The "Bass Player Jokes" Thread

[Commreman]

Q. What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

A. Drool........

 

[Musiclogic]

The least used sentence in the english language?

"Is that the banjo player's Porsche parked outside?"

Don't tell Bela Fleck that one....LOL

 

[Chef]

Did you hear about the bass player who was so depressed about his bad timing that he threw himself behind a train?

 

[Chef]

Son: "Daddy, I want to grow up and be a bass player."
Father: "Son, you can't have it both ways."

 

[mimaz]

Variation on a theme:

What's the difference between a dead banjo player in the middle of the road and a dead bass player in the middle of the road?

The bass player has skid marks in front of him.

 

[FalextheFalex]

Remember kids, you don't learn bass, you fail at guitar.

 

[Blueszilla]

What do you call the girl on the drummers arm??




A tattoo.

 

[Blueszilla]

What happens after the bass solo?



The music starts.

 

[Blueszilla]

Did you hear about the bass player who was so depressed about his bad timing that he threw himself behind a train?

Now that's funny.

 

[Chef]

Feel free to change that to a drummer joke when you're on the job

 

[Ken FenderJazz]

Another variation on a theme:

At St. Peter's Gates - Here's your harp, welcome to heaven!

At River Styx - Here's your accordion, welcome to hell!

 

[Woodchuck]

If a guitarist and singer are in a car, who's driving?

The cop.


How's does a guitarist get to park in the handicap spot?

Put guitar strings on the dashboard.

 

[Snufalupagus]

I was walking by the drum room in Guitar Center the other day... it was unusual, because instead of the usual top volume "boots in a dryer" thrashing, I heard several guys chanting "52... 52... 52... 52."

Curious, I stuck my head in and asked the drummers what they were doing. The drum counter guy (you know, the one with with the Dominoes shirt tucked into his backback) replied that they were celebrating.

I asked what they were celebrating...

"Well," he said while motioning to a completed jigsaw puzzle on the counter, "Me and the guys finished that puzzle in 52 days... on the box it says '2 to 4 years!'"




What is the difference between a female vocalist and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with the terrorist... ba da bump!

 

[tZer]

How can you tell when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knocks speed up.

...speeds up...and down....and up....and down....

and then he doesn't know when to come in...

Then when he finally does come in he walks into the closet... and starts knocking again...

 

[jive1]

What do you get when you cross a drummer and a roadie?
A dumb roadie

How come guitarists never catch colds?
Even viruses have pride

A guy walks into NAMM and shouts, "All guitarists are a$$holes!"
He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge. Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, "Take that back!" The guy says, "Why? Are you a guitar player?"
He says, "No, I'm an a$$hole."

Why does God give guitar player solos?
To make up for their personalities

 

[Woodchuck]

A guy walks into NAMM and shouts, "All guitarists are a$$holes!"
He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge. Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, "Take that back!" The guy says, "Why? Are you a guitar player?"
He says, "No, I'm an a$$hole."

Golden!

 

[jonathan_matos5]

Son: "Daddy, I want to grow up and be a bass player."
Father: "Son, you can't have it both ways."

growing old is mandatory

growing up is optional

 

[40Hz]

Q: What do you call a guy that hangs out with four musicians?

A: A bass player.

---------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?

A: It's when you huck an accordian out a fifth story window and it lands on the banjo that's already in the dumpster!
(With my sincerest apologies to Bela Fleck. He's amazing!)
---------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why does a guitar have 6 strings and a bass only 4?

A: A bass player needs two less to be equally mediocre.

 

[Mystic Michael]

Did you hear about the bass player who was so depressed about his bad timing that he threw himself behind a train?

No. How does it go?

MM

 

[DumbChild]

Groupie - " OH MY GOD I WANT TO BANG THE BASS PLAYER"!

That in itself is a joke