
Being a fairly recently retired IT professional I’ve been involved with enough e-commerce services clients over the years that I’m a little cynical when it comes to buzzword laden announcements like Reverb is making right now.
So based on my own experiences with these sorts of initiatives, I’m going to try to translate some of them into everyday English:
Translation: We’re intending to increase the number of annoying banner ads on websites and pop-up ads on YouTube to further annoy the ever living tar out of everyone on the web.
Translation: We’re hiring a few more people to respond to your service inquiries. It won’t reduce the amount of time you already have to wait to hear back from us. But with the increased sales we’re expecting will materialize from our already mentioned advertising blitz and customer data mining plans we’re increasing staff in hopes it won’t take any longer than it currently does.
Translation: We’re hiring two more people to supplement the five we already have to redo our web templates and server scripting. Some of these enhancements will be included free with all accounts. But others (such as preferential search positioning) will be introduced as enhanced “pro” features that you can add to your account for an additional fee.
Translation: We’ve already made our decision and our stakeholders don’t really care what you think about it since we’re pretty much the only real game in town. But it’s still polite to solicit customer opinions since we don’t want to seem to too obvious about it.
BTW…our planned fee increase from 3.5% to 5.0% actually represents close to a 43% increase in the fee we’re about to start charging you to sell something. We’re hoping you’re lousy enough at math that you won’t notice that and instead think: “5% is only 1.5% more than 3.5%. And 1.5% is nothing.”
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Oh man. You just gotta love it!
