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Tale of two drummers...decisions - LONG

#41
Chance after chance. Time after time. He is my friend and I offered him every opportunity to make it right.

Tonight was another rehearsal. Yet another time he couldn't make it, and of course couldn't let us know until 5 minutes before rehearsal begins when we're all already there.

He's still my friend and I wish him well. But sadly he's not our drummer. Sigh.

Well, it's onto Drummer B. All is well. Just a hiccup. Change can be a good thing. Change is inevitable anyway, so we might as well embrace it.
 
#45
Sundogue said:
Chance after chance. Time after time. He is my friend and I offered him every opportunity to make it right.

Tonight was another rehearsal. Yet another time he couldn't make it, and of course couldn't let us know until 5 minutes before rehearsal begins when we're all already there.

He's still my friend and I wish him well. But sadly he's not our drummer. Sigh.

Well, it's onto Drummer B. All is well. Just a hiccup. Change can be a good thing. Change is inevitable anyway, so we might as well embrace it.
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I think we all saw this coming, even yourself bro, so good luck with drummer B, if he's as tight as u said and has a nice attitude, it won't matter if he's not the most creative drummer, since all of you can contribute with ideas for the rhythm section. Besides, having a better PA and lights won't hurt your shows right? And regarding the "wouldn't quit his job for the band" issue, well, it ain't a real issue yet, don't worry about it right now. Your music's really good BTW. Rock on!
 
#46
Can't add much, other than drummer A need to figure out what's important to him before anything else. I would think wife, kid, and job. But that's me. Help him out as a friend without enabling him the best you can. Hopefully it doesn't kill you friendship, but sometime things like this can
. Good luck with the new drummer.
 
#47
Thanks all.

Friendship is important. I'm not going to let a band derail that.

The band is important to all of us in it. I'm not going to let a friend derail that. And a true friend wouldn't let it happen.

He just needs to take care of himself first, as he's in no position to help anyone else right now. Not his family (most importantly) nor the band.

It's all cool.
 
#48
I had a very long, great talk with my friend this morning. He admitted he was dealing with an addiction to painkillers. He's checked himself into rehab. He called me to tell me, so it was all him offering up that he had a problem he needed to deal with. I figured it was something like that because he just wasn't the same person I used to play with. He said he was very glad I stuck with him, despite the issues and completely understands going with the other drummer.

I told him I'd always be here for him no matter what, and the band issues didn't weaken our friendship in any way. Two completely seperate issues.

The band can move forward, and so can my friend. All is well.

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts on this. It helped deal with a very difficult thing for me.
 
#51
Sundogue said:
All I wanted from him was at least some kind of commitment...like "I'll do whatever it takes to make it work". But rather than that, he got all miffed for even asking, and replied..."This isn't about me, but about your expectations." Well duh...it's about the whole band's expectations of him. His reply didn't really give me warm fuzzy, you know?

//

My heart tells me to stick with my friend through a tough time and see how it shakes out. My mind tells me hiring this other drummer is a no-brainer.

Thoughts?
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Yes: some friend he is. Go with the other drummer.

[edit] Just finished reading the thread - shame about his addiction and a good thing he is doing something about it. Best of luck to both of you!
 
#52
EddiePlaysBass said:
Yes: some friend he is. Go with the other drummer.

[edit] Just finished reading the thread - shame about his addiction and a good thing he is doing something about it. Best of luck to both of you!
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Thanks. You know, sometimes it is easier to rush to judgment and make hasty decisions that seem quite obvious at the time.

But we all have our weak points. Nobody is above it. I'm very happy to have stuck by him, even when others would not have. In the long run the band didn't really lose much but a little time. And I still maintain a friendship that could have been destroyed if I handled it differently.
 

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