Wedding Advice

[Spidey2112]

Wedding advice?

 

[Spidey2112]

Around here, people wear suits.

If memory serves me right, the boots will be worth more than the suits.

 

[BobbyT]

Yeah, suits are the go-to here. I’ve never worn a tux to a wedding gig. Sounds like the job you have been booked for is a “do what you do” type affair. Very different from what has mostly been described by posters in this thread (though much of what has been outlined likely still applies). Not much demand for that where I am but if you can make it work for you then that’s great.

I agree with this. My previous post was more along the lines of a standard “job” type of gig. May not all be relevant in this situation since the couple has seen you doing non-wedding stuff and wants that.

 

[Wesley R]

1. Here comes the happy couple now, the Bride and her Mother (Do not say it, think it , but do not say it)
2. Get a contract, down payment and cancellation clause
3. Throw a card in the card basket with a gift card for something home like, and about 5 or so band business cards. Weddings beget weddings.
4. Buy an anniversary card, and mail it in a year telling them what a great time their wedding was, word of mouth, weddings beget weddings and like that. Use the MOB as that address is the least likely to have changed.

some hints:
1. Do not let band members get drunk
2. Do not let baby faced, cute keys guy go for a long walk on the beach with the bride
3. When the Sheriff look you square in the eye and orders you to "Shut the F down, right F-ing now", do it, compliance is a good thing

 

[bass12]

I appreciate the replies so far! Maybe I wasn't clear about it up front, but we're not necessarily *trying* to be a wedding band. We are a trio group that plays modern covers in chill patio settings, and we have received a few inquiries about playing weddings through those gigs. The one in March is the only one we've accepted.

In this case, the groom liked our laid back style and instrumental versions of Billie Eilish songs, so he wants us to mostly play that "style". His song list request has zero jazz, and is mostly modern pop music with some oldschool Michael Jackson and even some country. There are no "standards" as far as I can tell. Maybe "Sweet Caroline" or "Here Comes the Sun"....? Otherwise its stuff from The Weeknd, Harry Styles, etc....

All the insight is still valuable, because we're not opposed to doing wedding gigs. We just want to have a better grasp on how to manage it if we DO accept one, and learn what our terms need to be for this group before we're asked again.

I would recommend having some standards in your repertoire if that’s something you’d all be comfortable with. You just never know when uncle Bob will start throwing out requests and the more versatile you can be the better.

 

[mambo4]

Learn Hava Nagila. It'll come up.

+1
one of the best Gigs I ever played was a Jewish wedding. My Salsa band learned Hava Nagila ( we had some klezmer fans in the horns .) The crowd sang and danced and lifted the bride up on a chair, the whole deal. Such a wonderful moment of joy, I'll never forget it.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Be diplomatic and stay out of mother of the bride/wedding planner fights.

Another YES! I've seen some tough stuff go down with both.

Had some strange curve balls thrown at us too. One wedding, just about when we were ready to start, the groom came up to me and said, "No branding!" then gestured toward the band and said, "All this has got to go." I had no idea what he was referring to, and quickly found out he didn't want the band name anywhere. He didn't want it showing up on any photos. We have a fair amount of that going on, but had to act quickly and with a smile. The rest of my band was actually fine with that, it bugged me for some reason. Maybe the way he demanded as opposed to asked? And at the very last minute.

We definitely won't be wearing tuxedos. I haven't seen a tuxedo at a wedding in years. Around here, people wear suits.

I haven't worn a tuxedo since 1979, at my brother's wedding. And I've played hundreds of weddings. Even black tie affairs, in which all that's required is a black suit and tie (which I've learned not everyone conforms to).

 

[backin82]

Yeah, suits are the go-to here. I’ve never worn a tux to a wedding gig. Sounds like the job you have been booked for is a “do what you do” type affair. Very different from what has mostly been described by posters in this thread (though much of what has been outlined likely still applies). Not much demand for that where I am but if you can make it work for you then that’s great.

When we first started with this group, I realized it had way more potential than other groups I've been in. To the point that we could definitely turn this into "something", including private events, weddings, etc... People actually like us. They dance to our music. They come up and talk to us after gigs. We have people that compliment and tip us well. We got a lot of positive feedback. Most groups I've been in might get some of that, but not nearly to the degree that this one does. It has potential.

But our BL let me know pretty quickly that such events were NOT his goal for our band. He wants this to strictly be fun, chill, and convenient. We got the wedding offer at our first gig, so we accepted in the heat of the moment. Now the BL is frazzled at the work involved, and we've had to really push him to make this work.

Hopefully this will be a good learning experience, we'll make a little $$$, and may get an offer to do a similar gig from someone else. I think if we wouldn't have accepted to learn 30-40 new songs, it would be a WAY better experience.

 

[JRA]

Joe Nerve , bass12 , lbbc , et al, have covered the OP. i'll throw in some duplicates for posterity:

1. Do you learn a requested song list for the gig? If so, do you charge to learn new songs?

no charge: bride/groom dance, father/daughter, mother/son. we're being hired for what we do (vast repertoire) so we only learn new tunes for our own updates.

2. Is it best to create a turnkey operation where you provide the sound system?

we provide everything you see "wedding bands" using at the gig, expecially, and including the PA/FOH mixer.

3. How involved are you in the wedding plan itself? Do you craft a set list that flows with the reception, or just plan on doing a big block of time during the dance hours?

we get the info, and adhere to the timing of events (which have been planned by others). sometimes we're asked for advice (not our first rodeo).

4. How many hours to plan on playing at a wedding? (the groom for this one initially had us playing for 3.5 hours, but eventually we convinced him that his reception was only 3 hours long, so he needed to cut the list down some, haha!)

most wedding events are no longer than 4 hours (from downbeat to last tune), but we're often setting up in the mornings or afternoons to stay clear of caterers, florists, venue staff, etc. our contract defines and provides for "overtime." we never turn down "overtime" --- it's 'goodwill' that pays (handsomely!).

your event sounds fairly 'forgiving' compared to most of my experience, and it's cool that your "chill" thing is requested!

good luck with this one --- hope everyone has a good time/gig!

 

[Jeff Hughes]

In your contract or email thread, ask about weather if you are playing outside. We usually have a “one gear move” policy meaning we will tear down and reset up to an indoor area only one time, and it will count against their overall music time.

Make sure you know if you are signing up to be the MC of the event. Generally, the person who owns the mic is also the MC, and you may not be comfortable with that task. It can be a sucky job.

They should provide you with a meal definitely and lodging if necessary. The venues and caterers will usually try to feed the band and other vendors last. For the band, this is stupid since you will have to play just as people finish eating dinner which means you will have just gotten food or be finishing your own meal.

Invest in a good wireless mic. The cheap ones have very limited range.

Ask the couple to give you an ipad or iphone with a playlist of their music.

Ask about the power at the venue. Barns, tents, and other converted spaces don’t always have power up to the challenge of juicing a band. Sometimes food warmers get plugged in to the same AC you are using, and competing with space heaters basically is a recipe for power failures. Basically, let the client know that you are not responsible for power outages at the venue.

And don’t feel the need to be like a “wedding band.” You are correct in that a lot of people actually prefer a band at their wedding that avoids the typical stereotypes of wedding entertainment. People who chill at bars listening to live music sometimes want to capture that experience at their wedding.

 

[Sixgunn]

Some people getting married are still paying off their first weddings.

I always say, don't spend so much on your wedding that you're still paying for it after the divorce.

 

[Medicine Man]

Pretty well covered by everybody. I forgot to mention to find out if there are any songs that you must NOT play..... This comes up once in awhile.

Yep. We did one where they didnt want any song that mentioned drugs or alcohol. We had to cut more than you would think.

 

[TheReceder]

I'm biased... while weddings pay big... I still hate them. Played a wedding that was booked as a country gig.
We had better than 100 songs in our setlist. Mind you we were all rock musicians that knew how to adapt to country gigs.

1. Started the "dance" immediately had the bar staff tell us that they were getting complaints that we were too loud. Turned down.
2. Got another turn down request from the Bar staff. Complied.
3. Got a third turn down request... from an elderly woman that said... "listen guys, I've told the bar twice that you were too loud and we couldn't even talk with our friends..." We had already turned down so much that the FOH was off. We were running off stage volume.
4. All the while we were getting requests from the younger crowd to play Rock.
5. FINALLY the Bride came up and told us to pretty much crank it. She was tired of all her relatives ruining her wedding. She then asked if we could play... and I quote "Rock". We asked if Led Zeppelin would work. She smiled.

6. Quick discussion with the band and the evil bassist(Me) came up with a sick and sacrilegious idea. We started off with "Rock and Roll" At the intro the drummer started the drum intro... and gradually slowed it down to a crawl. We played the first verse in a country twang that could be compared to "Redneck Mother". The dance floor filled with all the youngsters and all the old folks left. We ended out restarting the song after a little while(ala Zep), played a mix of country and rock to a barely there crowd. It was fun for about 30 people... but to this day, all I get at weddings is you're too loud... turn it up... you play too much rock... you don't play enough rock... Play something new... play something everyone knows...

At weddings... You're getting paid to make half the crowd happy while irritating the other half. As others said above... always play to the individual that booked you... otherwise you can expect a gig from hell.

 

[Chris Breese]

Good stuff!

 

[Relsom]

Don't compete with the food. Wait until they're ready to party before bringing out the dance tunes.

 

[BarfanyShart]

Are trio weddings legal in your state? ;-)

 

[Jason Hollar]

... To the point that we could definitely turn this into "something", including private events, weddings, etc... They dance to our music.

But our BL let me know pretty quickly that such events were NOT his goal for our band. He wants this to strictly be fun, chill, and convenient. We got the wedding offer at our first gig, so we accepted in the heat of the moment. Now the BL is frazzled at the work involved, and we've had to really push him to make this work.

Hopefully this will be a good learning experience, we'll make a little $$$, and may get an offer to do a similar gig from someone else. I think if we wouldn't have accepted to learn 30-40 new songs, it would be a WAY better experience.

So make it clear to the couple (or others in the future) that you guys are strictly the fun rocking party band and it’s best to have one of the bridal party (or FOB) to MC the big intros & special announcements.

Whoever the frontman is needs to understand they’ll likely need to make some last minute announcements.

I’d also have a backup iPod with a bunch of auxiliary tunes like polkas, ethnic, drippy love songs, and a ton of complementary dance party music, etc. Also have data / wifi to quickly download any special requests - sometimes these last minute additions can really make the party. Good luck!

 

[bassliner50]

We definitely won't be wearing tuxedos. I haven't seen a tuxedo at a wedding in years. Around here, people wear suits. Still not sure what we will be wearing, but we have been told over and over again by the bride and groom that they want their reception to feel exactly like our patio gigs that they've attended - very informal and super chill. So that's the vibe we're gonna try to achieve.

OK, sounds super casual, not a classic formal wedding. That should take some pressure off. In these parts if they are hiring a real band, catering hall and the whole schpeel, lots of money is dropped, then tuxedos and formality is the norm.

 

[sean_on_bass]

My experience with a weddings is that they should be expected to be more work than just showing up and playing the tunes. Hence you should charge more once you hear the word "wedding." These additional services could include the use of the band PA for announcements and speeches, having to show up earlier or stay later than needed, fielding song requests from the couple/guests, being asked to MC, DJing via your iphone between sets, etc. It's good to talk through those things with the couple prior to booking the gig so you know exactly what you are signing up for. Often times these things just come up on the day of the wedding and you just have to roll with it. And i can't stress this one enough, but make sure they are even providing you an acceptable staging location to play. You don't want to be put on a dirt ground grassy clearing with no cover in case of rain/wind. One time my group of 7 was placed on a back patio, that was so small the band couldn't really fit. We were all bumping into each other the whole gig, which is not something i take kindly to when i have a huge upright bass with me.

Also, expect to be treated like the help, although that is not always the case. Sometimes they treat the band as a quasi guest, meaning you get some of the good food and drink and maybe even a reserved table. Sometimes you are more on the level on the wait staff, and are tucked away in a back room to eat your boxed sandwich on stale bread with an apple and a bag of cheetos. I've been on both sides of that spectrum.

 

[sean_on_bass]

Done a few wedding gigs. It can be a great gig but there all pitfalls.

1. you may need to learn a small handful of specifically requested tunes but don’t overpromise and under deliver.

2. If you already own a full PA, I would do the turnkey thing and charge a premium. Otherwise, subcontract the sound reinforcement if there’s a budget for it.

3. avoid, at all costs, getting involved in the planning. Get your timings for setup and performance from whomever is organizing and stay out of the way otherwise.

4. The bride and whomever is paying the bill is your boss for the day/night. Don’t let drunk aunt Jenny start telling you want to do.

5. Plan for it to be a long day. Bring some of your own refreshments and sustainment so you don’t have to go bothering others (unless sustainment is part of the deal). Being a change of clothes.

6. Pack a flask of quality bourbon.