Rant about your band

[turf3]

All my bands are 2000 miles away, and I can't get anything started in my current location because every three or four months I've got to go onsite to the 2000-miles-away location. The guys out there can't keep the bass position open for me while I'm not there, and any group I'd get in with here will be bassless just when they need me. So I'm just practicing and hoping for some kind of settlement in the near future.

 

[BassToGoGo]

Rants like the OP's make me thankful for the band I am currently in, we all take rehearsals very seriously and although we do cancel from time to time when we do it is done in a timely manner. Good band and we take it very seriously while still having fun.

The only rant I can think of is our lead singer tends to freak if we mention other projects so we've learned not to mention them. This band is our #1 priority but it's nice to do other projects from time to time...

 

[dbsfgyd1]

Every once in a while there is a thread about people not being happy in their bands or projects. Why not make a group therapy of it? If you are looking for advice or just want to blow off some steam, this thread is for you!

I recently joined an original band that turns out to be all over the place.

First impression was pretty good, though. A few solid songs, good musicians, good practice gear (in ears, big screen to work on). But just a few sessions in, the singer/2nd guitar player started to not show up regularly. Turns out that this has been a problem before and they hadn't practiced for about half a year before I joined. He and the guitar player are old friends, so there had been a few talks before, without anything really happening. During the last few weeks, there have been talks again, with the singer always making new promises, citing new landmarks ("when situation X changes, then I'll have all the time in the world again"), but it went on like this for a few months.
The drummer really got pissed during those months. He works a physically hard job and is noticeably tired in the nights when we practice and hates to come out for nothing. Lately he often has left the sessions early because of tiredness, or he called in sick just before we were supposed to meet. The guitar player, too, is pissed, because he is really motivated and he, unlike everybody else, has a lot of time and would meet every day if we could. He has a baby on the way, though, and he says that he doesn't think that it will affect his timetable much - good luck with that, me thinks.
The third person being pissed is me, the bass player. I still don't know the songs well, although there are recordings. I do have a new born at home, so I do not have a lot of time to listen to those recordings and practice at home. And even if I did, the songs get changed during each session, because nobody really remembers all the details (no wonder if only once every full moon there actually is a practice session) or has a "brilliant" idea that absolutely needs to be put in.

We set a day in the week for our sessions, to help with the singer showing up. It didn't. But I do make a point of being available and in the room at that time, driving there 20 minutes and leaving my wife alone with a baby that has trouble sleeping - not always great. The last three weeks I was alone at our room. The first time practice got canceled the day before, because the guitar player had concert tickets. We could still have met and worked at the songs, but everybody else just immediately announced that in this case practice wouldn't make sense and they would not be there, either. Second time again the guitar player canceled because he had Covid, again I said I would be there and happy to work at the songs. No response, so I went. Sometime after I arrived, there came a text from the drummer, he was feeling tired and wouldn't be coming. Five minutes after, the singer said he would be going out to dinner with his wife. This week, nobody canceled, drummer said he was excited to meet, so I went. After I arrived, there was a text from the drummer, he was suddenly sick and couldn't come. Then the guitarist wrote, he had a bad day, he wouldn't be coming. Nothing from the singer, so after a while of noodling for myself, I went back home again. At around 10pm singer asked if I was still there and if he should come out. I just told him that I went home, nothing more.

I was really fuming that day. First of all I feel it is hugely disrespectful. I can relate if someone has an off day and isn't in the mood for a session, but that should be a rare occasion and not the rule. There is a weekly date set, I am planning around that (my wife as well) and I expect everybody else to do the same. Choosing to go on a date that very day while your bandmate, i.e. me is already waiting at the place is just plain insulting. Second, I do not have great plans for that band, I am just happy that I found what I thought to be some nice guys to hang and jam with, maybe play a few bars here and there. The guitarist badly wants to gig, though, and the singer really is the perfectionist-artistic type, who is very special about the songs. So I wonder how do they imagine this to work?

I haven't made up my mind about what to do right now. When they are there, they are nice guys that I get along with well. Plus, it is really hard to find a band around here in my age group. Also, I do enjoy being in the room alone practicing drums. But, as I said, the weekly sessions take away time from my family and are stressing on my wife, which is becoming harder to justify in front of her and myself as well, if it doesn't move forward. I do not want to quit just yet, but I can't see me putting in any effort or enthusiasm, either.

Wow, we’re did you come up with this collection of self centered jack wagons? I’d be out of there at the first couple of weeks of canceled rehearsals.

 

[dbsfgyd1]

I was once in your position with a band and a newborn baby. I eventually gave up playing for about 5 years because I couldn't leave my wife at home with a sick crying baby while I was out having a good time playing!
Save yourself the drama and seriously consider putting the band on hold for a while for the family's sake....shouldn't be too difficult since it sounds like you guys are barely a band.
Now that my kids are grown and gone i have time to play as much as i want,with no guilt!

Family first! That way when your kids grow up they actually know who you are. Congrats. Plenty of notes left to play after age 45.

 

[JRA]

RANT: We play everything too fast.

teetotalers?

 

[Micha84]

Is the music scene in your area very limited? Or is there something about you that makes it difficult to find a band you "fit in"?

Serious questions.

(...)

Get with the guitar player who has free time. Start something else.

I am living in a small town in Germany. We have a surprisingly vibrant Jazz scene, which I enjoy listening to but have never learned to play properly. Combine that with the kind of elitist vibe around here and I do not really want to step in that territory at my age, either. We have a university as well, so a lot of students doing either crazy things or metal. Apart from being at least 15 years too old and the same amount of beers per night too sober to hang with those guys, I do not want to play metal or crazy experimental stuff either. I am looking to play some nice and simple tunes in a relaxed atmosphere, the stuff that you can play at a bar, a friend's birthday or at your local street festival. The band I am in now is the only project that goes remotely in that direction I could find in about 6 months of searching. So yes, there is some kind of desperation there

Anyways, I decided I will talk to the guys at the next meeting and be out of there if it ever happens again. More than the family time issue (I love them, but I believe that everyone needs to have their own things as well) I am bugged by the disrespect of canceling sessions at will. I am not going to spend time with people who don't value it.

 

[pepj]

Quite. Actions speak louder than words and too many wouldbe band mates are full of drivel.

If you want to play, jfdi.

 

[LBS-bass]

RANT: We play everything too fast.

Oh, I hate that. I'm in one band that's filled with stellar musicians on every other level, but their count-offs are often fast. Sometimes I've taken matters into my own hand where the singer was complaining and I jump out in front to start the song with the bass line just so she has a prayer of not feeling rushed. There are some songs that I can't start that are difficult enough for me to play in their proper tempo, so I have to drop notes to make them work.

I will freely admit this. I am an a$$hole about tempos. Close your eyes, hear the song in your head, feel the tempo and then count that sucker off. I don't understand why that's hard for other people to do, but apparently it is. The drummer in my other band has a tempo meter mounted to a stand. He has tried to catch me counting off wrong and it sort of annoys him that I'm generally within 0-2 BPM of where we need to be. But my insistence on correct tempos has helped him learn to focus on that more, and that's been really good for him.

I wish I had that kind of clout with the other band, but I'm just a sideman over there. Whatever they do, it's my job to put up with it. They're great players in every other respect.

 

[LBS-bass]

Playing in more than one band at a time has been like dating more than one women at a time for me. Sooner or later it turns into a real train wreck.

I'm in four and I do not have those problems at all. Every band only plays once a month or once every few months. Everyone gets two rehearsals in the two weeks before their show. If we can't make that work, it's pretty sad.

Yes, people still have scheduling issues but they work harder to make it happen because there's more actual need when you aren't rehearsing weekly. It forces people to do their work at home and come in prepared. Time wasters don't really survive in my world. When push comes to shove, I've played important shows with new personnel and zero rehearsal due to back to back illnesses, and we killed it. If you're going to work in multiple bands you really have to work smart, or it doesn't work.

 

[Medbo_BassBoy]

If you care about something you can make a plan to get together and meet that obligation 90% of the time. Your situation sounds like my situation. We practice in my garage. We play the same days every week, but I still text/call my bandmates to let them know practice is ON. Drummer is reliable and always shows up. Guitarist says "I think I can make it.." then cancels right before practice half of the time. If I had options I would find a new guitarist in a heartbeat but I live in a rural area and GOOD guitarist are hard to come by.

I also have a newborn and have less time/energy for my hobby. It would be easier if I was with regular players and playing regular gigs/practicing less before I had the kid. This is not the time to be messing around with flaky people and not playing out.

 

[MobileHolmes]

I'm in four and I do not have those problems at all. Every band only plays once a month or once every few months. Everyone gets two rehearsals in the two weeks before their show. If we can't make that work, it's pretty sad.

Yes, people still have scheduling issues but they work harder to make it happen because there's more actual need when you aren't rehearsing weekly. It forces people to do their work at home and come in prepared. Time wasters don't really survive in my world. When push comes to shove, I've played important shows with new personnel and zero rehearsal due to back to back illnesses, and we killed it. If you're going to work in multiple bands you really have to work smart, or it doesn't work.

I hadn't had an issue until recently because one band is pretty active and one isn't, and I'd never really had issues before, but I've had two issues come up this month. Both bands have things I like and dislike, which is why I am doing two (the band that plays less is with several good friends and plays music I like, the band that plays more gets me paid very well, plays more, and has much better musicians). The problem that came up most recently: infrequent band has had a bar gig booked for months. On a week's notice, busy band got offered a casino gig on the same night, and they were putting a ton of pressure on me to cancel the other gig. Ultimately, it turned out the casino booker gave the wrong night, so I can do both, but everything about the situation left me a little sore.

I had a chance over the summer to quit both to join something else, and kind of wish I had in retrospect. I didn't want to leave my friends high and dry (if I quit, that's probably the end of the band) but man, it would have solved some issues

 

[MobileHolmes]

I was once in your position with a band and a newborn baby. I eventually gave up playing for about 5 years because I couldn't leave my wife at home with a sick crying baby while I was out having a good time playing!
Save yourself the drama and seriously consider putting the band on hold for a while for the family's sake....shouldn't be too difficult since it sounds like you guys are barely a band.
Now that my kids are grown and gone i have time to play as much as i want,with no guilt!

What has enabled me to get back to gigging is that my kids are older and I'm divorced. I wouldn't recommend a divorce for the sake of gigging, but it it frees up a lot of time

 

[LBS-bass]

On a week's notice, busy band got offered a casino gig on the same night, and they were putting a ton of pressure on me to cancel the other gig

Yeah, that stuff doesn't fly with me. When I book a show, it's booked, and any bandleader who pressures me to change my calendar gets 1) reminded that he gets the same consideration when the shoe is on the other foot and 2) told in no uncertain terms that if he keeps asking me to dishonor my other commitments I will quit, and 3) given the suggestion to book three months out to keep possible conflicts to a minimum.

I've never had to quit over this, but I will if it ever comes to that. My schedule isn't up for grabs and I won't work for someone who thinks they can bully me.

I can certainly see a possible situation where the bands/shows are so uneven (bar band vs. big stage band) that I might end up with a show possibility that I can't really turn down. If it ever came to that, I'd probably give up the bar band to remain available, or I'd work out an understanding with the bar band about my priorities. But right now that's not a situation I worry about.

 

[MobileHolmes]

Yeah, that stuff doesn't fly with me. When I book a show, it's booked, and any bandleader who pressures me to change my calendar gets 1) reminded that he gets the same consideration when the shoe is on the other foot and 2) told in no uncertain terms that if he keeps asking me to dishonor my other commitments I will quit, and 3) given the suggestion to book three months out to keep possible conflicts to a minimum.

I've never had to quit over this, but I will if it ever comes to that. My schedule isn't up for grabs and I won't work for someone who thinks they can bully me.

I can certainly see a possible situation where the bands/shows are so uneven (bar band vs. big stage band) that I might end up with a show possibility that I can't really turn down. If it ever came to that, I'd probably give up the bar band to remain available, or I'd work out an understanding with the bar band about my priorities. But right now that's not a situation I worry about.

I'm with you. Unfortunately, this did fall under your last example. 500 buck bar gig vs 1800 (but split more ways) at the casino. But first is first. They had lined up a sub, which is actually fine with me, but it all worked out in the end. I'm still just huffy about being pressured.

 

[LBS-bass]

I'm with you. Unfortunately, this did fall under your last example. 500 buck bar gig vs 1800 (but split more ways) at the casino. But first is first. They had lined up a sub, which is actually fine with me, but it all worked out in the end. I'm still just huffy about being pressured.

Yeah, I would be too. I really don't like the stress of being pressured and the last-minute thing really doesn't help, either- people should know that it's likely others (not just me) already have plans. But if this is the inequity you're living with in these two bands, then it might be an idea to see if you can work something out with the $500 guys in the future so that you can do the priority band's shows. Maybe work in a sub as an understudy or something like that.

 

[MobileHolmes]

Yeah, I would be too. I really don't like the stress of being pressured and the last-minute thing really doesn't help, either- people should know that it's likely others (not just me) already have plans. But if this is the inequity you're living with in these two bands, then it might be an idea to see if you can work something out with the $500 guys in the future so that you can do the priority band's shows. Maybe work in a sub as an understudy or something like that.

Unfortunately, the 500 buck guys would be really hard to get a sub for. I play bass and guitar, at least half the songs have been transposed and rearranged, and TBH, they need a lot of rehearsal to put on a good show and I don't know that they could handle having a sub. The busy band would be easier to get a sub for because they are better players, and it's country, so the songs are simple.

What's made it work, until now, is the busy band is mostly busy in the summer, the other band plays very little in the summer. But probably something will have to get worked out if we start having more of these issues.

 

[LBS-bass]

Unfortunately, the 500 buck guys would be really hard to get a sub for. I play bass and guitar, at least half the songs have been transposed and rearranged, and TBH, they need a lot of rehearsal to put on a good show and I don't know that they could handle having a sub. The busy band would be easier to get a sub for because they are better players, and it's country, so the songs are simple.

What's made it work, until now, is the busy band is mostly busy in the summer, the other band plays very little in the summer. But probably something will have to get worked out if we start having more of these issues.

I hear you. One of my bands only plays out once every three months, but we play elaborate arrangements of unusual songs with three part harmonies. We're just a bar band, but a very successful one.

One of our players recently became incapacitated and he's a unicorn; would be very difficult to work in someone to take over his parts and a lot of work for someone who would just be playing the occasional show until he (hopefuly) recovers.

Sometimes there's no solution that will please everyone, other than trying our best to keep conflicts minimal by booking shows well in advance. I've not been in your situation with the big inequity -- yet -- but I have been suggested as a possible replacement for another bassist in a band that would certainly qualify as that, so it's something I've been thinking about.

 

[Bonecat]

My band is just so damned much fun. And I really like and respect my bandmates. We rehearse as much as we can. We work to get better but don’t take ourselves too seriously.

But - I’m a grouchy old man and I’m the bassist and the sound guy. So that means the only person I can rant about is me. And I just don’t give a poopie.

 

[friskinator]

Family first! That way when your kids grow up they actually know who you are. Congrats. Plenty of notes left to play after age 45.

45? Not anymore. I’m in my late 40s and most of my friends have kids under 10. They’ll be in their 60s when their kids leave the house.

 

[dbsfgyd1]

Yikes, now that you mention it, I was 51 when my youngest moved out, but we played a lot together from about his age 13 on. He enlisted in the Marines as a Bass player and still has about 3 years or so to go before he retires out. Turned out to be one heck of a bassist.