Miracle Whip forever.
People like you need to be taken out back behind a Walmart and beaten with a burlap sack filled with car batteries.
In all seriousness, MW is good SOMETIMES…
I think Miracle whip is good for those times when you are making salad dressing from scratch. In most instances Hellman's rules. More importantly, I will make great use of that "taken out back behind a Walmart and beaten with a burlap sack filled with car batteries" line. It really made it worthwhile to start this thread.
