Wives at out of town gigs??

[jason weatherby]

What the Lord joins together let no BL put asunder!

 

[MegaSwing]

My wife goes wherever she wants. She's a legal adult.

 

[jive1]

Maybe it's just a practical matter. Not room in the van for an extra person, extra bathroom stops, if he lets your wife come then all the wives want to come, etc. regardless of your personal situation, if you're getting paid then it's a part time job, and the boss has the right to institute whatever policies he wants, whether you like it or not. I know there isn't room for an extra person in my touring rig. If she wants to drive up in her own vehicle that's up to her, but what about rooms? If you're sharing a room with another bandmate, how will his wife feel about another woman sleeping in the same room as her husband? Women can (and should) be very territorial.

I think people tend to forget that playing in a working band is a job like any other. It is a lot of fun, you get to be in a social atmosphere but still if a person is shelving out money to hear your band it is a job like any other. People in their normal day to day jobs don't bring their gf/wives so personally I treat my band as I treat my day job. I maybe biased cause I lived through a freaky Yoko situation and perhaps I am biased but my new band we have the no gf/wives rule and things runnvery smoothly.

My answer to the above is

he doesn't own you

and

My wife goes wherever she wants. She's a legal adult.

My wife and I are not one of those joined at the hip couples. Actually, my wife doesn't come to many of my gigs at all. But, I'd be more bothered on principle of someone trying to overstep their boundaries and try to place their authority where it doesn't belong.

As long as she pays her own way, and doesn't affect job performance, it shouldn't matter whether it's a band or a "career" job. The boss paid for your time and talents, not your life and relationships. What you do outside of your time at work is really none of the boss' business, as long as it's legal and doesn't affect performance while you are on the clock. And that's the real issue, the clock.

The most valuable things to me are time and relationships, and because of that I'm sensitive to people who overstep their boundaries towards both. If I'm playing a 4 hour gig, with an hour for setup on each end, then that's what you paid for. The boss has no authority over a wife outside of the workplace, so trying to do that is overstepping boundaries as well. Now, if it's a weekend with the boys, I can totally dig and understand that. I'd want my wife around for my fantasy football draft about as much as she'd want me at one of her foo-foo tea parties. But, if you're talking about being professional, then let people do as they wish off the clock like they would in any other job. Just because you're leaving town doesn't mean that the boss has extended authority.

In short, I resent a boss telling me what I can and can't do when I'm not on the clock and paying out of my own pocket.

 

[Hevy T]

The more I think of this, the more i feel like opting out. I enjoy it, I like the guys. But if we can't come go an agreement I may have no choice.

Even though I can kinda set my own hours at work, I don't, like taking time off cause I can't afford to. If I do it too often then I will. Each unemployed. Being that the only income that is not cool

All I ever wanted was some local gigs every so often, not to tour. It would be fun if I was younger and less responsibility but everything rides on me driving that cab. Even buying my basses. Lol

 

[jive1]

I've been married almost 37 years, and I think Sharon is more than happy to have me disappear every now and then. She often comments as I'm leaving ... "have fun playing with your little friends" and smiles happily. Sometimes I wish she took more interest and would come with me, but then again, I'd probably have to start attending quilting and gardening show with her and her friends. I'm leavin' well enough alone!

I hear ya. My wife and I have kinda of a cold war, where each side has enough weapons to create mutual destruction, thus we keep the peace so no-one will ever have to use them. Also, we have found that sometimes bringing the better half doesn't always make for a better time.

 

[JoeVictim]

So let me get this straight, a bar owner doesn't want a potential customer in their establishment? Why would a bar owner not want a spouse of the hired band in his/her bar? Makes zero sense to me. Sounds to me like the BL is making some lame excuse as to why he doesn't want your wife on the trip. If I was driving my own car and paying for my own room, I would bring whomever I wanted. End of story.

+1. shouldn't be debatable if you are footing her expenses.

 

[dalkowski]

I hear ya. My wife and I have kinda of a cold war, where each side has enough weapons to create mutual destruction, thus we keep the peace so no-one will ever have to use them.

My wife is the USA (she has plenty of firepower to repeatedly rain hot death on me if I don't behave myself), I'm Costa Rica (no army but plenty of coffee).

 

[MEKer]

My wife can be controlling at times, but she is my wife and I think that she should be aloud to come if she wants. I am agreeing with you guys that this smells of brown stuff.

This is not related, but he also;

• 
  Don't use a set list
  Will throw songs that have not been rehearsed
  Has no sense of time ( See you in 10 min, then two hours later he shows up)

Problem is he is a good friend of mine and we have fun when we are practicing, but direction seems lacking.

What to do I feel like I am being torn between the band thing and the marriage thing. Also I am not too crazy about the travelling on the weekends, I drive cab 60 hrs a week as it is. But there is hardly any local venues for local bands, maybe 6 or 7!! AGHH!!

Sorry, he may be a good friend, but he certainly is no Band Leader with an attitude and work ethic as you described above. I simply would not play in any band with that sort of Band Leader--much less re the topic of this thread.
You cannot have a good band with "Leadership" like this as it is "Non-Leadership". I'd be laying down the law, some rules about "If we are to have a band--here is what is expected from each member". And it is ALL COMMON SENSE. If I cannot have that---I'll pass. And I concur that this thing he told you about the bar manager is pure B.S. Now why'd he do that? Hmm?

 

[Thor]

Sometimes the only reason why I'll do an out of town gig is so I can bring my wife, and get a paid mini-vacation out of it.

A wise man once told me that hotel trysts with your wife were the most romantic kind. Or, at least, easier to close the sale without distractions, but then, I'm sure you already knew that. Did I mention I still have pictures of you with those babes at NAMM?

Boy, Boys, Boys.

You have to read between the lines! The bandleader and his wife had an affair and now he doesn't want that awkward sexual tension to get them busted.

Just kiddin'.

maybe

Lol. I definitely think he likes to hunt and doesn't want to do it on his own back 40 with his own dog. And that explains the 2 hours, the 10 minute evening delight turned into a jello wrestling match with a shower afterward.

 

[jive1]

And I concur that this thing he told you about the bar manager is pure B.S. Now why'd he do that? Hmm?

He probably just wanted to be able to fart freely in the car.

 

[eb3mike]

I haven't read all the comments so I hope this has aleady been said. Guess what the BL has already told his wife or SO?

 

[HolmeBass]

I have to say, time to put your foot down. I would explode if any BL or club owner tried to prevent my wife from attending a gig I was playing at - and didn't also waive the cover charge for her! She can pay for her own drinks, food, and lodging, no problem. I'd set this straight right away.

 

[Mushroo]

I haven't read all the comments so I hope this has aleady been said. Guess what the BL has already told his wife or SO?

^ That's the most likely explanation.

 

[bearfoot]

I would bring her to the next rehearsal and have her give feedback. : )

You know, to me its more the 6-8 hours (each way?) for a bar gig? That's ridiculous. Tell the BL to pick up a phone book or something.

 

[FreeBassJunky]

I know this thread is somewhat serious, but I just can't help myself. No pics, no wives!

 

[jive1]

A wise man once told me that hotel trysts with your wife were the most romantic kind. Or, at least, easier to close the sale without distractions, but then, I'm sure you already knew that. Did I mention I still have pictures of you with those babes at NAMM?

You also don't have to worry about getting caught either...

I think I'm safe with those NAMM pictures, since I'm married to the person who snapped those pics.

 

[IbanezBass69]

I have brought a girlfriend to out-of-town gigs, and it was fine. As long as you make sure she is taken care of and there is no hassle for the rest of the band, I see no reason why not.

 

[MegaSwing]

I have brought a girlfriend to out-of-town gigs, and it was fine. As long as you make sure she is taken care of and there is no hassle for the rest of the band, I see no reason why not.

So you want to talk logic and common sense? Where do YOU get off?

 

[Gasman]

My wife is the USA (she has plenty of firepower to repeatedly rain hot death on me if I don't behave myself), I'm Costa Rica (no army but plenty of coffee).

That made me laugh out loud, because it's the same way at my house!

 

[blastoff99]

..... I'd want my wife around for my fantasy football draft about as much as she'd want me at one of her foo-foo tea parties.

I just want you gentlemen to know that I *welcomed* my husband's presence at my last fantasy football draft. He manned the second computer and kept me from drafting Matt Schaub as my backup QB when I was on the clock and desperate.

OP, what does your wife say about all this? Maybe you mentioned that and I missed it somewhere.