Should I stay or should I go...? Problem solved - Mods please delete thread

[Eminor3rd]

I would not do the gig.

However, I also would have bailed before now. The longer you wait, the closer you get to becoming the "unreasonable" one in the situation.

 

[ThePez]

go

 

[micguy]

If you don't want to ruin the wedding, then don't play the gig. To say it simpler, don't play the gig. Playing the gig is what'll ruin the wedding - you didn't agree to a jam session on tunes you haven't rehearsed. If the band doesn't play, the wedding party will probably hire a competent DJ. Although I'd prefer a good band, a competent DJ is be better than a crappy, unrehearsed band any day.

If I were you, I'd say a firm NO now, so the wedding party has a chance to recover. The BL has almost certainly been lying to them, better to bring that out now that at the wedding.

 

[Turbo Sparky]

Check ya later dude.
I'm busy watching grass grow, hand carving a bass, taking an art class, sleeping, breathing, pulling and wrapping my own strings, re-inventing the wheel, gathering rocks for Hadrians wall again, pondering gravity...
{play busy signal on phone}

 

[Pizza1988]

I absolutely would not play the gig. I would, however, be concerned about what the singer may say to people, as he sounds like someone who will throw someone else under the bus without hesitation rather than take responsibility for the situation. You’re in a tough position. Whatever you decide, I hope it works out OK.

Two things:

1. ^ This quote is true. He will tell the whole wedding party that "sorry, all the other guys bailed out last minute.. buncha prima donnas" or something like that.

2. 20 years from now, no one will be remembering that band that bailed. They WILL remember the one that embarrassed themselves.

 

[Steve Dallman]

I played a gig with a local, popular singer/drummer, Marvin. He ususally has a band, but his band moved to Florida for their winter season, so he asked me and a guitar player (who I've never even heard play) to back him up for two gigs.

No rehearsal or set list, and often he would just count off a song, not telling us what song, or key. We were expected to just jump in.

And surprisingly, it all went well.

I'd do the wedding, just for fun.

 

[Al T.]

Band Leader causes Ionian cluster#&@k, details at 6. If it's free it ain't for me. Bail NOW!

 

[gln1955]

Two things:

1. ^ This quote is true. He will tell the whole wedding party that "sorry, all the other guys bailed out last minute.. buncha prima donnas" or something like that.

2. 20 years from now, no one will be remembering that band that bailed. They WILL remember the one that embarrassed themselves.

This. Do you want to end up on YouTube as "The worst wedding band in the world" video?

 

[buldog5151bass]

I played a gig with a local, popular singer/drummer, Marvin. He ususally has a band, but his band moved to Florida for their winter season, so he asked me and a guitar player (who I've never even heard play) to back him up for two gigs.

No rehearsal or set list, and often he would just count off a song, not telling us what song, or key. We were expected to just jump in.

And surprisingly, it all went well.

I'd do the wedding, just for fun.

Yeah, there are some people who can do that. Lucky Peterson does it all the time, and his shows are amazing. I've seen him go a 90 minute show, and he didn't play one entire song - he just kept switching all night.

Frankly, this BL doesn't sound like he could do it. Never mind, weddings are a different animal.

 

[ZAR14]

To avoid being part of a lifelong story....
"Rember that Awful Band that ruined your Wedding Reception"....
I'd graciously Bow Out and tell the BL you are Not going to be playing. If BL has an issue with it, you have more than enough to reference as to why it's Not a good idea....

 

[shadven]

How does this end? Were on the edge of our collective seat here

 

[RoaDan]

Okay, so a bit of background...

I started as bassist for my current band when I was 12 years old. Always had other bands on the go but this was always my priority. We got good gigs, bad gigs, charity gigs, built ourselves up a damn good reputation, got screwed over and learned the hard way about the pros and cons of record deals. We stopped playing full time after 6 years on the scene, and that was 5 years ago now. We played a recent gig (a comeback gig) that we put on ourselves a few months ago. It came with its own problems but it mostly went smoothly.

So, my current predicament.
Late last year the singer (BL by default) got in touch with us in a group chat to say he had been asked about playing a wedding in September of this year and asked us if we were available. We all agreed that we probably would be, and that was the last we heard about it.

Fast forward to the present, and somebody who is going to the wedding asks if we are all ready. Ehh... What? I politely explain that I had no idea, as we never had the gig confirmed to us by BL or booker. No details of it, and none of the band has rehearsed. So I send a message in the group chat to ask about it, along the lines of "I'm assuming were not playing it as nothing has been confirmed, but are we?" To be told that we are. Short notice but okay. BL said we were probably only going to be a small part of the wedding so I reply that was a good thing, as I was worried we'd be playing our usual 3 hour set that we haven't played in 5 years, to be told bluntly "We are".

So I start to get annoyed at this point and realise that the wedding is now 2 weeks this Saturday. We will have no opportunity to rehearse, as the singer has decided to go on holiday until 5 days before the wedding. Guitarist can't make it over, so he needs replaced for the gig. Keys player has flat out refused to play it on account of the short notice and he only did our reunion show, so doesn't know any of our songs off the main setlist. Me and the drummer are very annoyed, and considering walking out too.

But here's the real kicker. BL is very dismissive about the whole thing and ignores almost every question asked. He wants to do the show not the way we know it (the way we've always done it, the way we stand the best chance of not ruining somebody's wedding day) in favour of the entire band (me, drums and stand-in gui****) following his lead on songs we've never played before. Sounds disastrous to me. We also find out that the groom has been telling people we are playing for free because he's good friends with us, which is not true. I've been given a rough estimate of £530 For the whole band, which is about half of what we used to charge and isn't worth me taking time off work. Drummers in the same camp as me.

So to sum things up, we are on 2 weeks notice with no real rehearsal for 5 years, we don't know the time, date or venue we are playing at as we haven't been told, and now know we are only earning a paltry amount for this.

My question is, do I play the gig, lose out on money from work and have the reputation of ruining the happiest day of someone's life because we never rehearsed, effectively killing the band and ensuring we never get booked again? Or do I go with my gut, kindly explain that I will not be made a fool of in a situation that everybody is uncomfortable with, and have the reputation as a quitter until I explain my exact reasons behind it which would leave folks more understanding of my situation?

Any suggestions, wisdom, idioms or carrots greatly appreciated.

DON'T TO THE GIG!!!! I cannot emphasis this enough. Not only for the obvious reasons, i.e. no rehearsal, no communication, etc... but also for the fact that people are really not into live music at weddings anymore. They want to schmooz after the ceremony and then dance to all their favorite recordings. They do not want to put up with unrehearsed nonsense. I would put "IMHO" but I am rarely humble about my opinion...

 

[Stumbo]

I played a gig with a local, popular singer/drummer, Marvin...No rehearsal or set list, and often he would just count off a song, not telling us what song, or key.

How's that work?

 

[Rabidhamster]

I would laugh in the singers face about all of it and politely tell him NFW the band will be there. I mean maybe it wouldn’t seem polite to the singer but it would be comparatively.

I’d also probably warn whoever is in charge of the music for the wedding that they’re not getting a free band start hunting. If they’re still on board you get what you pay for.

 

[Remyd]

How's that work?

I like pickup gigs (or I guess seisiuns if you're from the isles), which is what I think this sounds like. It happens pretty often in genres like celtic, bluegrass, and jazz where there's a fairly standard repertoire. One of the things I like most about playing bass is that you don't need all the background info, so if someone says "Lay down a groove" you can just do what bass players are supposed to be doing in that genre.

I guess it's all about performative expression, maybe not as technical as an elegantly crafted game-changer, but yay live music.

 

[And I]

I like jamming and improvising. But someone's wedding doesn't seem like the best place for that.

 

[five7]

Ah, singers.

 

[tpaul]

Someone needs to contact the wedding couple and let them now ASAP, find a dj, another band, something.... And let them know why.

Agreed, and that someone should be you. You obviously can't expect the BL to do it, as he's planning to go ahead with or without the band. For the sake of your rep and the couple's wedding, you need to let them know what they are getting if they go ahead with this plan.

I would say something to this effect: "I want you to understand that our band was not told we were playing this wedding until it was far too late to rehearse, and several band members have refused to play as a result, because they don't want your wedding day to suffer from the train wreck that would result if we tried to pull our material together after five years not playing. The BL seems to want to go ahead with hired guns, which might work out fine, but it will not be our band and it will not be a group of musicians who have rehearsed together ahead of time. It's your decision whether that's what you want."

I would also be concerned if the groom seems to think you are doing this for free, because chances are nobody is prepared to pay you. Up to you whether you bring that up to the couple, but it's certainly an issue.

After you do this, be prepared to weather the wrath of the BL and possibly the bride and groom.

Edit: and to clarify, I would not play the gig unless the response from the wedding couple was something like "Oh that's fine, we just want a loose jam, we're Phish fans and all our wedding guests are Deadheads, we plan to distribute maracas so everyone can play along as you improvise." In which case I probably would still not play the gig.

 

[nomaj]

Agreed, and that someone should be you.
---snip---
After you do this, be prepared to weather the wrath of the BL and possibly the bride and groom.

The OP is not obligated at all to be the scapegoat due to miscommunication between the BL and the groom.

 

[Sixgunn]

By the way anybody know an appropriate way to message BL on his holiday to politely tell him I won't be joining them?

All I can say is make your decision and STICK TO IT. He will probably try to talk you into it. Leave no room for discussion and keep the conversation short. No way in the world I'd do the gig.