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Should I feel guilty auditioning for a second band?

#21
I don't see a problem being in two bands. I used to be in a band and do a solo acoustic set, was nice sometimes to support the band with my own set beforehand!

It should only be a problem if one interferes with the other in terms of your time and energy, or if one or both band starts to get somewhere which means you have to choose one or other.

Music and bands should first and foremost be about fun.
 
#22
As has been said, a band is not a marriage, there's no obligation of monogamy. "Band" just means "people playing music together" and everyone is free to play with whoever they want to. If your involvement in a second band began to impact your involvement with the first - if it was making you miss practices or gigs - then the first would have reason to ask if you were really able to keep fulfilling your role with them. But that hardly sounds like the case, band #1 sounds like it's stalling out.
 
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#23
I've been in bands that thought it was a marriage and they demanded exclusivity.
I told them I was thinking about taking on a side project and they FREAKED!

This is another reason I don't like people.

But no, I don't feel guilty for being the only rational one in a group of drama queens.
And I don't feel guilty for leaving those guys.. or was I fired because of it?
I don't even feel guilty for not caring enough to remember which it was.
 
#25
Yeah sounds like your first band is stalling (been there before). One gig in 9 months? And the singer misses rehearsals (enough to mention here at least)?

I've got 5 gigs with 4 different bands over 6 weeks. Those online diaries are crucial, as well as being organised well in advance.



Set yourself a challenge to learn 10 new songs every week (to a basic gig standard) for your own development. You get a LOT faster learning new songs if you do it consistently.
 
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#26
I hate being cliche, but a chain is as strong as it's weakest link. If someone is slacking off and another person has to move forward in spite of that, I don't see the person moving forward being at fault. The one slacking is to blame. I would have no guilt or ill feeling whatsoever moving forward. You're not at fault or to blame. Seems like you're quite clear on what you want. She's getting in your way. Not the other way around.

But that wouldn't even matter to me. Playing in multiple bands is something I've done since I was 15 years old (that's 40 yrs. for anyone counting). I've played in as many as 5 bands at a time. I'm currently in 4, and if a good opportunity came up, I'd still be open to it. While I understand your uncomfortability about moving forward with others, I really feel those uncomfortable feeling are something you'd best accept and not allow that to get in the way of your actions. Playing with other bands isn't a sin. It's not cheating. And there's no reason you have to tell them, especially before anything even becomes of it. If it does work out with the other band, it's a good idea to give them a heads up... and if conflicts start arising, too bad. You want to gig, you should gig. First band isn't gigging, oh hwell.

As far as juggling multiple bands I usually stick by the calendar rule, whichever gig is booked first is the one I play... or I'm clear with the lesser priority group that I can't fully commit. Surprisingly, this works out more times than I used to think it would. Often times the bands I jump into have a bass player already (that I'm replacing) that can't commit to all their gigs, so they can easily sub if a conflict comes up. So long as the band stays on good terms with them, which I urge them to do :). The one thing that can get tough with multiple bands is rehearsal time. The bands I'm in all only rehearse before shows. In your situation, I'd be crystal clear that if the singer wasn't going to be there, neither would I, and that I'd be real pissed if she cancelled last minute. And I'd have to come up with a schedule that I, not they, were happy with. That's different for everyone, so I'll leave it at that.
 
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#27
I think it's a simple case of where you're more serious about it and want to play out more than the other people in your band. It happens.

That's nothing to feel guilty about. Nor is it something to feel guilty about doing something about.

Differing personal goals - and conflicts over availability and the degree of personal commitment - come up all the time in a band. Sometimes you need to make a decision before a decision gets forced on you.

No fault, no foul in doing what you're doing as far as I can see.

Luck!:thumbsup:
 
#28
I went through this same thing last year. I was, and still think of myself as a weekend warrior.

Band A was rehearsing and not playing out. When they did play out it was for little or no money. Joined Band B as a sub, just to play out more, but eventually became full member. I get $100 per gig. Also joined Band C as a sub, was offered the slot, but declined.

A year later, Band B has been playing every weekend. Sometimes twice per weekend. It gets stressful when Band A does finally schedule a gig. If there's a conflict, Band A knows my priority is Band B. Band A has had maybe 3 gigs in 12 months. I've had to be the one person unable to commit a couple times due to Band B gigs.

I've done some dual gig days with A and B, and that's been a pain. In retrospect, I should have just quit A sooner, which I'll likely do this after our Jan 30 gig.

If you're feeling guilty about joining a second band, you'll have that stress every time you're having to juggle schedules, and ultimately you'll feel bad quitting one of them. Easy to join, not so easy to quit.

Best of luck to you.
 
#29
I would go ahead and tell your band that you are going to jam with the other band, who is looking for a bass player. If they pursue questioning you, just be up front with them. Voice your concerns (only if necessary) that you have mentioned. Don't make a big deal out of it, just let them know you are going to jam because you would like to play more, like you said.

At this stage, I would keep it simple and direct, and see how the other band works out.

The down side to not telling them in advance is when they find out, (and they will), you can expect a negative response.
 
#31
You mentioned that the singer of your current band is the guitarists wife... If this is the case, regardless of what type of music is being played, there's no reason for her not being prepared. Her and guitarist husband could sit at home and go over the material so she's better prepared.
As far as the other opportunity, every band I've been in members, including myself, had other gigs... Take that opportunity, but don't leave your current band in the dark about it. As it has been said, be upfront with your current group let them know you have this opportunity, that nothing is solidified, as of yet, but if you're wanted after auditioning then you'll work to make sure it works for both bands.
 
#33
My drummer at one time was also in a jam band, and I was weirded out by the idea... Over time I got over it, and realized how normal it is (I was even a bit jealous afterwards, because I wanted to jam more than play songs at rehearsals, heh).

So feeling a little guilty is ok, it will pass. There is nothing wrong with some side action if you can handle it... like in marriage :D
 
#35
There's no reason to feel guilty for pursuing a 2nd band opportunity. As others have mentioned, your 1st band is spinning its wheels. A partial gig is all you have to show for ~ 10 months of participation? You need to start booking gigs before you think you're ready for a full gig. That'll provide some extra incentive to get everyone moving in the right direction.

As an aside, I just joined a new band and after 2 rehearsals - the 1st of which was technically my "audition" - we already have about 25-30 songs down and are looking to book gigs. (And originally, we weren't going to do anything until January since the holidays are my busiest time of year at work, but they were anxious to get started so I squeezed the 2 rehearsals in.) We know we'll be ready for a full show in short order, and we haven't even come up with a band name yet.

Back on topic - the singer might feel like she has better things to do than rehearse since she senses the band isn't going anywhere currently. And, since her husband is your guitarist, she knows darn well neither you nor anybody else is going to call her on it since you'd risk losing TWO members of the band. So she goes on with her sporadic ways.

The fact that your time could potentially be split between 2 bands isn't an issue with the 1st band unless a time conflict arises, either with a rehearsal or gigs. So they're not blindsided when the time comes, nothing wrong with letting band #1 know you'll now be on a first come, first served basis once you are entrenched in band #2. If they flip out, well, based on how slowly they're progressing, you wouldn't be parting ways with much of a band, anyway.
 
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#37
As mentioned above, Google Shared Calendar makes multiple gigs easy. I'm auditioning next week with a band in part because I let the bandleader know up front I already had a fair amount of work on my calendar. Quote: "Who do I want? Somebody who's actually working, or somebody who says 'I've been sitting on my hands the last six months, let's get together?'"

Upon further reflection: I disagree with people who say "Don't tell." To me, that is sort of dishonest, and in any event risky. What happens the first time you have a scheduling conflict? You gonna tell 'em your dog died? As Mark Twain said, "The best thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember anything." When it comes to the business of music, I don't like surprises, and I sure as hell don't like to surprise bandleaders.
 
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#39
A band that doesn't gig or record is a get-together, not a band. No guilt auditioning for, and eventually joining, a second band. Especially if the first is a get-together.

How bandmates respond to the eventual news, well, that's another thing. Some will be mature and understand; others, not so much.

A couple of years ago, I was in a band that gigged pretty regularly. Then things slowed. No contact for three months; then, a gig announcement and a rehearsal or three. That went on for a while. Sometimes I didn't know if I was still in that band or if the band was still a band. After a four-month break, I had a lot of time on my hands, so I joined another band. Given the first band's schedule, I could easily handle two. Of course the first band then calls a rehearsal. This rehearsal turns into a discussion -- very little playing. Co-band leader wants to take a new direction, which I find refreshing. Other co-leader thinks things are fine as they are. I unintentionally convey ambivalence, so I'm challenged: "What's up with you?" I tell them I'm fine with either direction, and I have another project going. Then the feces storm, and I'm booted (they say I quit because I joined the other band; whatever).

The point here is this: Some folks in get-together bands get all hurt if you're not totally devoted to their project. You just might find you've "quit" the first band. I'm sure you've considered this already.
 

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