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Set List, Show, or just 'Wing it?"

Just do a whole set of audience requests only
Oh, no, that's what got us in trouble before. Audience request night led to the BL playing songs that we didn't know. We had a request for AC/DC and he started playing one, using his iPad for words and chords, that I, playing bass, had never enen heard. I don't think our lead guitar player had ever heard it, either. That was the straw that prompted the LG to text about not playing songs that we don't know, which caused to BL to refuse to call the songs any more. Before those events we never used a set list and did fine.

i don't see the difference between the first two options (IME they're the same),..
Using a set list means playing one song after another. PLaying a show means that you might have seques between songs or even medleys.

Every band is different....It sounds like the OP's band is long overdue for a breakup and I don't think lists are going to help with that at all.
We have more bookings for this year than we've had in years so we're doing something right. BL just texted about 11 gigs at one bar in town for good money, and one weekend is a two nighter. I don't think this band has ever done a two nighter.

Go and enjoy yourself.
I will. It's a laid back place that we've played before. However, I saw a FB post by them showing their menu for the night and it's obvious that this is their Valentine's Day party.
 
Because of busy schedules and minimal rehearsals needed, we went with show years ago. Also because of automation (MIDI, DMX, etc) and lyric monitors. Every year right about now, we get together and discuss what the show would be for the year. Then all the programming gets done and for the most part we stick to it for the season. We can go off script, provided nobody gets thrown under the bus in the process. And there are always "bumper" songs at the end of the script that we can jump forward to if needed/wanted. It makes for a very predictable and reliable product. Which is frankly what I prefer over spontaneity of somebody calling songs that only they know and extended solos ad infinitum, rather than having enough material.
 
I've been writing set lists for the blues band I'm in, after the band leader passively/aggressively stopped calling songs in response to the lead guitar player calling him out for playing songs, requests, that we don't know. So far the set lists have been hit or miss...not perfect. Sometimes they work...sometimes they don't. It's hard to know ahead of time what songs need to be played when, and the BL has also been skipping songs, or adding in requests. And that's okay. So, for the gig this weekend, I texted "do you guys want me to write out a setlist for the gig this weekend?" The BL responded (quickly) "you guys call em out." And I know what that means...it'll just be the first thing that pops into somebody's head with little, if any, rhyme or reason. So the question is: Do you gigging guys use a written out setlist, or do you do an actual show in which each set is preset to ebb and flow, etc., or do you just wing it?
Set lists are a requirement in my world. And ideally, we rehearse the set as planned to ensure that everything flows as we planned. If it’s my originals band, this also includes when the band might chatter with the audience, as talking too much or too little might interfere with the overall flow. Same thing goes with mini-tunes in between actual songs - everything is timed in rehearsal.

The chatter part usually isn’t that crucial though, unless it’s a short set and we’ve got to get through a specific amount of material.

We work really hard to ensure that each of our performances isn’t just a collection of songs played by a random assortment of humans (like a typical “show”). It’s very important, imo, to think of the audience first and ensure that every performance is as memorable as possible, especially here in 2023 when venues are closing up all over the place and live bands aren’t as in demand as they used to be. A well-prepared set list is critical in ensuring this.
 
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No setlists here. We have a stellar BL who knows how to read the room and calls the appropriate song. We have a deep set list of at least 100 tunes we can do in a heart beat. I have been with this band since 2008 so yeah we tight.
 
I preferred just winging it. Because we had the chops to do it.

"Cumbersome, then Oklahoma Breakdown."
"K."

We play Cumbersome. We play Oklahoma Breakdown.

Repeat as needed, with breaks as needed.

If you can't just throw out songs that everyone in the band knows, your band isn't ready to wing it, and that's okay.
 
I believe that "Failure to plan is planning to fail"
But I also believe that "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth"
So I'll always start with a setlist, but I also won't get bent out of shape if we deviate or just throw it out the window.
 
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I'm in two bands right now.

One completely wings it and never rehearses. We learn new material by sharing specific YouTube videos and everyone is expected to know the material at the next show. We communicate endings and solos with winks, nods and drum cues. Sometimes things go a little awry, we smile and bring it back around.

The other rehearses things to death, even set ordering, yet still uses iPads.

I play in the second because the first requires so little of my time. The first is FAR more fun, makes more money, and has a much better following.
 
When pro, we always used set lists, every single time. They weren't always the same and a lot of thought went into them. We didn't take requests and would occasionally insert or delete a song at the band leaders request if the situation demanded it. The idea was no down time between songs to keep folks on the floor until the end of the set as many others have already mentioned. We would always rehearse song transitions to get them as snappy as possible.

Many years ago I was sharing the stage with a NYC Band, The Fleshtones, in one of their earlier reincarnations. Their drummer at the time played standing, and after starting the set, did not stop playing until the end of the set. It was jaw dropping for me. I know that James Brown used to do that, and I saw Sharon Jone's touring band do it with just one break in the middle (where I saw the drummer plunge his hands into a bowl of ice water). For me this was the holy grail - get the crowd moving and keep them moving. Can't do that without set lists (and lots of rehearsals).
 
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Yep. I always have a set list ready to go that is curated for flow/feel/tempos/styles. BUT - I also have a list of tunes at the very bottom called 'The Bag' which can be thrown in at any moment if needed, which don't really require charts or anything special to add in when we're in a pinch. Sometimes we need another tune to fill out a set... sometimes the one that's up next just doesn't feel right with the room. Be prepared, but also be prepared with options to change/insert on a dime that the band knows about. Prepare to be prepared.
 
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