What would you do?

[buldog5151bass]

I am in a four piece band - guitar/vocals, drums, bass/vocals, and a female acoustic guitar/sax/flute/singer. The first three do pretty much all the load in and load out.

We had a second floor gig (I HATE second floor gigs). Guitarist and drummer are both legitimately hurt, so I do most of the heavy lifting. We get everything just about set up. The fourth comes in with her husband - she has nothing but an acoustic guitar, sax, flute and a few bags of personal stuff.

Anyway, her husband walks over to me as I am getting the main speaker up on the pole, and says this, in all seriousness, "can you guys help us get her stuff up from the car?"

I did my best John Belushi and lifted one eyebrow, said "no" (if he were carrying the guitar, I think I would have made like Animal House and smashed it against the wall, but I guess that would have been considered bad form). I'm the newest in the band, and the others put up with it, but ... what would you have done?

 

[Hobobob]

I would have said "sorry, but I'm already busy with all of this stuff" and gestured towards all of the PA and bass gear you just hauled up the stairs.

 

[steveksux]

I am in a four piece band - guitar/vocals, drums, bass/vocals, and a female acoustic guitar/sax/flute/singer. The first three do pretty much all the load in and load out.

We had a second floor gig (I HATE second floor gigs). Guitarist and drummer are both legitimately hurt, so I do most of the heavy lifting. We get everything just about set up. The fourth comes in with her husband - she has nothing but an acoustic guitar, sax, flute and a few bags of personal stuff.

Anyway, her husband walks over to me as I am getting the main speaker up on the pole, and says this, in all seriousness, "can you guys help us get her stuff up from the car?"

I did my best John Belushi and lifted one eyebrow, said "no" (if he were carrying the guitar, I think I would have made like Animal House and smashed it against the wall, but I guess that would have been considered bad form). I'm the newest in the band, and the others put up with it, but ... what would you have done?

Is that typical? Do they ever get there early enough to help with that stuff?

I would have said I'd have been happy to if you'd been helping us with the pa.

Randy

 

[buldog5151bass]

We usually get our amps, drums, axes and PA packed before she has her stuff in her cases (I usually have me entire rig packed and in the car in about 10 minutes). Unfortunately the others are willing to put up with it.

That moment was just so typical -wanted to see what others would do for a comeback.

 

[leegreenman]

Deal with it! Bassists, drummers and(sometimes) guitarists always have to do the heavy lifting

 

[InfamousAmos]

I would ask her hubby to help with some of the heavy lifting instead. Your other band mates may put up with it, but it sounds like her and the husband need the come to jesus talk.

 

[xUptheIronsx]

I would have further answered" I am a little bit behind in getting this all set up since I just got done bringing it all up MYSELF. I am sure you guys can get it"

 

[Helaskold]

I probably would've just helped. If it happened again, I'd say something. But on the other hand, I don't think I'd stick around in a band with people who don't pull their own weight.

 

[buldog5151bass]

Hubby no longer comes to gigs- probably for his own safety.

 

[SirMjac28]

Say "I'd be happy to" then walk over to her personal bags and take out the smallest item you can find and carry it upstairs.

 

[Munjibunga]

We usually get our amps, drums, axes and PA packed before she has her stuff in her cases (I usually have me entire rig packed and in the car in about 10 minutes). Unfortunately the others are willing to put up with it.

That moment was just so typical -wanted to see what others would do for a comeback.

I think your response was perfect in its elegance and simplicity.

 

[duff beer]

Our drummer's wife sings backup vocals for some gigs...she can't carry the heavy stuff, but she is right there at the start helping with items she can handle and she helps until the load out is done. She even plans her trips back and forth so that she can hold the door when other band members are moving bigger pieces of gear. Our singer, who only sings is there at the start hauling gear and he stays until the end just like everyone else...and this includes gigs when his wife comes to watch us. They are paying a baby sitter while he helps with load out, but he pulls his weight and doesn't complain.

Your female band member is not a team player. Tell her to show up for load in like everyone else...if her husband tags along he can lend a hand or at least hold the door.

 

[Kmonk]

I would have said "sorry, but I'm already busy with all of this stuff" and gestured towards all of the PA and bass gear you just hauled up the stairs.

I would have further answered" I am a little bit behind in getting this all set up since I just got done bringing it all up MYSELF. I am sure you guys can get it"

This is exactly what I would have done.

 

[Joe Nerve]

Hubby no longer comes to gigs- probably for his own safety.

Hubby no longer comes cuz he hates the bass player for refusing to help .

I'd have done what you did, or just told him the truth. "I just lugged all this crap up here myself, and I'm still setting up... ask someone else." Would have also had a talk with the girl afterward.

This is my first post on the new talkbass. I think I like it, but have to get used to it still. Felt like documenting that for myself .

 

[spz8]

Your female band member is not a team player. Tell her to show up for load in like everyone else...if her husband tags along he can lend a hand or at least hold the door.

This is the most sound advice. The female member doesn't necessarily have to hump heavy bass or PA cabs, but needs to pitch in just the same, on time like the other members.

 

[buldog5151bass]

No - I think hubby realized it was no longer safe for him when he makes comments like that. We load faster without her "helping" than if she did try - as I said, we usually have everything in the truck and she is still putting her sax in its case. I've asked her nicely, and put some stuff aside for her to do some lifting.

 

[SteveV74]

Use a joke to communicate your feelings, like" just ask one of the other roadies" if that doesnt work, try violence..........but never violence first, thats just wrong.

 

[buldog5151bass]

Maybe I'm just from another era, but after a gig I can get my entire rig packed and in my car in 10 minutes, and then help with the PA. I will let you know how it goes, or if we need a new vocalist (and something to clean the blood and fingerprints off the mics).

 

[Axtman]

I bet she pays hundreds of dollars to belong to a gym to go and lift weights!

That used to really piss me off about a band that I was in. The primadonna female leads singers would not lift a finger to set up or tear down. I mean not even coil cords. Mean while the instrumentalists would struggle with all our gear and PA system. I used to want to play drums until I saw how much crap they have to set up, tear down and transport!

 

[azureblue]

I am in a four piece band - guitar/vocals, drums, bass/vocals, and a female acoustic guitar/sax/flute/singer. The first three do pretty much all the load in and load out.

We had a second floor gig (I HATE second floor gigs). Guitarist and drummer are both legitimately hurt, so I do most of the heavy lifting. We get everything just about set up. The fourth comes in with her husband - she has nothing but an acoustic guitar, sax, flute and a few bags of personal stuff.

Anyway, her husband walks over to me as I am getting the main speaker up on the pole, and says this, in all seriousness, "can you guys help us get her stuff up from the car?"

I did my best John Belushi and lifted one eyebrow, said "no" (if he were carrying the guitar, I think I would have made like Animal House and smashed it against the wall, but I guess that would have been considered bad form). I'm the newest in the band, and the others put up with it, but ... what would you have done?

My two cents: "sure, be glad to as soon as I finish setting up. Could you help?" If he says yes, then give him the heavy lifting. IOW, nicely throw it back on him.

I dislike working with divas, as your female band member seems to be. My solution is to not give her a choice, but to assign lightweight but time consuming set up tasks, like unpacking and setting up the mikes and cables, wiring up the PA, etc., and tell her she has to be there for load in and load out. If she refuses to help, then you could assume she doesn't need help with her stuff, either. And you can assume that the diva-esque behavior will get worse. In my experience, it always does.