There are it seems, few 2nd chances

[BassChuck]

Have a little pity for them..... they don't know how to handle themselves and are probably emabarrassed by their own actions. Give them some space and forgive them. Most people can only handle the life changing thing that effect them, not others.

You've got a wonderful gift of a second chance. How you will spend your time?

 

[P. Aaron]

Thank you all for your encouragement. I am workin'on it.

Have a little pity for them..... they don't know how to handle themselves and are probably emabarrassed by their own actions. Give them some space and forgive them. Most people can only handle the life changing thing that effect them, not others.

You've got a wonderful gift of a second chance. How you will spend your time?

There's probably much truth in what you say here. However, these guys are old enough...I think to know better. Perhaps I'm wrong.

Right now, I have been taking lessons learning Jazz fundamentals. I was doing that when I was 1st diagnosed.

I also Craigs-Listed an ad and am fending off every cover band that does what most other cover bands are doing. I can do that but, I want something more challenging that breaks a few musical conventions.

Joining or forming a band as a catharsis will do me no good. Plus, it's what most folks would expect.

 

[Deluge Of Sound]

Joining or forming a band as a catharsis will do me no good.

What makes you say that? I've often found it to do exactly that.

 

[Jim Campbell]

I refuse to help them keep an audience. I had my angry thoughts...I'll do my best to just let it go instead.

I have to try this, it won't be easy. I thought they were friends...y'know? For a decade or so there anyway.

How do you heal from something like this? I get to find out.

there are friends......and people you know...the trick is to learn the difference....oddly enough the people that i know who go out of their way to demonstrate friendship overtly;big hugs,calling you their "good friend,buddy etc" are generally not.....

i wouldn't sweat it.....the people that really come through when you need them are often the ones that you would never expect,and probably spend little time with....

 

[Josh Ryan]

there are friends......and people you know...the trick is to learn the difference....oddly enough the people that i know who go out of their way to demonstrate friendship overtly;big hugs,calling you their "good friend,buddy etc" are generally not.....

i wouldn't sweat it.....the people that really come through when you need them are often the ones that you would never expect,and probably spend little time with....

this. After seven years though, you'd think a little more loyalty just as a bandmate....

Good to hear about your improved health.

 

[john_martin_sai]

Time to put them in your past.

Maybe you were destined for greater things.

 

[JMac- Wiskerface Designs]

Congrats on Your recovery first and foremost.
IMO- Sometimes it takes time and/ or a series of events for folks to show their true colors. It really sucks that these guys gave You the shaft, but look at it this way. You are starting out kind of fresh and in search of Your next gig, and an awesome gig may be just around the corner. You may have to scratch around and search but, You'll find a good one.
As for those Guys. I wouldn't waste my time and energy giving what they did a whole lot of thought. Just concentrate on Your playing, and finding the gig that makes You happy.
Best of Luck!

 

[thumpbass1]

I'm glad you are recovering from such a life changing illness. I hope you continue to recover and move forward. I've found that in trials and tribulations in my own life, one painfully learns who their real loved ones and friends are that can be counted on.

Obviously what you have experienced hurts, and there is no way around it. The best thing is in giving things time, and doing the hard work of not letting the hurt and consequent sense of bitterness that will follow as natural result, take over the rest of your life. Your now former band mates aren't worth anymore of your pain or time. I wish you the best, and hope you recover your life and find something better ahead for you.

 

[Commreman]

Wow, that's cold.

I am delighted to hear that you are healing. That is the most important thing here. As others have already said, time to "shake the dust off your sandals" with these guys and move on. Another door will open for you, and based on your success with life altering struggles, better things are headed your way. Don't let bitterness or your rear view mirror interfere with your recognition of those open doors.

I've personally been through some unbelievable struggles over the past couple of years, and by the grace of God, have come through to better things. PM me if you would like to chat.

 

[john_g]

If someone pulled that on me I would take advantage of the fact that most bands have websites/facebook/myspace and write all over their pages exactly what they pulled, just like you did here on TB. Seems like you want to move on but, what the hell, give em one last dig lol

 

[Justlearning]

I don't know you, but from reading your thread, I know for a fact that you have lots to be thankful for. You're beating the disease that hit you...you have a great family that has been and still is there for you...and some great friends. Unfortunately, these bandmates, friends? let you down...how very unfortunate for them. They are going to be the ones who lose. You've already won. And you are right when you said they are old enough to know better than to treat a friend and fellow bandmate the way they have...my 9 year old grandson knows better! What matters is the way you handle it. Don't lower yourself to their level...don't go hear them play, don't post things on facebook about them. I am a firm believer that things have a way of working themselves out. Your bandmates won't go unpunished. Good things are in store for you. Move on, cherish your family and friends who have stood by you. And let us here at TB know how things go for you. Bless you and your family.

 

[dwm74]

Glad to hear of your improving health, mate. That and your family is still there for you. And that's all that matters.

I totally understand how you feel, though, and it isn't going to be easy to just forget about the way you were treated by them. But in order to get on with your life, you just gotta take a long cleansing breath, exhale, and move on. Let it go, as any bad feelings you're harboring only hurts YOU, not them. Believe me, we've all been mistreated or disrespected by different people over the years, and experience tells me to close the door, and simply look forward. Your paths may very well cross again, and when they see you've successfully moved on, they'll probably regret their actions.

 

[totallyfrozen]

As some of you know, I was diagnosed last year with Multiple Myeloma. I was hospitalized and in severe pain off & on for months. Then a slow fragile state of healing and am now well on to a recovery or, at least a stalemete.

At the time, I had to cancel everything in life. My wife & kids were always there, and some friends...even the guys from the band. I told them I would return and they kept encouraging me to get better. Within a year, I am physically ready to play again. Remarkable if I do say so myself.

The band had to hire a mercenary to play shows for me but, all the while, I made clear that I was coming back and the band made no noise to the contrary. As late as August of this year, I called and said: "when am I starting back with you guys?". They said they'd look into it and get back with me. Problem: the mercenary is a friend of the key-player who's buddied up to the guitarist.

Well, I am out, they voted & said via-VM that they didn't want to "go backwards" and are not asking me back. I was insulted by the 'going backwards' comment. The mercenary they have is a pretty limp player. I know this 'cause I have worked with 'em in another gig. But it seems a coalition has been built and I guess that's just the way it is. But get this:

One band-mate, I have known for 13 years, another 12 years. I was informed via voice mail by one of the 2. The other, no call, nothing.
I can't decide if I am more mad or hurt. After over a decade of 'friendship' and nearly 7 years in this band to have the door slammed that hard. Cold...just cold.

Yeah, I plan on moving on but...just...wow! Some people.

Sounds like they're ashamed of what they've done...and rightfully so, IMO.

 

[P. Aaron]

What makes you say that? I've often found it to do exactly that.

Lemme provide some context; I was reading some replies from Craigslist and was viewing some you-tube links provided by the sender(s).

The posted vids had lotsa guys involved in marathon tuning sessions and staring at their shoes. All the while saying: "...this was our most recent gig"

As far as forming another band? If the chemistry is right I would love to go that route but, I am not directly looking to do that because it takes time; along with the re-building of club connections, and re-establishing the business end of things. I am thinking of being the mercenary myself that just helps another band get to another level.

 

[P. Aaron]

What matters is the way you handle it. Don't lower yourself to their level...don't go hear them play, don't post things on facebook about them. I am a firm believer that things have a way of working themselves out.

I am in this mode. Just move on and utilize what was productive & useful about the whole experience.

I don't want to be near those guys...for a long time, if ever again.

I did however, 'un-friend' them all. I had to go on FB anyway to block my brother-in-law's soon to be ex-wife & family...as a protective measure y'know?

 

[burk48237]

Aaron, from my POV your band mates seemed a bit cold and distant in my little experience. I tried and tried to find a bit of common ground to communicate with them (usually not hard for me with any musician) and found them uninterested. I'm really not surprised. They all seemed a bit reluctant to let anyone in their own little worlds. I'm glad to hear about your recovery. We should do the coffee thing sometime.

 

[JimK]

Aaron-
...wow, I did not realize you were so ill. I really hope you're doing OK!

Anyway, the best revenge is to live well...find a better band with better people. You'll make it. Take care, bro'.

 

[Phil Smith]

P. Aaron, I'm of the belief that if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be angry or dissapointed at all with the ex-band members, they do after all need to keep it moving and that's what I would expect them to do. Minds change as time changes, they're in a different place and so are you and there's always other opportunities to play...easy for me to say, because I am a mercinary, I don't do the band thing, but when I did, this was still my position...bands are fleeting.

I say move on be happy for you be happy for them as the positive energy will put you in a better place than being resentful.

And for you all you other guys out there encouring negativity, what's up with that? I mean really?

 

[P. Aaron]

P. Aaron, I'm of the belief that if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be angry or dissapointed at all with the ex-band members, they do after all need to keep it moving and that's what I would expect them to do.

Then why did they lead me on for a year? To make me feel good?

I can take a 'No'.

 

[Phil Smith]

You could in a way say they were doing what they could to provide you with hope for the future. There's more than one way to look at or interpret things and I'm just offering up a possibility.