Stuck in the middle... dysfunctional trio

[LBS-bass]

Those two guys with the 30 year friendship need to work it out. Both sound pretty set in their wants and no matter what happens someone's gonna be unhappy. If I were the OP, I'd be working on a plan B, because this band seems to be heading for continued turmoil and an eventual breakup.

Seriously, I was just in a similar situation with a drummer and guitarist who had known each other for that long. I don't know why, exactly, they decided after all that time that they don't like each other anymore, but it broke up a good band with excellent, seasoned players.

Honestly, in that situation, I think the drummer was just done with dealing with other people's moods and issues, and the other guy was kind of difficult, so I don't really blame him- he'd put up with it for 30 years. When you get to a certain age, it gets like that.

If that drummer in the OPs band is ready to walk, there's really nothing you can do to change it.

 

[Diamond_Dave]

If the drummer is adamant and the guitarist said he could live with it (although he wouldn't be happy), then I'd make the change. Tell the guitarist to live a little. You might meet a fantastic new drummer who turns out to be a wonderful addition.

Why are people so disinclined to change or trying something new? Give it a chance. You never know.

 

[FrenchBassQC]

I expressed a preference to stay the course, but the Drummer says he’s done playing drums.

It is time to look for a new drummer and stick with the guitar player and you'll be back to where you were. Hopefully you can find a drummer that can sign as well, it seems like this was what the previous one was also participating in.

 

[Cliff Colton]

Had Pete Best demanded to play guitar instead of drums, he would have been fired.

 

[Ghook]

Oh, so the drummer has presented an ultimatum? I don't like ultimatums. I usually tend to go against people who make them.

I couldn't agree more. Unless someone is holding a hand full of aces I will not do an ultimatum, in fact I never employ them either. Perhaps you can get to a solution by discussing the use of ultimatum. Frankly the drummers decision to not be a drummer is his, he owns it. If I were in this bass players position I would side with the guitarist / singer and continue to have a trio that can secure gigs. You can quickly find a drummer , especially since you have gigs, fairly easy I would think. I personally wouldn't want to play with some who doesn't like their instrument.

 

[LBS-bass]

I couldn't agree more. Unless someone is holding a hand full of aces I will not do an ultimatum, in fact I never employ them either. Perhaps you can get to a solution by discussing the use of ultimatum. Frankly the drummers decision to not be a drummer is his, he owns it. If I were in this bass players position I would side with the guitarist / singer and continue to have a trio that can secure gigs. You can quickly find a drummer , especially since you have gigs, fairly easy I would think. I personally wouldn't want to play with some who doesn't like their instrument.

Yeah, except you're pointing at the wrong guy. The drummer is done playing drums, for whatever reason. It's the guitarist who is not being flexible. Do you really think that if you decided you wouldn't want to play bass anymore it would be reasonable for someone to tell you that you had to do it anyway? What this looks like to me is the drummer deciding for whatever reason that he's not able or willing to be a drummer anymore and then tossing out a possible solution to that issue that will keep the band from dissolving. That's not an ultimatum. It's a hail Mary. The guitarist not willing to entertain the idea? That's an ultimatum.

 

[RedBadger]

Being in a band is kinda like magic, everybody gets along supports the song and then it is gone......

the magic happens when you are all together, in time, feeling the music, recognize that it is very short-lived. something will come up, personalities, egos, triangulating as in in: I am not speaking to _____________; so you tell them___& ____( fill in the blanks).

I have been in groups with rotating singers & rotating drummers.
I am not a lead singer, but I showed up for a gig when the singer didn't. you improvise, adapt and save the gig become a singer.

I have played lots of one night stands.

I recall some of the best groups were trios, guitar Bass and drums. every body sings, lack of contribution from any single member becomes quite obvious & noticeable.

I have played with full horn sections, back up singers, behind the basic combo. That was real magic, we came together for each gig and went our separate ways waiting for the next gig.

The longest group I played with a group was five years and we were really good friends, willing and able to overlook each others faults. The reason I stopped playing with them, 1) I moved across the country 2) untimely deaths of two members.

I hope you are able to salvage the hard work you have put into this group. You have to ask yourself if the relationship is worth saving.
You aren't into it for the money.
try to find some common ground and the real reason it isn't fun anymore.
what will it take to make it fun again and where does the band expect to be in six months or a year from now.

How do we get there?

Good luck!

"Clowns to the left of me, jokers to my right......"

 

[Runlikegregg]

I have a thought.
I think the Drummer should remain the drummer but also take on vocal duties.
Hopefully that will make him happy and feel more engaged in the band because maybe the singing is the more important part?

 

[mikew31]

You signed on with a trio. Tell them you will take a one third cut from the gigs and they can do what they want with the rest.

(not how I would handle it, but an option)

 

[Lawdawg01]

I expressed a preference to stay the course, but the Drummer says he’s done playing drums.

Sounds like he quit the band.

 

[dkelley]

Learning drums to a level competent to play out is a pretty big commitment to all the sudden find it "no fun". Odd.

Is soemthing else an issue here?

Is he any good at guitar?

Other advice:. Can he sing and play drums? Get a headset mic. Or maybe do a few guitar/guitar/bass songs during a set to scratch that itch.

LoL yea, it's funny, those with egos sometimes can be passified by letting them contribute to singing.

I know it works on me lol (singer and bassist in my group)

 

[City]

I read through the posts, although quickly, and if someone said this, my apologies. Why don't you give him a tryout. Bring old drummer in with his guitar, put a friend helping out on drums, and see what the drummer...er....eh guitarist can do. His wants, may not fit, your needs. Especially if he Sux

 

[jthisdell]

Seems like I would:

1) Try rehearsing with the drummer playing guitar and singing, just the three of you no drummer. See if it works for him to sing and play guitar.

2) If it does work or if it doesn't and the drummer is adamant about not drumming, then audition new drummers.

You might be in the awkward position of telling him that he is a better drummer than a guitarist/singer. Or you may find that it works as a four piece. You won't know anything until you let him try.

Personally I love three pieces and am in two. In each there is a member who would like it better to bring in another but in neither case have we found the right player.

 

[zubrycky]

Is he a good rhythm guitarist and singer?

THAT'S the most important question.

 

[zubrycky]

I had a great power trio in the past. Suddenly the drummer decided to quit the drums.

We broke up.

 

[51PRI]

Yeah, except you're pointing at the wrong guy. The drummer is done playing drums, for whatever reason. It's the guitarist who is not being flexible. Do you really think that if you decided you wouldn't want to play bass anymore it would be reasonable for someone to tell you that you had to do it anyway? What this looks like to me is the drummer deciding for whatever reason that he's not able or willing to be a drummer anymore and then tossing out a possible solution to that issue that will keep the band from dissolving. That's not an ultimatum. It's a hail Mary. The guitarist not willing to entertain the idea? That's an ultimatum.

The drummer IS presenting the band with an ultimatum. He's saying I'm through playing drums and the only way I'll stay in this band is to play rhythm guitar and be a second front man/lead singer. Take it or leave it. That sounds like an ultimatum to me. If the guitar player doesn't accept the drummer's ultimatum then the only recourse is for the band to break up, in one way or the other. The more I hear about the story the more I think that, if I was the bass player, I would stick with the guitar player and look for a new drummer.

 

[LBS-bass]

The drummer IS presenting the band with an ultimatum. He's saying I'm through playing drums and the only way I'll stay in this band is to play rhythm guitar and be a second front man/lead singer. Take it or leave it. That sounds like an ultimatum to me. If the guitar player doesn't accept the drummer's ultimatum then the only recourse is for the band to break up, in one way or the other. The more I hear about the story the more I think that, if I was the bass player, I would stick with the guitar player and look for a new drummer.

So when you quit a band, that's an ultimatum? That means anyone who stops playing in their band has issued an ultimatum. I get it. In my book that's quitting. In this case he wants to quit, but he's presenting an option. Nobody has to take the option.

So what other choices, pray tell, does this drummer have if he wants to stop playing the drums?

 

[51PRI]

So when you quit a band, that's an ultimatum? That means anyone who stops playing in their band has issued an ultimatum. I get it. In my book that's quitting. In this case he wants to quit, but he's presenting an option. Nobody has to take the option.

So what other choices, pray tell, does this drummer have if he wants to stop playing the drums?

Did the drummer quit the band? Maybe I'm misunderstanding the situation, but I thought he wants to stay in the band but just switch to another instrument, be a front man, and hire a new drummer.

 

[LBS-bass]

Did the drummer quit the band? Maybe I'm misunderstanding the situation, but I thought he wants to stay in the band but just switch to another instrument, be a front man, and hire a new drummer.

The drummer wants to stop playing the drums. In essence, that means that if he doesn't do something else, he has to quit. We don't know why he wants to stop. We do know that he just had knee surgery, so maybe it's pain related, or maybe he's just not having any fun. Drumming is super physical and maybe he's just not up to it anymore. For whatever reason, he says he's through with drums. So his personal options would be to quit or to toss out another idea that allows him to keep making music with his friends. To me that's what this sounds like. Maybe I'm wrong. But if he doesn't want to keep being a drummer, he really doesn't have other options.

 

[51PRI]

Well, it sounds like a de facto ultimateum at the very least. I mean, he's essentially saying I'm not playing drums any more and here is the option if you guys want me to stay in the band. The only thing I would add would be that it may need to be taken into account might be whether the ex and future non-drummer is a favorite with the band's following, or maybe not. Supposedly Pete Best was a fan favorite but still got fired.