wives vs basses (shhhhh! don't let them see this thread!)

[Bass V]

yep, I'm going there lol cos we may have a crisis hiding in plain sight.
the wife, the wife, the wife, we've heard it forever and always will I guess, maybe we need to finally suss this out for the benefit of all mankind. some of us have gone thru hell and back with all the war stories yet managed to maintain the marriage (happy or not), the collection, and most of our minds, while too many others met various tragic ends just cos of their love or obsessions for music and in our case, the bass.
we have quite a few women here and need to stay respectful and thankful for that in spite of the depths of despair they can push their male counterparts, so the OP bias is imo legit. where conversely, we generally see boyfriends and husbands being unanimously supportive of everything a female player wishes. many girls wouldn't have it any other way lol and I heartily applaud their fortitude. and to keep it all-inclusive, 'significant other' aspects are viable as well. that said, this poll is for the majority on tb and unfortunately that's men, them's that face the wrath and scorn with every slight mention of the word BASS, the poor saps, the brave hearts, those who have stories to tell and have so far survived to tell them.
I'm in the #1 category as a confirmed lifetime bachelor with an uncontrollable roving eye thanx to growing up with those 'California girls' and wanting unbridled freedom, but can certainly appreciate those who went the other extreme and sought out a lifetime with their grade school sweetheart or even the new pole dancer at the nudie bar.
gentlemen, what have you been thru? did it leave a mark? would you do it all over again? any changes / suggestions? do you have any unique secrets to reveal which truly can make it work with the wife? are you one of those with an endless honey-do list to keep things humming, an air conditioner on arctic blast in the bedroom, glad to buy her a new car every year, or is there Marshall Bass Law in your man-sion? and just where are all those girls who go nuts over whatever you do bass wise? those are as scarce as Mothman sightings!
to the gals out there (possibly fuming over this), please let us know your pov and clue us bassanderthals in on what works for you, or how far to Hell we should go, or, if you play bass / music... what goes on in your life to keep it real with that guy? this is all for fun but we might actually gain some important insight into other mindsets towards saving marriages / relationships, careers, keeping peace in the valley, and likely preserving quite a few basses!

 

[creaturegods]

There's an "Off-topic" subforum somewhere on this website, i swear it...

 

[Killed_by_Death]

I was laughing pretty heartily when a woman player told the guys on a big long thread about this that "She's not your mom!".

 

[Bass V]

I was laughing pretty heartily when a woman player told the guys on a big long thread about this that "She's not your mom!".

exactly the kind of honesty we need to hear! lol I think we can learn a lot with more truth like that.
btw, I did a search but found only 1 thread (and it was long) but didn't address it the same.

 

[Killed_by_Death]

I often think of those relationships like Doug & Carrie (King of Queens) or Ray & Deborah (Everybody Loves Raymond):

 

[Bass V]

There's an "Off-topic" subforum somewhere on this website, i swear it...

this is of utmost on-topic importance, it can save the planet!

 

[Bass V]

I often think of those relationships like Doug & Carrie (King of Queens) or Ray & Deborah (Everybody Loves Raymond):

View attachment 3178291

lol he looks like he's staring at a bassless future

 

[Bass V]

well, it looks like we've been modded to where important topics go to die... lol

 

[Killed_by_Death]

I have often wanted to start a thread about the emasculation of the North American male, but so far I have refrained.
Things were quite different when I was growing up, some for the better & some for the worse.

 

[two fingers]

*sigh*

I would never be married to a woman who hid her hobby toys from me.

I would never be married to a woman who required permission before I buy a piece of gear.

I woule never hide a purchase from my wife.

If you have plenty of money, this shouldn't be an issue.

Here's the problem in many of these kinds of relationships. (Yes, I only have anecdotal evidence from my own associates.)

If you go into debt to buy bass gear you're not very bright.

If you buy any bass gear at all when your car has 200,000 miles on it, your deck is in need of repair/replacement, your kids need braces, your roof is old, your family has comsumer debt, you don't have plenty of money in the bank to get you through a layoff or other financial hit, then you're simply irresponsible.

A lot of the times when spouses wag a finger at you for new gear, it's warranted and justified.

Not every time..... but a lot of the time.

 

[Killed_by_Death]

If you go into debt to buy bass gear you're not very bright.

I've given this bit of advice on "Should I buy it?" threads, but it goes down like a lead balloon.
Do you have at least 6 months worth of emergency funds in the bank?
If so, buy. If not, keep saving!

 

[Inara]

Wow, I can't help but laugh a little at this post (very good-naturedly, I promise!) ...

I'm a female bassist, but I also have a wife. Yep, we both came down with lesbianism, likely in the womb so far as we can determine. Anyway, she's a big supporter of my music, though she's not herself a musician. Basically, we just talk about things, like if I want or need some new equipment that's above "personal money" levels, we just have a discussion and see if it fits in the budget. If not, sometimes I'll sell something to raise money for the purchase, sometimes I'll put it on a card after discussing a repayment plan with her, and sometimes I'll wait and save up a bit. We do the same with the things that interest her.

The relationship trouble friends of mine, both male and female, have gotten into with purchases musical and otherwise are when things are done "sneakily," or hidden from a partner. That's basically lying to someone you supposedly love and respect above all others. If I were in a relationship with someone where I truly had to lie and hide things from them in order to pursue something that feeds my soul the way music does, well, I'd not be in that relationship for much longer once I discovered that fact. Communication is key in relationships, it really is, and if I can't communicate with a partner about what I need and the things that make me happy and fulfilled, I'll be looking elsewhere really quickly.

That's my take, anyway. Oh, and the above is definitely not in any way meant to discount or criticize anyone else's feelings or experiences with basses and wives.

 

[pcake]

i'm a bass player and a wife, and i married a guitar player. we've been enabling each others' guitars, basses and amps for years. at one point, we had 32 basses and guitars in a one bedroom apartment many of them have since been sold, but we'd of course recognize any new bass or guitar that appeared in our place, and wouldn't try and sneak anything anyway.

funny that the OP thinks male S/Os are more likely to be supportive of female players, because i haven't found that to be the case. my ex (a drummer) was so jealous of when i'd start writing music, it got pretty unpleasant. most of my other exes just didn't get it even though they expected me to support their interests, which btw, i always do for any friend or family member.

my female friends' boyfriends or husbands often end up very jealous of men who are there listening to the band, and a friend who's a drummer has a husband who complains pretty meanly about her electronic drum gear even though it's in its own room - he has his own room, too - and comes from her money after she's contributed to the household and savings.

 

[Stevorebob]

Sorry folks, if you have an issue with your significant others and buying gear, either s/he’s right and you’re wrong, or you’re simply with the wrong person. Figure it out, and you’ll be happy forever.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

 

[bassestkkm]

If I let them have many pets I'm allowed to have as many basses as I want. As long as we can afford everything else we need.

 

[Killed_by_Death]

I was in a quid pro quo relationship more than a handful of times, never worked out.

 

[Slater]

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Thanks Ferris!

 

[Medicine Man]

I have lots more bases than wives (just one), so I worry more about keeping my wife happy than my instrument collection. One of the major hurdles for any long term relationship is agreeing how to spend money. I have nice gear collected over many years with my wife's support. If your spouse and your spending habits are in conflict, you need to open a conversation as to why.

 

[bluesblaster]

I look at it this way, you can only play one at a time anyway and sometimes one is plenty, OTOH, if you have some disposable income to indulge your hobby then why not. As long as the bills get paid first I don't see the problem.

 

[40Hz]

Been with the same woman exclusively since 1970. When the right one comes along, you’ll know it.

We hold and share several interests in common. Music is one of them. She’s a musician too. But we also each have our own personal interests. I’m interested in hers, and she in mine, even though we don’t always jointly participate in them.

She doesn’t want to lead. And she certainly isn’t one to follow. She wants an equal partner who walks alongside her through life and grows with her. And so do I.

And that commitment and understanding has stood us in good stead for close to a half century now.

So in our case, we don’t hide anything from each other. Ever. Which is a good thing. Because I doubt either one of us could hide something even if we wanted to. When you get really close to someone and there’s no longer any barriers between you, you just know things without being told.