Yes, I've been designated "sound guy" because I have the most interest within the band of getting a better understanding of it. I step out front with an iPad for our sound checks and mostly just make sure levels are ok, vocals are clear and nothing is harsh. But yeah, I am hearing my bass tone out front, and it is very much less than desirable.
As far as in-ears go, it has been a struggle. I've tried several different brands, from couple hundred dollar Shures and Mackies to $50 KZs, single to 5 drivers, and every tip shape, size and material (haven't sprung for custom molds yet). The issue I have is that once I seal my ear canal, whether it is with the IEMs or even just my finger tips, the amount of bass I hear resonating in my ears or head or whatever is crushing. I have to turn the bass up in my ears so much just to overcome the roar that sometimes it ends up hurting more than having a wedge screaming in my face for 4 hours. I've seen an audiologist about it, and while nothing is a clear answer, I do have scarring in my deep nasal passages as well as narrow eustachian tubes (chronic allergies and ear infections as a kid). The pressure in my ears always feels off, choked and unbalanced, even as I sit here typing. Funny thing is that I pass my annual hearing exam every year with flying colors, but stick the IEMs in and I may as well be 12 feet underwater haha. I usually start the show hoping it will be a good experience, but usually by second set I've pulled them out and put in filtered earplugs and play off of what I can hear in the room. May sound crazy but I play better that way. I don't get a good mix, but I can tell what the hell is going on at least

.