So I quit my band yesterday!

[baddarryl]

Real bummer. I have been playing original music with these guys since the spring. Very cool vibe, no pressure, laid back. Too laid back I think. Heavy dark, un marketable Metal at our age. Fun as hell to play. Instrumental only at this point. Bass, guitar, drums. Part of me has seen the futility in this and have been learning covers on the side just in case. Here is the thing, we go through our set on Friday, chill a little, then start to go through it again. After the 3rd song the guitar player (principal writer) turns off his stuff, packs up, and takes off without saying a word to anyone. Left us scratching our heads. Rude.

We first ask him if he is ok, then assertively confront him about proper social etiquette, all the while appeasing his sensibilities. Long story short, at first he said it wasn't us and nothing we said. Then after being confronted he accused us of being combative to his music (untrue) and then deflected the topic to the one time I missed practice (which pissed me off, but I never revealed it) then proceeded to ask when he could pick up his gear. We gave him multiple opportunities to own up and move on, but he never did. Flat said "I am not apologizing, demonize me all you want". Amazing stuff really.

Recently we have started "writing in the room" (his idea) in the last few weeks and tweaking his songs mostly to sort out drum and rhythm parts. We have the feeling we stepped on his toes Friday with some changes. That and he has seemed tired and bored at times too. Stressed: hey we all have problems right? Worst part is this is probably the coolest vibe in a band I've seen in a while. No issues at all that I was aware of.

Don't know what my point is here. It just sucks. I even bought a Heritage SVT for this band. I showed the text strings to my wife (who is a very reasonable woman that I trust implicitly) and she was like "psycho, get out!". So I did.

 

[Katoosie]

One, its okay to vent.
Two, that guitarist sucks. Come on...
Three, I agree with the wife.

Sorry about that but hopefully you'll find something new or maybe make something else with the rest of the band?

 

[Bassic_desires]

An awful experience for you and the other members of the band. I'd be wary of returning. Perhaps something else is happening to the guitarist in the background that has nothing to do with the band. In time you may come to know the reality and reasons for what occurred. If the problem is something else and not the band, then he should have ensured you all were aware of that before he left. If his problem is with the band, then he should have been sufficiently mature to discuss the matter with you all. Either way, it is extremely unfair for you all not to know the reason for his (seemingly petulant) behaviour. Best wishes in quickly finding a new band.

 

[el murdoque]

Seems like the guitarist is waving a huge red flag. I also agree with the wife.
Maybe keep the drummer and get someone else on guitar? I mean a guitarist is usually easiest to replace ...

 

[flannel cat]

your going to move on to better things..
when i quit an all originals band because of a wingnut guitarist i felt really bad.. but as time went by i discovered
i was just mourning the loss of the music we made and thats about it..
keep your life stress free it makes for better music, and keep your bass face grinning.

 

[trickyric]

I'm sorry, did I misread this? It seems the guitarist quit.. what am I missing?

 

[fdeck]

I'm going to play devils advocate on this... everybody's going through a rough time, hard for each person in ways that are unique to that person. Move on, but keep the lines of communication open if possible.

 

[portpc]

Well in reading your post you say it was a "Heavy, Dark & unmarketable Metal band." so I can see how this could trigger a bandmember (actually seems to be the BL) somehow and get them to react unfavorably.

The fact that you worried about stepping on toes in creating your parts + the fact you had an exit strategy leads me to think you may have seen the writing on the wall?

Perhaps if you get on w/the other members you can hit reset on the project and take it in a different direction?

 

[Killing Floor]

Hopefully you can find some closure by retroactively firing the drummer.

Too much drama. You can still start again with the others if you want.

 

[WI Short Scaler]

From personal experience, in our 3 pc we overlooked some red flags like this in the early days of our group. All that did is make the guitarist and myself enablers for the whack behavior of an unstable, but talented, singer.

After almost 5 years of cow-towing to his bizarre behavior, he told us he quit for the 4th time. We took him up on that and took a chance on a female we knew and things couldn't be better. Wish we'd taken him up on his first offer to quit but it's all in the rear view now.

IMO, walk away as politely as possible in case your paths cross again and look for something else.

 

[Gregc57]

Enjoy the good memories of hat it was, and move on. Don't let it haunt you. Life is short enough.

 

[AGCurry]

Life is too short to put up with passive-agressiveness.

 

[LBS-bass]

It is a never-ending source of wonderment to me how many ways there are for people to misinterpret a situation.

Your guitarist has a problem of some sort. I've worked with people who got some strange things in their heads that just weren't true, and once it becomes all about them in an all-encompassing, paranoia sort of way, there is no way you can help them see reality, no matter how hard you try. Everything is now a battle and every statement another aggression to them.

Best to walk away when someone begins to exhibit these traits. It's not going to change.

 

[mrjim123]

OP, I'm pretty sure you can do better than those guys. Most bands I've been in recently have a VERY low amount of dysfunctionality. Good situations are out there; move on.

 

[baddarryl]

I'm sorry, did I misread this? It seems the guitarist quit.. what am I missing?

He stated that he wanted to pickup his gear if we couldn't deal with him etc. The drummer said he didn't see a future in it, but was going to wait to see what the guitarist was going to do. After that conversation I finalized for me. The drummer and I may continue in some fashion, but first I'll have to see if the guitarist really does leave. Hopefully he does and I can work it out with the drummer. No moving gear then!

 

[Joe Nerve]

Sorry to hear. I know the feeling.

FWIW, I brought a bunch of old journals to work today because I knew I was going to have a lot of down time. In one of them from the mid 90s I spent a few days lamenting about a band break up, followed by the hopelessness of my age, my talent, my dreams that I was starting to fear were never going to come to fruition...

Little did I know then that the best was yet to come.

My point - hang in there. Even if you feel like complete crap, if you want to continue playing and enjoying your musical life, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Consider this a blessing that you won't be wasting time anymore with a band that would have eventually imploded anyhow. That guy did you a favor.

 

[baddarryl]

Sorry to hear. I know the feeling.

FWIW, I brought a bunch of old journals to work today because I knew I was going to have a lot of down time. In one of them from the mid 90s I spent a few days lamenting about a band break up, followed by the hopelessness of my age, my talent, my dreams that I was starting to fear were never going to come to fruition...

Little did I know then that the best was yet to come.

My point - hang in there. Even if you feel like complete crap, if you want to continue playing and enjoying your musical life, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Consider this a blessing that you won't be wasting time anymore with a band that would have eventually imploded anyhow. That guy did you a favor.

Oh yeah I am looking at it that way. I have put feelers out locally, going to woodshed new songs and hell, add a Jazz Bass while I'm at it!

 

[ThudThudThud]

I had almost the identical thing happen with a singer (songwriter). Wasn't happy that his precious song was impossible to play (he's not a player, but writes on guitar), and wasn't making any sense musically.
Three experienced players were being as diplomatic as possible, but that was his gasket blown.
You're better off without him.

 

[kevmac]

Real bummer. I have been playing original music with these guys since the spring. Very cool vibe, no pressure, laid back. Too laid back I think. Heavy dark, un marketable Metal at our age. Fun as hell to play. Instrumental only at this point. Bass, guitar, drums. Part of me has seen the futility in this and have been learning covers on the side just in case. Here is the thing, we go through our set on Friday, chill a little, then start to go through it again. After the 3rd song the guitar player (principal writer) turns off his stuff, packs up, and takes off without saying a word to anyone. Left us scratching our heads. Rude.

We first ask him if he is ok, then assertively confront him about proper social etiquette, all the while appeasing his sensibilities. Long story short, at first he said it wasn't us and nothing we said. Then after being confronted he accused us of being combative to his music (untrue) and then deflected the topic to the one time I missed practice (which pissed me off, but I never revealed it) then proceeded to ask when he could pick up his gear. We gave him multiple opportunities to own up and move on, but he never did. Flat said "I am not apologizing, demonize me all you want". Amazing stuff really.

Recently we have started "writing in the room" (his idea) in the last few weeks and tweaking his songs mostly to sort out drum and rhythm parts. We have the feeling we stepped on his toes Friday with some changes. That and he has seemed tired and bored at times too. Stressed: hey we all have problems right? Worst part is this is probably the coolest vibe in a band I've seen in a while. No issues at all that I was aware of.

Don't know what my point is here. It just sucks. I even bought a Heritage SVT for this band. I showed the text strings to my wife (who is a very reasonable woman that I trust implicitly) and she was like "psycho, get out!". So I did.

This isn't surprising in this type of rudderless situation.
There wasn't a lot of communication it seems.And the guitarist is nuts.Never a good combination.Don't get me wrong I'd play in this group in a heartbeat.But a focus seemed to be non-existent.

 

[lbbc]

I have written many original songs ..only 4 are good in my opinion. Original bands are ones I've stayed away from after my first bad experience over 30 years ago.

I formed a Cover band and we play 3 originals over the course of our 3 sets...it works for us especially when people ask about them. Move on, learn from whatever lesson that occured and grow as a musician.