Wedding Advice

[backin82]

My new trio group has a wedding coming up in March, and we've realized that aren't really prepared for the business or management side of doing weddings. We have an agreed amount that we're being paid, we know what songs they want, and we know the time and place of the gig.

Any advice from people that have done weddings successfully? Since we're all new to wedding gigs, any advice is welcomed. I'd just like some perspective from people that have stories to tell, advice to give, or any other words of wisdom/caution/inspiration.

Specific questions that we currently have...
1. Do you learn a requested song list for the gig? If so, do you charge to learn new songs?
2. Is it best to create a turnkey operation where you provide the sound system?
3. How involved are you in the wedding plan itself? Do you craft a set list that flows with the reception, or just plan on doing a big block of time during the dance hours?
4. How many hours to plan on playing at a wedding? (the groom for this one initially had us playing for 3.5 hours, but eventually we convinced him that his reception was only 3 hours long, so he needed to cut the list down some, haha!)

I think we like the idea of generating some $$$ from wedding gigs, but feel like we bit off more than we could chew with their entire song list request (had to learn about 30 new songs for it). We also realized that it takes quite a bit of work just figuring out how long we're playing, coordinating times/places, figuring out sound system, etc... Seems like we could have been better prepared.

 

[Oddly]

Paging @Joe Nerve ...

also, check out
Wedding Band Bassist questions.

 

[DirtDog]

Done a few wedding gigs. It can be a great gig but there all pitfalls.

1. you may need to learn a small handful of specifically requested tunes but don’t overpromise and under deliver.

2. If you already own a full PA, I would do the turnkey thing and charge a premium. Otherwise, subcontract the sound reinforcement if there’s a budget for it.

3. avoid, at all costs, getting involved in the planning. Get your timings for setup and performance from whomever is organizing and stay out of the way otherwise.

4. The bride and whomever is paying the bill is your boss for the day/night. Don’t let drunk aunt Jenny start telling you want to do.

5. Plan for it to be a long day. Bring some of your own refreshments and sustainment so you don’t have to go bothering others (unless sustainment is part of the deal). Being a change of clothes.

 

[backin82]

Paging @Joe Nerve ...

also, check out
Wedding Band Bassist questions.

Thanks! I searched this forum, but the results didn't reflect my keyword. It was weird. Thanks for pointing me to that thread!

 

[David Jayne]

Weddings are hard if you are new to it because as you've found there's lots of music to learn. I've done it on and off for decades so I know the list of likely suspects pretty well. The band I work for has a list of about 150 songs the client chooses from. I've got charts for many of the ones that don't come up often for work reduction. Consider getting four of five jazz/big band dance classics under your belts for the first set. You'll always be needing to learn two or three new songs, for the mom/son, dad/daughter dances, as well as the first dance. Learn Peter Gunn or The Stripper for those who want the garter thing(I've noticed that's dropped off in recent years but you never know). Learn Hava Nagila. It'll come up. Have recorded music ready for the breaks, soft stuff for dinner and dance stuff for later. PA is up to you-we supply our own usually but hire a trusted guy to set up and run it. Have a wireless mic available for the inevitable uncle who wants to sing 'New York New York' or whatever. Have a planned 'end of night' closer - our go-to is 'Shout.'

 

[BrotherMister]

So..... How many stories do you want? I can give you the good, the bad, the hilarious and the ugly!

A lot of this stuff is basically a baptism of fire because even when you think you have seen it all, and done it all at some point something so far removed from your thought process happens you have to deal with it. Be as prepared as you can possibly be and still expect something to happen. Ever seen a bride punch the groom at the end of the night? I have. Ever had some kick off at you at the toilet for refusing their offer of cocaine? I have. Ever had a random guy strip off in a toilet to show you his tattoos of musicians and demand you name them? I have. It's pretty crazy stuff but at the same time as soul destroying as they can be they can also be a lot of fun. Getting a great band and packed dance floor all night is one of the best things ever. You'll find countless professional musicians still work at function gigs because it's a stable source of money, if you can crack into that market. It's pretty over saturated now which means the standards are rapidly increasingly as well. Ergo, you need to bring your A game all the time. Because word of mouth is still king along with all the other advertising stuff.

First of all. Get everything in writing. I repeat. Get everything in writing. Once more. Get everything in writing. If you don't have a contract write it up and make it iron clad. Leave no stone unturned. State your terms and conditions and cover everything from the space you might need to sockets required and things like a space to get changed etc. Obviously be reasonable and remember you aren't a big name touring act so no brown m&m's but be reasonable. If you need to leave at 2pm and won't get back home until 4am in the morning then asking for warm food isn't unreasonable, or reflect the price of the gig to accommodate for that stuff. This is your business and you have to treat it like one. So get things in writing and have a copy ready at the gig because at times you'll need it. Get paid before you start to play and things like. If someone over pays you, go to them and say they have over paid you. It's often a gesture of goodwill because you've been great and it's often a mistake. Don't assume just because you've been handed it that it's yours if the contract says something different.


Specific questions.
1. The standard is usually the first dance and that's about it. Maybe one or two other songs but don't break your back.
2. You can either provide your own PA or hire one in. Hiring one costs money so it's probably better to have a band one.
3. Set list wise. Of the bands a regularly play with and the countless I sub with the set almost never changes order. After the first dance you tend to find most bands just run their set start to end. You'll maybe jump songs here and there for accommodate for time or the audience but the slicker and more well oiled a machine you are the better you'll be. Dead time on stage kills the dance floor. As the great philosopher Brown said, Hit it and quit.
4. Standard times here are 8pm till midnight. With a 30 minute break. So you'll need more rep to cover that times because someone might hire you to start early or play later. You'll usually be safe with a 4 hour long set list. But specify in your contract that you will be taking a break of however length. Have recorded music to play over the breaks. Have recorded music to play over the PA while you are setting up, or between finishing setting up and starting your set.

People think weddings are easy, and they actually are once you are up and running. Musically they are super easy. Business wise? it's pretty much a full time gig so don't expect whoever is leader of the band to take more money to reflect the hours they spend dealing with clients and enquiries. A function band is a business. But there is a good deal of money in it.

This is a fairly lengthy post so apologise. If you want PM and I'll happily talk you through stuff but also happy to share with the forum for all those who are interested.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Paging @Joe Nerve ...

Thanks. Not sure if I can really be any help given some of the specifics here, but I'll give whatever I've got .

Weddings are hard if you are new to it because as you've found there's lots of music to learn.

Yes.

Learn Hava Nagila. It'll come up. Have recorded music ready for the breaks, soft stuff for dinner and dance stuff for later. PA is up to you-we supply our own usually but hire a trusted guy to set up and run it. Have a wireless mic available for the inevitable uncle who wants to sing 'New York New York' or whatever. Have a planned 'end of night' closer - our go-to is 'Shout.'

And yes. We also almost always end with Shout, or the very much requested Don't Stop Believing. Some couples have specific closing songs, and we learn them if we don't know them.

Specific questions that we currently have...
1. Do you learn a requested song list for the gig? If so, do you charge to learn new songs?
2. Is it best to create a turnkey operation where you provide the sound system?
3. How involved are you in the wedding plan itself? Do you craft a set list that flows with the reception, or just plan on doing a big block of time during the dance hours?
4. How many hours to plan on playing at a wedding? (the groom for this one initially had us playing for 3.5 hours, but eventually we convinced him that his reception was only 3 hours long, so he needed to cut the list down some, haha!)

I think we like the idea of generating some $$$ from wedding gigs, but feel like we bit off more than we could chew with their entire song list request (had to learn about 30 new songs for it). We also realized that it takes quite a bit of work just figuring out how long we're playing, coordinating times/places, figuring out sound system, etc... Seems like we could have been better prepared.

RE the rest...

Requests: We learn the first dance, the mother/son, father/daughter dances.

The rest of the songs we have a list of a couple of hundred tunes and ask them to highlight their preferences. We tell them we will do our best to accommodate what they highlight, but if there are any specifics they DEFINITELY want, they need to let us know. I don't deal with the customers as its not my band (I'm not an owner), but I'm fairly sure they limit the amount of specific requests and aren't shy about not being able to tackle something if we're being asked too much... and that's where the next part comes in...

One of our band members is a DJ. We operate differently than a lot of other wedding bands. Anything we don't know or don't want to learn the DJ will take care of. We generally play the opening dances with a very short set (about 20 minutes) and then do 2 or 3 other sets depending on what the couple wants. We average around 3 hours playing time, much like a typical cover gig. The DJ is playing in between, and ALWAYS during dinner.

Its in our contracts that we get fed, and that usually includes cocktail hour. Out of the 100s of weddings I've played there have only been about 3 where they had special arrangements and we weren't allowed the cocktail hour. It was venue policy. Couples never had a problem with it.

RE the PA, I never heard of a turnkey operation, so I'm not sure what that's about - but my band was at this for at least a decade before I climbed on board. We have a sound person, roadies, a complete system with lights, and our own truck. I think it would be really hard to function without ones own system, but if a deal could be worked out with a sound company they could be figured into the price. If I were starting out in the business that's what I'd probably do, and reinvest all earnings until we had all that was necessary.

As for some other things:

• All things are coordinated with the wedding planner when we arrive at the venue. They're the ones who know the exact scheduling of things - BUT IT NEVER GOES AS PLANNED - so be prepared. Our DJ always takes care of the details with that.
• We never rest between songs, not a single bit. That was tough for me to get used to. Every song goes right into the next, with a four count click being the longest break we get.
• Playing to tracks seems essential (unless you have a very uniquely cool 3 piece) if a band plans to make money. Especially if you're currently a 3 piece. My basic band is 5 piece, we can go up to 11 or more by hiring other musicians. Half the time we at least have a keyboard, but when we don't - the tracks are essential.
• Both a male and female vocalist seem equally essential, don't know if you have that.
  
• Everything must be in writing as @BrotherMister said. This is much different than cover gigs in that respect. Again, I don't with that end of things so details have to be gotten elsewhere.
• RE song choice, there are a lot of standards that can take up 3/4 of your song choice for the evening. The rest can be geared toward what the couple likes most. In our area we get to play lots of rock, so its pretty cool. There are a lot of Springteen fans out there . And I've played Killers and Bon Jovi at just about every wedding I've ever done.

That's about all I've got. I didn't start my band... I don't get involved on the business end... and I kinda like it that way . I show up, do my job, go home and get paid electronically the next day. And I miss it all. About to start up again in less than 2 months thankfully.

 

[fdeck]

Amusingly, I've played dozens of wedding gigs with jazz groups. Something I've learned is that not every wedding is a $50000 Disney blowout. Some people getting married are still paying off their first weddings.

If you want to work those gigs, you can make a lot of money, but it's a lot of work and lots of bands want that work. There are also lower tiers with fewer bells and whistles, less precise planning, lower budgets, older couples, etc. I'm happy with that. I can't commit all day to a gig anyway.

Jazz players need to know at least a handful of popular tunes -- the standards -- and pull them off credibly. Requests are fun. They get the guests involved.I played a wedding gig where the bandleader switched the band to 100% rock after sizing up the crowd.

 

[bass12]

With the wedding band I play in the client is typically allowed to choose two songs that the band will have to learn. More than that and there is an extra charge. It's not uncommon for a client to review the band's song list and either request that certain songs from the list be played or, more rarely, that certain songs not be played.

The primary band owner does own a sound system but it is only suitable for smaller rooms. Most of the weddings we play are in medium to large halls and for those the band owner will contract sound system suppliers. This is included in the price of the band (meaning less work for the client).

Some other points:

- Make sure that you have the appropriate music for the gig. This most likely means at least an hour's worth of jazz standards/cocktail music, a set's worth of social dance numbers, a handful of ballads and plenty of dance music to suit the demographic(s). A lot of the weddings I play are Jewish or Italian so that typically means a set's worth of traditional Jewish wedding songs and a set's worth of Italian songs.

- The client will sometimes want a scaled-down band (usually a trio) to play a cocktail set in a different room prior to the main festivities. This costs extra.

- As already mentioned, no dead air on stage. The band I play in has won contracts over other bands specifically because we go straight into the next song after finishing the last (and we play lots of medleys) so there is no dead air. If there's no music playing then it's because the MC or singer has something relevant to say to the room that can't be said over the music.

- Weddings are stressful events for the client, the planner and pretty much everyone who is working the event. The less the band adds to that stress the better for the client and the planner. A band with a leader who is cool-headed, communicates well, and has solid people skills has a definite advantage. With weddings there can be a lot of "hurry up and wait" so it's important to be okay with that.

- Look sharp and keep a tidy stage. If it was just about the music then the clients would probably stick with a DJ. Chances are good that part of the reason you have been hired is for visual presence. Give your look/attire careful consideration and look as if you're having fun. I hear a lot of criticism of wedding bands whose members look as if they would rather be doing anything other than playing the gig. A tidy stage will give the wedding planner one less reason to get on your backs (and will help with the overall visual impression). It will also help prevent people (band members or others) from tripping and/or knocking stuff over (during speeches, for example).

- Joe (above) mentioned singers. My band typically has three singers (two female, one male). The band is sometimes shrunk to a smaller size but two singers is the minimum. These gigs tend to be pretty taxing for vocalists so it's important that they be able to split lead duties.

- Regarding tracks: my band uses tracks on almost every dance song and on some ballads. We do this even as a twelve piece (the band at full force). I'll admit that I find it to be overkill at times but it works. The truth is that most clients don't attach any stigma to the use of tracks and they couldn't care less about the "artistic implications" of such usage (if they even notice at all). And yes, I've heard more than one client marvel at how the band sounds "as good as the record". The one band I've subbed with that is "all live" (no backing tracks) had two keyboard players, three horns, guitar, bass, drums and three vocalists.

- A good sound man is vital for these events and volume control is paramount. Also, the only times I've played weddings without in-ears (instead of an amp) is when the wedding has been very small, with very different expectations from what is the norm with large "high end" weddings.

Of course, a lot depends on what kind of band you want to be and what kinds of weddings you and your band are looking to play. Most, if not all, of the top tier wedding bands in Montreal are on the larger side but a few of them are smaller (probably no smaller than five pieces though). You can be sure, however, that any of the smaller acts are heavily reliant on tracks.

Finally, I don't know what competition is like where you are but the wedding band market here is saturated. Way fewer club dates means that musicians have rushed over to the side of the boat that is still above water (weddings and corporate events) and competition is therefore stiff. A good promo video, great show and a very strong work ethic are crucial for those who want to make a career out of this. Best of luck and let us know how it works out!

 

[bass12]

Amusingly, I've played dozens of wedding gigs with jazz groups. Something I've learned is that not every wedding is a $50000 Disney blowout. Some people getting married are still paying off their first weddings.

If you want to work those gigs, you can make a lot of money, but it's a lot of work and lots of bands want that work. There are also lower tiers with fewer bells and whistles, less precise planning, lower budgets, older couples, etc. I'm happy with that. I can't commit all day to a gig anyway.

Jazz players need to know at least a handful of popular tunes -- the standards -- and pull them off credibly. Requests are fun. They get the guests involved.I played a wedding gig where the bandleader switched the band to 100% rock after sizing up the crowd.

If those types of "lower tier" weddings are an option for the OP then I'd say it's an ideal situation. Much less time and money required to put a project together and way less stress. It's incredibly rare that I get to play those kinds of weddings and I wish more of them came my way. My "cocktail"/jazz trio gigs seem to come much more from the corporate events side.

 

[David Jayne]

Pretty well covered by everybody. I forgot to mention to find out if there are any songs that you must NOT play..... This comes up once in awhile.

 

[backin82]

I appreciate the replies so far! Maybe I wasn't clear about it up front, but we're not necessarily *trying* to be a wedding band. We are a trio group that plays modern covers in chill patio settings, and we have received a few inquiries about playing weddings through those gigs. The one in March is the only one we've accepted.

In this case, the groom liked our laid back style and instrumental versions of Billie Eilish songs, so he wants us to mostly play that "style". His song list request has zero jazz, and is mostly modern pop music with some oldschool Michael Jackson and even some country. There are no "standards" as far as I can tell. Maybe "Sweet Caroline" or "Here Comes the Sun"....? Otherwise its stuff from The Weeknd, Harry Styles, etc....

All the insight is still valuable, because we're not opposed to doing wedding gigs. We just want to have a better grasp on how to manage it if we DO accept one, and learn what our terms need to be for this group before we're asked again.

 

[chadds]

Be diplomatic and stay out of mother of the bride/wedding planner fights.

The mother and others wanted no mics or sound on a stick near the ceremony. We said we can have the PA out of photo range. They said no anything. They told us to set up way in back behind back if audience. Service starts and everyone is turning around saying they can’t hear them. No mics. Oh well.

They roll the rice paper down then gather it back up then the carriage with horse comes. Oh well. The reception was fine.

Be forewarned. There is always someone who thinks it’s too loud because they want to talk and many who wanted it reasonably cranked.

Played a gig in a parking lot with two SWR G3s 4X10s and a Bass 750. Somehow the four elder ladies in wheel chairs ended up parked right in front of my cabs. They enjoyed it immensely. I’m sure they felt what they couldn’t hear.

 

[lbbc]

I meet with the Bride, Groom and Parents of the Bride (since they are usually footing the bill). I use a wedding reception guide list that I came up with years ago (when I DJ'ed).

I want everything spelled out before we even agree to the gig...Date, time, location, expectations, extra fee for extra time. If wedding specific songs are requested (no more than 10) I charge extra for extra effort to learn those songs. We provide our own PA and lighting which is included in our price. So, in answer to your questions....we have a base per hour price for up to 4 hours, do all the emcee'ing, provide the PA, extra time fee and charge extra for requested songs (up to 10).

I require a 1/2 non-refundable deposit at time of meeting with balance due 1 week prior to wedding. Will only accept cash for extended performance time...which everyone knows at first meeting. If the wedding is over 2 hours away, we require travel compensation. If wedding is over 4 hours away, we require travel compensation plus 3 rooms for overnight lodging.

I live in Delaware and have done weddings locally and in DC, Virginia Beach, Pennsylvania and Vermont. Never had a problem when everything is spelled out and with a signed contract

 

[MrLenny1]

Good Luck.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Pretty well covered by everybody. I forgot to mention to find out if there are any songs that you must NOT play..... This comes up once in awhile.

YES! I too forgot this. We have a no play list on our outline, and they always fill that out. Line dances are common as is Britney Spears for some reason, Michael Jackson, and heavy rock.

 

[bassliner50]

Done a few wedding gigs. It can be a great gig but there all pitfalls.

1. you may need to learn a small handful of specifically requested tunes but don’t overpromise and under deliver.

2. If you already own a full PA, I would do the turnkey thing and charge a premium. Otherwise, subcontract the sound reinforcement if there’s a budget for it.

3. avoid, at all costs, getting involved in the planning. Get your timings for setup and performance from whomever is organizing and stay out of the way otherwise.

4. The bride and whomever is paying the bill is your boss for the day/night. Don’t let drunk aunt Jenny start telling you want to do.

5. Plan for it to be a long day. Bring some of your own refreshments and sustainment so you don’t have to go bothering others (unless sustainment is part of the deal). Being a change of clothes.

At the gig the Maitre De can help you coordinate the operations of the evening with the music. Are you doing cocktail hour? Learn as many requests as is practical. Bring your own PA to avoid chaos. One price for all services. Tuxedos used to be required. Dress appropriately. YOU are not the focus of the evening. Its all about the Bride and Groom and who ever pays you. Learn from this experience. Wedding gig are very competitive and there are serious musicians who do a spectacular job of filling that role. That is your goal. Don't be too loud. Do you have a piano or keyboard player?

 

[BobbyT]

My new trio group has a wedding coming up in March, and we've realized that aren't really prepared for the business or management side of doing weddings. We have an agreed amount that we're being paid, we know what songs they want, and we know the time and place of the gig.

Any advice from people that have done weddings successfully? Since we're all new to wedding gigs, any advice is welcomed. I'd just like some perspective from people that have stories to tell, advice to give, or any other words of wisdom/caution/inspiration.

Specific questions that we currently have...
1. Do you learn a requested song list for the gig? If so, do you charge to learn new songs?
2. Is it best to create a turnkey operation where you provide the sound system?
3. How involved are you in the wedding plan itself? Do you craft a set list that flows with the reception, or just plan on doing a big block of time during the dance hours?
4. How many hours to plan on playing at a wedding? (the groom for this one initially had us playing for 3.5 hours, but eventually we convinced him that his reception was only 3 hours long, so he needed to cut the list down some, haha!)

I think we like the idea of generating some $$$ from wedding gigs, but feel like we bit off more than we could chew with their entire song list request (had to learn about 30 new songs for it). We also realized that it takes quite a bit of work just figuring out how long we're playing, coordinating times/places, figuring out sound system, etc... Seems like we could have been better prepared.

1. Yes, within reason. Set a limit that works for you, such as 4-5 new tunes. Definitely take requests for first dances. I have not heard of charging extra for this. I suppose if the couple wanted more than the number you have proposed it might be reasonable to charge, but have never been in that scenario.

2. Yes, don’t rely on venue equipment. Also it is best if you DJ during breaks unless they are also hiring a separate DJ.

3. Moderately involved. You will need to know when certain things are happening: meals being served, speeches, cake cutting, etc. so you can effectively manage the flow. Are you also serving as the MC? Work with the wedding planner and venue staff to figure out who is responsible for keeping things on schedule, making announcements, etc.

4. Most receptions in my areas are 4 hours, with 3-3.5 hours of actual music. That consists of dinner music, dance music, and incidental stuff (e.g., cake cutting, special dances, etc.). Cocktail hour adds another hour, if you are doing that.

This is just my perspective having done probably more than a hundred weddings over the years. Hope it helps!

 

[backin82]

At the gig the Maitre De can help you coordinate the operations of the evening with the music. Are you doing cocktail hour? Learn as many requests as is practical. Bring your own PA to avoid chaos. One price for all services. Tuxedos used to be required. Dress appropriately. YOU are not the focus of the evening. Its all about the Bride and Groom and who ever pays you. Learn from this experience. Wedding gig are very competitive and there are serious musicians who do a spectacular job of filling that role. That is your goal. Don't be too loud. Do you have a piano or keyboard player?

We definitely won't be wearing tuxedos. I haven't seen a tuxedo at a wedding in years. Around here, people wear suits. Still not sure what we will be wearing, but we have been told over and over again by the bride and groom that they want their reception to feel exactly like our patio gigs that they've attended - very informal and super chill. So that's the vibe we're gonna try to achieve.

 

[bass12]

We definitely won't be wearing tuxedos. I haven't seen a tuxedo at a wedding in years. Around here, people wear suits. Still not sure what we will be wearing, but we have been told over and over again by the bride and groom that they want their reception to feel exactly like our patio gigs that they've attended - very informal and super chill. So that's the vibe we're gonna try to achieve.

Yeah, suits are the go-to here. I’ve never worn a tux to a wedding gig. Sounds like the job you have been booked for is a “do what you do” type affair. Very different from what has mostly been described by posters in this thread (though much of what has been outlined likely still applies). Not much demand for that where I am but if you can make it work for you then that’s great.