Without seeing what your right hand is doing, there's only so much technique advice that can be given. Overall, it seemed like a pretty decent for a beginning player. It seems to me that you could be a little tighter with your timing. Practicing frequently with a metronome and/or a drum machine can be a big help in learning how to internaize a steady tempo (however, there are some people who completely disagree about the use of metronomes/drum machines as a learning tool). Remember, bass is part of the rhythm section - good timekeeping is CRITICAL to being a competent player.