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Should I stay or should I go...? Problem solved - Mods please delete thread

#23
Yeah this is a no go, and its the BLs fault for not organizing a rehearsal to two..plus its a wedding not just a get together party or something...Also you say you're getting paid a paltry amount, I'm pretty sure since the groom says its free you will get nothing the money would already be in the budget at this point and he probably wouldn't be saying its free unless he actually believes that to be true..

as for the excuse, tell him I'm going to be attempting to swim the English channel that day, sorry I wish you had reminded me and set up some rehearsals, I would of been honored to play at the wedding if that were the case..
 
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#24
The band leader is delusional.

Yes, he may blame you, but I don't see what you can do about that short of giving him a bloody nose. If you contact the wedding organizers to tell your side, it will sound pathetic in my opinion. It's the band leader's, er, band exploiter's problem, let him weasel out of it on his own.

I can't believe you would even consider this gig; short notice, no rehearsals, low (maybe no) pay, other bandmates bailing. How much worse can it get? Oh wait, if you actually play this one it could get a lot worse.

Around 25 years ago, a guy I always refer to as the general manager from hell tricked me and my crew into working a Christmas Day for straight time. I still hate him for it. At least it's not too late for you to say no and work your real job that day. That's where your future is anyway.

As for the happy couple, in years to come they will reminisce about the leader without a band who fell on the wedding cake, not the guys who weren't even there.

Tom
 
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#26
crazyBassClown said:
I'm going to vote against everyone else and say do this, as it will guarantee you never have this problem again. Just make sure BL pays you before the gig or you are never seeing the money.

Edit:
And you can bet money that the BL will blame you for not doing the gig if you pull out at this stage.
Although given you were asked if you were ready maybe there are already suspicions it will be a trainwreck?
Click to expand...
NO!!
If I or my crew is not able to provide quality service I won't accept a gig. You should make this a personal rule, as well. The world will be a much better place.
 
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#29
Michael Simpson said:
Okay, so a bit of background...

I started as bassist for my current band when I was 12 years old. Always had other bands on the go but this was always my priority. We got good gigs, bad gigs, charity gigs, built ourselves up a damn good reputation, got screwed over and learned the hard way about the pros and cons of record deals. We stopped playing full time after 6 years on the scene, and that was 5 years ago now. We played a recent gig (a comeback gig) that we put on ourselves a few months ago. It came with its own problems but it mostly went smoothly.

So, my current predicament.
Late last year the singer (BL by default) got in touch with us in a group chat to say he had been asked about playing a wedding in September of this year and asked us if we were available. We all agreed that we probably would be, and that was the last we heard about it.

Fast forward to the present, and somebody who is going to the wedding asks if we are all ready. Ehh... What? I politely explain that I had no idea, as we never had the gig confirmed to us by BL or booker. No details of it, and none of the band has rehearsed. So I send a message in the group chat to ask about it, along the lines of "I'm assuming were not playing it as nothing has been confirmed, but are we?" To be told that we are. Short notice but okay. BL said we were probably only going to be a small part of the wedding so I reply that was a good thing, as I was worried we'd be playing our usual 3 hour set that we haven't played in 5 years, to be told bluntly "We are".

So I start to get annoyed at this point and realise that the wedding is now 2 weeks this Saturday. We will have no opportunity to rehearse, as the singer has decided to go on holiday until 5 days before the wedding. Guitarist can't make it over, so he needs replaced for the gig. Keys player has flat out refused to play it on account of the short notice and he only did our reunion show, so doesn't know any of our songs off the main setlist. Me and the drummer are very annoyed, and considering walking out too.

But here's the real kicker. BL is very dismissive about the whole thing and ignores almost every question asked. He wants to do the show not the way we know it (the way we've always done it, the way we stand the best chance of not ruining somebody's wedding day) in favour of the entire band (me, drums and stand-in gui****) following his lead on songs we've never played before. Sounds disastrous to me. We also find out that the groom has been telling people we are playing for free because he's good friends with us, which is not true. I've been given a rough estimate of £530 For the whole band, which is about half of what we used to charge and isn't worth me taking time off work. Drummers in the same camp as me.

So to sum things up, we are on 2 weeks notice with no real rehearsal for 5 years, we don't know the time, date or venue we are playing at as we haven't been told, and now know we are only earning a paltry amount for this.

My question is, do I play the gig, lose out on money from work and have the reputation of ruining the happiest day of someone's life because we never rehearsed, effectively killing the band and ensuring we never get booked again? Or do I go with my gut, kindly explain that I will not be made a fool of in a situation that everybody is uncomfortable with, and have the reputation as a quitter until I explain my exact reasons behind it which would leave folks more understanding of my situation?

Any suggestions, wisdom, idioms or carrots greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...

Tricky.
It depends on the expectation, really.

If it's a loose event where you can jam and have fun, and that's what they want... then why not? As long as you like that kind of thing. Just because it's a wedding it doesn't mean they are expecting a polished function band (they're not paying for one, clearly).

If you're expected to play flawlessly, or you don't enjoy the loose arrangement... then walk. Clearly you're not the only one uneasy about the whole thing and your BL has not been very communicative, so I don't think it's unreasonable to bail out... because you were never really in in the first place.
 
#31
Michael Simpson said:
Okay, so a bit of background...

I started as bassist for my current band when I was 12 years old. Always had other bands on the go but this was always my priority. We got good gigs, bad gigs, charity gigs, built ourselves up a damn good reputation, got screwed over and learned the hard way about the pros and cons of record deals. We stopped playing full time after 6 years on the scene, and that was 5 years ago now. We played a recent gig (a comeback gig) that we put on ourselves a few months ago. It came with its own problems but it mostly went smoothly.

So, my current predicament.
Late last year the singer (BL by default) got in touch with us in a group chat to say he had been asked about playing a wedding in September of this year and asked us if we were available. We all agreed that we probably would be, and that was the last we heard about it.

Fast forward to the present, and somebody who is going to the wedding asks if we are all ready. Ehh... What? I politely explain that I had no idea, as we never had the gig confirmed to us by BL or booker. No details of it, and none of the band has rehearsed. So I send a message in the group chat to ask about it, along the lines of "I'm assuming were not playing it as nothing has been confirmed, but are we?" To be told that we are. Short notice but okay. BL said we were probably only going to be a small part of the wedding so I reply that was a good thing, as I was worried we'd be playing our usual 3 hour set that we haven't played in 5 years, to be told bluntly "We are".

So I start to get annoyed at this point and realise that the wedding is now 2 weeks this Saturday. We will have no opportunity to rehearse, as the singer has decided to go on holiday until 5 days before the wedding. Guitarist can't make it over, so he needs replaced for the gig. Keys player has flat out refused to play it on account of the short notice and he only did our reunion show, so doesn't know any of our songs off the main setlist. Me and the drummer are very annoyed, and considering walking out too.

But here's the real kicker. BL is very dismissive about the whole thing and ignores almost every question asked. He wants to do the show not the way we know it (the way we've always done it, the way we stand the best chance of not ruining somebody's wedding day) in favour of the entire band (me, drums and stand-in gui****) following his lead on songs we've never played before. Sounds disastrous to me. We also find out that the groom has been telling people we are playing for free because he's good friends with us, which is not true. I've been given a rough estimate of £530 For the whole band, which is about half of what we used to charge and isn't worth me taking time off work. Drummers in the same camp as me.

So to sum things up, we are on 2 weeks notice with no real rehearsal for 5 years, we don't know the time, date or venue we are playing at as we haven't been told, and now know we are only earning a paltry amount for this.

My question is, do I play the gig, lose out on money from work and have the reputation of ruining the happiest day of someone's life because we never rehearsed, effectively killing the band and ensuring we never get booked again? Or do I go with my gut, kindly explain that I will not be made a fool of in a situation that everybody is uncomfortable with, and have the reputation as a quitter until I explain my exact reasons behind it which would leave folks more understanding of my situation?

Any suggestions, wisdom, idioms or carrots greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...
It seems you are in a loose loose situation I would not play myself the singer could get a keyboard learn to play it in 2weeks job done :thumbsup:
 
#36
"BL said we were probably only going to be a small part of the wedding"

The guests won't care whether it's a live band or a DJ. Or a really long setlist on somebody's phone being fed to the PA.
Thinking back to my wedding, and those I've been to:
- band does a great set (or 3): everybody has a good time
- DJ does a great set (or 3): everybody has a good time
- music is a great playlist: nobody cares, everybody has a good time
- band is a trainwreck: everybody will remember what an embarrassing mess the band made of it.

Follow the keyboard player's lead, and refuse to do it. The groom and the BL already screwed this pooch; your choice is whether to help them turn it into a flustercluck.
 
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#37
Sounds like a train wreck to me.

If the groom says it’s a freebie and the BL says your getting paid, one of them is going to be pissed off. If it’s a freebie then the groom can’t really complain, cuz he’s getting what he paid for.
 
#38
Your concerns are well founded. Nobody wants to spoil someone’s wedding reception just to support your BL’s fantasy you’re all going to be able to magically pull this one off.

If you’re all friends with the groom I’d suggest you talk your former bandmates about calling him and letting him know what’s going on so he can speak to the bride’s parents while they still have a small window to (hopefully) book somebody else.
 
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#39
Clark W said:
Someone needs to contact the wedding couple and let them now ASAP, find a dj, another band, something.... And let them know why.
Click to expand...
I agree. If you know either the bride or the groom or someone in the wedding you should contact them directly and explain why you are not playing this event (after you've let the BL know you're not going to do it). Any so-called damage to your reputation will be forgotten quickly when the truth about the situation comes out.
 
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