Wives/Girlfriends at practice

[Relic]

based on incredibly highly predictable past experience, I will *never, ever* allow a SO, even my own at a band practice. I'm sure that it's perfectly cool on rare occasion (Ephminus's wife sounds cool, for example) but sooner or later that SO, will ALWAYS stick their nose into band business.

 

[winterburn69]

My girlfriend comes along with me to every practice. We practice in a two room office space, one room for our rehearsing and a "green room" of sorts for chilling on breaks. My gf stays in the green room and reads and digs listening to our jams. She's friends with my band, sings in a band herself, and my drummer is often at her bands practices (I would be too if I wasnt at work) as he sometimes fills in on drums for them. We also ofte have friends stopping by our spot to hang out with whoever is there. Our practices are still taken seriously and are quite productive.

With my last band, a 2 piece, rehearsals were held in my garage. My wife was there every week, and my drummer always brought his gf, who was friends with my wife. They went and hung out front while we practiced. No problems ever.

Extra people at rehearsal only becomes a distraction if you let them.

You have a wife AND a girlfriend?

 

[Rocktonix]

You have a wife AND a girlfriend?

I took it that she was an ex wife, but either way good on ya.

I was married for 10 years or so and recently spent a year and a half trying to find a decent band to play with here in town. I'd rather lose...well I won't finish that but you know what I'm thinking.

 

[MatticusMania]

Haha, yeah, she's my ex wife now, but she wasnt at the time that band was together. Surprisingly, interfering with practice was the one thing I never had a problem with her about, but still, she IS an ex for a reason.

 

[Korladis]

Exactly. Let the wife/girlfriend come, she'll get bored and won't want to come again. As far as friends stopping by no big deal at all. We just go about our business. I like playing in front of people practice or show. Many practices no one shows. My band has never been into that "band only at practice policy" and we always accomplish our set goals.

Of course I'm in a cover band. If it was an originals only band things could be different.

It is a bit different, because a lot of time is spent on the details of arrangement, and what riff goes where, how transitions should be done, key changes and all that. If we're putting together a new song, probably half of the rehearsal is spent figuring out exactly how it should go, which I'd think would be pretty boring. I wouldn't necessarily want people there for that, either.

 

[xgator4u]

I can't understand why anyone would want to go to a band rehearsal if they're not involved. No civilians. It's the thing everyone figures out together after forming their very first band. Making music is hard work & your band probably needs more work & less distractions. The only reason anybody brings civilians in is to try to convince them that he's not wasting his time in the band or that he really can play......etc. BS

Being in a band IS work. Do you bring your S.O. to your day job as well? Do you have them wipe for you when you take a dump? Do you have them cut your food for you, and tuck you in at night ?
It IS a job. Treat it as such.

 

[Korladis]

Being in a band IS work. Do you bring your S.O. to your day job as well? Do you have them wipe for you when you take a dump? Do you have them cut your food for you, and tuck you in at night ?
It IS a job. Treat it as such.

It's more than a job.

 

[txbasschik]

It's more than a job.

Its an adventure!

Cherie

 

[txbasschik]

Yeah - that's the big problem. You end up playing a mini gig. It's sort of a double edged sword, though. If you don't need to nitpick things, it makes you more focused on sounding good and you can tighten things up more if there's an audience. However, I think that the compromise of not going over the nitpick things, and no band meetings/discussions hurts more then the "dress rehearsal" helps.

I think so. As for "dress rehearsal", that's what I consider the jam to be, if my whole band is up. Sort of a test-market for new material. But my friend's band? I couldn't have it like that...every practice turned into a free gig for everybody-and-their-dog. There are *bad* problems in that band that never get addressed because they always have an audience.

Cherie

 

[txbasschik]

Nobody in my band has a girlfriend. But if we did, they wouldn't come to practice!!!!

We will sometimes ask people to come over just to get a feel for how things might go with a particular song when folks are listening to it, but then they stay quiet unless we ask them something or take a break. Our rehearsals are pretty relaxed because everybody's on board with the same mindset and everybody learns the songs before showing up.

Well...when you are writing your originals as a band, you can't really learn them before you show up, ya-know? We also like to run through a new cover song and work out little details. "Did you hear that little riff thing on the cd? Its very cool, and you're not playing it." "Why no, I sure didn't! Let's listen and go over it, so I'll have it right."

Stuff like that...nitpickin'...its necessary, and I don't want an audience for it.

And from another POV...that's our time as a band. I don't want to talk to my husband or my friends, just shootin' the breeze. I can do that at home, or at the local bar, or at the lake. Band time is band time. We don't get to hang out much together, so after practice, we like to just chill together. If we had a bunch of other people, we wouldn't get our hang time.

Cherie

 

[Korladis]

Its an adventure!

Cherie

Yes, indeed. It can often be quite the adventure, full of harrowing peril.

In response to another post, usually I actually learn songs and write bass lines to them before the full rehearsal, so our rehearsals, when we do new material, are just presenting complete songs to the drummer or figuring out what riff goes where.

 

[Quadcam]

my wife is our lead singer so that makes things pretty easy. my guitarist brough his gf to the last practice but she just sat there and didnt bother us so I dont have a problem with it, I kind of like having someone there to ask thier opinion anyway.

The only thing that annoys me is when my neighbors show up and hang out, the guy next door is always asking why we dont play some metallica or something and I've tried to explain that we really cant because we're going to play clubs and they dont want to hear that. The guy across the street comes over drunk and wanting to sing but he usually only stays for 5-10 mins

I guess it's a trade off, they dont call the cops about the noise so I put up with thier visits

 

[Ephminus]

based on incredibly highly predictable past experience, I will *never, ever* allow a SO, even my own at a band practice. I'm sure that it's perfectly cool on rare occasion (Ephminus's wife sounds cool, for example) but sooner or later that SO, will ALWAYS stick their nose into band business.

The only time that I can rememeber an issue coming up is when she had individual winter caps made with our logo on it for each band member and everyone complained that they weren't skull caps.
I was like, come on, what do you want for free, plus she was trying to surprise you guys, now you made her feel like **** cuz she didn't pick the right kind of hat...sometimes it's the crap attitudes from egotistical band members that causes the trouble.
It's that "we're rock stars" mentality that is usually the deathblow for any band, especially when the guys in the band start thinking everyone owes them when it comes to headlining, free stuff from venues, special treatment when you hang out at the clubs, special treatment from the people around them, etc.
Sometimes we have to rely on our wives and girlfriends to keep us grounded to reality.

 

[cheezewiz]

I can't imagine living on a planet where wives or girlfriends would have any interest in coming to band practice. We certainly don't have a "rule" about this, but why would anyone need one? Band practices are to learn songs, hang with your buds while accomplishing something, and tighten up your show. What possible purpose would a S/O have there?

If I had a girlfriend that was so controlling she couldn't trust me at band practice, she wouldn't be my girlfriend for very long.

 

[scottice]

If they mix a good drink they can come....

 

[RockinRoyster]

no problem, we (the band members) know who's cool and who's not, cool friends welcome and don't hurt the practice, haven't had a problem yet, but if we did I'd address it directly with the guest and their S/O.

 

[txbasschik]

Yes, indeed. It can often be quite the adventure, full of harrowing peril.

In response to another post, usually I actually learn songs and write bass lines to them before the full rehearsal, so our rehearsals, when we do new material, are just presenting complete songs to the drummer or figuring out what riff goes where.

As far as learning/writing...everyone has a different approach. I'll learn a cover tune before practice, but perhaps there's something in the bass line I've missed? (We cover a lot of old rock, with bass lines buried *deep* in the mix.) Or maybe the guitarist is playing a passage wrong, and he needs to be corrected, or whatever.

As for originals, since the guitarist writes them, we have to rely on him to bring them to us. We record them on a video camera, and then we write our own lines to them, using the video as a tool.

Our drummer, we have discovered, really *needs* to be directed closely when working out originals. He's just not that good, yaknow? If we have to do that in front of people, he gets very defensive. BTDT...his cousin used to come hang out all the time at practice. I voiced my preference that he not come over until we are done, but was ignored. Until we had to correct our drummer in front of his cousin, and the drummer became angry and defensive.

So...I got my way. No more audiences at practice.

Cherie

 

[Korladis]

As far as learning/writing...everyone has a different approach. I'll learn a cover tune before practice, but perhaps there's something in the bass line I've missed? (We cover a lot of old rock, with bass lines buried *deep* in the mix.) Or maybe the guitarist is playing a passage wrong, and he needs to be corrected, or whatever.

As for originals, since the guitarist writes them, we have to rely on him to bring them to us. We record them on a video camera, and then we write our own lines to them, using the video as a tool.

Our drummer, we have discovered, really *needs* to be directed closely when working out originals. He's just not that good, yaknow? If we have to do that in front of people, he gets very defensive. BTDT...his cousin used to come hang out all the time at practice. I voiced my preference that he not come over until we are done, but was ignored. Until we had to correct our drummer in front of his cousin, and the drummer became angry and defensive.

So...I got my way. No more audiences at practice.

Cherie

A cover I'll almost always know before rehearsal.

As for original writing, a lot of both the writing and arrangement work gets done late at night at the guitarist's house. I go over there with my bass and we hammer out some riffs.

Some stuff does get written mostly at rehearsal though. And I definitely would not want other people there for that, as the process isn't necessarily pretty. We'd all get more self-conscious and possibly hold back from constructive criticism (let's face it, a ton of ideas simply don't work) and that is not helpful.

I'm only really comfortable with others being there if we're rehearsing complete songs, running through stuff and reviewing it.

 

[steveksux]

Generally a bad idea. Maybe ok once in a while for dress rehearsal, if you don't anticipate having to change anything.

Working out parts, correcting people, they tend to get defensive (musicians aren't know for being particularly mature), especially in front of SOs. Some are touchy enough when they're by themselves.

Randy

 

[Marko 1]

A couple of the wives came when we first started this latest project, but went to hang in the living room and watch TV.

I had my cable canceled since I didn’t watch TV (since the wife moved out), so imagine how boring a couple fuzzy channels must have been. Needless to say, they stopped coming.

Actually the cable is back on now, including some extra package (X still comes over really wanted it and is paying for it) but I’m keeping that fact on the low.