He adds a cool sound, but we've got a set of 4 or 5 songs we'll be playing (we get 30 minutes, including set up). Out of that, there's only one that's insistent on him being there. All the others we'll be able to play without him.
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Warning message to guitarist - how did I do?
- Thread starter oniman7
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He adds a cool sound, but we've got a set of 4 or 5 songs we'll be playing (we get 30 minutes, including set up). Out of that, there's only one that's insistent on him being there. All the others we'll be able to play without him.
So you are younger than him, yet way more mature.
His response is interesting because he apparently recognizes his own immaturity and feels he has to answer for it, yet at the same time feels it's perfectly acceptable to cop the "my sisters made me this way, it's who I am and can't change" attitude.
I wonder how he would act if there were an adult present and involved in your band in some way... might keep him from wanting to show his ass as much.
His response is interesting because he apparently recognizes his own immaturity and feels he has to answer for it, yet at the same time feels it's perfectly acceptable to cop the "my sisters made me this way, it's who I am and can't change" attitude.
I wonder how he would act if there were an adult present and involved in your band in some way... might keep him from wanting to show his ass as much.
I remember being in a band at that age. The guitar player was being crazy with his attitude and mouth. I reached out and touched him. He straightened up real quick.
We are still friends to this day 35 years later.
We are still friends to this day 35 years later.
I would subit that if he has administered the Vulcan Death grip to the same person more than once, he really needs to work on cleaning up his Vulcan Death Grip.
Just sayin....
If I was in a band and another member laid hands on me, two things would immediately happen:
- that guy would get beaten within fear for his life.
- either that guy would be out of the band, or I would be out of the band. I will not tolerate that kind of behavior, and I won't stay in a band where it is tolerated.
- that guy would get beaten within fear for his life.
- either that guy would be out of the band, or I would be out of the band. I will not tolerate that kind of behavior, and I won't stay in a band where it is tolerated.
Plus a million! Great job handling the situation. Teams get to a level of performing well by growing together, which will always involve some pain. If EVERYONE grows, the team grows. Weak links will always cause the team to fail; correcting team misbehavior via immediate feedback is the professional way to handle it. You led by example here and did a REALLY good job at it!
I have to agree that face-to-face feedback is always ideal, but can also agree with the sentiment that the world is a changing place and norms in communication have drastically shifted over the years.
The level of maturity displayed in your approach to all this boggles my mind. You sure your 15?
Your boy has issue, but he knows that. And that's a positive move. If it will work out for your band, who knows. But you made a reasonable and positive move in his direction already. Now it's up to him.
Your boy has issue, but he knows that. And that's a positive move. If it will work out for your band, who knows. But you made a reasonable and positive move in his direction already. Now it's up to him.
I think that given the guys behavior, texting emailing him or whatever was your best choice. Your way you get what you want to say to him, without his input which at the time of an in person conversation, surely would have become a out of control situation. You had a lot of issue with him and he has a lot of issues with you guys. The message you sent is very straight forward and you express to him what your demands of him are which is great, had he'd been a person willing to heed this warning and do the right thing. The fact that he has already taken to physically abusing a band member, I would assume this will come up again in the future. There are a lot of good people out there that are good guitarist as well. This guy to me would not be worth the effort you have put forth to wake him up. My suggestion is look for a replacement. Even if this guy promised to never do any of this stuff again it is in his nature and it won't stop overnight. I would not be willing to wait for that to happen taking in count his past behavior. Good Luck.... RTS
I will actually say that I think you were right to do this in an email in this particular case. I say that based on what you said about him in your email. If someone has violent tendencies, giving them time to absorb and calm down was probably the only way to get through the list. If he is that bad Im surprised you are even giving him a chance. Good for you
I agree. It's refreshing to read actual English from someone as young as you. I think you handled it about as professionally as you could. If things blow up later, well, you're young. You have plenty of time to find new bands.
You may reach some accommodation for the moment with him but it sounds like he and the rest of you want to go in different musical directions. If that's the case, while the level of aggression may go down, the tension is not going to go away. He's a square peg. Obviously I'm just some guy on the internet and don't know you or him or the rest of your band, but, based on what you've said I think it would be prudent to continue working on songs that will still work if he's not involved.
Exactly. I strongly contend that those wanting everything to happen face to face are most likely the ones who want the ability to react to what you are saying, not listen to it and that is a complete waste of time.
You are mature. you gathered your thoughts and sent them. those calling you cowardly are not, they are childish and require the ability to react in a childish way and if you are not in front of them they cannot perform an effective tantrum and this bothers them to no end.
Appearantly to some, if you don't go around offering up your face for those who have already demonstrated violent behaviour to punch you are a coward. I say if you do go around offering it up and think it makes you more manly then you are just plain stupid.
-eSmith.
The guy has threatened violence to others...and people here are insisting you talk to him face to face, rather then email?
Thats nucking futs!
Really. I was in a band like that once, where the lead singer would beat up people in the band. In front of their chicks, too. No way you want a face to face conference with someone like that. I sent him an email. From my hiding place in South America!
Thats nucking futs!
Really. I was in a band like that once, where the lead singer would beat up people in the band. In front of their chicks, too. No way you want a face to face conference with someone like that. I sent him an email. From my hiding place in South America!
