Was I Wrong? (personal problem w/ parents and music)

[teleharmonium]

I imagine we could all agree that parents should ideally find a balance between supporting what their kids want, and making sure they are prepared to support themselves with a career in the real world. If your kid wants to do something where the applicants far outnumber the openings, those two goals are at odds with each other.

To me, getting the kid to get a job of some kind (or at least earn money by doing chores), and then driving them to lessons and such, sounds like a good middle ground. Anyone in that situation (as the OP) has a reason to feel both proud of themselves and fortunate. But I have to admit that I didn't come close to appreciating what was in front of me at that age, so I can't blame the OP much for saying what he said.

 

[callofcthulhu]

As far as how you feel, well, honestly I don't know you. But based on your post I think most people would find the wording to be fairly contemptuous in nature. Maybe I'm wrong.

All I feel is that four pages of uphill both ways in the snow stories have successfully scared the kid out of the thread, so all the sage wisdom is going to waste.

The 10 doctors analogy completely fits here. Only instead it's infinite middle aged bass players.

 

[CrashClint]

I think the moment he submitted this thread he realized his actions were wrong, at his age it is hard to see the forest for the trees sometimes.

My advice is to start making some deposits in the emotional bank. Do things before you have to be asked or things you know that need to be done to help out your parents around house without bringing attention that your are doing it, your parent will notice. I can speak from experience, it goes a long way when it is time for them to support you on a desire of your heart.

I imagine we could all agree that parents should ideally find a balance between supporting what their kids want, and making sure they are prepared to support themselves with a career in the real world. If your kid wants to do something where the applicants far outnumber the openings, those two goals are at odds with each other. .

I see this all the time, at my office we get graduates from UNC with a B.A. in Psychology, you are not going anywhere in this field without a Masters or PhD. My thoughts are, What are the Guidance Counselors thinking?

 

[Jazz Ad]

Not sure what you're talking about OP. You want a 5 string bass, your parents buy it although they have zero interest in music.

Try to realize how awesome it is. They do you a gift without even knowing what it is good for and spend money into something about which they are clueless, only because they want you to be happy.

Cherish this bass and play the hell out of it. I understand that being dependant on your parents is an annoying situation but it is much better than not being able to depend on anyone.

 

[drummer5359]

The OP asked the opinion of the TB community, so there is a possibility that he realized that be might be "wrong".

I wrote my own "uphill both ways in the snow" story and decided not to post it as there were already enough of them on here and piling on seemed like it wouldn't help.

But I do have to point out that I grew up in the notoriously hilly city of Pittsburgh in the snow belt. I actually did walk uphill (and downhill) both ways in the snow...

 

[BayStateBass]

All I feel is that four pages of uphill both ways in the snow stories have successfully scared the kid out of the thread, so all the sage wisdom is going to waste.

The 10 doctors analogy completely fits here. Only instead it's infinite middle aged bass players.

I suppose I could get behind this statement.

Point taken.

 

[hrodbert696]

There seems to be a common point of misunderstanding, by the way; I believe the OP bought the SX 5er with his own money. The issue is over whether his parents should have contributed some money so that he could have bought a VM Squier, and whether he's wrong to blame them for not doing so.

 

[Session1969]

I've already given my advice based on the actual question which is ( just a reminder for some of my fellow TBr's).

"The only thing I'm wondering about was I right or wrong in saying that we could have afforded a better bass? "

I've done what the OP has asked and I have a question for STC. Are you taking music in your curriculum at school ? If you are , great. If not, I'd take advantage of it and I'll bet you'll build at least some amount of credibility with your parents. That's not the reason for doing so, though.

Btw, I worked an entire summer to buy a guild pilot around "87 just before my junior year and it was a pro level bass. I was blessed in that I didn't need to contribute what I made back into our household. That was huge. Regardless of how wealthy my parents were or weren't , I just couldn't see them shelling out money on something like that. I didn't even ask them( I did for my first one, though). If you want a good bass, better than a VM, you can go out and earn one. Any reason why you can't have a Sat/Sun job 4-8hrs/day ?

 

[StoneTempleCore]

Okay, this is hopefully going to clear up what most of you are asking for/don't get.

- I bought the bass myself.
- I am in my high school band, and it's them(the band teachers) that told me that I needed the bass, set the deadline, and gave me my sheet music. All of the other bassists in the school are 4-string-ers, and nobody knew anyone outside of school that had a five-string. I was required to tell my parents this info, I did, and they either didn't catch on in time or ignored it.
- I didn't ask for them to buy it, but help me with an extra $70 towards the bass
- Every musical instrument I own (guitar, 2 basses, keyboard) has been bought with my own money saved up from odd jobs or holiday gift money. I hadn't asked my parents for money before that, knowing their disdain for my love of music. They do buy my clothing, feed me, and pay for other necessities, yes (and I'm thankful every day), but I worked for the things I have.
- I am NOT a spoiled, whiny child. I don't sit inside all day complaining on message boards about how my life is horrible, because it's not. This is the first time I've reached out to a message board for help, and I see why many don't, because too many responses blow the problem out of proportion or assume things and misinterpret the problem, leading to a answer that's not answering the question or completely off-target.
- I would gladly get a job, but with band, school life (Advanced Placement student here), and other responsibilities, there's no time for one right now. Odd jobs (cutting grass, chores, one-off jobs) are all I can manage. This summer is the only one where I can get a steady job, others I couldn't because I was too young or didn't have the time.
- This music required a 5 string. Here's an example:
G l---------l----------l--2/14-16(h)-l------------l----------l
D l---------l---5------l-------------l------------l----------l
A l---------l-4---6----l-------------l 2 mes. rest l----------l
E l-----1-3-l-------5--l5------------l------------l----------l
B l-2-2-----l---------7l-------------l------------l-3-33-33-l
- I did apologize to my mom, no apology back. I know now that I was wrong.
- I love the bass, I do. It's got a unique personality to it and it's pretty, but certain things need to be fixed now that could have been fixed months ago by a professional.
- Lessons needed to be learned here. For me, my parents, and others. "Why you can only rely on yourself," "procrastination isn't good," and "I should enhance my reading comprehension skills," respectfully.

I apologize if I did not word the OP correctly, but it angers me the way some of you have replied. A simple "yes" or "no" would've been fine, but accusing me of being a spoiled brat? That's ridiculous. Some advice will be taken and used, thank you for that, but other posters just saying "you spoiled child, I would have..." won't be taken as advice, or anything at all.

 

[Milk]

When i wanted to start playing i didn't know anything about models or brands (well i knew there was fenders and gibsons, thats about it...oh and yamaha and Ibanez i think) went to the only music store in town and bought the only bass they had there that i could afford and wasn't an awful color. It was a black Ibanez Tr-70. That's still my bass nearly two decades later.

So what am i saying? I don't know, play what you have. The instrument doesn't make the player. It doesnt matter that much. Get the tuner fixed though, it shouldnt be much of a problem id think

As for support, i didn't get any either. I bought my amp and bass myself then (then again i was 17....i never expected they'd pay for any of it or even asked) and my dad was convinced i could not possibly learn to play an instrument without taking classes and learning theory and going to music school basically... Parents rarely support musical endeavours. Especially of the "rock" variety.

 

[Dave W]

- I am in my high school band, and it's them(the band teachers) that told me that I needed the bass, set the deadline, and gave me my sheet music. All of the other bassists in the school are 4-string-ers, and nobody knew anyone outside of school that had a five-string. I was required to tell my parents this info, I did, and they either didn't catch on in time or ignored it.

No offense to you personally, but that's the dumbest thing yet. Your high school band teacher "demanded" that you had to buy a 5 string bass? I'll skip around the part about how not all families can just afford to do that...

Since there are multiple bassists in this band, one of you could have easily down tuned to play those lower notes.

Now you also know that your teacher was wrong.

 

[ShoeManiac]

STC, thanks for the additional background on your situation. Regarding the instrument as it is now, I presume you still need that tuner dealt with, correct? There are probably a couple of approaches you can take to dealing with that.

First? Check out some online tutorials regarding bass setup and repair. One of those might shed some light on the situation with your rattling tuner. With some very basic tools and a gentle touch you may be able to resolve the situation on your own.

Second? Inquire with your music teacher at school about someone who might be able to help with repairs. Some school music teachers are pretty in tune with helping their students maintain their instruments. Lots of students make their way through music programs with instruments in varying states of repair. So check with your music teacher, because they may be able to help you get that tuner repaired. Considering that your music teacher appears to have pressured you into purchasing this instrument, they are somewhat responsible for your current situation.

 

[tmdazed]

I was fortunate enough that my parents were accepting of me wanting to be a musician... well eventually. Regardless of which I'm not seeing where the issue comes from, your parents didn't buy you a bass and you had to buy one yourself? Seriously? Please say I'm reading that wrong. Why did you need a 5 string in the first place? Could you not have gotten by with detuning one of your 4 strings? From your profile it appears you have a few. Your tuner has a buzz on it and you are blaming that on the fact you wanted a better bass? When you finally get that better bass believe me at one time or another something is going to buzz on it. I'm just not seeing what your problem is here.

I'm not meaning to come off as a total hard ass here but from the way you are telling this it sounds like you are looking for sympathy because your parents didn't get you what you wanted. If you want to be a professional musician then believe me you are going to have to get used to people not supporting you.

If I may throw in an anecdote of my own life... When I decided I wanted to play bass all I wanted was a Fender Jazz. Literally that was it that was the bass for me. I didn't get that bass at first and I ended up getting some cheap Stagg because that was 1. all we could afford 2. My parents were going to break the bank on what they considered to just be a whim. That first bass/amp package cost less than £100. I was just happy to have a bass that I could get started on. I literally played/practiced the crap out that bass and eventually started gigging with it. I was turning up to gigs where guys had 3 grand Les Paul guitars and the most up to date Marshall stacks on the planet and I was playing the cheapest bass ever and an amp that was just as cheap that I had to borrow. I wasn't bothered about not having a great instrument I was happy just to have a gig. I was still able to do the gigs with what I had and had to learn how to make do with what I had in any situation. That includes playing with a lot of dropped tunings since I only had a four string (I still don't have a 5string since I learned to get by the old fashioned way and I'm more comfortable with that method. Not hating on 5 strings at all, my preference just comes from my circumstances). This was the worst sounding instrument on the planet and was so bad one of the pickups broke about 2 months into owning the instrument but I kept gigging with only the back pick up working. The instrument was literally hanging by a thread and I had to take it apart and rebuild it countless times to set it up properly. It was only when the neck literally snapped in two when it was knocked that my parents accepted I was genuinely 100% committed to music and it wasn't just a phase I was going through. They helped me buy my 2nd bass which was a MIM Fender Jazz. I contributed most of the money that I had earned from gigs and part time work but I needed a small loan to get it that day. Guess what happened when I finally got that dream bass? It has literally had every single problem imaginable. It is just the nature of instruments. That is just my story and I will bet a whole lot of money some guys on here will tell you worse stories about how they started out. Be thankful your parents have bought you an instrument to begin with when they aren't supporting your choice. Learn to play the thing like a monster and get out there prove that you can do this a career. You don't need great instruments to make great music. You need to be able to make great music to make great music and that doesn't come from any gear.

Oh, and although you say you are by no means poor you will be shocked to find out how little expendable income your parents actually have to throw about.

Anyway, I may have read your story all wrong but I'm not trying to discourage you my intentions are to let you see that having cheap gear doesn't stop you making great music.

actually its funny , my parents never really got too involved when i started playing seriously at 14, but my dad pulled me aside and voiced his opinion 2 weeks ago to me at the song my son and I wrote for my grandfathers funeral , he was pleasantly surprised at how I had matured as a musician and was proud at the way I have been guiding my son in his playing, really took me by surprise. OP cut the rents some slack, they may come around and probably have no working knowledge of instruments I would venture to guess , with a good setup and decent strings , this could rectify your buzz and what not, almost any instrument can be made playable with a decent setup , but also keep in mind , there are always costs involved in maintaining a playable instrument (IE: strings, pots if they go bad , setups if you cant do them yourself) just like owning a car. Keep playing and practicing , but as all parents , they want to see you succeed in ventures and want you to have a cushion to fall back on if music doesn't work out

 

[Kmonk]

My parents divorced when I was 8 and my mother raised 4 boys on her own. I am the oldest and had to help out whenever possible. We had very little money and lived in the projects for most of my childhood. My mother was always very supportive of my decision to play sports and music. She would let me know whenever she heard of a band who might be looking for a bass player. Because we had no money, I had to get a job and buy everything myself. I started delivering newspapers when I was 12 and I was picking vegetable on a farm for $1.50 per hour when I was 14. That was the legal age and hourly rate for farm workers at that time. I took the job because I wanted to buy a new bicycle, a Schwinn Continental which cost a $160 at that time, (1974). That was a lot of money back then. When I was 15, I spent the summer babysitting 5 days per week for a neighbor so both parents could work. One of them was an HR manager at a hospital and got me a job there when I turned 16. I bought my first guitar at the age of 16 with money I earned.

The bottom line is be thankful that your parents can afford to buy you a bass even if its not your idea of the perfect instrument. There is a huge difference between things you need and things you want. If you want something, get a job and work for it. Nothing comes free. Everything has a cost. The sooner you realize that, the better off you will be.

 

[UncleFluffy]

The only thing I'm wondering about - was I right or wrong in saying that we could have afforded a better bass? We're by no means poor, but musical instruments are a bit price-y for a good one.

OK, seeing as this was your specific question, take a look at this:

That's Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Always worth bringing to mind when you're talking about needing something.

Where do you think "a better bass guitar" fits here (not "a bass guitar" but "a better bass guitar") ? Do you know for sure that the extra $70 you wanted your parents to give you wasn't already earmarked for something lower down the pyramid?

I don't know your family's financial situation - "we're by no means poor" doesn't mean rich, it may just mean careful - only you do. So only you can answer your own question. But you might have to ask your parents some questions about family finances and their priorities first.

 

[mellowinman]

You're a kid?

OF COURSE YOU'RE WRONG.

You will always be wrong, until you support yourself.

Learn to live with that.

And thank your parents.

When I was your age, I had to work in a coal mine, 25 hours a day, strapped to an angry German Shepherd. If they didn't feed the dog enough, he would eat body parts. Luckily, they gave me special drugs, that enabled me to grow more.

It was horrible. I had to do that until I was 7, and after that, things REALLY got rough!

 

[Yango]

I'm still in High School, so most of what I buy I have to rely on my parents to support me. I don't have a job currently, with band and not having a Driver's License. My parents don't like talking about music, and consider it a waste of time. I have no clue why they've taken this mentality, but they seem to think that it's too expensive and it's not gonna help me later in life (I want to become a musician, if not as a full time job, then as a part-time hobby).

The latest discussion came about in me having to buy an SX 5-string Jazz Bass on my own because my parents took too long (needed it by December 2nd, they were gonna get me it for Christmas even though I told them about it in October). One of the tuners is buzzing, and my mom was flipping out ("What did you do? Why did you break it" etc, etc.) I told her that if they'd helped me buy a better bass, then this wouldn't be happening. That's when she flipped out, big time, and started blaming it on me, saying that I was too picky (I wanted a Squier VM 5 string) and saying "I don't want to talk about this right now."

The only thing I'm wondering about - was I right or wrong in saying that we could have afforded a better bass? We're by no means poor, but musical instruments are a bit price-y for a good one.

I don't want to come off as too harsh here, but you're a spoiled brat. You sound a lot like my six year old nephew when he doesn't get a toy that he "really needs".

If you want a new bass, go out and get yourself a part time job and save up for it like most other people do. Has this idea never occurred to you?

 

[Whit Townsend]

I struggled and probably never became the musician I could have because my parents did not support it in the least, even discouraged. Every instrument I ever bought I bought on my own with my own earnings. No money for lessons either. My parents were not musical and suspected anyone who was of bohemianism. So I can kinda sympathize with the OP, getting a less than stellar instrument because that what he can afford on his own. At least nowadays we have the internet to learn how to do set up. Budget instruments are of much higher quality. Plenty of decent replacement parts are available and affordable with a click. Lots of free lessons and other knowledge available online for free.
So I have to say to the OP that I understand your predicament but "bootstraps". The SX is a decent platform. Figure out what you need to do to make it work and make it work. Practice and play your butt off. Save up for a decent amp, so maybe by the time you have your drivers license you can take yourself to the gig. Dont get into any arguments with your parents about your music. Just go on about your business of learning to play and play well. Use your own resouces, and be patient. Keep your head down and stay out of trouble. Don't neglect your schoolwork. Don't give your parents any reason to connect your musical life with poverty, drugs, and such. Be the better person and try to meet their expectations but go ahead and pursure your interests as well as best as you can on your own terms. If you do this, they may come around eventually. Possibly not until their support makes no difference, but at least someday you have the chance of them realizing their mistakes.

 

[fhm555]

...I'm still in High School, so most of what I buy I have to rely on my parents to support me. I don't have a job currently...

My folks were supportive and bought me my first bass, but after I stared getting better I wanted something better to play on. I didn't go to my folks and tell them I wanted a new bass because I knew if they could afford one I would already have it as they were always supportive of our music.

Anywho, I was in school and didn't have a drivers license, which wouldn't have mattered since I didn't have access to a car anyway, but I wanted a new bass bad enough I made the rounds of our neighborhood asking people if they had any jobs I could do for them. It took me almost a year of almost all my free time spent doing yard work to raise enough to buy a "new" (to me) bass. It was a ragged old Peavey, but it was better than the one I had and that was enough.

I started in 67 and it was 92 before I bought my first brand new bass, so it's possible to survive as a bass player without exactly what you want in the way of instrument(s) or other gear. Just keep working with what you have and save your money. If it's just not possible to work, then I'd say be thankful for what you have and keep working with it until you can do better.

Unless you are using not being able to get a new bass as excuse to quit.

 

[Steve Dallman]

I was 14 when I started playing (guitar then bass 2 years later.) My parents bought my first electric for christmas and my dad helped me with my first amp (converting a Wurlitzer jukebox amp into a guitar amp) but from then on I bought everything with band money. A few guitars, settling on a Fender Mustang, my 62 Fender Super and later a Vox Super Beatle, bass, Fender Bassman...all with money saved from band earnings.

Luckily in the mid/late 60's we had regular Friday and Saturday gigs. Half my earnings went into the bank for college and the rest paid for my equipment. I had a co-signed loan for my equipment and I paid it off, and usually quite early.

My parents were supportive, but not stupid. They helped me very positively.