The TalkBass Personal Support Thread

[jade]

Generally I don't have many problems. Anything I do have I just sorta tell myself "That's not important" and then it just washes away, so most of the time I'm happy, I guess.

But a couple of nights ago, for three nights in a row, actually, I sorta had these nightmares (actually, they were more dreams dealing with my issues, I guess, which I don't normally have). I think it actually progressed, from me realizing what I must do, me actually doing it, then me finding out what the possible outcome.

It might seem a little lame, but it's really important to me: Basically, my job decided to not schedule me for three weeks. *snip*...

I had work situation like this before. They told me they'll call me when they need me after 2 weeks of work. They did call, the next weekend but I was looking for a full-time job not part-time and besides, they called 2 hours before they wanted me to work and in that week I found a nicer and better job.

I would just go ahead and apply everywhere. Why work for a place that lies? What else are they going to screw you out of, a pay check? I was waiting tables and I got screwed out of my tips.

 

[Mark Wilson]

Same here. Except for the whole "found someone" bit.

It seems like I just don't like being with people in general, but I also get tired of being alone. What to do?

I feel the same way. People ask me to go out, but I don't want to. But, I feel like a "loser" because I stay in all the time.

But again, I sit in my dorm practicing bass. That, and my girlfriend are my true loves. I'm perfectly content sitting there every day, with both of them. I couldn't ask for more.

I could use a car. Just everything being easier. I hate the Toronto Streetcar and Subway.

 

[Sonic_Death]

I feel the same way. People ask me to go out, but I don't want to. But, I feel like a "loser" because I stay in all the time.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with staying in all the time and not wanting to go out. And if there is... then both of us are screwed! help

If you are content with what you do, and you are not in any danger, then I see no problem with it. As you said, you have your bass and your girlfriend, seems like you are well off to me.

 

[Rakie]

Personally... IM a social freak, i get along with almost everybody, I have metal head friends that go to see Mastadon, The Faceless, Opeth, then I have my nerdy friends, stuck on WoW / Computers / political arguments. Then I got my GF, i freaking met her on a video game, lol... She's everything to me. I fell completely in love with her, and she fell for me... one day she called me... and i started talking about an Ex GF... (This was before we were dating) cuz i just saw her... Now the (Current) GF started crying, and she asked me "Do you love me... or are you in love with me? There's a difference" I knew what I wanted to say, she knew what she wanted to hear... but telling her "im in love with you" was one of the scariest things i've ever done... it giev's me chills just thinking about it honestly, always has...

for the Highschool guys... what you really need to do is just grab life by the balls, it took me a LONG, LONG time to do that and once you dont care what some random person thinks, the happier you'll be.

Btw... over a year with my GF, Long distance we trust eachother and visit whenever we can... its damn hard, but worth it.

 

[Tsal]

+100. I had a similar situation. Started getting very attracted to a good friend of mine and asked her out for a date. She denied me, but it didnt become awkward between us after i asked her out. Theres really not much to lose..

My opinion is just the opposite. In fact, my opinion is that you should NOT ask your best female friend out, but to spend time with her. Don't even mention the whole dating thing, it'll grow into a relationship if it's ment to be.

I had a similar thing with a college friend of mine, we did spend a lot of time together and enjoyed each other's company. It did go to such extent that I started thinking if there's something between us - the biggest mistake was that once after a few beers I said it out loud. Turns out she was attracted to some other guy and well, we started seeing a lot less after that.

 

[cheezewiz]

Hmmm...how's this one? My wife of 13 years, mother of my children, who has been my absolutely best friend in the world for 16 years, announces she no longer wishes to be married to me, taking me completely by surprise.

 

[BurningSkies]

Hmmm...how's this one? My wife of 13 years, mother of my children, who has been my absolutely best friend in the world for 16 years, announces she no longer wishes to be married to me, taking me completely by surprise.

Holy Crap.

Man, that sucks! I'm so sorry to hear this. Not that there's anything anyone can say to make this any better...but I truely am saddened by this and wish you the best in making this better.

 

[Sonic_Death]

Hmmm...how's this one? My wife of 13 years, mother of my children, who has been my absolutely best friend in the world for 16 years, announces she no longer wishes to be married to me, taking me completely by surprise.

That is really sad man, is there any hope she will change her mind? Did she give any good reasons for this? I am sorry to hear the news.

 

[smperry]

Hmmm...how's this one? My wife of 13 years, mother of my children, who has been my absolutely best friend in the world for 16 years, announces she no longer wishes to be married to me, taking me completely by surprise.

I'm really sorry to hear this...don't know what else to say.

Marshall

 

[cheezewiz]

That is really sad man, is there any hope she will change her mind? Did she give any good reasons for this? I am sorry to hear the news.

Well, she has a myriad of reasons she has given me, mostly related to the fact she has been "unhappy" for "years", but none of this unhappiness manifested itself until she developed a "friendship" with a male co worker. She claims there is no chance at all she'll change her mind.

 

[jeff_bass28]

Well, she has a myriad of reasons she has given me, mostly related to the fact she has been "unhappy" for "years", but none of this unhappiness manifested itself until she developed a "friendship" with a male co worker. She claims there is no chance at all she'll change her mind.

Well now, THAT sounds familiar!

Hang in there, I know it's rough, but...

 

[jeff_bass28]

Oh, and having gotten rid of all my bass gear to get what little $$ I could, I'm stuck with a pos Washburn Lyon I picked up for $30 that is now falling apart. And no amp.

 

[Phil Mastro]

Man, that's really harsh jeff_bass28. Hopefully good karma is on the way.

On a personal note, I don't have any big problems worth mentioning here. I'll just divert all this positive energy to everybody else that needs it

 

[velvetkevorkian]

My mother has chronic multiple sclerosis and is constantly losing motor skills. The one person I've always been able to depend on is now depending on me more and more, and I have no idea how to cope with it.

Thats aside from the standard woman troubles (or lack of) and the poorly paid job, but that's par for the course.

 

[Krisfield]

I've been having problems for the past 19 years. Recently I found out that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to a nasty incident with a piece of machinery. To cut a long story short, I'm finally getting this illness under control, but it's taken all of 19 years of hard work to do it.

 

[anomalee]

I mentioned in the 'are you happy' thread about my wife cheating on me not long ago. This has really messed up my whole existence...and stirred up some long repressed feelings. Let me offer a little history. When i was 15 years old i was standing by my locker at high school when out of the corner of my eye i caught sight of the most beautiful thing i had ever seen. I fell in love with her that very moment. It was her first day at our school...and to make things worse she walked straight up to me and said 'hey'. Well being that i was chubby and introverted i never really tried to make a move on her out of the whole fear of rejection thing. Well we became good friends and she ended up dating an acquaintance of mine. They were off and on for a while and a couple of years later she started dating another buddy of mine with whom she ended up having a kid with. Several years passed and she ended up with the first acquaintance. They again were off and on for a while and when i was about 21 they split and she and I started to hang out. Well naturally it was about 12 seconds before those initial feelings i had for her surfaced and I was straight up in love with her and her daughter. We actually became very close and she was my life for a couple of years. The only thing was she never really let go of her past...and we never were anything more than friends. In the how long did you go without that special kiss thread i said forever, and this is who i was referring to. Well time went by and she ended up back with the first guy there and they are now married. I was devastated and was going through a hard time with that when i met a very vivacious and beautiful girl. This chick absolutely worshiped the ground i walked on. She brought me anything i needed every day. Once i mentioned i liked a bass i saw in a local music store. Well she said ok and 2 hours later returned to my house with the bass...after a lengthy fight with the clerk at the store because someone else had put a down payment on the thing already and it was in layaway. Anyway because of this first chick that i couldn't give up on i never opened up to this girl and gave her the love she deserved. We were together for about two years and we decided to call it quits. Well about a month later she died. She was 27 years old and instantly i realized that i had screwed up. That was one of the hardest things ive ever dealt with but during my weakest time i met my wife. I don't know how i fell but i did...into the most verbally abusive situation ive ever even heard of. Well we had a baby in the oven before it turned into to that so i was stuck. I put up with her screaming at me for the first couple of years until i just couldn't handle it anymore and i pretty much turned into her. She would yell at me and i would yell at her and we were both miserable about 75 percent of the time. The rest of the time was ok, and with our first son we had some common bond to go on when he was paying attention so we stuck it out. Well everything came to a head and I decided i couldn't do it anymore and about 4 days after i left she found out she was pregnant with my second son. So i came back because i did care about her and absolutely about the babies, and I tried. that was around 2 years ago. We got along pretty good most of the time especially considering she was on bed rest for 6 weeks with the second, due to the first being grossly premature, and that was very rough on me but i stuck it out and i even enjoyed it at times to keep my family happy. Well it has progressively gotten worse and worse over the last year or so, and she decided to get a job. She worked there for about a month and i knew something was up one night when she was going to a 'christmas party'. The next morning at 6 am i was jolted out of my sleep by a sharp stomach pain. I got up to go to the bathroom and she walked in just a minute later. I got up and came to look at her, and when i looked in her eyes i knew she had cheated on me. I called her out on it and she admitted it to me with details. She now says she's sorry, that it shouldn't have taken that for her to realize she loves me and she wants to work it out. I was built on the set of blueprints that says if your spouse cheats on you, it's over, no questions asked. So now i have no idea what to do with myself. My kids are the most loved thing on this planet, but when i leave for a couple of days and come back to get them they act like they hate me for the first 24 hours and i simply can't handle it. On the other hand, if i were to stay with her, i know it's going to be a lie and that i'll never forgive or trust her again. I haven't been around on here that much for the last bit because of all of this, and i have no idea what to do. She acts like nothing even happened and thinks i should just forget about the whole thing and work on living happily ever after with her. Maybe someone here will have some good advice, but my take is that if i had a self destruct button, i would absolutely push it. Im spent and dont know how much more i can handle.

 

[Neb Maro]

I'm just dealing with the standard repressed rage, overt depression and great confusion as to how I am going to channel my abilities. I am good at several different things, but do not know which could be turned into a career.

 

[Baryonyx]

Oh, and having gotten rid of all my bass gear to get what little $$ I could, I'm stuck with a pos Washburn Lyon I picked up for $30 that is now falling apart. And no amp.

Through this suffering you will find the answer Jeff, and you will discover strength inside you that you never knew you had. Good luck often favours honest, hard working men.

PM me if you ever need to talk.

 

[anomalee]

As if I didn't have enough on my plate, my favorite uncle died this morning. yay for me.

 

[paintandsk8]

I am not surprised at all by the fact that most of the posts in this thread revolve around loneliness. Yesterday one of my professors stated that "It is arguable that death is not man's greatest fear, but rather the fear of being alone." I think that there is quite alot of truth in that statement. I think that alot of people, including me , channel their feelings of general loneliness into the need for a romantic relationship. I've been single for nearly two years now and would love to have a romantic relationship, but I think that some great friendships would be just as satisfying. Basically my big thing right now is that I feel like no-one cares of me as much as I care for them. I have a handful of friends for whom I would do just about anything at the drop of a hat, but I don't feel like anyone I know would do the same for me. It's very depressing.