments on stage for the next night's show, without asking any of the rest of us. The singer was horrified, but feared conflict and wouldn't tell him, so she made me email him and say that I had assured her I'd talk to him about this 'open mic' thing and get him to have strangers at least come to a practice first. I thought it seemed reasonable. But he freaked out.

    When people you think you know and who you trust freak out on you like that, it's REALLY disorienting and easy to be angry. Happens to us all. But just remember, there are at least 50 times as many people on this site alone who will encourage you and tell you its okay to make whatever music you want to make as there are assholes in that band.
  14. PinkFloydDan


    Jul 4, 2005
    I know. I know. It was just us 3. the drummer is cool as hell. I talked to his this morning. He was as shocked as I was. The guitarist is the flakey one. It's sad, too. He recently skipped out on a recording session with the drummer, leaving him there and the studio guy wondering who would pay. He never called him or anything. But the drummer pushes on. He is a trooper.

    I don;t deal well with that crap. Someone calling me flakey is like calling Einstein stupid. Truly.

    I am on top of my stuff. I work hard. I do good. I mean peace.

    If I had all the emails, I'd post them all here for all to review and decide, but I deleted everything here at work. I just want to move on. In the meantime, I have a bunch of excess stuff I can let go of.

    Let's move on. Thanks everyone. I need to go to the gym for a run. By the way, I've LOST 20 POUNDS since thanksgiving running at the gym. Although it didn't help me from gettign angry at this guy in the band, I do feel a lot better :)!!! WOOHOO Another 20 pounds and I will be 175!

  15. Dr. PhunkyPants

    Dr. PhunkyPants Guest

    Aug 11, 2002
    Nah, don't worry about continuing negativity, bro.

    When you get a chance, swing by Jong's shop in Alexandria...www.jivesound.com. I'm there a fair bit, so are a lot of really cool area bass players. It's a good place to recharge the batteries! Consider yourself invited.
  16. Eric Grossman

    Eric Grossman

    Nov 3, 2004
    St. Louis
    Endorsing Artist: Hipshot Products and SIT Strings

    Don't quit playing! Nothing is that bad. Other musicians can really sour one's outlook, turn to yourself. You don't have to be all or nothing about this.

    Here's a true story:

    I have been playing since the age of 15. I had been in bands since day one. I worked incredibly hard to be the best I could be, and it was finally paying off. After a million bands, and a million crappy (but fun) gigs, I had assembled a truly dangerous band.

    It took six years from its inception, to the point where the lineup was right and we were smokin' good. It was a Rock tinged Funk band, and I was almost always in the spotlight. We got a lot of local press, and so did I. Things were really happening for us.

    We finally got a recording contract with an indie label based in Japan. By finally, I mean I was now 33 years old. I'd been paying dues for almost 18 years.

    Well, we were in the studio doing our record. The basic tracks were finished, and it was time to do the vocals. I was in the studio waiting for the singer, and the phone rang. It was him, and he was quitting. He didn't think G-D wanted him to continue with the band.

    That was that. All the hard work went down the drain. I felt that EVERYTHING I had done to that point meant nothing. It was total heartbreak. I honestly didn't pick up my instrument for 8 months. I had new friends who didn't even know I played.

    To make an abbreviated story, even shorter, the phone rang after 8 months, and I got an offer for a tour. That tour led to 10 years of full time playing, but I struggled to get my chops back, for a long time after the layoff. I sometimes still feel like I can't do what I used to.

    Anyway, I really think you;ll regret quitting. Just chill with your bass for a while. Take the time to study some stuff that maybe you didn't have time for because of your band. Just hang in there, though, or we'll all come looking for you.

    This would never happen on a guitar forum, eh?
  17. Hey Dan -

    Like everyone else has been saying, don't give up the music entirely; it'll start eating away at you just as much as the frustration you're feeling right now.

    Coincidentally, I decided to give up my active gigging last week, but for two other reasons: 1) it had become work, with no fun attached to it at all; and 2) it cut into my time with my family.

    For the last 3 years, I had been gigging pretty steadily with various variety/pop/funk/R&B bands, and it slowly became more and more performing for a paycheck. Add to that the fact that I would get home at 4 or 5 in the morning and feel like crap for the rest of the weekend, it just stopped being worth it.

    So, I decided last week I had had enough; I was giving up the good paycheck to focus on things that made me happy, like my 2 year old son. HOWEVER, I know that if I were to give up all of my basses and not piddle around at home, I would start to resent it. So now my focus is on doing what AJ has done: finding a groups of guys and gals that want to CREATE some music and have some fun.

    Hang in there.
  18. This is an amazing thread - consider that if you sell your stuff, it's like selling your tools. They make money for you - but only in the right situations (like when the planets are properly aligned and circle the 2nd full moon of the month :smug: )

    If you and the drummer get along, that's WAY more than half the battle. Play in the pocket with a good drummer and you start bonding with one another. If the primadonna guitar player doesn't like what you're doing, boot him - there are WAY more guitar players out there...you'll find one that's better...or one will find the two of you.

    Keep it fun - as a former journalist/radio program director and producer, I NEED my music to keep me sane - especially now that I'm doing development/fundraising/marketing work. Hell, my briefcase weighs more than my combo amp!
  19. d8g3jdh

    d8g3jdh Guest

    Aug 9, 2005
    I'll plus one what everyone else has said.

    And I'm very intriguied with you position as a journalist. I am hopefully taking it in University and wanted to know your thoughts on the biz. What, how, where, when, why, who, that whole bit. Should I pm you?
  20. I was amazed you had 30 songs down so quickly, if the guys I play with hear that, I am toast! Also I am with the others, you need to step back and not let the emotions of how you feel now dictate your future.