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Set List, Show, or just 'Wing it?"

Mostly wing-it for me. As BL, I'll do a setlist, more as a courtesy to the guys I hire, and try to stay close to it. Still, there are times I'll mix it up in response to reading the room, finding out what general direction they're responding best to, and where we are on the path.

Though I'm currently doing mostly sideman gigs. As a hired gun, I have absolutely no control. I usually get a setlist before the gig to woodshed, though that's no guarantee we'll even play all the songs. Neither does it insure there won't be audibles - off-list songs I may have heard, but never played.

One guy I work for on guitar once or twice a year never provides or uses a setlist, and it rarely comes across as professionally as I would have it if I were in charge. But I'm not. Often, he doesn't get the best read on the room and sometimes stretches songs out too long, but I just do my best, and if he signals for me to take a solo, I step up and do my trained-monkey-act, keeping it short and to-the-point. His gigs sometimes seem to drag out, and I try to mitigate by reminding him I don't need or want a solo every song. He plays plenty of those on his own. At the end of the night, I get paid and go home (and the next morning my child bride relieves me of carrying around all that bulky & burdensome cash in my wallet).

In contrast, another sideman gig I do on bass: BL provides a setlist, then four or five songs into it, he tosses it out the window and starts calling out tunes, maybe a third are audibles. Thing is he's great at playing the room, is an engaging front man and provides concise, easy-to-read onstage direction. He's popular and gets a lot of repeat business in choice rooms, and he pays well. I love working for him, and the challenges of doing his gigs are kind of fun - When he throws out one I'm absolutely unfamiliar with, in addition to faking my way through it watching his hands on his guitar and playing a lot of ones and fives, I'll write down the song title and key on my tablet when we're done.

Another wing-it deal: There's a weekly soul/r&b/blues jam house band thing I'm in where the BL never uses a setlist (he does use a list on regular band gigs he hires me for so I know his material, though he's not beyond adding something new we've never played). He does well at reading and engaging the room. He's an incredibly versatile, accomplished and powerful vocalist with a background as an actual pro-musical-instrument musician. His on-stage band direction is some of the best in the area, and his idea of winging it comes across as professional. We all find the gig to be a pleasure to play.

There're also two super-talented guitarists I back on bass who never provide or use setlists and just wing it. With one, they're mostly blues and blues/rock standards. With the other, some of the songs are either originals or kind of obscure, deep tracks. He makes it easy because he's super-concise at calling out songs - "This is a one-four-six-four-five-sharp-five in Bb; Watch me for the breaks".

Seriously, whether we use a setlist or not, I just try to roll with it. Fear of the unknown is just not something I waste a lot of thought or energy on in these situations. Just going with an "Ok - I wonder where this is going to take us" attitude helps keep my head clear, which keeps the path moving forward uncluttered. Wherever the heck it takes us next.
 
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Winging it can be fine, IF you have an actual bandleader who LEADS and controls the flow of the show.

OP clearly is not in a situation like that. All available evidence is that what will actually happen is lots of dead air while the band members play multiple rounds of "whaddya wanna do? I dunno, whadda YOU wanna do?"

It also depends on how controlled the situation is - a 12 piece show band with floor show, dancers, and 53 different keyboard patches to be set up, versus a three piece jazz combo playing bebop on standard tunes and the band leader is an expert.
 
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I get a set list and then they choose from it. This means I do more work to cover what they might play. Thats not very polite on a Sub date.

I also have a small pad on a more regular pick-up outfit but since the Vox has such a large pad to call on, there are more often audibles and chord shouts. I do tend to have a say or veto here, but if I've heard the song and the progressions are on the simple side, I might use that as a way to add another song to my list.
I might do this on songs I've never heard but the 'lead' needs to be on point.
No one is inviting a wreck.
 
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Well, it turned out a little different. The lead guitar player had asked me for a song list and all I had printed out was a set list from a previous date we were supposed to play this venue, but had to cancel. So, he gave the set list to the drummer who called the songs directly from my written set list. It worked but we didn't have the advantage of everyone having a copy of the set list and knowing ahead of time what song we were going to play.

So, in the future I will write out a set list and give copies to everyone except the band leader, who I guess doesn't want one.

Bizarre.
 
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Well, it turned out a little different. The lead guitar player had asked me for a song list and all I had printed out was a set list from a previous date we were supposed to play this venue, but had to cancel. So, he gave the set list to the drummer who called the songs directly from my written set list. It worked but we didn't have the advantage of everyone having a copy of the set list and knowing ahead of time what song we were going to play.

So, in the future I will write out a set list and give copies to everyone except the band leader, who I guess doesn't want one.

Bizarre.

If you have a computer, create a list of songs in excel, word, google sheets, etc. Then you can save time by copying and pasting to create a set list and print multiple copies. Quicker than writing one out by hand for each band member.
 
I prefer having a setlist, and rehearsing the songs in that order ahead of time.

However, I also think there needs to be some flexibility based on the circumstances. For example, maybe the song next on the list will seem like a real downer if we played it right now, even if we played it perfectly. So it's good to have some reserve songs for mood changes, having more/less time left in your set, etc.

More importantly, I think it's best for the last song of the night to really blow them away and leave them wanting more.

At the same time, after that it's NOT at all good to say "OK, we'll do one more for you" and then pull out some rusty dusty clunker that is barely rehearsed, or that is otherwise not up to the level of what you just knocked out of the park.
 
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Each set we do has 3 openers, a couple of bring it down middle songs, and 3 closers. 11-14 songs per set.

The show opener is usually 5 heavy hitters in a row.

At the end, we have pre-selected "If encore/one more" songs.

No is confused about what to play next. If something needs skipped, we move to the next tune.

If someone requests something coming up we either play it and edit the next set, or replace, or tell them "Next set - stay tuned and have a drink"
 
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It depends on the environment/place you are playing. People go to bars and parties to socialize. The silence in between songs gives them a chance to socialize without the band blaring.

Agree that there need to be "order moments"

But not every freaking dog. TOTALLY kills the party momentum. Or dance or groove or vibe or whatever. Maybe every 15 to 20 minutes.
 
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We’re a set list band, for all the reasons others have described. Deviating from the list is fine if there’s a good reason to do it, but we try to decide and communicate it mid-song so we can launch right in, rather than taking time between songs. Also have to make sure everyone knows which songs require time for a tuning change or capo. Few things are worse than the old “1.. 2.. 3… WAIT!”
 
The band I was busiest in, to date, was about 2014-2015, a classic/southern rock trio that played any dive bar that could scratch together $300. The other guys had been playing together 10 or 12 years when I joined and I played with them about a year and a half. They gave me a list of 20 songs to learn. I asked, "Won't we need more than that to do a gig?" and their reply was, "Eh, you'll pick up the rest as we go along." And so I did. The BL would call songs as he read the room and off we'd go. If I knew a tune, great. If not, he'd shout, "Jonny, this one's in D!" and hold his guitar sideways so I could see his hands and follow the progression. Made me glad I'd picked up my wife's acoustic and taught myself some basic chords...

When he had a clear read on the room and knew what he wanted to do, we had some great gigs. There were other times he would pull a blank and stand there at the mic noodling while he tried to make up his mind what to play next. That was bad. I've always preferred having a set list to follow.

Being too rigid about the set list can be deadly too, though. In my first gigging band - which was only a couple of years prior - we had a gig at a Halloween party. It was kind of pulling teeth until we played the Black Keys' "Gold on the Ceiling" and then the room lit up. A woman stepped up to me and said, "Play more dance songs, we want to dance more!" Well, the next song on the list was Rush's "Closer to the Heart," which is anything BUT a dance song. I leaned over to the BL and said, "Let's skip Rush, they want to keep dancing!", to which he replied, "No, we're going to play this one now." There was nothing I could do about it, we played Rush, and the dance floor emptied out and stayed that way the rest of the night no matter what we played.