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suicidal friend, please help me

6

60's Bluesman

Feb 7, 2010
410
4
Michigan
#1
we have this dude in our group, hes the oldest person in my group of friends hes like 30 when the next oldest is 21. hes a great guy, got a great sence of humor and hes smart as hell. well the reason he has been spending so much time with us that he and his wife have a failing marrige but she is trying to keep him around because of their children, its not working though. hes been understandably depressed since like may of this year but during the summer he started talking about wanting to end it, stop all the pain, he never said suicide outright but we knew what he ment.
things continued to get worse and worse over the m summer and he sank deeper and deeper into depression. this chick whose go a crush on him added one of my friends on facebook to keep a eye (though us) on him to make sure he didnt do anything crazy. well yesterday morning my one friend told me and another guy that the night he told that girl wh0 likes him that he was going to shoot himself in the head with a shotgun when his wife came home one night and pull the trigger in front of her. he wanted to do it on a day that is easy to remember (christmas, a birthday, etc.) so that every time its that day she will think of him and what happened. now that was yesterday...
today i get a call from my one friend that derek lost his job which he has had for his entire adult life and he and his family depend entirely on for their money.
im just afraid that this was the last straw and hes gonna do it now. i and all of my friends know he needs help, we've tried helping but his problems are much deeper than we can help with. he and his wife were going to cousueling at a chuch but that from what he told me only pissed him off and made things worse. i dont know who to turn to or what to do.
if anyone has any ideas on what to do i would really appcreate it. but if you want to be a english grammar troll save you time this isnt the place to do it.
 
#3
Seek professional help. Call the cops or a hospital if needed. If he's serious about it then you don't need to wait around, take matters into your own hands. He might hate you for it and it might be overstepping your boundaries but it's better than him killing himself.
 
#4
Do what you can to get him to focus on his children and their future. Him being gone (even if he's divorced from their mom) will leave behind nothing but pain for them. He needs to be there for them - today, tomorrow, when they're grown up. No matter how much he hates his wife, doing something dramatic will only make the pain worse for his children. Suicide is one of most selfish things one can possibly do.

My father ended his own life in '94. I was a young adult at the time, and have come to accept his reasons for making that decision, but the hole that it left in my heart will never heal.

EDIT: Professional help - NOW!!!!!!
 
#6
EricF said:
My father ended his own life in '94. I was a young adult at the time, and have come to accept his reasons for making that decision, but the hole that it left in my heart will never heal.

EDIT: Professional help - NOW!!!!!!
Click to expand...
I cannot +1 this enough. My mother took her own life 5 years ago, and while I too completely understand her reasons, I too have an emotional scar that will never completely heal.

Your friend is in danger. Please call a hotline, hospital ER, or the cops and tell them what you just told us.
 
#7
Get some professional help, my friends father shot himself on his birthday a few years ago and he still has such a hard time dealing with it. Try to convince him to go willingly, because the stress that comes with force is incredible, and should be a last resort for when you fear that something is immediately imminent.
 
#8
Jim Nazium said:
. Please call a hotline, hospital ER, or the cops and tell them what you just told us.
Click to expand...

This, +1000.

I mean you guys (the band) can sit him down and have a good heart to heart and try your damndest to talk some sense into him but here's the thing - when a person reaches that point (of really considering suicide and not just threatening it for the "attention"), there are other things going on inside their heads that you guys cannot help him with. He NEEDS professional help and RIGHT NOW.
Cops, suicide hotline, hospital ER, whomever - just call someone now.
 
#9
1. Firearms access. If possible, remove his firearms, or his ammo. You might want to include knives as well. If needed, the police can help step in and help you with this one.

2. Professional help - find out what they will do. If it is just someone on a telephone - it might not be the best option at the moment. But seriously, look into what they can do.
 
#12
EricF said:
Do what you can to get him to focus on his children and their future. Him being gone (even if he's divorced from their mom) will leave behind nothing but pain for them. He needs to be there for them - today, tomorrow, when they're grown up. No matter how much he hates his wife, doing something dramatic will only make the pain worse for his children. Suicide is one of most selfish things one can possibly do.

My father ended his own life in '94. I was a young adult at the time, and have come to accept his reasons for making that decision, but the hole that it left in my heart will never heal.

EDIT: Professional help - NOW!!!!!!
Click to expand...

x1,000,000

My father took his life in 2007. I came home from work and found his body which he knew I would and left a note for me. He was a Vietnam vet with depression and PTSD which in turn caused alot of underlying issues. This event has caused some PTSD of my own and continued the cycle of stress and depression issues in my bloodline. YOU have to help your friend NOW! Get off TB and get to work before it's too late! -Luke
 
#14
+1 to removing any obvious means of killing/harming ones self (including chemical overdose).

as someone who has given it a shot, i can tell you that you need to to really far down the spiral to start thinking about jumping off a building, or in front of traffic, or jumping in a tiger cage at the zoo or something. its very selfish, but also, as you mentioned, a means to quickly end pain. the statistics dont lie: most suicides are as quick and painless as possible.

youre going to have trouble calling the police or getting him the 5150 mandatory confinement without some form of proof (be that an email, voice mail, or anything else [police just cant take your word for it and arrest the guy, because he can deny it]). i would use this as a last resort, OR as soon as he presents any immediate danger to anyone else. the plus side to the 5150 thing is that he should be unable to legally own a firearm (temporarily or permanently... i forget [and it could be different from state to state i guess]).

if he doesnt want to live, then he needs something to live for. as has been said, he needs to know how much this would all affect his family. he needs to know just how much they love him, and how much support he has from you and your group of friends.

the thing that is both worrying and trouble is how he has said he wants to do it on a significant day. that shows you just how selfish it all is. he wants people to suffer after he is gone. on the plus side, he is clearly not bad off enough to do it today, or tomorrow. you still have time. he may be thinking about it, but hasnt taken that last step yet, so at least he is open, on some level, to the possibility of things not being so bad some day (though thats kind of an extrapolation on may part, so disregard if not applicable).

if you have to physically restrain him, then thats what you need to do, but that will not change his mindset. it will, however, give him more time to change his mind. i would be worried if he starts drinking a lot, or stops answering calls or shuts people out (stops answering phone, etc). you cant check on him 24/7, but you can let him know he is cared for, and if he understands that, it will be in his head 24/7, and suicide will be tougher to stomach.
 
#20
Hellbastard said:
I've never wanted to make suicide a joke. If it came across that way I apologize, but IME if someone publicly admits to have a desire to commit suicide they're pretty much begging for attention and they are not really serious about the idea of really taking their lives.
Click to expand...

Yeah, this is actually true and is backed up with all sorts of academic study, but the fact of the matter is that he needs to have his reality checked and be seen by a professional IMMEDIATELY to sort out his issues with depression to end the cycle started by his father, etc, whatever else. None of his friends are equipped to do this, so sometimes treating his suicidal outbursts as though he IS seriously is the best way to convince him that he needs to seek treatment asap (which he does, even if he is not likely to actually go through with anything).

Just because they talk about it does not mean you should ignore it- if anything, it should send up a warning flag that you need to support them...by helping them understand or convince them that they need to seek professional treatment. It's really the only way.

It's unlikely that you'll get the cops to put him in a 5150 unless you call 911 (paramedics) to the scene, though sometimes they will anyway. It's not always necessary. The minimum you need to do is to help convince them that, as a close friend, you are worried about his declining stability and that you would support them in seeking mental health treatment. If there is a medical college nearby, you can seek it for free or damn-near-free from trained professionals who actually know what they are doing. Don't see a therapist or a life coach or any of that.

And for the friend, if you are having a hard time dealing with this yourself, it is prudent to ask the same mental health facility for information on people you can talk to to deal with your feelings and your worries. They will have fantastic groups you can go to, and it's always free.

We don't pursue mental health treatment in this country (or any, really) very readily because of the stigma, but it can be incredibly destructive to avoid treatment yet is often life-changing to go and really immerse yourself in treatment.
 

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