Wedding Advice

[ga_edwards]

We charge a premium for weddings because it’s a long day and generally you need to lug all the gear through a maze of hallways and elevators to get to the function room and then retrace your steps to park the car which in Sydney is horridly expensive.

To be honest I don’t like doing them which is why the price like the ancillary costs is high. When it’s all said and done you have to bump out via the goods lift which is now full of garbage, stinks and is wet.

This is one reason why I think a a number of function bands are going ampless with IEMs and electronic drum kits. Not only is it easier to manage the overall volume, but it's a lot less gear to lug around. Even if I do use my frfr speaker, I can pretty much load-in in one trip.

I remember back in my first band - we had a couple of old 60s WEM 4x10 column speakers for our PA. I loved them and hated them at the same time. They looked the business and sounded great, but they were a PITA to lug around.

 

[Samatza]

This is one reason why I think a a number of function bands are going ampless with IEMs and electronic drum kits. Not only is it easier to manage the overall volume, but it's a lot less gear to lug around. Even if I do use my frfr speaker, I can pretty much load-in in one trip.

Yes indeed, we have the IEM and electronic kit pared down to a minimum, that is, an Octapad with pedals for kick and hats.

We don’t use amps but I have to lug the PA so I do a couple of trips at least.

 

[Need Gigs]

Unless you're in New Zealand, that wedding's getting postponed.

Actually, we might end up going into another lockdown! I did sit in with the band at my cousin's wedding last weekend though, great fun!

 

[friskinator]

My experience with a weddings is that they should be expected to be more work than just showing up and playing the tunes. Hence you should charge more once you hear the word "wedding." These additional services could include the use of the band PA for announcements and speeches, having to show up earlier or stay later than needed, fielding song requests from the couple/guests, being asked to MC, DJing via your iphone between sets, etc. It's good to talk through those things with the couple prior to booking the gig so you know exactly what you are signing up for. Often times these things just come up on the day of the wedding and you just have to roll with it. And i can't stress this one enough, but make sure they are even providing you an acceptable staging location to play. You don't want to be put on a dirt ground grassy clearing with no cover in case of rain/wind. One time my group of 7 was placed on a back patio, that was so small the band couldn't really fit. We were all bumping into each other the whole gig, which is not something i take kindly to when i have a huge upright bass with me.

Also, expect to be treated like the help, although that is not always the case. Sometimes they treat the band as a quasi guest, meaning you get some of the good food and drink and maybe even a reserved table. Sometimes you are more on the level on the wait staff, and are tucked away in a back room to eat your boxed sandwich on stale bread with an apple and a bag of cheetos. I've been on both sides of that spectrum.

,

I've eaten more wedding "dinners" in supply closets and locker rooms than I care to remember. I don't expect to be treated the same as a guest, but if I were writing the contract, some sort of green room would be required. Especially for the out of town gigs where an early afternoon load in is requested.

Weddings can be fun to play, but I wouldn't want to revisit my previous wedding band. Sure, the money can be better, but they often require a full day's time commitment.

 

[electracoyote]

Something else regarding something someone else mentioned...

There are OFTEN people who want to come up and join the band. That's a hard "no" for us, done very politely. The ONLY way it happens if its at the couple's request. That too will be done carefully as couples get wasted too and can make bad choices.

This can at times get challenging and must be handled with great care. People coming up to join in can ruin a night as well as the reputation of the band. It can seriously piss off the couple, the parents, and/or whoever is paying you.

Always addressed this in pre-event conferences and the contract. The band space is not public domain, there are safety concerns as well as performance integrity concerns, and we wanted to keep tight control on the microphones as well. I would communicate to the clients how easily an event can go sideways and the day ruined if someone comes up on stage and starts pawing the equipment or gets on the mic and does inappropriate things. For the sake of professionalism, I compiled a short list of guests the client authorized and trusted to make announcements and give toasts. I never had a client balk at this idea; indeed, it was always an "a-ha!" moment where they realized that some of their friends and family members should definitely NOT be using the mic.

In many ways, a good wedding/private event entertainer is almost like an event planner in that you have to understand and coordinate to almost every aspect of the event, know some things about the client and their guests, and impress upon the client that you intend to exercise professional discretion to avoid tragedies and help ensure a fond memory for all for many years to come.

 

[Naturekev]

Unless you're in New Zealand, that wedding's getting postponed.

Or Florida. There's a wedding venue up the street from the music store I go to once a week. There is a wedding happening there almost every weekend now.

 

[Chris Breese]

Florida is pretty open, isn't it?

 

[devnulljp]

Or Florida. There's a wedding venue up the street from the music store I go to once a week. There is a wedding happening there almost every weekend now.

Well, there it is...

 

[ElMon]

1. Here comes the happy couple now, the Bride and her Mother (Do not say it, think it , but do not say it)
2. Get a contract, down payment and cancellation clause
3. Throw a card in the card basket with a gift card for something home like, and about 5 or so band business cards. Weddings beget weddings.
4. Buy an anniversary card, and mail it in a year telling them what a great time their wedding was, word of mouth, weddings beget weddings and like that. Use the MOB as that address is the least likely to have changed.

some hints:
1. Do not let band members get drunk
2. Do not let baby faced, cute keys guy go for a long walk on the beach with the bride
3. When the Sheriff look you square in the eye and orders you to "Shut the F down, right F-ing now", do it, compliance is a good thing

'Sticky' worthy advice here.

 

[backin82]

I have a call scheduled with the couple tonight to go over some more details based on the advice given here. Hopefully we can move this in the right direction so the we (the band) can pull this off AND they can have a great reception.

 

[jeffbrown]

VERY good advice in this thread.

Back in the day I was in a small, 4-piece band playing standards and we did play some wedding receptions. Fun stuff, but it did get stressful upon occasion. More recently, as a professional videographer, one aspect of my business was wedding videos. Not my fave thing to do, but the $$ was excellent.

But the best advice of all is to get everything in writing. EV. ER. Y. THING. No joke. There are plenty of templates to find going from the casual event (which is never really casual to the B&G and the wallet), to the huge ballroom-sized mega-event. The devil IS in the details. Try not to leave anything out, as so many above have mentioned. And once there, don't waver when Uncle Bob, who's probably drunk/high/whatever, insists on deviation. "Gee, sorry, Bob, but we can't do (that), it's in the contract!" Be polite, be professional.

True video story: I shot a wedding as per contract. (One third up front, one third at the event, one third when I delivered the product. Copies were negotiable, another story.) I had a pretty good formula, and always asked for any particular ideas, shots, *specific people,* etc. I also gave the wallet a first refusal on the primary edit. If reasonable changes were asked for, I made them, but only once. Everything went as planned, and even better, client loved the video. More than a month after the wedding, mother called and said she never saw some aunt or cousin, one of the over 100 people in the hall, in the video, could I re-cut it and put her in. I politely said sorry, no, they had signed off on the finished cut, and besides, at that point, I had repurposed the (digital) media, and it was, in a word, GONE. She went ballistic and said she'd never recommend me. Oh, well....

Get it in writing! LOL

 

[backin82]

Any thoughts on what we should wear? The couple wants us to bring our "chill" vibe to their reception, but we still feel like we dress "up" somewhat. What are y'all wearing to weddings that's both dressed up, but still fun and casual?

 

[friskinator]

Any thoughts on what we should wear? The couple wants us to bring our "chill" vibe to their reception, but we still feel like we dress "up" somewhat. What are y'all wearing to weddings that's both dressed up, but still fun and casual?

I would ask the couple what they specifically have in mind for your stage wear. If they want something other than suits, that leaves a lot of room for interpretation.

 

[sean_on_bass]

Any thoughts on what we should wear? The couple wants us to bring our "chill" vibe to their reception, but we still feel like we dress "up" somewhat. What are y'all wearing to weddings that's both dressed up, but still fun and casual?

If the event is going to be in any way formal for the guests, then you should likely do the same. But that doesn't mean you can't be somewhat stylish/fun while being formal at the same time. I suggest formal elements like a jacket or dress pants, but feel free to go more fun for shoes/ties/hats, whatever.

I will also point out this is part of the wedding gig slippery slope. You first get the gig and are told that you will play it like a normal bar/club gig, but then the details start trickling in that can add to your expense, like an outfit. Some band members may have to buy new clothing, wiping away a nice chunk of their gig pay. Hopefully not the case for your band, but just sayin.

 

[backin82]

If the event is going to be in any way formal for the guests, then you should likely do the same. But that doesn't mean you can't be somewhat stylish/fun while being formal at the same time. I suggest formal elements like a jacket or dress pants, but feel free to go more fun for shoes/ties/hats, whatever.

I will also point out this is part of the wedding gig slippery slope. You first get the gig and are told that you will play it like a normal bar/club gig, but then the details start trickling in that can add to your expense, like an outfit. Some band members may have to buy new clothing, wiping away a nice chunk of their gig pay. Hopefully not the case for your band, but just sayin.

The nature of what we play will likely rule out that scenario, but it's still a valid point. I actually considered buying some clothes for the gig and realized it would eat up like half my pay, haha!

 

[backin82]

Wanted to follow up after the gig and relay my biggest takeaways from the experience.

1a. Discuss and agree to terms and limitations within the band before you commit to anything. We didn't do this, and we realized quickly that we should have discussed a few things prior to agreeing to a price, etc... We decided AFTER we agreed on the price that future gigs would avoid...
a. Sunday weddings
b. less than $3k pay
c. learn new songs for free

LESSON LEARNED: Figure out a consensus within the band before you agree to anything or try to generate a contract. Figure out your individual lines in the sand and preferences so you can craft a contract and understand boundaries before you even negotiate anything.

1b. By far, the most oft-repeated advice was UTILIZE A WRITTEN CONTRACT. We didn't do this. We received half of our pay about a month ago, and the verbal agreement was that we be paid 1 week prior to the wedding. Well.....the week before the wedding, the groom reached out to me and said, "Hey, the catering and bar were more expensive than we thought, and we're short some $$$. Is it ok if we pay you at the end of the month?" After a very brief internal discussion, we simply responded to him via text that we needed to be paid at least 24 hours prior to the wedding. We received our payment 2 days after that conversation, well before the wedding. We were all really annoyed that at the idea that food and drinks cost money (prior to service), but the band pay could be delayed. It felt like a slap in the face.

LESSON LEARNED: Utilize a written contract!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. I underestimated just how disrespectful people can be to the stage area, even if they are just normal, good folks. I had a cable tripped over no less than 10 times, and came unplugged twice. People were stepping through, around, and over our gear for nearly the entire gig. It was SUPER annoying. Not sure what can be done about it in venues like this one, but it was definitely something we'll consider for the next one.

LESSON LEARNED: People aren't paying attention, and 100% will knock stuff over or trip over cables. Figure out a way to protect the stage. If in doubt, just stand there and guard it.

3. We were prepared to be super flexible with song order, time of sets, etc.... and I'm glad we were. We played only 2/3rds of our entire set, and our last set was cut to only two songs.

LESSON LEARNED: Over-prepare musically, and be prepared for almost anything. We did great with this.

4. I did my best to get to know the head caterer, bar manager, security guard, and event coordinator as soon as I stepped on site. I also asked them what they needed from us to allow them to guide how we did things. It established that I respected their territory, and wanted to work under their rules. All of those decisions paid off.

LESSON LEARNED: Get to know who knows what, and establish a good relationship with them as soon as you step on site. Be super respectful of their jobs and spaces, and they'll treat you right.

5. The amount of work we put in on the front end to guide the groom's plans for the reception were really tedious, and we spent more time than I expected. However, all of that paid off. We all knew what to expect, and we delivered exactly what they wanted.

LESSON LEARNED: Front-end coordination with the music manager or planner (whoever it is) is vital, and we did it really well.

In summary - we did a bad job at the business side up-front, but we learned really valuable lessons while still making a little bit of money. Day-of activities are fast-paced and require a ton of preparation and flexibility in all respects. Be prepared for anything. Bring extra gear, setlists, clothing, phone chargers, adapters, instruments, and some margin in the music.

Everyone's responses in this thread gave us a shot at making it work, and it all made a difference. Thanks to everyone that contributed!!!

 

[Oddly]

Glad it all went well, and well done on coming back to report your experience.

 

[electracoyote]

Great report, thanks for that. Private events are among the most challenging of gigs, and weddings pretty much top that list. Every entertainer learns a lot on those first few private events. It sounds like you had a chance to implement a lot of the advice found here and elsewhere, and that it was a success for you, the band, the client, and guests. Win-win-win. You'll only get better in terms of anticipation, and the better you are on the front end, the easier and more enjoyable everything else becomes. I hope you and the band will consider another private event some day soon, it sounds like you have the right client-centered character. Once I got over the substantial learning curve, I was hooked on private events and for many years I loathed the very thought of public venues and performances, avoiding them whenever possible. Despite the extra work involved, being in the thick of someone's big day with a built-in celebration party audience, superior $$$/perks, and the appreciation that goes with a job well done in a highly detailed endeavor, really scratches my entertainer itch.

Congratulations.

 

[backin82]

Great report, thanks for that. Private events are among the most challenging of gigs, and weddings pretty much top that list. Every entertainer learns a lot on those first few private events. It sounds like you had a chance to implement a lot of the advice found here and elsewhere, and that it was a success for you, the band, the client, and guests. Win-win-win. You'll only get better in terms of anticipation, and the better you are on the front end, the easier and more enjoyable everything else becomes. I hope you and the band will consider another private event some day soon, it sounds like you have the right client-centered character. Once I got over the substantial learning curve, I was hooked on private events and for many years I loathed the very thought of public venues and performances, avoiding them whenever possible. Despite the extra work involved, being in the thick of someone's big day with a built-in celebration party audience, superior $$$/perks, and the appreciation that goes with a job well done in a highly detailed endeavor, really scratches my entertainer itch.

Congratulations.

Yeah, I'm with you on all of that. I enjoyed the coordination and logistics, the gig itself, and the good pay. My bandmates were less thrilled about the front-end work and the day-of stress, but generally walked away with net positive vibes. I'm hoping we can do more of these. I had a blast with it, and look forward to the challenge, fun, and rewards of doing more if they are available.

 

[electracoyote]

Yeah, I'm with you on all of that. I enjoyed the coordination and logistics, the gig itself, and the good pay. My bandmates were less thrilled about the front-end work and the day-of stress, but generally walked away with net positive vibes. I'm hoping we can do more of these. I had a blast with it, and look forward to the challenge, fun, and rewards of doing more if they are available.

I hope your mates will be onboard for the next one. Remind them you passed the test, and these kinds of events only get much less stressful from here on, if you continue to plan well.