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...was it something I said?

hernameisrio

hernameisrio

Guest
Sep 27, 2011
1,202
250
Berkeley, CA
#1
So a few weeks ago I quit the 60's cover band due to too many other projects, the bandleader being a socially maladjusted jerk, and a lousy commute, not to mention, no gigs and some pretty unrealistic expectations. I kept things short and sweet for once in my life:

Hi Steve,
I've been trying to get in touch with you but haven't heard from you in a while, so I figured I'd just email instead. Unfortunately, I have too much on my plate right now to be able to play in the band. I dig the songs and I like playing with you guys, but things are getting busier at the studio and I have a couple of other projects and session work that have been taking up a lot of my time. So it's not really fair to you guys for me to try and commit to this when at this point, I just have too much else going on. Anyway, best of luck with everything regardless, and have a good holiday season!

Well, the guy never even bothered to call or write me back or anything. No "it was nice working with you, good luck..." no "HOW COULD YOU!! NOW WHO WILL PLAY THE SOLO IN BROWN-EYED GIRL?!?!"

It's very strange. I don't really care, but I just think it's weird that he didn't even have the basic human decency to respond to my perfectly reasonable email. I mean, it WAS reasonable, wasn't it?!

In other news, that punk band...they let me go before I had a chance to quit. We are all still on speaking/friendly terms, as they cited the same reasons as I did; different musical tastes and conflicting schedules.

Funny how things take care of themselves sometimes...or, in the case of Steve The Non-Communicator, not.
 
#2
Some people are like that. Even if you say something really reasonable (like you did) other people will sometimes prefer not to respond in an attempt to avoid saying something rude, awkward, etc... The old "if you don't have anything nice to say..." adage applies here.
 
#8
hernameisrio said:
So a few weeks ago I quit the 60's cover band due to too many other projects, the bandleader being a socially maladjusted jerk, ...but I just think it's weird that he didn't even have the basic human decency to respond to my perfectly reasonable email.
Click to expand...
Ummmm, OK?
 
#11
jlane72t said:
There's no such thing as "basic human decency".
Click to expand...

Oh yeah....well, never mind then. The thick plottens...I found out he got the email because he was complaining about it to a mutual friend of ours. I forgot to mention that part. So it apparently affected him enough to say SOMETHING to SOMEONE, but not me. Steve The Non-Communicator is also Steve The Chicken ****. Oh well, I think I knew this already...
 
#12
hernameisrio said:
Oh yeah....well, never mind then. The thick plottens...I found out he got the email because he was complaining about it to a mutual friend of ours. I forgot to mention that part. So it apparently affected him enough to say SOMETHING to SOMEONE, but not me. Steve The Non-Communicator is also Steve The Chicken ****. Oh well, I think I knew this already...
Click to expand...

Your resignation was professional and appropriate.

He's a total amature hobbyist lacking basic social skills. In other words, he's like the majority of musicians out there. I myself just quit a band because of poor leadership.

Let it drop, don't give it another thought, and move on with a clear conscience.
 
#14
I'd probably have ignored it, as well. I find it sad that some folks don't have the gonads to tell someone that they're leaving in person......or at very least - by phone. In this world of texting, voice mail, email, etc., proper civilized communication has gone the way of the Dodo (which pretty much sums up this thread) :rollno:
 
#15
Indeed! It's been lovely. I no longer lose sleep over the intro to "We Gotta Get Out Of This Place" and I don't have to buy the weekly unlimited Metrocard anymore...! I am looking for another cover band, but right now I'm just focusing on a couple of start-up projects that seem promising/fun. I found a new rehearsal space for the two bands I've been playing with the most, it has a full backline, it's dirt-cheap, and it's definitely inspired everybody. At first it was weird to not be rehearsing as often because I felt kinda lazy, but now I'm realizing that I needed to take a bit of a step back.
 
#16
Oh yeah...Sling: I tried to call him and he never called back. I wasn't about to leave a voicemail because that's just awkward. We'd originally communicated about me JOINING the band, via email. I also feel I am better in writing than in person, and I thought it would be MORE polite to just send a simple note instead of finally reaching him by phone and then being all, "Um, uh, um..." about it.
 
#17
SlingBass4 said:
I'd probably have ignored it, as well. I find it sad that some folks don't have the gonads to tell someone that they're leaving in person......or at very least - by phone. In this world of texting, voice mail, email, etc., proper civilized communication has gone the way of the Dodo (which pretty much sums up this thread) :rollno:
Click to expand...

Sorry, I gotta disagree.

Look at how we're communicating right here, right now on this message board. It's the new era of electronic communication, and it's incredibly common, legitimate, and perfectly acceptable in this day and age to communicate even important information in this way.

A blanket e-mail to all concerned (including all band members) takes it right to the point, especially if your mind is made up and you don't want to get into debates or pissing matches.

It's the same as a resignation letter, which used to be (and probably still is) the accepted norm at the largest corporations on earth. It should suffice for a local band.

On the other hand, taking a written resignation personally to the point of not responding is just immature.
 
#18
hernameisrio said:
Oh yeah....well, never mind then. The thick plottens...I found out he got the email because he was complaining about it to a mutual friend of ours. I forgot to mention that part. So it apparently affected him enough to say SOMETHING to SOMEONE, but not me. Steve The Non-Communicator is also Steve The Chicken ****. Oh well, I think I knew this already...
Click to expand...

this one actually sounds like you do care. you quit. his obligation is "don't have one". i'm not saying there's anything wrong with quitting or the way you quit at all, just that it's done. why pursue it? even in your own mind?
 
#20
I wrote a very similar email this week. Got a response "was it something I said" which is funny as that statement in of itself explains the self centered issue. But no, really, I'm tired of playing early 60s classic rock, Clapton, Mustang Sally, etc. and I responded, "I am moving on to another music era" of course I could have tempered that also.

An email, like you and I both sent, is not as civil and polite as in-person or over the phone, but acceptable. Its a strain or a permanent wrecker of any friendship, if that was an issue.

In my case, I wanted to leave the door open for subbing, and not leave them in a lurch for a gig 3 weeks out (a "pass the tip bucket" gig, likely no pay), but I didn't want to attend any more than one rehearsal.
 

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