Well, that was fast (flaky bassist content)

[SteveCS]

That's good to know! I feel slightly less like a dink

There are plenty of 'dinks' in this story, but you ain't one of 'em...

 

[micguy]

Sound like you married Rachel and woke up next to Leah

Most folks here won't catch that reference. Or that fact that Rachel and Leah's Dad was not only OK with him marrying two sisters, but in fact orchestrated the whole thing. And that he (Jacob) slept with and had kids via their servants as well. Of course, he did have to put in 14 years. Many folks would think that book was boring, but....not really!

 

[ThinCrappyTone]

Why not just be honest and tell them the real reason. The real reason being that you were interested in the initial stripped down thing and not the full blown loud band experience.

I see your point. But the real reason was more complicated than just stripped down vs loud and complicated. Being honest would have involved me telling the drummer that being super drunk and destroying the jam while not realizing it is a deal breaker. Just picturing that conversation makes me cringe.

 

[ThinCrappyTone]

Sound like you married Rachel and woke up next to Leah

Indeed! (btw I had no idea what that meant and had to look it up

 

[micguy]

Common wisdom around my parts is you spend at least 2 years from the time you meet someone until you marry them. The logic is anyone can put up a front (fake face) for a while, but eventually the effort to maintain that is too much, and the truth comes out - you want the truth before you commit, so you know what it is you're signing up for.

Apparently that principle applies here as well - once the commitment was there, everything changed. What could have been a fun musical fling with a quick, easy exit, is now an ugly musical divorce, due to a hasty Vegas wedding.

 

[ThinCrappyTone]

Common wisdom around my parts is you spend at least 2 years from the time you meet someone until you marry them. The logic is anyone can put up a front (fake face) for a while, but eventually the effort to maintain that is too much, and the truth comes out - you want the truth before you commit, so you know what it is you're signing up for.

Apparently that principle applies here as well - once the commitment was there, everything changed. What could have been a fun musical fling with a quick, easy exit, is now an ugly musical divorce, due to a hasty Vegas wedding.

Preach, brother. This nails how I feel. I knew I shoulda kicked the tires. know I done wrong. Hasty hasty hasty

 

[ThinCrappyTone]

If the singer was 'horrified' and the guitar guy was unhappy, clearly the way forward is 'fire the drummer.'
The good news is, you can probably still get work as a drummerless trio with a bass during your search. (Ask any bluegrass ensemble...)
The bad news is, in situations like this, the drummer and singer/BL are probably best buds from highschool or somesuch interpersonal entanglement...

you nailed it... lol Drummer and Guitarist are indeed best buds from highschool

 

[Goatrope]

Yowza. I hadn’t heard of a “bait and switch” like that, in a band context, ever. Good call on ejecting.

 

[Pings Bass]

Holy smoke, great story. A lot going on there. Bait and switch aside, the drunkeness is a non-starter for me. Maybe smoke a little weed and have a drink to loosen up, but there's a fine line between loosening up and getting hammered. Sure, some guys are skilled enough to play hammered (not this guy, obvs!), but I just can't be around that energy for any length of time any more. And I'm done giving drunks multiple chances to eff me up on the job.

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." --Maya Angelou

 

[sandboxer]

...”never commit until you see the drummer at his drunkest“

That may be the best advice ever.

 

[mat666]

Common wisdom around my parts is you spend at least 2 years from the time you meet someone until you marry them. The logic is anyone can put up a front (fake face) for a while, but eventually the effort to maintain that is too much, and the truth comes out - you want the truth before you commit, so you know what it is you're signing up for.

Apparently that principle applies here as well - once the commitment was there, everything changed. What could have been a fun musical fling with a quick, easy exit, is now an ugly musical divorce, due to a hasty Vegas wedding.

Sounds like what happened with the mother of my twins!!

 

[FunkHead]

My heart goes out to you @OP. I am experiencing the exact same thing. I have a truly amazing drummer. But he is also a "Rummer"! He drinks Rum like water straight from the bottle.

I am a bass player inside and out but I feel like I could get drummer gigs simply by having a soft touch and staying sober....

 

[Pings Bass]

...”never commit until you see the drummer at his drunkest“

That may be the best advice ever.

Indeed... and this story may not have even captured the drummer at his drunkest. Run away!!

 

[micguy]

I went to an audition once where the guitarist went off with a friend of his and (I think) shot up - went away sweating and agitated, came back calm and glassy eyed. When were were done, I made sure to get all my gear into my car in one trip, and drive away, never to return. Always be on the lookout for signs.

 

[RustyAxe]

Good cautionary tale! It's been said many times, but joining a band isn't like getting married. We don't always know how a relationship will turn out from the first date, or second ... but when it's clear it doesn't work for YOU, find something that does. I've done the revolving door a couple of times, both with gigging bands with BL/vocalists that I simply couldn't tolerate. A basic rule for me now, if I think I might be done with this project, I already am ... and I act on it.

 

[B-Lo]

I wouldn't call you flaky...that was clearly a bait and switch. Even if your first rehearsal was a tiny acoustic setup, they should have told (read: warned) you about what their actual intensions were for the band going forward.

 

[charlie monroe]

We may think your tone is thin and crappy but we would never accuse you of being flaky...

 

[ThinCrappyTone]

We may think your tone is thin and crappy but we would never accuse you of being flaky...

Thank you sir, that means a lot

 

[ThinCrappyTone]

Holy smoke, great story. A lot going on there. Bait and switch aside, the drunkeness is a non-starter for me. Maybe smoke a little weed and have a drink to loosen up, but there's a fine line between loosening up and getting hammered.

Yeah, exactly. I'm definitely not a puritan, and a beer or a little bit of magic smoke is ok by me, as long as the music doesn't suffer. But yeah, if your fills start sounding like somebody threw a drumset down the stairs, you've perhaps gone too far.

 

[City]

tl;dr: Committed to band, quit after 2nd rehearsal.

I don’t join bands anymore. Just don’t have the patience for the drawma, volume wars and other insanities. These days it’s just more satisfying to solo recordings, one-off projects with friends, or maybe little temporary projects that gig a few times.

But about a year ago, a singer who lives in my town, who I know through some recording collaborations, called and said she had an originals band that needed a bassist. I checked them out and they sounded really good. But I declined because of the reasons above.

Over the last year, she would occasionally send videos of them gigging, saying “hey the door is still open”. In the videos of their gigs, they sounded great, looked pro.

I was intrigued by their format: They were playing as a stripped-down little three piece: vocals, acoustic guitar, and a drummer who just played a floor tom with mallets. Tiny footprint. Great blend. Very mature. Since one of my biggest pet peeves of being in a band is being forced to move and set up a truckload of gear, every gig, just to facilitate ear splitting volume in tiny rooms for 45 minute sets, I loved the maturity and efficiency of their setup. The idea of a stripped-down little stage plot like they were using was really appealing. And more importantly, it was working really well.

After a while, and a few more offers to play, I got to thinking that not too many people are busting down my door to join their bands, so this might be a great opportunity. Three quality musicians, close by, with great songs, rehearsal space, discipline and maturity? Yeah, sounds good. I said I'd learn some songs and stop by.

REHEARSAL 1

Learned five songs, went to rehearsal. Everyone was so nice! And on time! What?? Crazy.

We ran the songs. Sounded great, right off the bat! Woo! I liked playing the tunes. They liked me playing them. But man did I love the blend! guitarist was at a reasonable volume. Drummer with his mallets was glorious. I was playing a single 12" combo. We could all hear each other really well. Sounded like a recording, almost. I thought "this is what a mature band sounds like!". I was glorying in the fact that we would be able to play anywhere. With a footprint like this, moving, sound-checking and setting up would be easy.

After, they said… “So.. what do you think?”

“Don’t commit just yet.", I thought

“I’m in!”, I said

And all was merry.


REHEARSAL 2

Drummer shows up with a full kit. Not just a full kit, but the biggest, loudest, John-Bonhamish full kit I have seen in decades. I query him about it, and realize he is drunk. Very drunk. He slurs something about “now that we have a bass player, I can play a real kit.” No more mallets + floor tom. We’re talking 24” kick, rack toms, 16” and 18” floor toms, and about half a dozen cymbals.

Guitarist now has changed his setup as well. His volume is much louder, due to the drummer, and he has for some reason switched to a hollowbody, which is now having feedback issues.

We jam. It's a super loud mush. The singer looks distressed, and I can no longer hear her. The 1x12 combo I am using which was fine the week before is now inaudible. I find myself squatting near it so I can hear myself. I sigh, realizing that I will have to start shlepping a stack of some sort.

Drummer who was awesome last week has now, through the magic of many craft beers, turned into the loudest and worst drummer in the world. I turn around in the middle of some horribly messy fill that he comes out of badly, and he is literally trying to drink a beer while playing, and its running down his shirt.

The singer looks at me across the room with a look of horror on her face.

After stumbling through the set, we sit down and try to talk about stuff, but the drummer keeps completely misunderstanding what we are trying to say, because he’s out of his mind.

We sort of ignore him, and talk some more, and the guitarist starts saying how he will need me to commit to spending $500 on gear for an IEM setup. Because he has all the stems from the recordings and wants us to play with a click and backing tracks. Whaaa??

At this point, I’m like “hey, well, you know… what I loved about you guys was the small footprint acoustic thing you were doing. What you’re proposing is way more complicated.”

Then they told me that the acoustic thing was always just temporary until they got a bassist, and what they really want to do is have this full rock band thing with backing tracks.

Like Gob from Arrested Development, I realized I made a terrible mistake

I committed. But this was a freaking mess, and exactly what I didn’t want to be involved in.

Do I stick with it? Be an honorable person and commit because I have a strong character that would not allow me to go back on my word?

Nah. Thought about it for a few days, then called, thanked them for the opportunity and said that I decided I’m not going to continue with the project. They asked why, I was annoyingly vague, and just said “It’s not what I’m looking for.”

They understood, but were not happy. And now I am sure that I will forever be known as “that flaky bass player”. Alas.

Lesson learned: never commit until you see the drummer at his drunkest.

Their lesson learned: Never believe a bass player when he says he's in. Or at least never believe me when I say that.

Playing in a band with a drunk is a non-starter, but you never do find out the first time when everyone is on their best behavior. That always comes the following rehearsals. You were too nice. Pull the vocalist aside someday and let her know.