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Should I stay or should I go...? Problem solved - Mods please delete thread

#81
Michael Simpson said:
So, my current predicament.
Late last year the singer (BL by default) got in touch with us in a group chat to say he had been asked about playing a wedding in September of this year and asked us if we were available. We all agreed that we probably would be, and that was the last we heard about it.

Fast forward to the present, and somebody who is going to the wedding asks if we are all ready. Ehh... What? I politely explain that I had no idea, as we never had the gig confirmed to us by BL or booker. No details of it, and none of the band has rehearsed. So I send a message in the group chat to ask about it, along the lines of "I'm assuming were not playing it as nothing has been confirmed, but are we?" To be told that we are. Short notice but okay. BL said we were probably only going to be a small part of the wedding so I reply that was a good thing, as I was worried we'd be playing our usual 3 hour set that we haven't played in 5 years, to be told bluntly "We are".

So I start to get annoyed at this point and realise that the wedding is now 2 weeks this Saturday. We will have no opportunity to rehearse, as the singer has decided to go on holiday until 5 days before the wedding. Guitarist can't make it over, so he needs replaced for the gig. Keys player has flat out refused to play it on account of the short notice and he only did our reunion show, so doesn't know any of our songs off the main setlist. Me and the drummer are very annoyed, and considering walking out too.
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This is why silence about an outcome makes me uneasy. Even if the ball is in the other person's court it pays to be proactive and ask them what's happening (in a timely manner). You never know if they forgot to inform you, were nonchalant about it, flaky, etc. This sort of situation has bitten me in the rear before!

Your singer sounds like a real piece of work!
 
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#82
Eminor3rd said:
So he would just count 4 beats, and then you'd all just play something random, and it worked well?
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I've played with cats like that. Usually blues gigs. What they do is start a song, play a few bars, and then they expect the band to jump in with the vibe of whatever it is they just played. Blues is weird that way. The guitarist plays a lick, then the bassist copies it, and that becomes the basis of the song. Not uncommon.
 
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#84
LBS-bass said:
I've played with cats like that. Usually blues gigs. What they do is start a song, play a few bars, and then they expect the band to jump in with the vibe of whatever it is they just played. Blues is weird that way. The guitarist plays a lick, then the bassist copies it, and that becomes the basis of the song. Not uncommon.
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My weekly Country+Rock gig is like that. Every gig there's at least 2 or 3 songs I've never seen before. However, we're playing small bars were there is a tolerance for songs played in our own style, and there is no pressure to play as-the-record. Also, we gig almost every week so we're very good at reading each other.

I would never attempt a "jump-in" for a group that was unpracticed and hadn't been gigging recently. And certainly NEVER when someone's wedding reception is on the line.
 
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#90
After some radio silence, I pulled out on Saturday. Things went downhill, and I let the groom know what had happened as he is a family friend. Naturally this upset him 2 weeks from the wedding, but I assured him that there would still be a good evening of entertainment.

I worked out the situation with the singer and the groom, and as it turns out there was some missed communication. A loose, chilled out jam is exactly what he's after apparently, and any other musician there would defeat the purpose as it's us he wanted.

So, I've agreed to do it on the condition that I get informed of the details prior to the gig. A rough setlist, load in times, and it's just a show up, play, go home event.

Happy endings do exist, and I feel much better for having this resolved. I've been struggling personally with a lot of pressure and stress recently and have been taking everything the wrong way, but I am totally relieved by the whole situation. I actually had a 30mins long phone call with the singer (he is currently abroad too!) And resolved the situation with him, and we both said our apologies. At the end of the day we've been very close friends for over a decade now, and played our very first gig together. We are both in a new project that were launching, and none of us wanted anything to be spoiled either personally or professionally by a bit of crossed wires!

Thanks for all the input guys, I feel far better for having expressed myself and come to a satisfactory conclusion
 
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#92
Downunderwonder said:
Too bad it took quitting to get people to talk to you. I would like the thread to stay and an update on how the jam is received by sundry guests. I think the groom might be over stepping his remit with the plan but hopefully it works out.
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I will post a separate update on how the gig went. I'm feeling a lot better about things now, and while I'm grateful for the support I've received here I'm almost embarrassed by the whole thing. I'm usually very strong mentally and this was a low point for me, so I'd kind of like it removed so I don't have to look at it. Sorry if this has offended anybody
 
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#93
Michael Simpson said:
I will post a separate update on how the gig went. I'm feeling a lot better about things now, and while I'm grateful for the support I've received here I'm almost embarrassed by the whole thing. I'm usually very strong mentally and this was a low point for me, so I'd kind of like it removed so I don't have to look at it. Sorry if this has offended anybody
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Just 'Unwatch' the thread and you will not see new posts. (You will still be informed of quotes...)
If you want, you can ask a mod to lock the thread from additional posts, but this is rarely done, and typically only for highly controversial subjects.
I thought it was a useful discussion.
 
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#94
ArtechnikA said:
Just 'Unwatch' the thread and you will not see new posts. (You will still be informed of quotes...)
If you want, you can ask a mod to lock the thread from additional posts, but this is rarely done, and typically only for highly controversial subjects.
I thought it was a useful discussion.
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Yes, content tends to stay. If you post it here, you should expect it will stay up because the mods are not a cleanup crew. But if there's sensitive stuff in the post, you can still edit it.

ETA: BTW, I'm glad this was resolved. Relationships that have been ongoing for that long need a little attention now and then.
 

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