There are it seems, few 2nd chances

[Josh Ryan]

Post only relevant info going forward please, do not be disrespectful to others on TB. Thanks.

 

[P. Aaron]

Are any of you guys in real working bands?

Up until I was hospitalized we played about 30 PAYING shows a year.

So yes, I was working in that sense. I also was responsible for nearly 30% of the band's bookings to those PAYING shows.

Like I said, it's one thing to be replaced. But, they could have used a little more class doing it. THAT, I could respect. But to wait until the last minute, LEADING ME ON for the whole damn year, only to VM fire me.

That's just low.

 

[Thunderthumbs73]

Up until I was hospitalized we played about 30 PAYING shows a year.

So yes, I was working in that sense. I also was responsible for nearly 30% of the band's bookings to those PAYING shows.

Like I said, it's one thing to be replaced. But, they could have used a little more class doing it. THAT, I could respect. But to wait until the last minute, LEADING ME ON for the whole damn year, only to VM fire me.

That's just low.

You hit the nail on the head: no class.

But... ...now that you know what you know, even if given a totally open door to come back, would you? A rhetorical question, perhaps, but one which I think is important to consider with regard to how well off you may be in the long-term by having this admittedly bogus, bs thing happen with the band.

Regards.

 

[ggunn]

Up until I was hospitalized we played about 30 PAYING shows a year.

So yes, I was working in that sense. I also was responsible for nearly 30% of the band's bookings to those PAYING shows.

Like I said, it's one thing to be replaced. But, they could have used a little more class doing it. THAT, I could respect. But to wait until the last minute, LEADING ME ON for the whole damn year, only to VM fire me.

That's just low.

We get it. You feel you have been wronged and you're upset about it. It's perfectly understandable.

But there's no future in holding a grudge. Get over it. Whether or not you continue to associate with your former bandmates is of course your call, but being publicly accusatory and bitter about the incident is going to close more doors for you than it will open.

You know, it is rare that a band will speak with only one voice. It is conceivable to me that the person who was "leading you on" was speaking for himself in good faith only to have been overridden in the end by someone else in the band. Internal band politics is very often a bit of a bumpy road.

Here's a real world example: My brother and a good friend of mine were in a band together, and my friend was the songwriter and more or less the leader. The lead guitarist and bass player came to my friend and told him that unless my brother was fired from the band, they would quit. It all stemmed from a personal argument that the guitarist had had with my brother; the guitarist and the bassist were tight, and the guitarist recruited him into this little power play. My friend caved in to it and fired my brother, who understandably felt betrayed. He and my friend did not speak for three years, which was very awkward for me.

I finally got tired of having to tiptoe on eggshells (to mix a metaphor) with each of them when speaking of the other, so I arranged a confrontation. The three of us had several beers together one night, which was a very emotional experience and a lot came out which had been deeply buried and had been festering for three years.

Now the three of us are in a band together which totally blows the doors off their former band which all the hubbub was about.

You have been through the wringer and I feel for you. You needed to vent, and you've done that. My advice now is to shut up about it and focus on moving forward with a positive attitude. You more than anyone should realize that life is far too short to go through however much time is left to you with that rock of negativity in your gut.

 

[P. Aaron]

You hit the nail on the head: no class.

But... ...now that you know what you know, even if given a totally open door to come back, would you? A rhetorical question, perhaps, but one which I think is important to consider with regard to how well off you may be in the long-term by having this admittedly bogus, bs thing happen with the band.

Regards.

No. There's a coalition there that will never ask me, and I don't spend time wondering if they would.

We get it. You feel you have been wronged and you're upset about it. It's perfectly understandable.

But there's no future in holding a grudge. Get over it. Whether or not you continue to associate with your former bandmates is of course your call, but being publicly accusatory and bitter about the incident is going to close more doors for you than it will open.

You know, it is rare that a band will speak with only one voice. It is conceivable to me that the person who was "leading you on" was speaking for himself in good faith only to have been overridden in the end by someone else in the band. Internal band politics is very often a bit of a bumpy road.

Here's a real world example: My brother and a good friend of mine were in a band together, and my friend was the songwriter and more or less the leader. The lead guitarist and bass player came to my friend and told him that unless my brother was fired from the band, they would quit. It all stemmed from a personal argument that the guitarist had had with my brother; the guitarist and the bassist were tight, and the guitarist recruited him into this little power play. My friend caved in to it and fired my brother, who understandably felt betrayed. He and my friend did not speak for three years, which was very awkward for me.

I finally got tired of having to tiptoe on eggshells (to mix a metaphor) with each of them when speaking of the other, so I arranged a confrontation. The three of us had several beers together one night, which was a very emotional experience and a lot came out which had been deeply buried and had been festering for three years.

Now the three of us are in a band together which totally blows the doors off their former band which all the hubbub was about.

You have been through the wringer and I feel for you. You needed to vent, and you've done that. My advice now is to shut up about it and focus on moving forward with a positive attitude. You more than anyone should realize that life is far too short to go through however much time is left to you with that rock of negativity in your gut.

I doubt it was just one of them...I have dared to disagree with one or 2 of them before. According to some, it's just not done.

If I 'hold a grudge', it's just the classless way it was done...in light of disagreements, or personality clashes, we're still talking over a decade of 'friendship' here.

I just would have preferred to know months ago. I could have got on with things much sooner. They wasted a lot of time I could have spent moving on.

I have to be over it, so I am.

 

[williamk]

I think I would call and yell at them. At least to get it out of my system and to let them know completely how I feel about the situation.

 

[P. Aaron]

I think I would call and yell at them. At least to get it out of my system and to let them know completely how I feel about the situation.

Considering how it was handled, why would they care if I called & ranted at them? Why give them another reason to say: "...see, he's unreasonable". I am movin' on to the next gig.

It begs a question though: How does one, or do you beyond a superficial basis develope any rapport with a new band or band members. I suppose you do, it's all chemistry y'know?

I'll just have a cynical view...for a while about the whole thing. Playing music still wins out over all other considerations.

 

[KeithPas]

Sorry to hear of your health problems but very happy that you are on the mend and feeling better. Also sorry your so called friends would treat you this way; these guys do not have their priorities in order and, as hurtful as it is, put them and the band behind you, don't be eaten up with resentment (it will hurt you far more than it will hurt them) and kick major but in your next band.

 

[P. Aaron]

Sorry to hear of your health problems but very happy that you are on the mend and feeling better. Also sorry your so called friends would treat you this way; these guys do not have their priorities in order and, as hurtful as it is, put them and the band behind you, don't be eaten up with resentment (it will hurt you far more than it will hurt them) and kick major but in your next band.

I kicked butt in the 'old' band but, I would not even have any 'new' opportunities without forsaking the old gig. So, in a way, the timetable I was putting in place for myself was accelerated.

If I ever was to have left the other gig, I would have at least, given some notice.

So it goes.