Wedding Advice

[electracoyote]

Specific questions that we currently have...
1. Do you learn a requested song list for the gig? If so, do you charge to learn new songs?
2. Is it best to create a turnkey operation where you provide the sound system?
3. How involved are you in the wedding plan itself? Do you craft a set list that flows with the reception, or just plan on doing a big block of time during the dance hours?
4. How many hours to plan on playing at a wedding? (the groom for this one initially had us playing for 3.5 hours, but eventually we convinced him that his reception was only 3 hours long, so he needed to cut the list down some, haha!)

Depending on the expectations of the couple, weddings can be very challenging and full of surprises if you go in without having done a lot of homework, both on general topics and the specific needs of your newlyweds. There are many threads here on TB from others who have spent time in this niche part of the entertainment world, and lots of good stuff on-line. Basically, you have to understand a lot about this couple and what they want for not only themselves but everyone in attendance. You are "co-hosting" what is expected to be a once-in-a-lifetime event.

Having several decades in as a wedding entertainer (both DJ and live band), I'll take a crack at your questions:

1. Because I always had a very wide variety playlist aimed at the mainstream variety dance party audience including pop/rock/disco/funk/country/show tunes, etc. I always sold my entertainment based on the existing playlist. We only offered to learn up to three songs max not already found on our playlist. Because I charged top dollar for our services, I did not charge more to learn three novel songs, but I also declined to learn any more than three novel songs.

2. Sound system is your call, the client doesn't care how you provide the boom, as long as there is boom in the room. That is totally a band/business decision, depending on how many more of these big shebangs you want to do, cost-benefit analysis, etc. Lame sound and no lights for the dance floor = lame party.

3. For sake of simplicity, let's say you are only entertaining during the reception (add details if you are also on call for ceremony or cocktail/dinner hours). Most weddings have a whole host of special traditions and announcements to be honored and attended to at the reception. You are the people with the microphones and have offered to help with the co-hosting. You will need a detailed outline/timeline of those special sub-events and you will need to coordinate your show to making those announcements. Make their wildest dreams come true!

4. You're on the right track, 3-3.5 hours is a common time frame to commit for your stated fee. Outline an "overtime" hourly or half-hourly rate in case the party just won't stop and you're playing "Play That Funky Music" for the third time. Sometimes the reception peters out before the 3-3.5 mark, but if there is anyone from the wedding party or guests left in the room, you keep playing. Don't cut it off until a Bride or Groom cuts you free in no uncertain terms.

Research, research, research. A contract is a great idea, and make sure you are going into a situation that is safe and relatively stress free for you and the band. You'd be surprised at what totally unreasonable and even dangerous situations the average non-musician client will just assume you're okay with.

Everything has a first time, go in prepared, and good luck. If you're like me, you might get bit by the private event/wedding bug and specialize in it. Mo' work, but way mo' money if you get good at it.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Something that hasn't yet been mentioned and you might want to look into before continuing...

In the NY/NJ area insurance is required for bands to play the catering halls. I'd look into that as its not something you want to be confronted with at the last minute. Might seem like a wrench in the works now (with this post), but it will be a much bigger one if the hall asks you to cough one up a week before the event.

 

[DirtDog]

My experience with a weddings is that they should be expected to be more work than just showing up and playing the tunes. Hence you should charge more once you hear the word "wedding." These additional services could include the use of the band PA for announcements and speeches, having to show up earlier or stay later than needed, fielding song requests from the couple/guests, being asked to MC, DJing via your iphone between sets, etc. It's good to talk through those things with the couple prior to booking the gig so you know exactly what you are signing up for. Often times these things just come up on the day of the wedding and you just have to roll with it. And i can't stress this one enough, but make sure they are even providing you an acceptable staging location to play. You don't want to be put on a dirt ground grassy clearing with no cover in case of rain/wind. One time my group of 7 was placed on a back patio, that was so small the band couldn't really fit. We were all bumping into each other the whole gig, which is not something i take kindly to when i have a huge upright bass with me.

Also, expect to be treated like the help, although that is not always the case. Sometimes they treat the band as a quasi guest, meaning you get some of the good food and drink and maybe even a reserved table. Sometimes you are more on the level on the wait staff, and are tucked away in a back room to eat your boxed sandwich on stale bread with an apple and a bag of cheetos. I've been on both sides of that spectrum.

Yep. I've had it both ways, band at a reserved table and full meal/drinks deal and band behind the scenes, here's some bottled water for you. I've found that the the "glitzier" the wedding, the less band mixes with the guests. Glitzier does not necessarily mean how much the band is paid. I've had some of the best paying gigs, with the band being treated really well, for some of the more "down to earth" weddings. But we were a country band playing country weddings for country folk.

Bears repeating: the band is not the centre of attention....the bride is the centre of attention.

 

[ashtray]

Lots of good information already given. Some additional comments:

- Everything in writing.
- Will there be a master of ceremonies?
- Have an extra mic or two handy for speeches. Best man, announcements, etc.
- Have an ipod or similar full of appropriate music to play while the band isn’t playing. Background music, dance music, etc.
- Be early, well dressed, figure out your setup and wire management so no one trips.
- Don’t cancel. Have a backup for each person in the band if someone can’t do the gig at last moment. You HAVE to do the gig once you commit to it.
- Watch your volume. Play low enough during the meals so people can talk. There will be a LOT of talking during a reception - and people will get frustrated if they have to walk outside just to have a conversation.
- I suggest staying sober. This is a very professional gig - while everyone there might be drinking, the band, just like the photographer, should not be.

 

[john_g]

Ive done a wedding and a bunch of birthday parties just like the OP described...people that have come to your gigs, like what they see, and just want you to do YOU at their event. Still was some work for that wedding, the birthday parties were more relaxed, and thats great. Very rare as Ive come to learn in the wedding band world. I wanted to possibly get into that more as there is decent money in it compared to a bar gig, but its alot of work most of the time. And as the others have already said, you generally need a big band or backing tracks, and ideally at least two singers.

 

[Axtman]

I will restate again what someone already posted.

Get everything in writing.....and go over it with the bride.

 

[ga_edwards]

Be prepared to cut songs out of your carefully planned set list. Wedding receptions always over run.

Offer to learn a couple of songs if you’re couple but be honest if you can’t play them satisfactorily.

Offer to play suitable music from a music playing device in between sets. If there’s songs they definitely want buy you can’t play, this is a good chance to get them played. If one of you can DJ, even better. I did one that I was up for 22 hours straight.

Check what time you can get to the venue and set up and sound check. Sometimes the band is the first to arrive and the last to leave. It can be a very long day - your fee should reflect that. And keep the setup/soundcheck professional and efficient. No noodling or practicing. Setup, check it works and sounds good and leave the instruments alone.

Don’t give the bridal party carte blanche control over the set list. They’ve hired you and your experience to choose the appropriate songs.

Once you know the timings of the evening, you should be able to work the set around the natural ebb and flow of the evening.

Set your volume to fill the dance floor. There’s people who want to dance and people who don’t. There’s people who haven’t seen each other for years and want to catch up. The band is the hired entertainment not the main attraction.

Play for the people who are going to dance - pretty much the bride and grooms friends. There’s little point in playing something to keep great-granny at the back of the room happy - she won’t dance and the dance floor will empty.

One of the wedding party may want to join you to sing a song. If it’s preplanned and possibly rehearsed it can be great. Especially if they are popular with the wedding party. But don’t let it turn into bandeoke!

wedding venues often don’t have stages, and people dancing often want to get as close to the band as possible. Watch for trip hazards and alcohol on the dance floor. I’ve had drunk people fall over monitors, onto my pedal board and knock mic stands flying.

Take business cards, maybe get banner made and promote yourselves. Other guests may be planning a wedding, or the venue may want to promote you. Dress up and look professional.

remember to thank the bride and groom for letting to play, congratulate them and thank the venue and staff.

 

[Lesfunk]

Lots of good advice already covered but that never stopped me before
1. Yes, usually three. Bride /groom first dance and parent dances. No, don’t charge extra.that’s included in the price.
2. Bring your own p.a. A small one. No one want a loud wedding band.
3. It’s very wise to make friends with the caterer so you know when each course is coming out so you can plan things accordingly. First dances, garter, bouquet, cake etc.
If they hired a “wedding planner” good luck! They are usually demanding and incompetent
4. Generally four hours with an option for an extra hour with overtime pay.
It happens quite often as these things take a long time to get going and by the time they’re ready to party, the day is almost over
Hope this helps

 

[JohnnyBottom]

We are not the typical wedding band being a Grateful Dead tribute, but we've pulled off over dozens of weddings, ranging from formal to casual. Things to be aware of up front.. The bride and grooms expectations..
We always have to learn a few tunes, usually first dances.. bride/groom and parent dances. Weve had to learn anything from Faith Hill to Beach Boys.

- Make sure you got those first dances down cold and not too long. Probably need to shorten the orig versions.
2-3 minutes is a lot to be in the spotlight for them.

- Are you responsible for Ceremony music? Cocktail Hour music etc. could even be Ipods... but puts a twist on moving equipment around at the least opportune time.

- Irish wedding, better know some Irish tunes, Jewish better have Hava Nigila down etc....

- MC duties. There will need to be someone to call up the folks for speeches and make announcements.

- Are you responsible for bridal party intros ? Requires appropriate music and name lists with proper pronunciation and timing. Better get that order correct, and will require double checking the lineup at the last minute.

- You will be working with the venues planner. Timing, timing , timing. they will tell you when to stop for make announcements for food service, cake cutting, garter belt stuff
ie.. have a special tune ready for the cake cutting and garter etc.

- There will be more down time than you think. Those long drawn out speeches are great, get off the stage
to not look and feel awkward during those speeches
Take breaks during food service, have Ipod ready.
30 tunes is a lot imho, although most tunes we play are 6-10 minutes long. When they are dancing,
do not stop. Extend the tune and start another w/o stopping.

- Start slow, dont blow your cookies in set 1. Make sure the last set is rockin for sure.

Best of luck.

 

[dalkowski]

"Happy wife, happy life."

Wait, that's marriage advice. Good on ya for getting the wedding gig -- hope you crush it and it opens the door to a burly new source of work and income!

 

[backin82]

This is all great advice. Thanks to everyone that's commented so far!!!

I think the technical stuff, reception event timing, and food comments have been really helpful. Those are my biggest worries.

We've already told them that we feel like the first part of the reception (food, people talking, speeches, cake cutting, etc...) is going to be better with super chill background music and/or recordings will serve them best, then we can open up the higher energy dance stuff after all the traditional proceedings are done, that way there's a clear difference between the talk/hangout/socialize time and the dance time. Personally, I HATE when music or bands are so loud that I can't catch up with friends and relatives that I haven't seen in ages, so I don't want to contribute to that. Maybe that got me too into the wedding planning arena.....but it's water under bridge, now.

 

[edwinhurwitz]

Lots of good advice here. I played in some wedding bands in the 80s, which involved wearing tuxes, a standard setlist that went from swing to rock and roll, and were very tightly run. I also worked for a sound company that worked with a wedding band in Boston called My Blue Heaven that was just amazing. 4 really strong singers, all of whom had their own styles, so they could cover everything. Excellent players. They made big money, with 4-6 gigs per weekend, often hiring two or three of us with separate PA rigs to get their stages set up and sound checked before they arrived, so they could go from one to the next to the next.

For most of my career I played original music and did a number of weddings with those bands. In the 90s, it was a psychedelic funk band, with just a few covers, but we did some really fun weddings, including a Jewish wedding with an epic version of Hava Negila with the bride and groom up on chairs and tiny grandmothers throwing down.

Since I got off the road about 10 years ago, I joined a Grateful Dead tribute band and we do 2-4 weddings a year. The bride and groom know what they are getting. Less tuxes, more tie dye. We have learned some tunes to accommodate requests, but at the end of the day, the don't really care what songs we play, as long as everyone has fun. Most of them have been very casual and very enjoyable. Recently we've hooked up with a sound guy who's got a great PA who loves the music so will work for a reasonable fee, so they get a much bigger production experience than they expect. I also multitrack everything, so they get a good quality recording afterwards.

So, the wedding band experience can span a lot of different types of scenarios. I'm glad not to do a strict wedding band any more because as noted above, they can be soul killing and the drama is out of control every so often. I have friends who have created or joined wedding bands that become a serious business and it can be a great way to forget why you play music in the first place. OTOH, if that's what you need to do, go for it!

 

[knumbskull]

Politely explain to the groom that if he requests any Metallica, the dancefloor WILL empty out except for 2 drunk uncles playing air guitar and making “oof” faces.

...

(Err we’ve had lots of good advice already so this is just a bit of fun. But it did happen!)

 

[Lesfunk]

This is all great advice. Thanks to everyone that's commented so far!!!

I think the technical stuff, reception event timing, and food comments have been really helpful. Those are my biggest worries.

We've already told them that we feel like the first part of the reception (food, people talking, speeches, cake cutting, etc...) is going to be better with super chill background music and/or recordings will serve them best, then we can open up the higher energy dance stuff after all the traditional proceedings are done, that way there's a clear difference between the talk/hangout/socialize time and the dance time. Personally, I HATE when music or bands are so loud that I can't catch up with friends and relatives that I haven't seen in ages, so I don't want to contribute to that. Maybe that got me too into the wedding planning arena.....but it's water under bridge, now.

One more little thing to add...
Approach weddings with a slightly different mind set that a “music” show.
Think of it as “customer service” job.
Be attentive to client first, work with the other service providers and that will give you the most successful outcome.
It sounds counterintuitive but music is often secondary

 

[devnulljp]

Unless you're in New Zealand, that wedding's getting postponed.

 

[fdeck]

Just a couple additional thoughts.

Tuxedo: I've worn mine a couple hundred times for weddings and casuals, to the point where it's gotten pretty ragged, but not in the last few years. In fact the formal wear business has gone down the tubes.

Food: I let bandleaders know that I do not need to be fed. I'll take the meal if offered, but I can easily bring a sandwich. It's obscene what the wedding party gets charged per meal, and the food is usually mediocre. Now, the pianist usually tries to chase down a pot of coffee before the down beat, and that's always welcome. I also try not to interrupt the service to deal with my needs because they're already busy enough.

Dancing: Don't be crestfallen if people don't dance much. It depends on the crowd. Sometimes the band mainly serves to keep the kids occupied so the grown-ups can mingle. I've played to dance floors that were filled with just kids. Also, we can entertain older folks, those who are less social, etc. There's always a few people for whom any kind of live music is a treat.

Time: You should have a pre-arranged plan for what happens if the party is still humming when it's time to finish. Sometimes the wedding party will toss you an extra $100/player to stay for another hour. I've had the bandleader say: "Keep the dancers on the floor, I'm going to find the bride's dad and see if we can get another hour."

 

[Basslice]

Great thread. Well, there are Wedding Bands and then there are bands that play at weddings. You seem like the later and it is (IMHO) a much better situation. I was in a wedding/corporate event band in Silicon Valley in the 90's. To be quite honest, we were extremely lucky. (1) We really were not that great; (2) we always got paid, (3) we got lots of work.
We did not charge top dollar, but we charged enough that we all come home with some money in our pockets and got references.

Our bonus was that we really enjoyed what we were doing and the audiences (both the couple and everyone else) liked that. Yes, we had to learn new songs for each gig (and I loved that). yes we had to have a set list of dinner music and then our party set. But we really had a great clientele. People that liked music and just wanted to have a good time.

We always got paid. We never got shut down. We did not have mean drunks around. The people that were getting married actually liked each other. etc..

I say that we were lucky because I have been a guest at weddings where the bands had a lot harder time. From cries of, "You Suck!", to brawling family members, to performers that obvisoujly wanted to be elsewhere.

My fondest memories of that period was my breaking into "Day-O" and leading conga dance lines around the crowd. I really liked it.

If you make it fun for you and your audience you can't lose... Well as long as you are not a Wedding Band and treated like a machine. Be your band that plays weddings.

 

[electracoyote]

Personally, I HATE when music or bands are so loud that I can't catch up with friends and relatives that I haven't seen in ages, so I don't want to contribute to that.

You also don't want to sound like the little stereo in the corner, especially when they get revved up and start yelling "turn it up!" Remember: PA/sound reinforcement can always be turned down low enough for chit chat time, but when it's party time, if you can't crank it up to satisfy the crowd, it's lame. And every venue I've done a wedding/private event at had a way for non-partiers who want to talk to distance themselves from the dance floor area.

This of course assumes you have a dance party crowd, which I've had at well over 85% of my wedding performances over the years. Sometimes, the client doesn't even expect it, and then whoop there it is! Packed dance floor. You keep them dancing, singing along, partying, and celebrating the newlyweds' big day and you're in Big Tip/Good Referral territory. Play the odds.

And don't make them party in the dark or to the house lights. Bring at least a modest rack or a couple of trees of party lights for the band and the floor.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Something else regarding something someone else mentioned...

There are OFTEN people who want to come up and join the band. That's a hard "no" for us, done very politely. The ONLY way it happens if its at the couple's request. That too will be done carefully as couples get wasted too and can make bad choices.

This can at times get challenging and must be handled with great care. People coming up to join in can ruin a night as well as the reputation of the band. It can seriously piss off the couple, the parents, and/or whoever is paying you.

 

[Samatza]

We charge a premium for weddings because it’s a long day and generally you need to lug all the gear through a maze of hallways and elevators to get to the function room and then retrace your steps to park the car which in Sydney is horridly expensive.

To be honest I don’t like doing them which is why the price like the ancillary costs is high. When it’s all said and done you have to bump out via the goods lift which is now full of garbage, stinks and is wet.