suicidal friend, please help me

[Geddyfleaharris]

Let's just say that it's better to be safe than sorry and leave it at that. This thread originally got closed because of disagreements relating to this, so let's avoid that if at all possible.

Ok. Good advice. Thanks.

 

[R. Laevinus]

Wrong. The people who talk about it are the most likely to do it.

This is true.

Have to disgaree.

Read any number of articles on the subject and the predominant theme is that people who are seriously planning on doing this do not talk about it openly. They usually never tell their therapist of health care provider. If they choose to tell anyone of their plans it is a close personal friend or family member.

This is also true.

It really depends on the individual and their own specific circumstances. When somebody feels that they are driven by external influences to attempt their own lives, they will often speak about it in a conscious or subconscious effort to reach out and get help. In many cases they are unaware of what they are doing in discussing matters.

However, individuals who have, for example, mental conditions that have skewed their perceptions of the world, and therefore believe for whatever reason that suicide is a good idea, generally tend to hide their intents, and often are able to fool everyone around them - even professional psychiatrists and police responders - into thinking they are perfectly sane.

I've been both. It blows both ways. Since your friend is talking about it, and based on your comments regarding his current situation, this leads me to believe he's suffering from a situational depression that can be alleviated and treated medically, through therapy, through a change of scene, or a combination of all three.

Unfortunately for the rest of us, it's basically impossible to treat those who believe that death is somehow a good idea. He's clearly got friends who care, so that's a great help. Don't bother trying to remove dangerous items from his surroundings, because somebody truly dedicated to dying will kill themself even if they're sedated, in a straightjacket, in a padded room. Taking things away from him will only make him feel as though his life is utterly out of his control, and that his friends do not trust his judgement.

Since you've been advised by the suicide hotline that they cannot act immediately, I would personally reccomend that you take him aside and ask him to promise you that he will let you know before he goes. Make up something cheesy, like you want to be there at the end, to see him off. Chances are good that he won't call even if he does go through with it, but there is a possibility that he may actually get in touch before he attempts the deed, at which point you can call a posse down on him.

Of course, if you do that, he'll probably hate you forever - but hey, what's more important, his friendship or his life?

 

[60's Bluesman]

Let's just say that it's better to be safe than sorry and leave it at that. This thread originally got closed because of disagreements relating to this, so let's avoid that if at all possible.

thank you matt, just a update on him here: he had been doing much better and was acting like his oldself again then his girlfriend (i guess you would call her) turned out to be a complete liar and is actually still married just her husband is a trucker and is away alot. but anyways her husband found out about the two of them and kicked the living $h!t out of him at a bar here in town. none of our group has seen him since then but ive talked to him on facebook a few times and have talked to him over the phone. hes hurt by what that woman did but its making him work harder to make his own marriage work for the sake of his 2 kids. things seem to have settled out a bit for him i hope things stay smooth for him for awhile in this trying times of his..

 

[MIJ-VI]

Waitaminute. He's married, has two kids, and is messing around?

 

[Munjibunga]

thank you matt, just a update on him here: he had been doing much better and was acting like his oldself again then his girlfriend (i guess you would call her) turned out to be a complete liar and is actually still married just her husband is a trucker and is away alot. but anyways her husband found out about the two of them and kicked the living $h!t out of him at a bar here in town. none of our group has seen him since then but ive talked to him on facebook a few times and have talked to him over the phone. hes hurt by what that woman did but its making him work harder to make his own marriage work for the sake of his 2 kids. things seem to have settled out a bit for him i hope things stay smooth for him for awhile in this trying times of his..

Can you say "self-destructive"?

 

[MNAirHead]

Hoping this helps some lurker


I'll open with the comment that I am NOT a mental health provider.... just someone who's in your shoes and has worked through a few years to current success. (meaning the relative DID NOT end up dead)

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Couple of Opinions.

1-If you truely and deeply love your pal, it's worth loosing your friendship to save their life.... do what's right and quit worrying about being a friend (this can happen later)

2-Sounds like you may not be getting the greatest help from "advice & help" lines.. my experience was that many of the folks on other end were themselves "broken."

3-Check your locale for "forced in patient evaluation"... it's possible a county hospital or police can help... in most instances you can keep your name from the patient.... you need to document (write down) dates, times and locations of all suicide talk. In many jurisdictions, a "friend of the court" can force a 48 hour evaluation. This is serious stuff and mus have a solid case built for it.

4-Many times a serious patient will not give hints and will attempt at times you won't expect

5-If you do nothing, you loose your personal power

6-A Phd (doctor) told me that successful suicide is illegal in all states - knowing of a planned crime may implicate you.... (I attended conseling on behalf/with my close relative) ... may make sense to check your state laws.

7-What you did for the guy's birthday is very generous... do not feel guilty if it only worked for the short time he was physically with you - it's possible this generosity will not have any impact after the guy leaves.

8-It may be time to really soul search for how personally involved you really should get. Being half-involved may bring you down, and create your own issues if your pal is successful. Unfortunatley many medical plans do not cover your counseling while deciding.​

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One of the Successful Days that Sucked

(we checked with the cops first and put a notation on record of what our plan was)...

a Chemiocal Inbalance Doctor instructed us to find a creative way to legally enter the person's home.. we destroyed all forms of illegal medicines, drugs, alcohol, then removed all easy death tools (knives, guns, ammo etc)...

We boxed these items up, inserted a letter with our contact information... then brought them to our local police precinct.

We opened a criminal case (and were issued a file number) of an impending law to be broken.

I'm not sure what ever happened with the guns, drugs, etc.

Having been issued a criminal complaint file number helped us get her force admitted for 28 day program....

it took 4 weeks to get her brain chemistry balanced enough that the emotional doctors could begin their work.

------
In short reminder, if you sincerely love your pal, it may be time to admit that your friendship may mean the most (long term) when you let a qualified source(s) get your pal back in balance - much of what you're doing may not have as big an impact as you believe it may have.

I've been in your shoes, and welcome PMs

Tim

PS... it totally sucked for a few years, my relative is now back smiling and in balance... it was nerve wracking walking in on several failed attempts.... strange thing is that we never discuss it now and is totally a black hole period in our friendship - I was just the mean guy that saved her life.

 

[MNAirHead]

Reading through your thread... not sure the guy and/or the chick are high quality people.. they both may suck, be sick or just bad folks worth distancing from

From what you're describing below, he's not one to be trusted.

thank you matt, just a update on him here: he had been doing much better and was acting like his oldself again then his girlfriend (i guess you would call her) turned out to be a complete liar and is actually still married just her husband is a trucker and is away alot. but anyways her husband found out about the two of them and kicked the living $h!t out of him at a bar here in town. none of our group has seen him since then but ive talked to him on facebook a few times and have talked to him over the phone. hes hurt by what that woman did but its making him work harder to make his own marriage work for the sake of his 2 kids. things seem to have settled out a bit for him i hope things stay smooth for him for awhile in this trying times of his..

In some strange way I hope your pal is truely sick and not just a user Ahole.

 

[LightGroove]

Hey guys and gals,

Tons of great info. in this thread .

Ill preface by saying I am a mental health provider (QMHP)..albeit for children. Without getting extremely technical and long winded I have a few thoughts.

1. Suicide is serious and needs to be treated as such. If a child begins to discuss these matters or a pattern of "depressive behavior" the process for help begins. We dont care if its an attempt for attention, obviously they are in need of something... adults are no different.

2. To say those that discuss these thoughts/ideas arent necessarily going to do it is incorrect as well...this theme has drastically changed over the years...see point 1 again...we refer to this as suicide ideation...and they need help.

3. Now...once you turn 18 and beyond things get really sticky and confusing and services are a little trickier as they put a lot on the sick person..which baffles me but alas its our system. One simpler approach is to take them or have them go to the emergency room.. Once you tell them why you are there ime they are QUICKLY admitted and taken back..after that a specialized doctor/therapist does an evaluation. This process can take hours but leads to good conversation and reflection... typically leading to is this really what i want?

4. You mention alcoholism and an abusive father - this is HUGE and would venture to say 75% of your friends "core" issue as we refer to it.... this failed marriage and other chaotic behavior is fallout from other junk. This is another major point of discussion.

5. Lastly Im deeply spiritual and apologize for any future arguments but your friend needs spiritual help from a local church/pastor. Hes clearly in a spiritual battle for his life .Help/healing can only begin when he's ready and clearly he is not..sounds like he's temporarily coating things..expect a relapse soon.

I compliment you for being proactive and looking for help..it takes only one friend to do these sorts of things..whatever you do dont bail now..your in the thick of it... but will say protect yourself...your surely to be attacked should something bad happen...thoughts of could I have done more...should i have etc.. get your mind right to friend.

 

[60's Bluesman]

Reading through your thread... not sure the guy and/or the chick are high quality people.. they both may suck, be sick or just bad folks worth distancing from

From what you're describing below, he's not one to be trusted.



In some strange way I hope your pal is truely sick and not just a user Ahole.

in his defense he and his wife were planning on filing for devorce(but resently they deside to try to make it work again) after the hoildays so it wouldnt be as hard on their kids and was not living with her although hes with his kids as often as possible. he has know this girl for over a year and when they met she clamied to be in the final stages of a divorce which was a total lie, they weren't fooling around until he and his wife were planning on seperating.

 

[MJ5150]

.............he has know this girl for over a year and when they met she clamied to be in the final stages of a divorce which was a total lie, they weren't fooling around until he and his wife were planning on seperating.

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

-Mike

 

[60's Bluesman]

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

-Mike

ok thats funny