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The "Bass Player Jokes" Thread

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Chef, May 6, 2006.


  1. Chef

    Chef Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    May 23, 2004
    Columbia MO
    Staff Reviewer; Bass Gear Magazine
    Feel free to change "bass player" to drummer, guitar player, whatever if you like...

    What's the difference between a bass player, and a large pizza?
    The pizza can feed a family of four!

    What do you call a bass player wearing a pager?
    An optimist!

    What do you say to a bass player in a three piece suit?
    "Will the defendant please rise?"

    What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
    Homeless...

    How do you get the guitar player to play quieter?
    Put some sheet music in front of him.
     
  2. Freddels

    Freddels Musical Anarchist

    Apr 7, 2005
    Sutton, MA
    Hey, those are trombone jokes!
     
  3. Smallmouth_Bass

    Smallmouth_Bass

    Dec 29, 2005
    Canada
    How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. The keyboard player will get it with his left hand.
     
  4. Eric Grossman

    Eric Grossman

    Nov 3, 2004
    St. Louis
    Endorsing Artist: Hipshot Products and SIT Strings
    How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

    One, but nobody notices.
     
  5. Smallmouth_Bass

    Smallmouth_Bass

    Dec 29, 2005
    Canada
    What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
    A viola burns longer!

    What's the difference between a violin and a trampoline?
    You don't have to take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!

    What's the difference between a dead tuba player in the middle of the road and a dead bass player in the middle of the road?
    The tuba player may have been on his way to a gig.

    What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
    Nothing. They are both the same. Violin players' heads are just bigger.

    What do female vocalists use as contraception?
    Their personalities!
     
  6. Smallmouth_Bass

    Smallmouth_Bass

    Dec 29, 2005
    Canada
    What's the range of a tuba?
    About 40 feet if you've got a good arm!
     
  7. Smallmouth_Bass

    Smallmouth_Bass

    Dec 29, 2005
    Canada
    How do you get two trombonists to play in unison?
    Shoot one of them!
     
  8. Chef

    Chef Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    May 23, 2004
    Columbia MO
    Staff Reviewer; Bass Gear Magazine
     
  9. bassplayer347

    bassplayer347 Guest

    Dec 24, 2003
    Kansas
    The least used sentence in the english language?

    "Is that the banjo player's Porsche parked outside?"
     
  10. Smallmouth_Bass

    Smallmouth_Bass

    Dec 29, 2005
    Canada
    What's the difference between a female vocalist and a Porsche?
    Most people haven't been in a Porsche.
     
  11. Smallmouth_Bass

    Smallmouth_Bass

    Dec 29, 2005
    Canada
    How can you tell when a drummer is knocking at your door?
    The knocks speed up.
     
  12. You speak truth.
     
  13. DRUMMER JOKES, MUAHAHAHA:ninja: I've got no bass jokes though. Sorry. And yes, one has a mildly offenseive word in it. For this I am sorry, but it is ment in humor...:D

    What to drum solos and premature ejaculation have in common?
    You know both are coming and theres nothing you can do about it.

    How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Seven. Once to hold the lightbulb and six to drink until the room spins.
     
  14. ebe9

    ebe9

    Feb 26, 2006
    South Africa
    What does a drummer and a Philosopher have in common?

    They both view time as an abstract concept.


    (Stolen form somewhere else but still one of my favourites)
     
  15. Chef

    Chef Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    May 23, 2004
    Columbia MO
    Staff Reviewer; Bass Gear Magazine
    ...speeds up...and down....and up....and down....
     
  16. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb........7, one to change the bulb and 6 to talk about how Neil Peart would have done it..........

    How can you tell if the drum riser is level.........Drool runs out both corners of the drummers mouth..........
     
  17. Joe Turski

    Joe Turski

    Jul 29, 2003
    Connecticut
    m
    Minus Bela Fleck of course.
     
  18. What do you call two bass players playing in unison?

    2nd minor
     
  19. NamelessOne

    NamelessOne

    Mar 9, 2006
    Calgary, AB
    and then he doesn't know when to come in...
     
  20. :D

    One of my favorites.
     

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