Oh I understand that mentality completely. I started out my automotive career working on high end European automobiles. I couldn't get enough of it, then it grew tiresom, then I had to get out of it, went to motorcycles before the ticker gave it up and I retired. Know that old saying? Do what you love and you'll never work another day in your life. Boloney. Just turns what you love into a job.
Not long after joining my first cover and I began to see how "having" to play is a lot different from wanting to play. I was sick as a dog, my homelife was in ruins, yet I needed to find the willpower to muscle through the gig.
Unfortunately I can't escape the desire to be a part of something even if it means forcing myself out of my comfort zone. I love playing in a band, when it all clicks together. Then I know it's all been worth it.