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Should I start looking elsewhere?

#21
RaniBrandt said:
No, it hasn't happened before, really. The guitarist just bought a house, and he's been working extra hours at his job, which is wearing on him. For me, playing in a band is a nice break from the everyday stuff. I think for him it was perhaps turning into just one of his many responsibilities, so it wasn't giving him the stress relief that one might expect. I just can't tell if it's temporary, and I'm afraid that asking him about it is only going to making him feel like I'm pressuring him.
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I can certainly empathize with that hesitance. If you guys let it be for a minute that might help either resolve or clarify/simplify the situation. The fact that this isn't a known regular occurrence in addition to home buying stress would have me giving them the benefit of the doubt, personally.
 
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#22
RaniBrandt said:
I think for him it was perhaps turning into just one of his many responsibilities, so it wasn't giving him the stress relief that one might expect. I just can't tell if it's temporary, and I'm afraid that asking him about it is only going to making him feel like I'm pressuring him.
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From what you're saying, it seems pretty simple.
-Guitarist is essential to the band.
-Guitarist is on hiatus
...Therefore...
The band is on hiatus.

If he's struggling with depression, then neither you or him have any real idea how long this will go on. If he recovers and wants to put it together again, that's great, but as long as the band is still rehearsing he's under the pressure of folks waiting for him and you're in limbo. That's not fair to him or you or to the rest of the band.

Put the band on hiatus, look for something else and if it comes together in the future that's fine. If not, that's fine too.
 
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#24
Availability issues can have a profound impact on momentum and ability to commit. The reasons why people have availability issues don't even matter. This is an issue worthy of discussion right up front. I'll never commit to any band without some assurance up front that everyone wants to perform live a similar number of gigs per month as me. There is no right or wrong here, each life brings its own demands and realities, but you're always in a better place when you're with people who share common goals on the fundamentals.
 
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#25
RaniBrandt said:
Thanks to everyone so far for your responses. In answer to some, I’d love to be able to pull off more than one project, But I can’t really afford more than one night per week away from my family for rehearsals and gigs. And as for subbing someone in for the guitarist, remember that he’s also the writer of half our songs, and the other members were in the band because of him. Right now I only have access to the drummer, as the keys guy has pretty much ghosted since the hiatus began.

I am going to start looking for another band. I’m just sad to have to start a whole new thing when I really liked what we had going here.
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If you can retain the drummer, you can do anything.
 
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#26
You're probably right, knowing your friend's history. I disagree about not pushing him - depending on what one means by that - but yes I would push him hard to stick with it, even if in a reduced role.

meanwhile, you need a new guitarist, and to keep on with the project , roll with the changes.

I find that the core of a band has to be people who are all positive and on about playing, and are confident to play a show with 1-2 rehearsals.
 
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