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Thinking about quitting!

Hevy T

Hevy T

Jan 11, 2011
4,293
4,017
56
Lethbridge, AB Canada
#1
Every single project I have gotten involved in since about 2016 has fallen apart due to…

lack of commitment from members
Inexperienced players
Clashing attitudes
Or all 3 if convenient!

I have gone through drummers that hit so light he had to mic his kit just in a basement setting

a keyboard player that just started playing that apparently knew everything about every instrument and how to run a band. Now she is a tax expert in one year!!!

a guitarist that wanted to use his looper pedal to record his solos and play them back live and just do his rhythms and get mad at the rest of us for not being at the right spot when he hits his playback button

we found a great guitarist and had 2 sets down in 2 practices when he let us know that he sold his house and was moving away

And this latest one! The new guitarist is a music teacher and has a habit to do songs in different keys and change the progressions while at the same time slowing it down considerably. Think Higher Ground at the same tempo as say Can’t You See and change it to Am and not follow the progression but make up his own! Today he mentioned that he is going to also seek out other musicians to play with. He was upfront so not a big deal to me. Lots of people have several projects on the go at the same time. But then the drummer that has to have all the songs in the same order as a set list flipped the other day because a song was out of order. Well he quit today because he got mad at what the guitarist said!

mall this plus stress at work because I do piece work and my expenses are up and profits are down!

I am just about ready to just quit and sell everything! This relaxing thing called music is stressing me out too much! Plus I get no sympathy or support from my wife, she just says that she don’t want to hear me talk about it!!!!

I don’t know! Am I alone or are there others like me lol?
 
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#5
Quitting is okay.

It's okay to take a break as well.

I am retired pro, and really have no interest in performing live again. I think the #1 thing you can do to make playing music a hassle is to take it too seriously. It's probably best if your priority is simply to enjoy playing rather than thinking you have to get a gig. Something about getting paid and going through the ordeal tends to kill the joy. Gigs almost never give you what you think they should. A lot of people don't learn this till it's too late.

I still enjoy noodling around on my basses and I have always been a gear head, so I enjoy amps and related stuff. The point is I only pursue bass related activities that still give my joy.

Good luck!
 
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#6
Hevy T said:
Every single project I have gotten involved in since about 2016 has fallen apart due to…

lack of commitment from members
Inexperienced players
Clashing attitudes
Or all 3 if convenient!

I have gone through drummers that hit so light he had to mic his kit just in a basement setting

a keyboard player that just started playing that apparently knew everything about every instrument and how to run a band. Now she is a tax expert in one year!!!

a guitarist that wanted to use his looper pedal to record his solos and play them back live and just do his rhythms and get mad at the rest of us for not being at the right spot when he hits his playback button

we found a great guitarist and had 2 sets down in 2 practices when he let us know that he sold his house and was moving away

And this latest one! The new guitarist is a music teacher and has a habit to do songs in different keys and change the progressions while at the same time slowing it down considerably. Think Higher Ground at the same tempo as say Can’t You See and change it to Am and not follow the progression but make up his own! Today he mentioned that he is going to also seek out other musicians to play with. He was upfront so not a big deal to me. Lots of people have several projects on the go at the same time. But then the drummer that has to have all the songs in the same order as a set list flipped the other day because a song was out of order. Well he quit today because he got mad at what the guitarist said!

mall this plus stress at work because I do piece work and my expenses are up and profits are down!

I am just about ready to just quit and sell everything! This relaxing thing called music is stressing me out too much! Plus I get no sympathy or support from my wife, she just says that she don’t want to hear me talk about it!!!!

I don’t know! Am I alone or are there others like me lol?
Click to expand...
So your expectations often exceeded your experiences. You may have had your hopes too high. Maybe by insufficiently adjusting your expectations.

You may well be right. But could there be other fields where you yourself keep falling short in others' expectations? (How about that guitarist getting mad about you not being at the right spot fitting his loops? How about a subtle drummer that has to resort to amplification?)
 
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#8
Gotta find a foundation of players whom you gel with. I think it takes time. My current outfit went through about 6 drummers in 3 years, may have been more.
We auditioned a lot more than that.
The original version had a really nice kid on rhythm guitar who just...played rhythm guitar. He did draw his cocky millennial friends which still causes me some PTSD.
That was a rude bunch...
When you keep hitting dead ends, keep taking right hand turns.
But sometimes quitting for a year works too. When I moved to Charlotte I joined an outfit that couldn't get off the ground. Took a hard right after that, and now I play close to100 shows per year.
Meditate?
 
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#9
A couple thoughts...

1. If you're doing it for fun, and it's not fun, don't do it.
2. In my (admittedly possibly jaded) experience, those that complain, argue, cast blame on others, are sure that their way is the ONLY way, and opine the loudest and most stringently are usually the least informed and skilled. This seems to hold true in almost every area of life. Avoid these people.
3. The truly great professional musicians are almost always also nice, reliable people. You can't make a living if you're not pleasant and reliable unless you're an actual rock star.
4. Weekend warriors and folks with little or no training and experience have a greater likelihood of fitting the unflattering profile in item #2 above
5. If you're driven to play publicly and/or with other players, practice more on your own. A lot. Hours daily. For years. Listen to and emulate players you really admire. Find increasingly challenging stuff, technically and intellectually, to transcribe and play. Learn to sight read standard bass, treble, and even tenor clef notation fluently, and to transpose on sight and by ear. Basically, elevate your own skills to the level of a professional amateur or an amateur professional, and make yourself attractive to a higher "class" of people and musicians. "Professional" - one who does things for money and treats his work respectfully and responsibly: "Amateur" - one who does things for love. A great professional is almost always an amateur, too. An amateur, however, doesn't always behave like a professional, nor always have the same high level skill set.

Just some thoughts. I've been in a lot of ensembles over the years, but the bulk of my work is freelance. I'm blessed to play with tons of truly great players on a regular basis, and the difficulties the OP described are echoes of very distant faint memories from the startup days in my teens. Folks who rely on music for their livelihood simply don't do that to each other... at least, not if they expect to get hired again.
 
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#10
Hevy T said:
a guitarist that wanted to use his looper pedal to record his solos and play them back live and just do his rhythms and get mad at the rest of us for not being at the right spot when he hits his playback button
Click to expand...
I still trying to digest the guitarist on this little bit of madness.........so the timing, tempo, tuning must be absolutely perfect or this doesn't ever work.
 
#11
db59 said:
I still trying to digest the guitarist on this little bit of madness.........so the timing, tempo, tuning must be absolutely perfect or this doesn't ever work.
Click to expand...
I'm not a fan of loopers, sequencers, clicks, or any other "tracking" when playing live, but I worked, as a keyboardist) with a great guitarist in duo situations for years and he used a looper occasionally. He was an absolute wizard with it; never any issues with timing or tempi. He almost converted me....:) ... almost. It can be done well, but like anything it has start with a lot of practice and skill.
 
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#14
I was in this position about 10 years ago. Ended up taking a break and picked it up again this year and absolutely loving it. It’s more fun jamming with friends and taking lessons or using SBL here and there to work on chops. A lot of other great things happened in the 10 year hiatus to make playing now much more fun of a hobby (I may have been the one with too high of expectations previously).
 
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#18
Chris Laarman said:
How about a subtle drummer that has to resort to amplification?)
Click to expand...

I apologize for getting carried away. - Likely the most admirable musician I have ever worked with (well, played in trad. jazz sessions with) was Dick Spieker. He could play anything in any key on this trumpet, but he was a great drummer too. He'd limit himself to brushes, and every accent he gave would go noticed. Whereas other drummers would play "spinach style" and thus prevent themselves from giving accents. And causing lip pains to wind players.
"Spinach style": my personal description of toddlers using both hands in "I.DON'T.WANT.SPINACH!" - Musical translation: if you always play at 100% Attack, you have no way of giving accents, but when you default to play at 40% Attack, your accents can be 2.5 as forceful as your default.

Another lesson I took from Dick: when I knew him, around 1980, he'd be a session leader at the Joseph Lam Jazz Club in Amsterdam. The leader of the Advanced sessions. He'd hand-pick those who'd fit together in a set, occasionally inviting beginners (like me), making constructive suggestions low-key, and both the players and the audience would have fun. Then he retired, and he was succeeded by an air traffic controller who did know his way on the piano. However, his vision of the Advanced sessions was to put all big names together. So they tried to show off, hardly everyone still enjoyed the sessions, Dick was among the first to stay away, and the whole thing collapsed within years. (Sure, there were other factors!)
 
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#19
Been somewhat lucky with my sporadic Jazz trio or duos the past few years. No drama, but these are petering out. It kept me from going stir crazy.

I understand your frustrations. In the last 10 years in the other genres, it’s been a train wreck, bait and switch or total non-starter. I sometimes to the Jamkazam online to play with others. Try attending jam sessions or continue to woodshed. Do some recording. Orcas suggested, take a break. Don’t lose heart.
 
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